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Archaic's fanfic dialogue help thread

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archaic:
It has been suggested that I should make this a thread of it's own. So, starting with the last piece posted in the other thread, here goes .....



--- Quote from: archaic on September 03, 2019, 05:59:48 am ---(the context here, is that one of the Na'vi is offering food and drink to a human - I'm also open to suggestions about what food might be available)

"Teylu, kxener rumut, rina’ seze, ‘ana, yomioang sì, tsyosyu, mauti eanean. Naer." (I tried, but it doesn't look right)
"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."

--- End quote ---

Toliman:
I will try...


--- Quote ---"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."
--- End quote ---
Ayoeng/ayoe kin pivängkxo tsa'uteri hu Olo'eyktan.
(ayoeng = we all including you, ayoe = we all except you)


--- Quote ---"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
--- End quote ---
Tivìng nari, oe polltxe ngaru fwa po ke tsun yivom ayoengä syuvet. Ha foru ke lu ke'u a Ateo tsun yivom. Sweylu txo nga mivunge tsat tsraynemfa ayngeyä ulte tìng tsat yoa 'uo a po tsun yivom.


--- Quote ---"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
--- End quote ---
Teyluri, txantsan fìkaym. Kxener rumut, ìì, tsamun livu sìltsan nì'ul.

Eana Unil:
My shot at this:


--- Quote ---"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
--- End quote ---
Teylu ftxìlor fkan fìtxon/fìkaym. kxener rumutä, tse... sìltsan livu nì'ul.
I don't quite grasp what is meant with "kxener rumut". The smoke of that plant? -> kxener rumutä. <iv> already may act as the conjunctive (could, would, etc.).


--- Quote ---"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
--- End quote ---
Tse, poleng oel ngaru fmawnta po ke tsivun yivom syuveti aywngeyä. Ha foru ke lu kea syuve a tsat Ateyol tsun yivom. Sweylu txo ngal tsat kämivunge 'awmne 'uoyoa a tsat fìpumìl/fìtutel tsun yivom.


--- Quote ---"We need to discuss that with Olo’eyktan."
--- End quote ---
Awngal/ayoel tsat zene livawk Olo'eyktanhu.

Alyara Arati:
Fantastic job, and I really have nothing to add, just a phrasing choice or two.

If you really want to knock someone's socks off, you could use topical with the teylu sentence and say "Teyluri..." (regarding the teylu), and "kxeneri rumutä..." (as for the smoke of the rumut tree)

Likewise, "Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat." could be translated as "Therefore they have nothing that Ateyo can eat." using "Tafral foru ke lu..." instead of "So they have nothing..."

But these are only alternative thoughts.  I don't want to nitpick, I just want to play, too.


--- Quote from: Eana Unil on December 20, 1974, 08:17:09 pm ---
--- Quote ---"Teylu, very good this evening. Kxener rumut, ìì, could be nicer."
--- End quote ---
Teylu ftxìlor fkan fìtxon/fìkaym. kxener rumutä, tse... sìltsan livu nì'ul.
I don't quite grasp what is meant with "kxener rumut". The smoke of that plant? -> kxener rumutä. <iv> already may act as the conjunctive (could, would, etc.).


--- Quote ---"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to eat our food. Which means they have nothing that Ateyo can eat. You should take that to their camp and exchanging it for something this one can eat."
--- End quote ---
Tse, poleng oel ngaru fmawnta po ke tsivun yivom syuveti aywngeyä. Ha foru ke lu kea syuve a tsat Ateyol tsun yivom. Sweylu txo ngal tsat kämivunge 'awmne 'uoyoa a tsat fìpumìl/fìtutel tsun yivom.

--- End quote ---

Eana Unil:
Ah, my bad. I still mix up ha and tafral ;D

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