Dreamwalker's dilema {comments}

[Niwantaw]

THIS.... THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!

[Tsamsiyu92]

THIS.... THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!

...'upe, ma kawngtu?

[Niwantaw]

it was a quote...
in fact it's where boomstick comes from 

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

it ain't your boomstick

[Niwantaw]

it was a quote...
in fact it's where boomstick comes from 

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

still...not your boomstick

[Niwantaw]

*pulls out a bigger boomstick*


.

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

*pulls out energy swords*
you got power, but ive got reach
*he sliced the gun in two*

[Niwantaw]

Thanks. I always wanted a sawn off double barraled shotgun

*looks like mad max the blows out duma's kneecaps*

Stab me now b****.

[Tìrey Tsmukan]

Kaltxì.

I know I haven't commented for a while. But I needed to catch up in the story. I just wanted to say that you're getting much better! The story has improved greatly, and your grammar has improved. I particularly liked your description of the Palulukan. I have several things to say though: on occasion, you use phrases with Sara and other people that are too similar to the movie. More than noticeable, they make the reader think, "wait.. haven't I heard this before?" distracting from the story. While I don't expect you to go back and come up with totally new dialog and such, I would largely recommend ceasing that particular tact.

Also, I'm still seeing some of the "Marty sue" thing going on. But not as greatly as the beginning. And definitely not as bad as the full on writing problem. However, I can see you are thinking of yourself in a little way as Ash. E.g the fact that both you and him have ADHD. But don't worry about it too much, it doesn't change the readers perspective too much. but just think about it.

I'm very happy that you changed the character switching thing, it runs much more smoothly now, good work. 

So, in summary. Siltsana nìtxan!

Eywa ngahu!

P.S please explain to me how a sword has larger reach than a gun...

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

thank you for the comments. as for the pointers, i am trying to do better and cese those things. and i assure you, this "Marty sue" thing is greatly going to decrease in this fan-fic and hopfully disappear altogether in the second. If you like Darik so far cause fear not, he will be playing a much, much bigger role in the series as it progresses. Ash isn't the only one that will be causing hellfire to rain down....

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

sorry it took so long, but CH. 12 is now up for grabs! enjoy!

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

Yeay new CH is up! please comment.

[Tsamsiyu92]

Nice....keep it up

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

thanks i will

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

sorry the story hasn't been around for a wile, but i've been stuck with school work and haven't gotten a chance to work on it.  plus i haven't had much motivation. So eventually im going to post all available CH. so far on Fanfiction.net and start working on the next this week. If you have any good ideas that youd think i could add or change just say and i'll try to work it out. thanks. 

also, for Fanfiction users, i have a question. i read the requirements for Fanfiction.net and it said i cant use read people from the real world like music artists and actors. i was wondering....does that include mentionings of artists and music lyrics? cause if you've read my bo-fanfic, you know i use a lot of lyrics. i just want to know so i can avoid getting my bo-fanfic kicked off the site. 

[Niwantaw]

afaik you can't mention them.

and put that pic in your sig into a spoiler because it's kinda a screen hog

[Duma Vadamee {Aungia Tsawkeyä}]

right maybe i can resize it....

[Niwantaw]

just put

Code Select Expand

[spoiler](Image link here)[/spoiler]