Poem - Dreams

Started by Kisora, January 06, 2010, 06:49:21 AM

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Kisora

Dreams,
There's a translated version at the bottom. If there are any error's please tell me



In the forest, on Pandora,
Over the thundering rocks
Trees rustle, animals scurry,
And there lies the lone na'vi

Here I sit and rest,
Under the sleepy gaze of Eywa
I feel the soothing calm,
In the blessed silence of the forest

Under the high canopy's of Pandora,
Here i find peace...

The breeze of the winds,
Carrying the scents of those past
The living world,
In perfect balance

But the moment is not everlasting,
It is a fleeting experience, like the gusts
My time has come,
And I must leave

With a sad hope,
To return once more
I blink my teary eyes,
Awake to the world

The solitude of my dream,
Is now a mere memory
Will it return,
I know not

Resting my head,
I slept once more
Hoping to dream again...


I could say a thousand words to describe Pandora, i guess i have to settle for a few verses...



mì-na'rìng, mì-Pandora,
in the forest, on Fandora,
em Iknimaya-ri,
over the Thundering Rocks,
ay-utral r<er>ikx, ay-ioang r<er>ikx,
the trees are moving, the animals are moving,
tsatseng nì'awtu na'vi-ri tok,
there is a lone na'vi,

fìtseng-ìri oe 'ì'awn ni-mawey,
here I am, calm,
ke em Eywa-yä le-mawey-a tì-kame,
under Eywa's peaceful gaze,
tì-mawey-ìl t<er>ìng poe-yä fpom-ti,
her calm gives me peace,
mì tì-fnu a-swok na'rìng-ä,
in the sacred silence of the forest,

ke em ay-utral a-tsawl Pandora-yä,
under the big trees of Pandora,
fìtseng oe lu fpom...
here I am at peace...

'ampi hufwe-yä,
the wind's touch,
m<er>unge ay-mokri ay-pizayu-yä,
bringing the voices of the ancestors,

slä ke yol-a swaw lu,
but it's a short-lived moment,
swaw-ìl txìng oe-ti, na hufwe,
the moment leaves me, like the wind,
oe-yä krr z<ol>a'u,
My time has come,
Ulte oe zene hum,
And I must leave,

txing set
Leaving now
N<er>ew kä ne'ìmg,
Wanting to return,
Oe set txen lu,
I am now awake,

Oe-yä unil lu set tì-peng nì'aw,
My dream is now but a story,
Fì'unil z<ay>a'u ne'ìm srak?
Will my dream come back?
Oe rä'ä om<iv>um,
I do not know,

Oe h<er>ahaw set,
I am sleeping now,
N<er>ew unil s<iv>i nìmun...
Wanting to dream again...

Credits go to antagonisten for translation



Inspired by a close friend...
Translated by another...

Please voice your thoughts...




Aperture

Sounds very nice!
Now try translating it into Na'vi :D

antagonisten

I think it's a great poem, and I'm using it for my own Na'vi studies :)
I've continued with the translation, got this sofar:

fìtseng-ìri oe 'ì'awn mawey,
ke em Eywa-yä mawey-a tì-kame,
tì-mawey-ìl t<er>ìng oe-ti fpom,
mì tì-fnu a-swok na'rìng-ä,

Thought it'd be good to topic "here" since "here" is described in the rest of the verse. That's just my opinion, though :)

Jaysc

these types of stuff would be useful on google wave.

Kisora

Thanks for some response,



Antagonisten,
I like the translations, I ain't really great at grammar or bending words to make sense in na'vi. But there's a little repetition with the word mawey there, when i wrote and translated the poem, i tried very hard to avoid same words, other than that, nice work! Also good to know my poem managed to help someone out there

Jaysc,
I don't exactly get what you mean

Cybi,
I will eventually, hopefully when they release more vocab



Translating's is tough to make it sensible yet, beautifully spoken. I hope i can make it through this =]
Thanks again for response

antagonisten

#6
I finally finished translating the entire poem. This is a very crude translation and I've been very liberal with replacing words and sentences when lacking a (good) na'vi counterpart. Please, correct me if(where) I've made an error. Irayo :)

mì-na'rìng, mì-Pandora,
in the forest, on Pandora,
Iknimaya-ri em,
over the Thundering Rocks,
ay-utral r<er>ikx, ay-ioang r<er>ikx,
the trees are moving, the animals are moving,
tsatseng nì'awtu na'vi-ri tok,
there is a lone na'vi,

fìtseng-ìri oe 'ì'awn mawey,
here I am, calm,
ke em Eywa-yä mawey-a tì-kame,
under Eywa's peaceful gaze,
tì-mawey-ìl t<er>ìng oe-ti fpom,
her calm gives me peace,
mì tì-fnu a-swok na'rìng-ä,
in the sacred silence of the forest,

ke em ay-utral a-tsawl Pandora-yä,
under the big trees of Pandora,
fìtseng oe lu fpom...
here I am at peace...

'ampi hufwe-yä,
the wind's touch,
m<er>unge ay-mokri ay-pizayu-yä,
bringing the voices of the ancestors,

slä ke yol-a swaw lu,
but it's a short-lived moment,
swaw-ìl txìng oe-ti, na hufwe,
the moment leaves me, like the wind,
oe-yä krr l<ol>u,
my time has come,
ulte oe zene hum,
and I must leave,

n<er>ew kä ne'ìm ne tsatseng,
wanting to return to that place,
oe lu set txen,
I am now awake,

oe-yä unil lu set tì-peng nì'aw,
my dream is now but a story,
fì'unil z<ay>a'u ne'ìm srak?
will my dream come back?
oe rä'ä omum,
I do not know,

oe h<er>ahaw set,
I am sleeping now,
n<er>ew unil s<iv>i nìmun...
wanting to dream again...

Jaysc

Nice one antagonisten! Must have took you a while to do.

Kisora

Thank you so much antagonisten!
I love the translation... You need anything, just let me know if i can help ;)
I am gonna use this translation from now onwards...

Irayo ma Antagonisten

Taronyu

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
I finally finished translating the entire poem. This is a very crude translation and I've been very liberal with replacing words and sentences when lacking a (good) na'vi counterpart. Please, correct me if(where) I've made an error. Irayo :)

mì-na'rìng, mì-Pandora,
in the forest, on Pandora,
mì isn't attached to the noun if it occurs before it. It also causes lenition, even over the word boundary, thus mì Fandora. I'm not sure that mì can be used to say on, as well.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
Iknimaya-ri em,
over the Thundering Rocks,
Iknimaya doesn't refer to the place, it refers to the rite of passage. This is a major issue that was only recently noted as being incorrect (by me). If you're using *em, make sure to attach it to the noun, as it is a preposition, and any preposition put after a noun is attached.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
ay-utral r<er>ikx, ay-ioang r<er>ikx,
the trees are moving, the animals are moving,
tsatseng nì'awtu na'vi-ri tok,
there is a lone na'vi,
fìtseng-ìri oe 'ì'awn mawey,
here I am, calm,
I'm not sure that remain can be used to mean this. Using the actual translation would be better. Mawey should have the nì- prefix, would work better.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
ke em Eywa-yä mawey-a tì-kame,
under Eywa's peaceful gaze,
Not-over is a bit risky. lemaweya would be much better.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
tì-mawey-ìl t<er>ìng oe-ti fpom,
her calm gives me peace,
You might need poeyä. Oe here is the indirect object, so it would take the dative -ru, while fpom would need -it.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
mì tì-fnu a-swok na'rìng-ä,
in the sacred silence of the forest,
ke em ay-utral a-tsawl Pandora-yä,
under the big trees of Pandora,
fìtseng oe lu fpom...
here I am at peace...
Perhaps use nìfpom, as we're not sure about "at ___" constructions.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
'ampi hufwe-yä,
the wind's touch,
m<er>unge ay-mokri ay-pizayu-yä,
bringing the voices of the ancestors,
slä ke yol-a swaw lu,
but it's a short-lived moment,
swaw-ìl txìng oe-ti, na hufwe,
the moment leaves me, like the wind,
oe-yä krr l<ol>u,
my time has come,
I would use z<ol>a'u here.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
ulte oe zene hum,
and I must leave,
n<er>ew kä ne'ìm ne tsatseng,
wanting to return to that place,
oe lu set txen,
I am now awake,

oe-yä unil lu set tì-peng nì'aw,
my dream is now but a story,
fì'unil z<ay>a'u ne'ìm srak?
will my dream come back?
You would need oeyä, I think, but since this is poetic, who knows.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
oe rä'ä omum,
I do not know,
Use om<iv>um. It would work better, in Na'vi.

Quote from: antagonisten on January 07, 2010, 10:02:20 AM
oe h<er>ahaw set,
I am sleeping now,
n<er>ew unil s<iv>i nìmun...
wanting to dream again...


Good job. :)

antagonisten

Quote from: Kisora on January 08, 2010, 08:51:54 AM
Thank you so much antagonisten!
I love the translation... You need anything, just let me know if i can help ;)
I am gonna use this translation from now onwards...

Irayo ma Antagonisten

oeyä irayo ke kin, ma Kisora.

'Twas my pleasure :)

Quote from: Taronyu on January 08, 2010, 11:13:31 AM
...It also causes lenition, even over the word boundary, thus mì Fandora. I'm not sure that mì can be used to say on, as well.

I did consider lenition, but I figured since it's a name it could remain unaltered. Also I couldn't find a word for "on".
I acknowledge all your other corrections, irayo. :)

Taronyu

Lenition is a phonological process, not a semantic one. Proper names would still be changed.

antagonisten

Quote from: Taronyu on January 08, 2010, 06:49:36 PM
Lenition is a phonological process, not a semantic one. Proper names would still be changed.

Oh, I see.  ;)

Kisora

Irayo taronyu,
Will fix soon a possible, which is quite awhile

Kisora

i think i can finally say that this poem is complete, how do i move it to fan section?

Nume fpi sänume

I enjoyed reading it aloud, it flowed with very few moments where I wasnt sure how well it rolled along. I almost want to add in a light acoustic guitar into the background and hear it that way. Bravo!