Short story

[ruseya atan txonyä]

I tried to make up a really easy short story (really just a compilation of a few sentences). It would be great if someone could look over them and correct me. When I wrote it, I had a textbook for beginners in mind (an Idea I posted in the Projects forum)

Fì'u txon lu ulte Jason sì Lena wrrpa lu. Ay-fo ay-uniltìrantokx lu.
This thing night be and Jason and Lena (TOP) outside be. They avatars be.
It is night and Jason and Lena are outside. They are avatars.

Lena-l Eyaye-ti steftxaw. Jason-ìl poé-ti ta ay-ioang hawnu mì na'rìng.
Lena (ERG) Warbonnet-Plant (ACC) examine. Jason (ERG) she (ACC) from animals protect in forest.
Lena examines a Warbonnet. Jason protects her from the animals in the forest.

Lena set lu alaksì. Poé-l sì Jason-ìl ne'ìm ay-fo-yä kunsìp-ti kä.
Lena now be ready. She and Jason (ERG) back to their gunship (ACC) go.
Now Lena is ready. She and Jason go back to their helicopter.

Jason-ìl nantang-ti tse'a. Po-yä me-nari atan s<er>i mì txon.
Jason (ERG) viperwolf (ACC) see (physical). Its two eyes light do<ing(IMPF)> in night.
Jason sees a viperwolf. Its eyes are glowing in the night.

Ay-fo nìwin kä ne ay-fo-yä kunsìp ulte ay-fo hum.
They fast go to their guship and they leave.
They hurry back to their helicopter and leave.

That's it for the moment. I'd really love to have my mistakes corrected. And while you're at it, it would be great if you could tell me how difficult that text really is. I tried to keep it simple (thus, I didn't use any tenses, for example) so that it could be understood fairly easily with the lexical knowledge.

Irayo! Eywa ayngahu!

[Taronyu]

I tried to make up a really easy short story (really just a compilation of a few sentences). It would be great if someone could look over them and correct me. When I wrote it, I had a textbook for beginners in mind (an Idea I posted in the Projects forum)

Po-l txon-ti lu ulte Jason-ri sì Lena-ri wrrpa lu. Ay-fo-ri uniltìrantokx-ti lu.
It (ERG) night (ACC) be and Jason and Lena (TOP) outside be. They (ERG) avatar (ACC) be.
It is night and Jason and Lena are outside. They are avatars.

As far as we know, po means either he or she, not it. We don't have a word for it. Try fì'u, this thing. You don't need the ergative or accusative for words when the verb being used is lu, as it is intransitive. Having two topics in a single clause is anathema, as far as I know. Tok is used for existing, so would be more appropriate most likely. Here is that sentence redone":

Fì'u txon lu ulte Jason sì Lena wrrpa lu. Ay-fo-ri ayuniltìrantokx lu.
This night (ACC) is and Jason and Lena outside be. They (TOP) avatar (PLURAL) be.
It is night and Jason and Lena are outside. They are avatars.[/quote]

Lena-ri Eyaye-ti steftxaw. Jason-ri poé-ru ta ay-ioang-ti hawnu mì na'rìng.
Lena (TOP) Warbonnet-Plant (ACC) examine. Jason (TOP) she (DAT) from animals (ACC) protect in forest.
Lena examines a Warbonnet. Jason protects her from the animals in the forest.

Try not to use so many topics. They are used when you are talking, more often than not for an extended period of time, about a person, and you want the listener to understand. Using them so much is like stressing every word in English: annoying. Jason is protecting her, so she goes in the accusative. Animals, as it is in a prepositional clause, as far as we know, takes no inflections (as in na'rìng.)

Lena-ri set lu alaksì fte poé-ri sì Jason-ri ne'ìm ay-fo-yä kunsìp-ti kä.
Lena (TOP) now be ready so that she and Jason (TOP) back to their gunship (ACC) go.
Now Lena is ready so that she and Jason go back to their helicopter.

fte is unnecessary. Add a subjunctive infix to kä: k<iv>ä. This will translate as 'to go back'. I'm not sure about putting words between prepositions and their objects. kunsìp takes no ending.

Jason-ri nantang-ti tse'a. Po-yä me-nari atan s<us>i mì txon.
Jason (TOP) viperwolf (ACC) see (physical). Its two eyes light do<ing> in night.
Jason sees a viperwolf. Its eyes are glowing in the night.

Atan si is pretty cool, but I'm not sure about it. <er> would work better: the imperfective case, not the participial, which would make it a verbal adjective.

Ay-fo nìwin kä ne ay-fo-yä kunsìp ulte ay-fo hum.
They fast go to their guship and they leave.
They hurry back to their helicopter and leave.

That's it for the moment. I'd really love to have my mistakes corrected. And while you're at it, it would be great if you could tell me how difficult that text really is. I tried to keep it simple (thus, I didn't use any tenses, for example) so that it could be understood fairly easily with the lexical knowledge.

Sounds good. It's not too complex, introduces some uncommon vocabulary that we don't have in the current worksheets. I like it.

[ruseya atan txonyä]

Sounds good. It's not too complex, introduces some uncommon vocabulary that we don't have in the current worksheets. I like it.

Irayo ma Taronyu.
Sorry about my horrible English part of speech identification. Telling Datives from Accusatives isn't as easy as I always thought it would be. I never think about such things when I speak English...
I'll try to correct all the mistakes and repost it tomorrow. Maybe I should scratch the atan si construction too, as it might be too complex to understand in the beginning. My imagination was running a little wild there.

Some more questions (I always seem to have more, even though you really explained well):

What suffix does an ergative made up of more than one word take?
If I want to use Jason and Lena as an Ergative, would it be "Jason-il sì Lena-l" or just "Jason and Lena-l"? Or do you just not say something like that?

fte is unnecessary

I'm not sure what you mean by that. If i use the sentence without any kind of conjunction, does it still make sense? Or do I also have to split it up into two sentences?

kunsìp takes no ending.

Is that because its an English loanword or because kä is intransitive as well?

Atan si is pretty cool, but I'm not sure about it. <er> would work better: the imperfective case, not the participial, which would make it a verbal adjective.

I had that same problem with my name. If you want to use the progressive form of a verb, do you always use the imperfective? Would my name be wrong then?

[Taronyu]

What suffix does an ergative made up of more than one word take?
If I want to use Jason and Lena as an Ergative, would it be "Jason-il sì Lena-l" or just "Jason and Lena-l"? Or do you just not say something like that?

fte is unnecessary

I'm not sure what you mean by that. If i use the sentence without any kind of conjunction, does it still make sense? Or do I also have to split it up into two sentences?

kunsìp takes no ending.

Is that because its an English loanword or because kä is intransitive as well?

Atan si is pretty cool, but I'm not sure about it. <er> would work better: the imperfective case, not the participial, which would make it a verbal adjective.

I had that same problem with my name. If you want to use the progressive form of a verb, do you always use the imperfective? Would my name be wrong then?

They'd both take those, as you said. I believe it's -il, not -ìl, but my memory is flawed. Fte is unnecesary because you should use the subjunctive infix, which works independently (we think.) Kunsìp takes no ending because its in a prepositional clause. No. The participal works, too, but imperfective works best here.

[ruseya atan txonyä]

Irayo nìmun, ma Taronyu. You really helped me a lot.
I corrected all the mistakes you pointed out in the inital post. I hope it's good to go now.

Lena set lu alaksì. Poé-l sì Jason-l ne'ìm ay-fo-yä kunsìp-ti k<iv>ä.
Lena now be ready. She and Jason (ERG) back to their gunship (ACC) go<SUBJ.>.
Now Lena is ready. She and Jason go back to their helicopter.

Could someone think of another way of putting that second sentence, so that no subjunctive form would be needed? I'm still relating this to the story-textbook idea, and i think introducing the subjunctive would be more understandable at another point in time.

I'll continue the story as soon as I can...

[Ikranä mokri]

this is a dam good idea i just read through it and its helping loads irayo

[Taronyu]

Making it two sentences, like you did, destorys the need for an infix. Good job.

[kintìomum]

Another thing, not really a mistake but if you're working on the story anyways:
Jason-l looks a bit strange and although the use of "-l" is right and understandable there might be some people who find it difficult to pronounce if read aloud. (I do...)
Perhaps you could change the name of the male avatar to something with a vocal ending?
Otherwise it is a great idea to use a story for learning Na'vi!

[ruseya atan txonyä]

Another thing, not really a mistake but if you're working on the story anyways:
Jason-l looks a bit strange and although the use of "-l" is right and understandable there might be some people who find it difficult to pronounce if read aloud. (I do...)
Perhaps you could change the name of the male avatar to something with a vocal ending?
Otherwise it is a great idea to use a story for learning Na'vi!

Srane. You're absolutely right. Taronyu already told me that the -l suffix changes to -il when it follows a consonant, but I forgot about it again when I went over it. I will redo that. Irayo! 

Making it two sentences, like you did, destorys the need for an infix. Good job.

Alright, thats great. Irayo! 

[ruseya atan txonyä]

I've finally finished the first short story for the storybook. Need to get it looked over again though. Not just for mistakes, maybe you find something that could be simplified in some way too. And don't expect too much thrill out of it. It's still pretty short.

Fì'krr trr lu. Mìlzak ran mì na'rìng. Po-é 'aw ta olo'fkeutral lu.
This time day be. Mìlzak walk in forest. She one of clan 'Mighty tree' (word derived from fkeu - 'mighty' and utral - 'tree') be.
It is daytime. Mìlzak walks in the forest. She is one of 'Mighty tree clan'.

Po-é taronyu lu. Set po-é tìng nari mìne na'rìng.
She hunter be. Now she give eye into (combination of mì - 'in' and ne - 'to (direction)') forest.
She is a hunter. Now she looks into (/around) the forest.

Po-é-l taronyu-ti tse'a. Mìlzak-ti taronyu-l tse'a. Mìlzak-il po-an-ti plltxe.
She (ERG) hunter (ACC) see. Milzak (ACC) hunter (ERG) see. Mìlzak (ERG) he (ACC) speak.
She sees a hunter. The hunter sees Mìlzak. Mìlzak speaks to him.

Mìlzak: "Kaltxì. Oe-l nga-ti kame. Oe Mìlzak te olo'fkeutral lu."
Mìlzak: "Hello. I (ERG) you (ACC) see (spiritual). I Mìlzak of the 'Mighty tree clan' be."
Mìlzak: "Hello. I see you. I am Mìlzak of the 'Mighty tree clan'."

Sko'a: "Kaltxì. Nga-ti oe-l kame. Sko'a te olo'tonhufwe lu oe."
Sko'a: "Hello. You (ACC) I (ERG) see. Sko'a of the 'Nightwind clan' be I." (word derived from txon - 'night' and hufwe - 'wind' plus lenition (idk if that is legal to just use it as you please, but i guess it's a proper name, so i can do what I want, right?)
Sko'a: "Hello. I see you. I am Sko'a of the 'Nightwind clan'."

Sko'a: "Oe tsatseng lu a p<iv>lltxe nga-yä olo'eyktan. (Please help simplify THIS sentence!) Lu po-an tsatseng srak."
Sko'a: "I this place be -- to speak your clan leader. Is he this place yes/no?"
Sko'a: "I am here to speak to your clan leader. Is he here?"

Mìlzak: "Srane. Kä oehu."
Mìlzak: "Yes. Go me with."
Mìlzak: "Yes. Come!"

Ay-fo 'awsiteng ran mì na'rìng. Mìlzak-il (Sko'a-ru) fya'o-ti wintxu.
They together walk in forest. Mìlzak (ERG) (Sko'a (DAT)) way(ACC) show.
They walk in the forest together. Mìlzak shows (Sko'a) the way.
(Leaving the dative out makes this sentence probably a lot easier, as i didn't intend to introduce the dative case yet.)

This is where the story ends, because I intend to start story two at that exact point. Now that I see the whole thing on the screen, it might need some expansion before I can actually call it a 'story'...

Hope you liked it. Feedback would be appreciated. And of course, please correct my mistakes.

[ruseya atan txonyä]

This might have gotten lost in the flood of topics in this section. Could someone look over it, please? I'd hate to have mistakes in the foundation of learning of my project.

[Taronyu]

Fì'krr trr lu. Mìlzak ran mì na'rìng. Po-é 'aw ta olo'fkeutral lu.
This time day be. Mìlzak walk in forest. She one of clan 'Mighty tree' (word derived from fkeu - 'mighty' and utral - 'tree') be.
It is daytime. Mìlzak walks in the forest. She is one of 'Mighty tree clan'.

Po trr lu might work better. Use tìran - mistake on my part in the dictionary. Don't use ta, use olo'fkeutralä. I'd be against making up words like that in a beginners edition.

Po-é taronyu lu. Set po-é tìng nari mìne na'rìng.
She hunter be. Now she give eye into (combination of mì - 'in' and ne - 'to (direction)') forest.
She is a hunter. Now she looks into (/around) the forest.

Don't use the é character, it's very confusing to some people, and, if it is used, ought to mean that we should be using á, ú, äá , ìí, and ó. I'd use tse'a, not tìng nari, as that's idiomatic and may be confusing. Although, it's in the dictionary, so, your call. Mark combinations with a dash.

Po-é-l taronyu-ti tse'a. Mìlzak-ti taronyu-l tse'a. Mìlzak-il po-an-ti plltxe.
She (ERG) hunter (ACC) see. Milzak (ACC) hunter (ERG) see. Mìlzak (ERG) he (ACC) speak.
She sees a hunter. The hunter sees Mìlzak. Mìlzak speaks to him.

Mìlzak-it. Apparently, it is actually -ìl. My bad. poanit. use -it after a consonant, t/ti after a vowel, it's less confusing, because we're not sure how -ti might work in all cases yet. Actually, poanìru should be used here, because he is the indirect object: what is spoken would take take the accusative.

Mìlzak: "Kaltxì. Oe-l nga-ti kame. Oe Mìlzak te olo'fkeutral lu."
Mìlzak: "Hello. I (ERG) you (ACC) see (spiritual). I Mìlzak of the 'Mighty tree clan' be."
Mìlzak: "Hello. I see you. I am Mìlzak of the 'Mighty tree clan'."

Use: Mìlzak san "__" sìk. San is what is used to start a quote. Sìk ends it.  You shouldn't need the "" then, but that's your call.

Sko'a: "Kaltxì. Nga-ti oe-l kame. Sko'a te olo'tonhufwe lu oe."
Sko'a: "Hello. You (ACC) I (ERG) see. Sko'a of the 'Nightwind clan' be I." (word derived from txon - 'night' and hufwe - 'wind' plus lenition (idk if that is legal to just use it as you please, but i guess it's a proper name, so i can do what I want, right?)
Sko'a: "Hello. I see you. I am Sko'a of the 'Nightwind clan'."

We already have a few other clan names from the game. Omatikaya, Rongloa, U'imi huyutikaya, and Tipnai.

Sko'a: "Oe tsatseng lu a p<iv>lltxe nga-yä olo'eyktan. (Please help simplify THIS sentence!) Lu po-an tsatseng srak."
Sko'a: "I this place be -- to speak your clan leader. Is he this place yes/no?"
Sko'a: "I am here to speak to your clan leader. Is he here?"

Use tok for this, not lu. It means existence. Use the dative for olo'eyktan, as he is the one addressed.

Mìlzak: "Srane. Kä oehu."
Mìlzak: "Yes. Go me with."
Mìlzak: "Yes. Come!"

Good.

Ay-fo 'awsiteng ran mì na'rìng. Mìlzak-il (Sko'a-ru) fya'o-ti wintxu.
They together walk in forest. Mìlzak (ERG) (Sko'a (DAT)) way(ACC) show.
They walk in the forest together. Mìlzak shows (Sko'a) the way.
(Leaving the dative out makes this sentence probably a lot easier, as i didn't intend to introduce the dative case yet.)

Well, you're going to have to, for the examples above.

Hope this helps.

[ruseya atan txonyä]

It does, as always. Irayo, ma Taronyu. Ngayä srung nìmeuia lu.

Fì'krr trr lu. Mìlzak ran mì na'rìng. Po-é 'aw ta olo'fkeutral lu.
This time day be. Mìlzak walk in forest. She one of clan 'Mighty tree' (word derived from fkeu - 'mighty' and utral - 'tree') be.
It is daytime. Mìlzak walks in the forest. She is one of 'Mighty tree clan'.

Po trr lu might work better. Use tìran - mistake on my part in the dictionary. Don't use ta, use olo'fkeutralä. I'd be against making up words like that in a beginners edition.

On the upper story you said that we can't use 'po' for 3. person singular neutral, as it just means he or she. I know that there probably aren't any confirmed examples for a sentence like that, and I don't want to criticize any of your corrections, I was just curious why it could be the other way round now. As for the other things, you are right, and I will use one of the other clan names you suggested. I don't have the video game so I didn't know. I guess a made-up clan name wouldn't be any problem if you would put in a footnote that it is just a clan name and the learner doesn't have to think about its English meaning.

So the mì-ne combination in the second line works? I was really unsure about that...but I couldn't think of any other way to express 'around'.

Sko'a: "Oe tsatseng lutok a p<iv>lltxe nga-yä olo'eyktan.

Would I need the a in there? I put it in to connect the two sentences, but when I think about it, it's really just one. Also, is there a way to say something close to that without having to use the subjunctive? I could probably introduce the dative, if there's no other way around it, but introducing the subjunctive in the first lesson is too much in my opinion.
One more: Wouldn't the use of 'tok' indicate something along the lines of 'My only purpose in life (=I exist) is to speak to your clan leader?"

[Taronyu]

On the upper story you said that we can't use 'po' for 3. person singular neutral, as it just means he or she. I know that there probably aren't any confirmed examples for a sentence like that, and I don't want to criticize any of your corrections, I was just curious why it could be the other way round now. As for the other things, you are right, and I will use one of the other clan names you suggested. I don't have the video game so I didn't know. I guess a made-up clan name wouldn't be any problem if you would put in a footnote that it is just a clan name and the learner doesn't have to think about its English meaning.

Ha! Did I? Essentially, I changed my mind. I think that using po like this isn't completely valid, but it would certainly work for a noob. Uhm. Sorry about that, haha. Someone, I think Omängum Fra'uti, changed my mind.

So the mì-ne combination in the second line works? I was really unsure about that...but I couldn't think of any other way to express 'around'.

I mean, no, not completely, but it works to show meaning.

Sko'a: "Oe tsatseng lutok a p<iv>lltxe nga-yä olo'eyktan.

Would I need the a in there? I put it in to connect the two sentences, but when I think about it, it's really just one. Also, is there a way to say something close to that without having to use the subjunctive? I could probably introduce the dative, if there's no other way around it, but introducing the subjunctive in the first lesson is too much in my opinion.
One more: Wouldn't the use of 'tok' indicate something along the lines of 'My only purpose in life (=I exist) is to speak to your clan leader?"

I don't think you'd need the a, to be honest. tok merely means is, in the sense of existing. You could use lu, if you want, because we have examples of it, as well, but I think that tok might be better. How about:

Oe tsatseng tok futa oe tsun plltxe nga-yä olo'eyktanru.
I here am so.that I be.able speak to your clan-leader.
I am here so that I can speak to your clan leader.   

[ruseya atan txonyä]

Ha! Did I? Essentially, I changed my mind. I think that using po like this isn't completely valid, but it would certainly work for a noob. Uhm. Sorry about that, haha. Someone, I think Omängum Fra'uti, changed my mind.

Alright. Sounds good. Just makes the whole thing easier.

Oe tsatseng tok futa oe tsun plltxe nga-yä olo'eyktanru.
I here am so.that I be.able speak to your clan-leader.
I am here so that I can speak to your clan leader.   

Irayo. So simple, yet effective. I should give futa a closer look.