Vur Ta Na'vi

Started by Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan, June 16, 2012, 01:16:19 PM

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Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Okay, as a disclaimer, I was depressed when I wrote this, but it's freaking awesome anyway. ;D Enjoy!

Oe lu Takmeyalan. Oeya kelku lu Pandora.
      It's the place that I go to escape myself. My brain is chaos. My family lives in almost constant suspense and it's really hard to deal with. I go to Pandora to get away. I go to a beautiful virgin world. Peaceful, I can think. I can have clear thoughts. I can... just... leave.
      I get there by what I call "Oeyä Mokri". I'm finally listening to my own voice. I will not kill what I can't eat, nor will I waste what I can't. I give the energy back as much as possible: giving back their spirit.
      I greet my mate softly as she sleeps and whisper tender things to her. Then, I get on Nivan, my Ikran. As I usually do, I went to go get food. This time, however, my prey slipped away, but it was okay. I felt tranquil as I usually do, but it was something else. I heard rushing, gushing water. Letting Nivan return to Kelutral, I walked to it. The sound became deeper, fuller, until I was right next to it. There, I saw my mate, Kxanayä. I walked over to her, took my bow off my shoulder, and sat down at her side. After a while of silence, she asked me if it was okay for her to tell me something. Of course it was, so... (sigh) She told me.
      Her brother had been killed by a lingering tawtute. She killed the human with her knife; she cried when she told me. Even killing a human hurt. I turned to face her, put my hand gently on her cheek and said, "It will be okay. He will never be forgotten." She hugged me and said that she should get us some food. I told her that I would do it, for she always got it before me; she could relax.
      Not long after, I came back with a small nantang and some fruit. We ate and talked about this wonderful waterfall, how it was so beautiful and the fact that everything around us seems to be changing so fast... This is the perfect place. We laughed and played in the water for a spell. After we had calmed down, we walked home to Kelutral.
Learning Why
      Sitting on the rock, I watched Kxanayä play in the trees. She was laughing and hooting and having a good time. She swung off a vine and landed right in the water. She climbed on the rock and faced me. She asked me, "What's wrong, my love? How are you feeling?" I did not answer. She looked down at my thigh... She saw cuts. I said, "Hmm? Oh. That." She stared intently into my eyes, not blinking, not speaking. "You look weakened. Like something terrible has happened. Please tell me." I said, "Well it's a long story, but... (sigh) Here goes. I have no one. Home doesn't feel like home anymore. This, all around me, feels like home. You and this beautiful place are all I have. Everything has fallen through my fingers. I hold on to something and it just leaves me. Except you... You stay, why? I don't want you to kill yourself as an excuse for never having to talk to me again."
      Kxanayä said nothing. She stared at me, her eyes welling up with tears. She said, "I know what you feel, Takmeyalan. I understand. I'm sorry." She lost control and burst into bitter tears... I did, too. We hugged and kissed, crying, together. I knew that that was my clue. She'll never leave. "I can't stop myself around you, I feel so much more. Without you, I'm numb. I feel nothing... Except my knife. Let's sleep now and remember this forever."
What It Was Like.
      To kiss her... to love her. It was beautiful. She was with me, I with her, under the Tree of souls. It was an unusually calm night, almost put on, it seemed. It was almost as if there was a distant, powerful drumbeat. It was a pulse. It was the heart of two who are destined before Eywa to become one. She laughed softly and said, "Come. I here the voice of Eywa." Walking with my hand in hers, the whispering became a voice; that voice said, "It is this time that you must mate, for, if not, your paths will be separated forever." Kxanayä looked at me with sparkling eyes, smiled gingerly, lovingly, and took my hand in hers once more.
      We kneeled on the pulsing ground, the light of plants slightly pulsing to our rhythm. She pulled me closer as I did the same; our lips met. I calmly and tenderly placed my hand on her cheek as she softly sighed... She had finally let go. Let go of the stress. She let go of the problems, she trusted me to make her feel better... to make the pain less. And I did. We kissed for a good while and I said, "This is great, and we should kiss more... after this..." We reached for our swìn, brought them up, and they slowly intertwined. We felt a torrential flood of happiness and tranquility. Peace and love filled our veins until they were full to bursting.
      Eywa looked at us in our dream. She said, "Oel ngati kameie. You are mated and it is good. They all know that there is something greatly special between you two, but they didn't seem to accept it as well as others would have. Now, go. I'll be watching." I woke up to us still bonded, so I woke up oeyä muntxate. We stretched, hugged, ate, and went to Kelutral.
She Is Not Perfect, However.
      She's not nice to anyone but me. She hates almost anyone else but me and her Ikran, Pxenova. "GOD DAMN IT! Why can't people be quiet, like you?! You don't talk to anyone, anyway. That's sad, but just-(sigh) quiet. that's all I want, right now..." Kelutral was a chaotic cacophony of sound; just a wall of noise. People were laughing, crying tears of joy; having fun. We weren't because we had no IDEA what it was that people were getting so crazy about. So, someone told us to leave. Not to JUST leave, but to never return. So, that's what we did. We left... Forever. Mother and father did not know that we were gone, we assumed, but those who did know were glad about it; those who didn't, didn't care.
      "Now I know why you did what you did to your leg. I want to now. It's like we can't be accepted anywhere. Nowhere but each other's arms." It was getting darker by the minute, but we didn't care. We flew to the only place that we could call home, far away. This was our home, so, we gave it a name. Lor Tskxe is what we decided on. A fitting name for a fitting place. "Come, let us forget everything... to cut out the rejection." So,we cut our skin with our knives. We could think. At last.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

It wasn't long before we had reached the clearing that we had made. We slept there countless times as kids, but we had never thought that it would come to this. Banished, we fled to the place that we glued ourselves to in our youth. The soundtrack of this place was that of rushing, constantly flowing water. In the background was a huge rock that we layed on and watched the stars. Now, this place was our home. We were welcome and belonged here, contrasing all the other previously available options. Our old home; where we were born... All those gathered on that day laghed and mocked while Jade and I walked away, our eyes welled with tears of nothing but hate and sorrow. We walked until the anger became too much... We broke into lament, shouting, running until our legs burned, until our eyes were red from the tears. We can't sleep, torchured by the laughing and booing of those even who raised us to who we are now. They loved us until the second we were'nt exactly what they wanted. We cried for hours together and hated all of them: who did this. We knew that there would be no resolution of this matter... we knew that it was too late. It doesn't seem fair to you, because it isn't. I would give my leg to bet that a good majority didn't even know who or what they were booing and jeering. They had no motive other than to totally f*** us over. To cast the majority vote. To kill us by popular demand. Unfortunately, they didn't. The people who said that they'd help us just exiled us and there isn't a god damn thing that we can do. Just sit there and feel bad for ourselves. If there's one thing that I have learned is that I hate everything about that hell in which we were born, that place filled with nothing but sore acceptance and scorn. We were stripped naked, and honestly, there's nothing else to be said. Flying was done lukpen, so was swimming, so why not anything else? It's these social norms that I just don't get. Aysawtute like you haven't anything but social norms that you  can call your own. If there's anything to be said, I honestly am void of felling; of emotion.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

In Social Norms Come The Fall.
Other than love for Kxanaya and hate for the Omatikaya, there are no emotions for at least me. We were naked as eveng so why not later?  Agh, it's just f*** up how this is the way of our lives: the attitude toward us is now our future and how we are goin to "live" or lives... it just isn't fair. Why the f*** does this have to happen?! It's not like we did anything to deserve this; we were good people and everything... You know? Because we're not tied down by them anymore, we've decided to come up with our own rules and way of life. In this regard, we kiss more, have copious amounts of sex, and hunt our own way: better, more efficiently, and quieter. Instead of stalking our prey, we're more or less apathetic and our prey don't usually run away, which makes hunting a hell of a lot easier. And the sex is always nice, too. It's not long before we regret the fact that we are, but it's nice to not be so tied down. We're having fun dispite our depressive tendencies. You know, it's not so bad, all things considered. It's kind of exotic; to live like our ancestors. It's definately a new way of life, and I think that Kxanaya can agree with me on that. It isn't easy to realize that it was wrong, but for now, it's okay. Beside this, it's not that hard to sleep now because I know the surroundings much better than I did before. It's not to say that it's much sleep at all, however it is sleep. So, because of this, it really is starting to look up. Also, Kxanaya is turning 16 tomorrow. Momentous occasion, I know(!) Sarcasm, indeed hrh.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

I Love My Woman.
I really love her because she means everything to me. If she died, I would kill myself. Very slowly would I slit my own throat and nothing anyone can possibly say will have any chance of changing that, ever. She is part of me and if she dies, that part will die too. I would not be able to live without her. It's not in so much of a mental thing, however a physical thing, as well. It would kill me to think that I have half or so of my memory gone. I gave it to her because I trust her with everything that I have or can give. I have nothing but my Ikran, bow, knife, and Kxanaya. I don't even have a family anymore. It is not a thing that I really have choice now... Not anymore. This isn't how it's supposed to be. It's not how this should be... It shouldn't... (Crying) Why? They betrayed us and they want us to die, hell they want us to be killed and never be happy again. To no longer live the way that we did before. It physically hurts to think of this. I need to think. Good night, for now.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Kxanayä and Takmeyalan are me. Kxanayä used to be someone else. :'( There's also more. Every day. I can make a comment section if you want. :)
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

#5
I F**KING HATE MY FAMILY.
So does my mate. Neamin (the b**** from earlier), her brother, and her best friend came to us in the middle of the night. They shouted almost defeningly loudly into our ears telling us to wake up, dragged us to our feet, sliced our chests so that they were bleeding, and carried us to our old home. They proceeded to throw us onto the ground and Neamin shouted, "Get up, you idiots!" Neytiri and Jake studied us to see what we had done to our bodies. The cuts didn't help our situation. Neytiri slapped my sister: my mate and told her that she was no longer her daughter and punched me in the gut and said that I was no longer her son. She told both of us that we are to leave our bows and knives and never return. "We wouldn't have returned, had you not f*** dragged us here!"
"I can't believe that I used to call you my mother! Now, we daren't call you the devil for he's more perfect than you! We will go, so long as you never drag us here again! We don't want to see your scorn anyway!" So, we ran away as we did when we were first exiled and that very event happened once more. The crying, the shouting, the running that hurt so much, the laughter, the insults... It was all there, as before. It just feels like hell. It is hell. Eywa... Help us... Please...
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Is It Wrong To Make Our Own Little Heaven?
A break from the hell? Is it wrong? Is it selfish? It doesn't feel this way, at least. It doesn't feel wrong. The pressure doesn't phase me, it's the actual peircing that hurts. See? It started off inocently, at least. See? Started off. The cuts help, but they hurt a lot. The more that I think about it, the deeper they get. "The scars don't bother me. If anything, they are a reminder of who and what I've become: this thing that people hate." "Well, Kxanaya, it doesn't seem like anything that we do is something that people like, so why don't we do everything that they hate?" So, we do now. Again with the things that we did on our own, and slandering the Omatikaya, however... I had an idea. So Kxanaya and I went to a different clan, the Sea Ikran clan and had... Interesting... Results. They knew who we were, but they didn't know what it was that we did that was so bad. We said that basically our clan exiled us because we were dead weight. The olo'eykte asked why we were naked, which we replied with "We were stripped naked out of the thought that we would have some happiness for the things that we DID have, so they threw our kinves at us and told us to go and never come back."
"Well, the scars, I can understand, but the ones on your chests...?"
"Oh, we were dragged in the middle of the night back to Hometree and our mother told us that she wasn't our mother anymore."
"What?! She said that?!"
"Yeah. Pretty much. So... We're not going to stay, just we were seeing if-"
"No, you must stay. Have us as your family."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

So, We've Got A Family Now.
They at least seem to accept us and love us. We were slightly on edge about this because of our past. However, it feels more loving and welcoming here. People were absolutely facinated with our cuts and why the scars don't affect us anymore if they ever did. Then, the olo'eykte called us over to her fire and offered us to sit down. She asked if we would actually stay, which we answered yes. Also, she asked us to show her where we were living for those months. So we showed her and she was really quite impressed with how we decided on this place. "Not that it isn't beautiful and everything, but why didn't you stay and fight?"
"We didn't feel like they needed us anymore. Also, wouldn't it be kind of strange if we knew that they would do that and persisted to life there?"
"Hmm, I guess that you're right. Hey do you want bows? Or can you manage with just knives?"
"Um, sure, do you want us to use the wood of Hometree?"
(Gentle laugh and to herself)"Hometree."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

She Asked Us. We Didn't Ask Her.
Arrana, the olo'eykte of the Sea Ikran clan, decided that it would be time for us to become one of them.  She told one of the girls in the clan to come to her, and she introduced herself. Her name is Enutxi and she said that she would make us one of their own. She said that we would be one of them now. "Do you want to get revenge on the Omatikaya?"
"...."
"We don't have to do this... Only if you want to..."
"Not now. Let's let them get used to us being gone."
"Alright. Come with me, Takmeyalan and Kxanaya. I will make you one of us."
So, she did. She painted our faces with green and blue paint and made a brown drink that tasted like honey, a purple, juicy fruit in the drink and felt warm as it rushed down our throats. She said, "You are one of us now. I See you. Zola'u Niprrtxe ulte nga lu 'awve Na'vi ta Omatikaya 'olo taluna ayoe... We aren't at good heart with them. We felt that you two would need our help to get what you want from them: revenge. I can see the fire in your eyes... The things that they did to us... To you... I am sorry that you needed to deal with them for... How old are you?"
"I'm fifteen and she's sixteen. And you are...?"
"I'm seventeen."
"Is Arrana your mother?"
"Yes."
"So you are soon to be the Tsahik, no?"
"Yes."
I asked her if she had knowlege of who Neytiri, our mother was. She hissed.
"Same feeling, ma tsmuke si 'eylan."
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

It Will Be A While Until We Go Back.
However, it's nice here. I really enjoy not being so alone. I just hate being alone. Even with Kxanaya, it wasn't enough to hold down my sanity. I cried with her for hours, and this is the bulls*** that I give her? Mother of god, I'm concieted. I really want to never feel alone. I even told Arrana that I need people there, especially Kxanaya. I miss her when she goes hunting, all because we've been alone all our lives. I know that she's a strong woman, I know that. But it still stands that I do miss her. Anyone that i've come close to; even the Omatikaya, to an extent. I lived there all my life, and... In an instant... It was gone. It's weird how we can be so strong and yet so fragile at the same time. I find it hard to accept the fact that it's so hard to deal with even though I'm trying to be strong. "...And even when I'm not, he's always there for me. I feel so safe around Takmeyalan, I just can't stand not being there for him, too. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, Arrana, but... You know?"
"I do. I know exactly what you mean. You know, I used to have a father. He made me feel the same way. I felt so safe and secure around him... One day he was killed. He was murdered by my soon-to-be husband. I banished him from my life and restricted him from ever returning. He then went to the Pa'li clan, killed the olo'eyktan, and married the lamest, dumbest slag..."
"I'm so sorry, Arrana. For what happened. I'm... (Tears stream down her face) Sorry..."
   "You know what? I get so sick of crying, Arrana. I do. I just want to die every time that I think of something that doesn't deserve my tears recieves them." I said, "I just need to stop, I guess. Maybe become Jake for a day. You know, banishing his own children from their old lives, commending them, in conjunction with Neytiri, to hell, directly. That kind of thing. The saintly life that my old parents picked up on so well."
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

#13
Do You Know What This Is Like?
Last night, I dreamt of a woman who asked me politely if I would be her man. Her name isn't important. What is important is that she asked and I declined. She... Kind of went off the deep end. She isn't at the best blood with Kxanayä and me. She is the reason for all this. She- dammit. It was Neamin. She told us to leave. She said to Neytiri all the lies that got us exiled from the Omatikaya. I... want to think I loved her... Like I had a reason to almost cause this. By my obliviousness, I did this. And I... Killed her. That's right. I killed that b****. She is DEAD. All this, ALL OF IT, rests on me. I can't take this anymore, but I have to. Kxanayä is my love. Forever and always, I will love her. I need to push through, even if that means killing everyone else. Kxanayä would do the same for me. For now, good night.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

#14
I'm Still Cutting.
Her love is so strong, just like her. But I'm not strong enough. I don't know how I will live like this anymore. Contemplating suicide seems to fill my moments as they disappear. As I feel the seconds drift by, the whisper of my ever-decreasing will to go on flutters its deadly kiss onto my conscience. The mere lack of anything but numbness kills me slowly as I whither away. With nothing left, I slowly slip in and out of death while she begins to follow suit.
This is getting worse and worse by the day, Takmeyalan. I can't stand it.
I know. Just give it time and we'll disappear with nothing but each other.
Takmeyalan? Kxanaya? Hello?
Arrana?
Yes, would you come here?
Why?
Just do it, dammit.

It Was Not What We Had In Mind.
Until this point, we've been slowly unraveling; our sense of direction, pace, happiness and everything else was decintergrating right in front of our eyes... But there they were. Loving as a family, they greeted us and wished us both that we had a wonderful 9 or 10 months out here, alone.
No.
Really? Why not?
Why do you f*cking think?
Oh, right.
Right?! Ugh, whatever. Why are you here?
To say that we want you to come back to Hometree, with Arrana, Enutxi, and everyone else.
Why?
We know that you've not had a great existence out here-
Really.
-Yes.
So, what, then?
Come back with us. Please? We'll give you time, just come back when you're ready, okay?
Sure.

Kxanayä
Any time that I see her face, I can't control myself. I just lose control and I lose myself in her; she lifts my sadness so much so that it kills me to think of the depression that always and intrinsically follows. But, I'm just so damn lucky to be her mate; to have her as my wife is the greatest blessing from Eywa. I love her more than my own life. She is so strong, loving, caring, emotionally open, honest, and genuine Na'vi... There is no alternative to her character. She says that I;m her world just as she is mine and I know that I'm her world. And I've gone back and forth with her about the Omatikaya and if we should forgive them and return to the Eastern Sea Clan. We find ourselves reaching an impasse. As we would forgive the Omatikaya, the Eastern Sea Clan wouldn't have to be our family, lest the Omatikaya do not apologize. If they don't, they shan't be in our thoughts anymore. They don't need to keep taking our happiness from us: the night time attacks, the scorning, sending messengers to tell us that we mean nothing and we deserve to die. These people don't make it back sometimes. It all depends on what they throw at us.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

Before All This Ever Happened...
We weren't always attached at the hip, so to speak. I mean, yeah, we were together for almost all our lives, but around a year before the "Great Persecution", we'd been taken from each other; a desperate attempt to control our fates. And, mating was the only way to circumvent this. It'd actually been about 2 months or so before we were exiled that we'd mated. So, really, what had happened is that we were separated, we mated 10 months or so after, and then 2 months later, exiled.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.