A New Beginning, A New Life

Started by Tìkawng Txe’lan, May 26, 2010, 08:24:24 PM

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Muzer

I think a few of those might break grammar rules... Lot'na looks a little dodgy to me (just try pronouncing it, it's quite hard :P). I'll read through chapter 1 again in a minute and see what is valid and what isn't.
[21:42:56] <@Muzer> Apple products used to be good, if expensive
[21:42:59] <@Muzer> now they are just expensive

Txantslusam Skxawng

I'm not expert in Na'vi and I don't know all of the grammar rules yet and in Lot'na I now think its better to leave the t in it, but like I said, you can mix those names.

So if anyone needs Na'vi names that not always are grammatical correct, just ask or PM me :P
WirelessTsaheylu=Bluetooth
Inventor of the word NARF


Tìkawng Txe’lan

irayo for the name suggestions. i think i found one already, but ill keep the ones ive heard in mind, just in case. ;)

Tìkawng Txe’lan

hey guys sorry for the lack of updates and chapter 4. things have been pretty hectic here, so i havent had a lot of time to work on the story. but dont worry. ill try my best to finish it within the next few days.  ;D

Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}


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Tìkawng Txe’lan

here it guys. chapter 4. enjoy.


Tsamsiyu92

Great work. Can't wait to read more:)

Txur Niftxavang

AWESOME intro, may do not start off like that.  Descriptions to intice the reader, then bam! it all comes together!  :P
PSN: AVATAR_052191


If anyone has a question about firearms training/ Bow training leave a message, a voicemail on my phone, or text.
State your name, and if you are one of the people.

Muzer

Yes - that chapter was definitely a very good one.
[21:42:56] <@Muzer> Apple products used to be good, if expensive
[21:42:59] <@Muzer> now they are just expensive

Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}


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Tìkawng Txe’lan

so im guessing u guys r happy with the story so far?

Niwantaw

For some reason I'm now thinking of a muse song whenever i see this thread title...
not even sure why
Only mostly AWOL.

Muzer

Yes, definitely. It's a very good plotline so far - good balance of mostly interesting story interspersed with the odd bit of humour - a good balance for this stage in the plot, at least. The dialogue is almost all very natural-sounding, and your style is also excellent - it's hard to pull off first person without it sounding cheesy, but you've managed it very well by making him a matter-of-fact observational scientist type - and the way you intersperse it with third person for the Na'vi is very clever and beautifully pulled-off (I don't think you've lapsed into the wrong one so far), and really helps the atmosphere. Bearing in mind that the main character is based on you, you've also got the difficult personality balance correct - you don't sound too egotistical or too modest. So, in all, an excellent piece of work, this is up there at the top (though almost all the ones on this site are of unusually high quality but this one is just that tiny bit better as far as style goes).
[21:42:56] <@Muzer> Apple products used to be good, if expensive
[21:42:59] <@Muzer> now they are just expensive

Niwantaw

*loads rifle and gets ready for some Muzer hunting*
Only mostly AWOL.

Muzer

Lol, I never said yours isn't good - I just haven't been bored enough when you happen to have updated it to give it a proper review. That's basically the criteria for whose I review - I was very bored when they posted a new chapter.
[21:42:56] <@Muzer> Apple products used to be good, if expensive
[21:42:59] <@Muzer> now they are just expensive

Tìkawng Txe’lan

thanx for the feedback Muzer i appreciate it it. yeah, like u said before, bein to egotistical is a bad thing. i never planned on doing that anyway. its not like im gonna make myself Toruk Makto or anything. if anything i might make myself Palulukan Makto (possible spoiler), but that might also be a long shot, as to keep the modesty.

Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}

if you are just coming up with stuff wile you write, (a very bad thing in the authors world, although im doing that with my second book), what you should do is sit down, come up with so ideas that you like and would like to put in your story, and then figure out some good "fillers" that would bring all those elements together. I'll give you an example: Dreamwalker's Dilema CH. 8 part one. when I first made the chapter, it was much shorter then it is now. When Ash woke up to find Ne'ri staring down at him, he was in a pissy mode that didn't go with the last few paragraphs in the link room, when he was happy and excited. then Swoka Ikran ask me why the S-viperwolfs were made and told me I should add a part about their origins. the part where sara expains how her friend died by there outbreak? wasn't even there the first time around, and puting it in deffinatly made the sudden bad mood of Ash explainible.

So take what I said, and dont just go along with it. think it through first, arrange it and rearrange it until the parts fit perfectlly together like a jigsaw puzzle. trust me, the meathod works.

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Niwantaw

or my amazing method...


Head desk until it makes sense for you... Then rewrite it  ::)
Only mostly AWOL.

Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}


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Niwantaw

Only mostly AWOL.