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Offline archaic

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Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« on: September 11, 2019, 02:15:48 pm »
It has been suggested that I should make this a thread of it's own. So, starting with the last piece posted in the other thread, here goes .....


(the context here, is that one of the Na'vi is offering food and drink to a human - I'm also open to suggestions about what food might be available)

"Teylu, kxener rumut, rina’ seze, ‘ana, yomioang sì, tsyosyu, mauti eanean. Naer." (I tried, but it doesn't look right)
"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2019, 04:55:46 pm »
I will try...

Quote
"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."
Ayoeng/ayoe kin pivängkxo tsa'uteri hu Olo'eyktan.
(ayoeng = we all including you, ayoe = we all except you)

Quote
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
Tivìng nari, oe polltxe ngaru fwa po ke tsun yivom ayoengä syuvet. Ha foru ke lu ke'u a Ateo tsun yivom. Sweylu txo nga mivunge tsat tsraynemfa ayngeyä ulte tìng tsat yoa 'uo a po tsun yivom.

Quote
"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
Teyluri, txantsan fìkaym. Kxener rumut, ìì, tsamun livu sìltsan nì'ul.

Offline Eana Unil

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2019, 05:51:39 pm »
My shot at this:

Quote
"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
Teylu ftxìlor fkan fìtxon/fìkaym. kxener rumutä, tse... sìltsan livu nì'ul.
I don't quite grasp what is meant with "kxener rumut". The smoke of that plant? -> kxener rumutä. <iv> already may act as the conjunctive (could, would, etc.).

Quote
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
Tse, poleng oel ngaru fmawnta po ke tsivun yivom syuveti aywngeyä. Ha foru ke lu kea syuve a tsat Ateyol tsun yivom. Sweylu txo ngal tsat kämivunge 'awmne 'uoyoa a tsat fìpumìl/fìtutel tsun yivom.

Quote
"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."
Awngal/ayoel tsat zene livawk Olo'eyktanhu.

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2019, 07:40:41 am »
Fantastic job, and I really have nothing to add, just a phrasing choice or two.

If you really want to knock someone's socks off, you could use topical with the teylu sentence and say "Teyluri..." (regarding the teylu), and "kxeneri rumutä..." (as for the smoke of the rumut tree)

Likewise, "Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat." could be translated as "Therefore they have nothing that Ateyo can eat." using "Tafral foru ke lu..." instead of "So they have nothing..."

But these are only alternative thoughts.  I don't want to nitpick, I just want to play, too.

Quote
"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
Teylu ftxìlor fkan fìtxon/fìkaym. kxener rumutä, tse... sìltsan livu nì'ul.
I don't quite grasp what is meant with "kxener rumut". The smoke of that plant? -> kxener rumutä. <iv> already may act as the conjunctive (could, would, etc.).

Quote
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
Tse, poleng oel ngaru fmawnta po ke tsivun yivom syuveti aywngeyä. Ha foru ke lu kea syuve a tsat Ateyol tsun yivom. Sweylu txo ngal tsat kämivunge 'awmne 'uoyoa a tsat fìpumìl/fìtutel tsun yivom.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2019, 07:45:53 am by Alyara Arati »
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Offline Eana Unil

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2019, 03:53:35 pm »
Ah, my bad. I still mix up ha and tafral ;D

Offline archaic

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2019, 04:28:25 pm »
You're not the only one, I knew it looked wrong, it was meant to be Rumut fruit (mauti), not smoke!

Thanks for these, it's a great help. I'll post more when I get there.
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2019, 04:32:23 pm »
Kea tìkin, you're welcome :)

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2019, 05:26:33 pm »
Ah, my bad. I still mix up ha and tafral ;D
 
Not your bad.  Not bad at all, because "so" ha works just as well there as "therefore" tafral:)  There isn't really a huge difference.   ;D
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Offline archaic

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2019, 03:59:51 pm »
A few more, this is all for now.

"Ma Sempu, this is my friend, his name is ..... I am teaching him to plltxe niNa'vi."
"It is time for sleeping."
"But."
"Sleeping."
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2019, 04:19:30 pm »
"Ma Sempu, this is my friend, his name is ..... I am teaching him to plltxe niNa'vi."
"It is time for sleeping."
"But."
"Sleeping."

"Ma sempu, fìtutan lu oeyä 'eylan, poru syaw fko ... . Fya'ori a plltxe nìNa'vi oe nerume poru."
"Krr tìhahawä lu fìtsenge set."
"Slä."
"Hivahaw!" (I guess that you mean it here as command)

Offline Eana Unil

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2019, 06:10:08 pm »
I wanna try again too :P

--

"Ma Sempu, this is my friend, his name is ..... I am teaching him to plltxe niNa'vi."
"It is time for sleeping."
"But."
"Sleeping."

--

Ma sempu, lu 'eylan oeyä fìpo a poru syaw __ . Lì'fyati leNa'vi kar oel poru. / Kar oel poru fya'ot a plltxe nìNa'vi.
Hahaw ko. / Zene hivahaw (frapo) set.
Slä..
H(iv)ahaw.

Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2019, 06:17:20 pm »
Eh, yeah... kar is better verb than nume here...

"Ma sempu, fìtutan lu oeyä 'eylan, poru syaw fko ... . Fya'ori a plltxe nìNa'vi oe nerume poru."
So:
"Ma sempu, fìtutan lu oeyä 'eylan, poru syaw fko ... . Oel kar poru fya'oti a plltxe nìNa'vi."

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2019, 01:10:45 pm »
This is fun!

What about:
"Krr lu fte hivahaw." for "It is time for sleeping." ?  I know, translate the meaning, not the words, but... (shrug)... it's a thought...
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2019, 01:15:46 pm »
What about:
"Krr lu fte hivahaw." for "It is time for sleeping." ?  I know, translate the meaning, not the words, but... (shrug)... it's a thought...
It's very good idea :)
I would say that translate the meaning is a good way too although I tried translate rather words.

Offline archaic

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2019, 04:35:10 pm »
In the context, I feel "Krr lu fte hivahaw." feels about right.


Once again, thank you all for your help.


 :D  :D
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2019, 04:36:52 pm »
Kea tìkin, ma 'eylan :)

Offline Eana Unil

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #16 on: September 14, 2019, 06:15:30 pm »
Quote
In the context, I feel "Krr lu fte hivahaw." feels about right.
I don't wanna nag or nitpick, but actually it's not quite correct or rather too literal of a translation :/ "there is time in order to sleep"..
Better would be to use "Krr lu fpi fwa hahaw", tì'efumì oeyä. But even that feels very literal, "there is time for the sake of sleeping".

Fte is used when you do one action in order to do another one, using it with krr here in that form feels very weird to me.

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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2019, 07:44:49 pm »
Quote
In the context, I feel "Krr lu fte hivahaw." feels about right.
I don't wanna nag or nitpick, but actually it's not quite correct or rather too literal of a translation :/ "there is time in order to sleep"..
Better would be to use "Krr lu fpi fwa hahaw", tì'efumì oeyä. But even that feels very literal, "there is time for the sake of sleeping".

Fte is used when you do one action in order to do another one, using it with krr here in that form feels very weird to me.

Ah, well then, I have become too rusty.  Totally my bad!  I always thought "fpi" was used as in for the sake of someone/some object, and not some action.  But on further consideration, "fte" does sound odd there.  It should indeed translate fluidly into "in order to", and it doesn't really.  "It is the time in order to sleep" does need an additional verb.  And "It is the time which is good in order to sleep, " or something, is wordy and stilted.  Bummer.  Sorry guys!  Maybe I can do better next time...
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Re: Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread
« Reply #18 on: September 15, 2019, 05:11:32 am »
It's just my personal opinion and doesn't have to be right or valid or anything. I tried to review some official sentences that use fte (so that, in order to) to see if I was just thinking the wrong way or something, but fte still does kinda weird (not necessarily wrong) to me here. There is time in order to sleep. There is time so that (we) sleep.  :-\
Some of the official sentences:

Pelun fìtsengne nga zola’u fte tivaron?
Neytiril nantangit tsolukx fte peyä tìsrawti ’eykivi’a.
Tsun fko ayonti fìwopxä nivìn fte yafkeykit sresive’a.
Oe ’on si tskxeru fte na ikran livam.
Eywaru aho, ma ’itan, fte Nawma Sa’nokìl tìyevìng ngar tìtxurit.

I mean, I don't see why one couldn't use the sentence you proposed, I personally wouldn't maybe, but that doesn't have to mean anything to anyone else. Maybe it's more a matter of personal taste/preference than a matter of correct usage. ;)


 

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