Psalm 23

[Tìmuiäyä'itan]

Kxaltì frapo!

I posted the Psalm once in the "say hi" section, but as I made quite some mistakes and I was told to post at some forum with more poeple around, I got here. So I'll present you my translation of Psalm 23 with the hope that you teach me about my mistakes.

Here we go:
fiway tawitur(David)
This song David-DAT
lu oeru hawnuyu fwa yawä (JHWH) livu
be me-DAT protect-person that-which yawä be-SUBJ
'erì'eiawn oehu sìltsana ayu
remain-IMPF-LAUD I-with good thing-PLU

yereiem tseng ne pxasula tìyomyä pol oeti
put-IMPF-LAUD place-to fresh-ADJ.M NMLZ-eat-GEN he-ERG I-ACC
fyawerìntxeiu pay ne tsawnurokxa tsengyä pol oeti
guide-IMPF-LAUD water-to rest-PART.P-ADJ.M place-GEN he-ERG I-ACC

pol oeru tìreyit a'awnia
zamerungeie
he-ERG I-DAT live-NMLZ-ACC ADJ.M-lose oneself-PART.P
bring-IMPF-LAUD
oeti fpi stxo poyä fya'o ìlä
teykìreian pol
I-ACC for the sake of name he-GEN path along
walk-CAUS-LAUD he-ERG

txo kivä ka lehrrapa tseng tìterkupyä oe
oel ke kamole tìkawngit
if go-SUBJ across dangerous-ADJ.M place NMLZ-die-GEN I
I-ERG not see-PERF evil-ACC
taweyk nga loleiu hu oe
oeti ngayä tìsteu sivi tskol sì tukrul
because you be-PERF-LAUD with I
I-ACC you-GEN brave-NMLZ-V-SUBJ bow-ERG and spear-ERG

ngal oeru wutsuti yoleiem eo
wusemyu wä oe
you-ERG I-DAT meal-ACC put-PERF-LAUD in front of
fight-PART.A-AGENT.N against I
oeti yoleiur ngal
ulte txana tìnäkit tìng ngal oeru
I-ACC wash-PERF you-ERG
and much-ADJ.M drink-NMLZ-ACC give you-ERG I-DAT

nìngay tìngay sì tìsiltsan nereiong
ìlä oe ayfratrr oeyä tìrey
truely truth an good-NMLZ follow-IMPF-LAUD
via/following I PL-every-day I-GEN live-NMLZ
ulte aytrryä oeyä tìngim
mì helku yawäyä kelku soluyi oeri
and PL-day-GEN I-GEN I long-NMLZ
in house yawä-GEN house V-PERF-HON


I am well aware that I put some extreme grammatical constructs, some is due to missing words (I know of no word for enemy) and some certainly as well for missing skill on my side, so please correct, tell what you think, propose improvements, anything...

PS: The strange word order comes from me trying to give the whole thing a good sound. Though, next time I should maybe pay more attention to the actual stress of words, by now I counted sylables for the most part...


Kiyevame

[Txur’Itan]

I think there is probably a number of ways to spell this word out, but my thinking based on how I have heard the word pronounced is this.

YHWH also YHVH or JHVH or JHWH   (yŏŏd'hä'väv'hä', yä'wā, yä'wě) n.  The Hebrew Tetragrammaton representing the name of God.

yŏŏd'hä'väv'hä' = Hebrew phonetic spelling ~ Na'vi-ish conversion (yute' ha' 'evave' ha')
yä'wā = yavey
yä'wě = yave'

[Tìmuiäyä'itan]

Kxaltì ma Txur'Itan,

the name of God was more thought of like an approximation. Actually this is how we mostly pronounce it in (Hebrew) class... There is no ä in the beginning and the waw in Hebrew is as I understand it very close to Na'vi-ish "w". Somthing that can be consonant and vocal...

I am yet not sure about the final letter being ä or e... or maybe I change all and follow the Jewish tradition, replacing it with adonay...

Anyway, irayo for the proposition. Did you run into any mistakes I made with the text?


Kìyevame!

[Txur’Itan]

I would probably need to read the original text, I do not have it memorised.  If you include it here, you could get more help I think. 

[Tìmuiäyä'itan]

I based it on the Hebrew text, so I don't know if posting it would be any help...?

Actually I had to change many things for lack of words etc, so basically I'd be glad to know my grammar isn't plain wrong and what I wrote down actually makes sense...

Kìyevame!


Update: 

Spoiler: Here is the King James Version of Psalm 23.

1  The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name' sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Basically the differences seem not to appear too big.

[Ptxèrra]

nice! the translation of the bible ant torah started....

[Tìmuiäyä'itan]

Sure. Wanna join?

Maybe it'd be a good idea if further discussion of my mistakes (i'd really appreciate if you looked at even only one or two lines) would go here.

So we'd have all in one place. Irayo ayngaru!