Author Topic: Contest entry by Alyara Arati  (Read 1633 times)

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Offline Alyara Arati

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Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« on: December 31, 2014, 07:11:24 pm »
My Second Place Winner (now typo free)

ma oeyä smukan
fu stum aysmukan
aylì’uta oeyä
smivon ayngar oeti
hufwa ayngakip oe
tìran ukluke mi

pam mevenuä oeyä
lu sätsìsyì hufweyä
ulte rururìri wokto
ke lam oey txe’lanä kato
slä tsranten oe
tsalsungay…

teri lì’fya leNa’vi
sì lì’fyaolo’ leNa’vi
fìsyon oer sunu frato:
tute aketsawne’a
tsun leykivatem
wotxit, keng pum oena

’erong Na’vi, tsawl sleru
ulte ‘ewan rìkeansì lu
kxawm oe ke ro’a nìtxan,
fahewti ngop oel, ngian,
syulangä afyole
tì’i’avay

« Last Edit: January 01, 2015, 02:01:43 pm by Alyara Arati »
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Alyara Arati

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Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2014, 07:14:03 pm »
And the one I did not submit, because the first was more important to me:


tsyeym nìyll lu leNa’via reyfya nìngay
slä set lawk oel ‘awa syonit tsalsungay

yawne lu oeru nìswey fìstxeli Na’viyä:
fya’o a tare sutel kifkeyt a pxaw fo
alu hapxì Eywevengä fa tirea tsengä,
ftxey txampay, ftxey na’rìng, ftxey txayo
 
fra’uri lu swok zeysì suteru leNa’vi
taluna frasyuraru fo leioae si
a teswotìng Eywal tìreyä ko’onti
ulte ley tsawla utral sì swirä ahì’i
 
oeri fì’upxare Uniltìrantokxä
txe’lan sì vitra mi nìtxanwawe za’u
a na aungia fa ayatokirina’ Eywayä:
frakrr meoauniaeati wivìntxu
 
lu lor sì fyole nìwotx Eywa’eveng
talun ‘awpo lu kifkey sutesì, ‘awsiteng

« Last Edit: January 01, 2015, 03:11:24 pm by Alyara Arati »
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2015, 03:49:23 am »
Txantsan ulte seykxel sì nitram ma Alyara! :D
Sunu oer tsavur nìtxan. :D

(I made this as it own topic ;))

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Offline Plumps

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2015, 09:40:41 am »
Tewti!
You cannot really decide which one is better. :o

I loved the message of your entry, that one person can change something. That’s a wonderful message. And to think that the language gives you the feeling the same way the movie did, is extraordinary! Seykxel sì nitram, ma Alyara :)

The second one is also very beautiful!

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2015, 12:13:37 pm »
Ma Alyara - seykxel sì nitram! I expected you to be first in the line, but I'm not very surprised than Vawmataw was selected to be winner. It's not shame in any way, new masters are coming (fortunately!) and old ones must give them some place on the sun :)
I just want to ask you for English translation to see your thinking exactly. Poetry allows some breaking the rules, you know :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2015, 12:43:40 pm »
Irayo ma pxesmukan!  Tstunwi lu pxenga nìtxan! :-[ :) :D :-*

Ulte, ma Blue Elf, tsakem sayi oe ye'rìn, hufwa zene kivä oe yola krr set.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2015, 03:28:36 pm »
Irayo ma pxesmukan!  Tstunwi lu pxenga nìtxan! :-[ :) :D :-*

Ulte, ma Blue Elf, tsakem sayi oe ye'rìn, hufwa zene kivä oe yola krr set.
Tìralpengìri oe irayo si.
I don't want to do deep grammar analysis, but still want to ask something. If you are here just because of great poetry, do not open spoiler!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2015, 04:13:19 pm »
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2015, 05:30:47 pm »
Well...
Alyara's poem was very, very close to Vamataw's one.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 11:52:17 am by Tìtstewan »

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Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2015, 07:57:47 pm »
Seemingly, we are not perfect. ;)
Quote
Alyara's poem was very, very close to Vamataw's one.
Any explanation?

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2015, 11:21:30 pm »
Seemingly, we are not perfect. ;)
Quote
Alyara's poem was very, very close to Vamataw's one.
Any explanation?
Only the comments of the judges.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2015, 01:06:33 am »
What explanation do you want, ma Vawmataw? Do you want to know how the jury decided about it? If you mean this, see what Plumps has written.
The thing is, that there is no real way to measure 'emotional pull' for example whereas mistakes can be 'measured': number of mistake per total number of words of a text gives a ratio one can use as help for rating. But the creative use of phonology, oral and aural beauty and emotional pull can be measured only subjectively. And because that's subjective decision it was important to get the entries as anonymous as possible to prevent other influences especially for the poetries. The jury didn't know who wrote the poems, so do not come up with the idea or feel that the jury have decided intentionally against or for someone.
For me, it was very difficult to decide whether #1 or #3 get the 1st place, but finally #1 convinced me for the fist place.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 01:15:09 am by Tìtstewan »

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Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2015, 07:41:46 am »
I see that we got the similar comments about our work from the judges, kefyak? This is what I wanted to know. :) I didn't want to have any arrogant or disagreeable attitude when I asked this question. ;)
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 07:59:14 am by Vawmataw »

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2015, 07:58:00 am »
Ngaytxoa. It was not my attention to be negative, but the lastest comments caused worries to me, especially at the moment as I read the spoiler in reply #7. :(

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Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2015, 08:31:00 am »
Ngaytxoa. It was not my attention to be negative, but the lastest comments caused worries to me, especially at the moment as I read the spoiler in reply #7. :(

Ngaytxoa nìteng, but I did intend to be a bit negative in that spoiler.  Not about Vawmataw's entry or the ruling of the judges, but about my own poem.  I knew when I submitted it that it was not good enough for first place.  It was not of a high enough quality.  But it was very much what I wanted to say at the time.  It felt right to turn in that poem, because I did not care about beating anyone.  Plus, it had errors that I did not discover until after I had already submitted it, which never helps.  I do not say this to salvage misplaced pride, after the manner of, "Oh well, I really didn't want to win anyway," but because it is the truth.  Sometimes a poem takes hold of you and demands to be written and shared, and that is what happened to me this time.  I hope you understand.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #15 on: January 02, 2015, 08:44:43 am »
I see that we got the similar comments about our work from the judges, kefyak?
The overall results are similar, but I don't know what every of the jury member has thought about your poem in detail. I wrote only my point of view here and I wanted to mention, that rating a poem is difficult and mistakes have almost no weights, and I didn't saw every mistake as a mistake, because it could be the poem's style and/or is needed for better rhyme.

You know, the original plan was, to make only one winner per category, but I thought, it would be a better idea to have a first and a second place, especially because of the fact that there are fantastic works that should be also on Na'viteri. :)

I hope you understand.
Tslolam. :)

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Re: Contest entry by Alyara Arati
« Reply #16 on: January 02, 2015, 03:43:06 pm »
Ngaytxoa nìteng, but I did intend to be a bit negative in that spoiler.  Not about Vawmataw's entry or the ruling of the judges, but about my own poem.  I knew when I submitted it that it was not good enough for first place.  It was not of a high enough quality.  But it was very much what I wanted to say at the time.  It felt right to turn in that poem, because I did not care about beating anyone.  Plus, it had errors that I did not discover until after I had already submitted it, which never helps.  I do not say this to salvage misplaced pride, after the manner of, "Oh well, I really didn't want to win anyway," but because it is the truth.  Sometimes a poem takes hold of you and demands to be written and shared, and that is what happened to me this time.  I hope you understand.

Oel ngati kameie!

 

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