Review of a sentence, rutxe

[Tireapamtseo]

I am (slowly) working on adapting the prayer taken from this video into Na'vi.  This is my favorite line from the prayer, so I thought that I would practice on it first.  I would greatly appreciate any comments on how to improve it!

Srung oe kame kehe kxeyey mítingop tok, ní'aw tírey srereu.
Help me see no error exists in create-NMLZ, only life dance-IMPF (I'm not really sure if all of those grammatical markings are correct...oeru txoa livu...)
Help me to see that no error exists in creation, only life dancing.

In the prayer, it says:  "Help me to see there is no fault in the universe, only life dancing".  However, for adaptation to Na'vi, I had to change a few words (no Na'vi word for "universe", etc.).

Irayo, ma aykaryu!

[Keylstxatsmen]

Srung oe kame kehe kxeyey mítingop tok, ní'aw tírey srereu.
Help me see no error exists in create-NMLZ, only life dance-IMPF (I'm not really sure if all of those grammatical markings are correct...oeru txoa livu...)
Help me to see that no error exists in creation, only life dancing.

Srung si oeru fte tsun k<iv>ame futa ke tok kea keyey mì sìngop Eywayä, tírey srereu nì'aw.
Help make I-DAT so-that able see<SJT> that not exist no mistake-PLU in create-NMLZ Eywa-GEN, life dance<IMPF> only

That's a hard sentence to start with!  

Let me break this stuff down a little bit so it's easier to learn from:

1. Srung si oeru - srung is a noun and noun+si verbs are all intransitive, so the dative is used to tell where the action is going to. Si could just as easily be tìng, but that gets more theoreticaly I think.
2. fte tsun kivame  - Na'vi doesn't have a infinitive so far, so "help me to see" can be said as "help me so that I can see".  This type of sentence constuction was used in the movie.
3. ke tok kea keyey - Na'vi has double negative as far as we know, "not be no mistakes" = "be no misakes" ke-a is an adjective and keyey is the plural of kxeyey.
4. sìngop = mì cause lenitation the word tìngop turning t into s http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Na'vi/Phonology#Sound_change

whew... these type of large sentences are mostly guess-work on our part, but that should put you in the right direction.

-Keyl

EDIT:  kame is transitive so "that" will probably be futa... No way to be sure.

[Tireapamtseo]

Irayo, ma Keyl!    I clearly still have a lot to learn!

Eywa ngahu