Toruk Makto

[swiräk]

School was boring... So I wrote this. Its not long, but I hope its not bad.^^

btw, it doesnt connect to the end, it connects at the "the aliens went back to theyr dieing world" part, before he releases his toruk.

[swiräk]

please comment... I do not bite

[swiräk]

Is it that bad?...

[Txur’Itan]

Is it that bad?...

I think that encouragement, and positive reinforcement of good practices is what you need.  It is not pleasant to criticize the creative process, especially If you are creative yourself.  It feels at times like a corruption of the soul.  I hope that you take my input in stride and grow from it.

I know I make mistakes when I write, and I have to repair the damage those mistakes cause, damage to the experience of reading the story I wrote.

I would recommend reading a great many published books, and articles, get a better sense of narrative and voice.  Think about what your characters are experiencing, and try to explain that with words.

Also, I think that your grammar might need some more editing. It would be good for your writing results to proof read more before you publish.  It could be the greatest story anyone has ever told, it but you can read then spelling be grammar if good not or. 

There are also elements of style that you can develop that would give you a word pallet to pick from, so that you can better create an image of the scene you depict in your stories, and allow the reader to visualize it in their minds.

[Ikranä mokri]

this is slight shameless self promotion part trying to help

http://forum.learnnavi.org/fiction-fanfiction/tirea-tskoya/
this is my fanfic on here, iv done writing before and people always say its over descriptive and this is probably the same.

friendly help XD