Danger on Pandora - Comments

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

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EDIT NO.2 :where have i seen this before  \/

Well the-Sampson-attacked-by-a-toruk-and-crashes-idea was from me, look at the FFA chracter battle in the spam topic we first had! Zelenal had only finetuned it. Here it is, i couldnt qoute because the topic is locked, but look for yourself

Re: Strange Lands: A Pandoran RP
« Reply #135 on: 22-03-2010, 16:39:25 »  

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OoC: have an idea for a plot beginning here it is:

Strange Lands – An Pandoran RP

Team A - Site 26: They are calling back to base that they are under attack!

Team B – Hell's Gate: Responds and goes to Site 26 with a Sampson. They saved Team A but not Site 26.

But it wasnt over! A Turok came by and took the Sampson and threw it away, the Sampson lost control and everybody jumped out with a one-time parachute. Now they had to survive.

[Swokéyan]

A pretty nice start i would read it!
And i think i know your name, but i wont tell them xD

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Please post in here ur comments about my book

[Txep swirä]

ok, i will typ this in English. (please do not get angry about my writing in English )

ok the story is good, lots of action.
but you will need some "Rest points" at some points you will need to let the story rest, let them talk, sleep, eat or something, just slow down
i like it, and i hope you post more chapters.

its a different style of writing, if you read a book you will notice it, but don't worry, its good, you need to get you'r own style of writing
do not rush if you are writing, do'nt tell the end to soon, that can be in the middle of story.
i mean to tell is that you must be careful with writing, do not tell the plot to soon

sorry for the English readers, mooi verhaal, leuk om te lezen, ga zo door

Eywa ngahu,

Txep-swirä

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Thanks and this my try at writing a book! I just started!

Edit: Chapter one is up

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Im writings this in words and then it looks much different, i need to put some empty lines in here, thanks for the advice

bedankt

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Chapter Two - A Thanator At Breakfast is posted now!

[Niwantaw]

did you mean it was mearly a scratch or  a flesh wound when you said scratch wound?

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

A small wound, Ill edit it. Thanks for telling me. Exactly it was a big wound but Noel said it was a small wound because he didnt wanted to loose Darwin

[Niwantaw]

might be a good idea to get someone to go through it and pick out all the bits like that

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Maybe I let my parents look tro it when I will upload the next chapter ( still need to finish that chapter )

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

I wont be able to get the next chapter up tomorrow, maybe sunday. I was very busy last weeks...

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Im sorry guys, RL is taking alot of time now. Im at a very important stage at school, I need to chose what classes Im going to take next year. Stuff like that and next year, is my last year

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Chapter 3 is up, I might even post chapter 4 today

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Chapter 4 is also up

[Niwantaw]

i'll read them when i get back from iron man 2

[Ikranä mokri]

the : before the speech makes it seem more of a script that a story to me but everyone has there own writing style (I overly describe almost every aspect i can think of)


It progresses quite quickly, which can bee good and bad, also i feel there is a general lack of description (there is description dont get me wrong but, you could go into much greater depths)

these are just a couple of points i picked upon scan reading it as a fellow writer

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

Im not an expierenced writer, I dont even like reading books, well... their are some books that I like, but I just read those just one time.

And Grace will be in the next chapter,so I will post the next chapter after wednesday, because then I can watch the DVD and look more at her personality

[Tsamsiyu92]

Liking it so far, keep it up.

[Txantslusam Skxawng]

I will upload chapter 5 now!