Author Topic: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness  (Read 1452 times)

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Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« on: December 14, 2010, 10:47:22 am »
I've made an Na'vi version of the song 'Ode an die freude' which is the anthem of Europe.

The original:
Quote
Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium!
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, Dein Heiligtum.
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
Was die Mode streng geteilt.
Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
Wo Dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

niNa'vi:
Quote
Fpom, lora atokirina',
‘ite Eywayä!
Ayoeng fpxäkìm mì ayunil,
’awsiteng, ngeyä swotu.
Ayoengyä swinìl 'awstengyem,
tsat a sawtutel skola'a.
Frapo slu aysmukan,
Ro vitraya ramunong.

Music:
« Last Edit: December 19, 2010, 07:37:12 am by eejmensenikbenhet »

Offline Kì’onga Vul

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2010, 12:08:42 am »
Wow, I'm impressed with how you translated both the language and the cultural context niNa'vi...and while maintaining the proper amount of syllables!  Now make it rhyme!  Just kidding.

Unfortunately there are a few errors I noticed.  Hopefully they won't be that hard to fix!

In the first line, I think lor atokirina' should be lora atokirina', but then again maybe one of those two a's next to each other gets cancelled out.  In any case, it looks like the first whole note in the tune is missing a lyric, so the extra syllable could account for that.

Later, there's 'upe tawtute ke'aw soli for "what the skypeople have divided" but the "what" is a holdover from English.  'Upe is specifically a question word, and I think you mean "that which the skypeople have divided."  Either tsaw a or fwa is in order, but I'm not sure which, or what case they should have.  Sorry.  I'm pretty sure you can pull this off while keeping it to two syllables, though.

If you mean "queues," then tswin could take the short plural form swin, which remains one syllable.

And this is just a personal preference, but I wonder in what context this song would be sung.  Would it be sung among Na'vi as a song of communion, or sung to outsiders as a show of unity?  The plural pronoun ayoe is exclusive, so it would not include the listener.  If the listeners are other Na'vi, than perhaps the inclusive ayoeng or awnga (each of which are still two syllables!) would be more appropriate.  In any case, as translator, it's up to you.

As someone who writes poetry, I know what a puzzle it can be to manipulate syllables and rhythm to fit just right into a given meter while also using the perfect words.  I've never done any lyric writing, but I imagine the melody places even more constraints.  Again, good job for tackling such a task!
« Last Edit: December 19, 2010, 12:10:19 am by Kì’onga Vul »
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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2010, 01:25:04 am »
Wow, I'm impressed with how you translated both the language and the cultural context niNa'vi...and while maintaining the proper amount of syllables!  Now make it rhyme!  Just kidding.

Unfortunately there are a few errors I noticed.  Hopefully they won't be that hard to fix!

In the first line, I think lor atokirina' should be lora atokirina', but then again maybe one of those two a's next to each other gets cancelled out.  In any case, it looks like the first whole note in the tune is missing a lyric, so the extra syllable could account for that.

Later, there's 'upe tawtute ke'aw soli for "what the skypeople have divided" but the "what" is a holdover from English.  'Upe is specifically a question word, and I think you mean "that which the skypeople have divided."  Either tsaw a or fwa is in order, but I'm not sure which, or what case they should have.  Sorry.  I'm pretty sure you can pull this off while keeping it to two syllables, though.

If you mean "queues," then tswin could take the short plural form swin, which remains one syllable.

And this is just a personal preference, but I wonder in what context this song would be sung.  Would it be sung among Na'vi as a song of communion, or sung to outsiders as a show of unity?  The plural pronoun ayoe is exclusive, so it would not include the listener.  If the listeners are other Na'vi, than perhaps the inclusive ayoeng or awnga (each of which are still two syllables!) would be more appropriate.  In any case, as translator, it's up to you.

As someone who writes poetry, I know what a puzzle it can be to manipulate syllables and rhythm to fit just right into a given meter while also using the perfect words.  I've never done any lyric writing, but I imagine the melody places even more constraints.  Again, good job for tackling such a task!

*sunu.*

HAHAHAHA *descends from heavens* i love it. but seriously.

actually, its neither tsaw a or fwa. actually, its neither tsaw a or fwa. the tswin is the subject already. tsaw and fì'u are subject pronouns. i cant fix this without obliterating those two lines completely which would ruin it. tsaheyl si is intransitive. meaning nothing more than "our queues bond" can be said. its the bottom line. you cant really use tsaheyl si to say "our queues bond something" there is a verb 'awstengyem, meaning to join or unify. togetherput is its literal transation. perhaps thats a better verb here. but then swin will need to become swinìl. so maybe ayoeyä swinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtute skola'a

the whole original phrase being: Ayoeyä tswin tsaheyl si ’upe tawtute ke’aw soli i would revise this way:

Ayoeyä tswinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a

im with you on everything else ma Kì’onga Vul.

and ma eejmensenikbenhet nice work on a solid attempt. I admire this kind of stuff. its just unfortunate that Na'vi grammar incompatibilities and gaps in vocab are limiting on making translations of songs and poetry like this. but it is what it is. it is VERY HARD if not IMPOSSIBLE to retain all rhythm, meter, rhyme scheme etc when translating into Na'vi. cheers!

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Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2010, 07:16:56 am »
Wow, I'm impressed with how you translated both the language and the cultural context niNa'vi...and while maintaining the proper amount of syllables!  Now make it rhyme!  Just kidding.

Unfortunately there are a few errors I noticed.  Hopefully they won't be that hard to fix!

In the first line, I think lor atokirina' should be lora atokirina', but then again maybe one of those two a's next to each other gets cancelled out.  In any case, it looks like the first whole note in the tune is missing a lyric, so the extra syllable could account for that.

Later, there's 'upe tawtute ke'aw soli for "what the skypeople have divided" but the "what" is a holdover from English'Upe is specifically a question word, and I think you mean "that which the skypeople have divided."  Either tsaw a or fwa is in order, but I'm not sure which, or what case they should have.  Sorry.  I'm pretty sure you can pull this off while keeping it to two syllables, though.

If you mean "queues," then tswin could take the short plural form swin, which remains one syllable.

And this is just a personal preference, but I wonder in what context this song would be sung.  Would it be sung among Na'vi as a song of communion, or sung to outsiders as a show of unity?  The plural pronoun ayoe is exclusive, so it would not include the listener.  If the listeners are other Na'vi, than perhaps the inclusive ayoeng or awnga (each of which are still two syllables!) would be more appropriate.  In any case, as translator, it's up to you.

As someone who writes poetry, I know what a puzzle it can be to manipulate syllables and rhythm to fit just right into a given meter while also using the perfect words.  I've never done any lyric writing, but I imagine the melody places even more constraints.  Again, good job for tackling such a task!

*sunu.*

HAHAHAHA *descends from heavens* i love it. but seriously.

actually, its neither tsaw a or fwa. actually, its neither tsaw a or fwa. the tswin is the subject already. tsaw and fì'u are subject pronouns. i cant fix this without obliterating those two lines completely which would ruin it. tsaheyl si is intransitive. meaning nothing more than "our queues bond" can be said. its the bottom line. you cant really use tsaheyl si to say "our queues bond something" there is a verb 'awstengyem, meaning to join or unify. togetherput is its literal transation. perhaps thats a better verb here. but then swin will need to become swinìl. so maybe ayoeyä swinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtute skola'a

the whole original phrase being: Ayoeyä tswin tsaheyl si ’upe tawtute ke’aw soli i would revise this way:

Ayoeyä tswinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a

im with you on everything else ma Kì’onga Vul.

and ma eejmensenikbenhet nice work on a solid attempt. I admire this kind of stuff. its just unfortunate that Na'vi grammar incompatibilities and gaps in vocab are limiting on making translations of songs and poetry like this. but it is what it is. it is VERY HARD if not IMPOSSIBLE to retain all rhythm, meter, rhyme scheme etc when translating into Na'vi. cheers!

Irayo, both of you!
Ayoeyä tswinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a is possible...
But I think Ayoengyä tswinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a would be better...
« Last Edit: December 19, 2010, 07:22:36 am by eejmensenikbenhet »

Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2010, 07:37:37 am »
Edited everything in the first post.

Offline Tirea Aean

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2010, 02:52:23 pm »
Edited everything in the first post.

Ayoengeyä swinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a would be better...

that seriously still fits? Tewti! :D

transliteration:

eye-weng-eh-yä sween-ill oust-eng-yem tsat ah sou-tu-tel sko-la-ah

that is 17 syllables. if it needs te be a syllable shorter, the short form of ayoengeyä is awngeyä. (transliterated aoung-eh-yä, three syllables.)
« Last Edit: December 19, 2010, 02:54:35 pm by チレア アエアン »

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Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2010, 02:58:37 pm »
Edited everything in the first post.

Ayoengeyä swinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a would be better...

that seriously still fits? Tewti! :D

transliteration:

eye-weng-eh-yä sween-ill oust-eng-yem tsat ah sou-tu-tel sko-la-ah

that is 17 syllables. if it needs te be a syllable shorter, the short form of ayoengeyä is awngeyä. (transliterated aoung-eh-yä, three syllables.)
It wouldn't be necessairy to shorten it up. You're right about the -e- but that would fit in nicely.

Offline Tirea Aean

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2010, 03:18:49 pm »
Edited everything in the first post.

Ayoengeyä swinìl 'awstengyem tsat a sawtutel skola'a would be better...

that seriously still fits? Tewti! :D

transliteration:

eye-weng-eh-yä sween-ill oust-eng-yem tsat ah sou-tu-tel sko-la-ah

that is 17 syllables. if it needs te be a syllable shorter, the short form of ayoengeyä is awngeyä. (transliterated aoung-eh-yä, three syllables.)
It wouldn't be necessairy to shorten it up. You're right about the -e- but that would fit in nicely.

AHH Txantsan! :D

kelku ikranä a hawnventi yom podcast (na'vi-only): https://tirearadio.com/podcast
Learn Na'vi Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/WF6qcmv

Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Re: Meuia ne fpom - Ode to happiness
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2011, 01:35:09 pm »
Posted it in the Pamtseo nìNa'vi Nì'aw subboard.

 

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