Author Topic: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry  (Read 1358 times)

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Offline `Eylan Ayfalulukanä

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'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« on: January 02, 2015, 03:54:00 am »
I post my entry with great trepedition. I have been active on this list since nearly the beginning. I have made entries in a number of these contests, and never won. I feel like I am doing something so consistently wrong that I have doomed myself. And I tried really hard this year (especially given my bizarre work schedule this month) to be both grammatically correct, and to address the topic criteria. Needless to say, I feel really disappointed. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just trying to figure out why I never get better.

Mrra zìsìt hu Uniltìrantok sì «LearnNa'vi.org»

    Lìʼfya leNaʼvi zamʼu oeru tsìk ulte hu tìprrteʼ. Maw tsole'a relit alu san Uniltìrantokx sik krr pxeyve, oe slamu eltur tìtxen sami mì lì'fya leNaʼvi. Oe ramun «learnnavi.org» maw fwerew mì lì'u alu san Omatakaya sìk. Oel tsameʼa futa lìfya leNaʼvi tsun nimvume nìftue. Nìsung fìlìʼfya leiu lor, sì pumru lu lìʼu akizampuvosing nìʼaw. Oe tsun nivume fìlìʼfya ngäzìkluke! Pxiyeʼrìn sngäʼi oe nirvume.
    Sute leNaʼvi lu zey oeru talun pumìl wìntxu leioaet nìtxan na ayioang. Fìleoìae tsranten oeru talun oe tìkangkem si fpi ayioang, nìpxi falulukan.
    Lìʼfya leNaʼvi Eltur tìtxen si oeru talun pum lu keteng to lìʼfya Inglisi.  Aylìʼu tsun vezeykivo stum frayveʼot. AyKemlì'ul sar kemlìʼuvit. Aypamrelvi ro sngäʼitseng lì'uoä zene livatem txo eyawra aypamrelvi za'u eo pum. Vefyal holpxayä serar holpxayit san vol sìk. Lu oeru ayfpeio nìteng, natkenong serar lìʼut san a sìk nìeyawr.
    Nìsung nerume lìʼfya leNaʼvi, sunu oeru fwa oel ngerop eylant amip. Oe tsun sivop ne tseng pxay ulte kem si ayu amip. Oe tsun srung sivi lahea sute fpi nerume lìʼfya leNaʼvi, ulte ayu alahe nìteng. Ulte syen slä kea hìmpxi, oe tsun srung sivi lìʼfya leNaʼvi ʼong fa lìʼu tsawl sleru tìkangkemvi!

ʼEylan Ayfalulukanä
Tim Stoffel
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 03:59:48 am by `Eylan Ayfalulukanä »

Yawey ngahu!
pamrel si ro eylan.falulukana@gmail.com

Offline Plumps

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2015, 06:32:31 am »
I post my entry with great trepedition. I have been active on this list since nearly the beginning. I have made entries in a number of these contests, and never won. I feel like I am doing something so consistently wrong that I have doomed myself. And I tried really hard this year (especially given my bizarre work schedule this month) to be both grammatically correct, and to address the topic criteria. Needless to say, I feel really disappointed. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just trying to figure out why I never get better.



ʼEylan Ayfalulukanä
Tim Stoffel

Ma Tim,
please, don’t feel discouraged. As I said in the Comments and Feedback you should feel proud to have participated. To learn a language is hard enough, to get to the point where you can convey your thoughts and ideas is quite a remarkable step. :) And you achieved that. Your text is understandable, you get your ideas across.

As to your question why you feel that you don’t get better…
For everyone of us the personal story is of course different. As I said, the emotional pull is definitely there in your text. Were it just for that, your text would have been among the top. But we also had to take grammar into consideration, and I’m sorry to say but there were quite a lot of mistakes. I don’t want to disect it (unless you see that as a help to your learning curve) – I’m also trying to find a way to explain that to you and not sound overyl critical or ‘high and mighty’ – we are all in this together as learners. We are all beginners in the language. We all make mistakes!

Some of your ‘mistakes’ are merely slip-ups: e.g. you talk about the fact that letters at the beginning of words can change into other letters … and while you’re describing it and thus while you clearly know(!) that this rule, i.e. lenition, exists, you don’t use it in the sentence, e.g. ayfamrelvi. Surely a goof … but it happened a lot in the text. ;)

I think what is noticable the most for me is that you translate too literal from English. In some cases that works, in other cases, Na’vi has other ways to deal with that. That can be a grammatical point, e.g. “after seeing/I’ve seen the movie” cannot be constructed merely as *maw tsole’a relit arusikx because maw is an adposition and can only describe (pro)nouns. This is a place where you would have to use a conjunction (mawfwa/mawkrra) or a relative clause (maw fwa tsole’a oel relit arusikx).
The other point can be semantically, that there is another lexical item, e.g. difference between krr and alo.

As I said, don’t feel discouraged or disappointed about that. Take your time, go through it again, if you want to, ask for a corrected version of what you wanted to say and take it as a learning experience. I’m proud of you and your continued enthusiasm for the language! Don’t give up, hang in there. The lì’fyaolo’ needs you! :)

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2015, 07:36:44 am »
I am agree with Plumps!
And I'm also proud of you, ma Tim, that you have participated! Ngeyä tìso'hari lì'fyaolo'fpi, (ay)oe seiyi irayo ngaru nìtxan!
:D

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Offline Vawmataw

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2015, 07:52:00 am »
Ma `Eylan Ayfalulukanä, there are mistakes, but you wrote something with your heart and you're not ashamed of showing it to everyone. It's like to receive a card or a letter from your 5-year-old children: Even if the grammar isn't perfect, it's agreeable and you thank him/her and you put the card on the fridge as a souvenir. :) ;) Of course, the author is proud and happy and the person who receives it is happy.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 11:21:09 am by Vawmataw »

Offline Wllìm

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2015, 11:09:04 am »
Ma 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä,

I think you are at a point in your language learning, where you do not see anymore how many you already achieved. You wrote an interesting text in Na'vi that is understandable, uses lots of vocabulary and, most importantly, brings across what you want to say. Yes, there are some grammatical mistakes in your text, but please look at what you did achieve! :)


Ma Vawmataw, do you mean "not" instead of "note" in the [desc] tag in your previous message? It has quite a different meaning now...
Stress practiceNoun declensionsVerb infixes •  Weather forecasts in Na'viKDE nìNa'viMy Na'vi blog
Seykxel sì nitram! Ngal rolun fì'upxaret aketsuktse'a! :D

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2015, 11:14:04 am »
Quote
Ma Vawmataw, do you mean "not" instead of "note" in the [desc] tag in your previous message? It has quite a different meaning now...
I meant ''note''. :)

Edit: *rereads my [desc] tag* Holy Eywa! O.o Fixed.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 11:19:14 am by Vawmataw »

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä entry
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2015, 07:26:10 pm »
I don't know if you will find this helpful or not, but whenever I find myself banging my head against a wall, I go back to the beginning and try to write something while thinking in Na'vi.  Even if it is very simple, it makes a big difference, and you can tell it from stuff I write in English and translate into Na'vi. 8)

Natkenong: Oeru sunu falulukan.  Apxa lu fo.  Ulte fo lu fkew nìngay.  Ayfnelo lu rim, slä lahea ayfnel lu tun.  Foru sunu tsngan ftxozäfpi frakrr.  (Sorry, I can't think of that much more to say about big cats entirely in Na'vi, but I'll bet you could.  Talk about your friend Kenya.  Or whatever pleases you.  Can't hurt to try.) :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

 

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