NotW #4: Coyote

[Coyote]

Who are you?
That is a question one should always ask oneself... as to who *I* am, I am known here as Coyote, but like many I go by other names for various reasons.
I am mostly known on-line as "Coyote", here and in other forums, or if some skxawng has already stolen that name, then I go for something related, like Canis Latrans or, if I must, Lordcoyotus.

Who I am and what I do is... myriad. From the beginning, I am a white middle-class guy who grew up in the northwest of the United States. I was born in Portland, Oregon and raised in Boise, Idaho. I've been a cartoonist and illustrator since I could pick up a pencil and paper. Through school I was always drawing and making comic books, usually satires of TV shows or movies set in Boise and involving my friends as characters.

Later in life I joined the US Army and served as a Infantryman, then later went into the National Guard as a M1 tank driver, and later into the Reserves as a Combat Engineer. I served a tour in Iraq in 2004-2005, some pictures of me are around page 8 of the "Real-Life Pictures Thread".

I have a BA in History and also lived and studied for 4 years in Israel. I learned Hebrew there, coupled with the German I learned in High School, which has served me well in my travels.

Now I work as a government civilian in a nice, quiet, dull job that I like because it is nice, quiet, and dull. I am getting back into cartooning and illustrating and thinking about setting up a webcomic based on my own science-fiction universe.



Why are you here?
I am at Learn Na'vi to learn some Na'vi, of course, but also because I loved the movie and thought it had important things to say. The language fascinates me, the setting of Pandora fascinates me (I like how the planet is not 100% conducive to Human life; breathers are required, etc). Stories have been told about the dangers of greed and imperialism, and environmental neglect, but this tied them all together nicely.

I think I identify most with Jake Sully, because I, too, came out of a less perspective mindset and began to really see things going on around me, and as a Soldier I have a natural desire to take action in some manner to right wrongs. I spend a couple hours here each day, sometimes more, usually in the Role Play section.    


Where do your alias and profile pic come from?
The alias comes from a brief time I spent with the furry community in Southern California (I lived there from 1988-1991). The notion of choosing a "totem animal" to represent oneself is a popular notion. I've always been a huge fan of the Canis and Vulpes families, but I settled on the Coyote. The Coyote represents the West, which I love; it is a social animal but also has a reputation for being a loner as well. The Coyote is, I think, the ultimate survivor: despite mankind's endless efforts to eradicate the Coyote, it has thrived and, in fact, expanded radically. It exists anywhere and thrives on anything; and the more people try to trap it, shoot it, poison it, or hunt it down, it's numbers grow and grow as if to mock people's destructive tendencies. No wonder the Native Americans considered him the most powerful of trickster gods.

The picture is from a web search I did for "Anubis"; it is someone's neopet. Another fascination of mine is ancient Egyptian mythology, especially Anubis, the jackal-headed god that dealt with death and leading people to their final reward. In Egyptian mythos, Anubis was not an evil being to be dreaded --like in many Western belief structures-- but a neutral being who simply judged according to your actions and then escorted you to the reward earned (or destruction).


Srak nga tsun nìna'vi pivlltxe?
Honesty? Like ass. I know a few words and they are heavily accented and influenced by Hebrew (my "R" in particular is more throaty and deep, not pronounced in the mouth like in most Romance languages). I keep trying, but my progress is slow and I practice only when I have time to burn. Only a few people know of my interest, but people who know me are unsurprised.


What's you favorite Na'vi word? Did you incorporate it (or others) into your everyday vocab?
Skxawng is so universally handy and appropriate, and if asked to translate it I can do so in front of children. I love the phrase Kaltxi Palulukan because not only is it a joy to say, but the notion of a "Hello Kitty/Palulukan" is, to me amusing. I incorporate Na'vi into my Role Play writing and into a whole new realm of computer passwords (Na'vi-l33t mix in particular). Obviously I have not mastered the simple act of using accent marks.

Probably my most dynamic and public use of Na'vi was when I was teaching Hebrew to kids at my synagogue. I needed them to be able to say "I do not understand" in Hebrew, and would speak to them in Na'vi.


In your opinion, what are the top three user-created content on the LN website?
The language section as a whole is the heart of the site, since that is the primary mission that the board exists for.
After that I'd say the Role Play section is most important to me, personally, so I tend to fixate on that.
After that, it's a toss-up. It seems to me that different sections experience brief fads of activity, then die down, and then kick up again.



Have you made any contributions to the LN community that you're particularly proud of?
The Role-Playing section hands down. In fact, when the RP section was first being discussed as a possibility, I mentioned to Étienne how another board I was on sub-divided things into RP, OOC, and Info & Support sections and thus was the RP section here so organized. After that, Lehrrap Uniltìranyu and I collaborated on putting together the "Storm Over Pandora" RP which has been going strong since (well, a few periods of low activity as jobs & schools sometimes interfered). I've been playing a lot of the NPCs and villains, and added a bunch of sketches which are also in the Fan Art section. Writing is a passion for me, so I am always proud to participate in something like this.


What is it that you liked/hated the most about Avatar ?
What I liked the most was the way the way the 3D was used to immerse you in the story environment-- it wasn't just used for cheap "gotcha!" moments where things would pop out and scare you, or whatever. By the time of the destruction of Hometree you're totally immersed, so you feel the pain of the Omatikaya as their home is destroyed. As a History major, for the first time I felt like I truly understood what it must have been like for the Aztecs or Mayas when the Conquistadors came (in fact, when Col. Quaritch got shot, I wanted to say "Take that, Pizarro!"). I've seen it twice in theatres and 1.5 times on Blu-Ray.

What I hated? Well... one major thing and one minor thing.
Minor: Colonel Quaritch asks, "How does it feel to betray your own race"? Technically, "race" is like white, black, Asian... it would have been more appropriate for Quaritch to ask "how does it feel to betray your own species, which us "human".
Major: Trudy Chacon got taken out too cheaply for my tastes. She should have had more involvement in the fight before being taken out.


Has Avatar  changed your life in any way?
Avatar has not changed my life so much as reaffirmed my own choices and given me a sense of solidarity with others who feel the same way.  I've always been a nature nut and proud of it, and I was ready to join the "Whale Wars" team well before I even heard of Avatar being made.


If you could ask Frommer or Cameron three movie or language related questions what would they be?
Wow, that's a big question. Maybe...
1: Tell me about tribes that exist in other environments-- what are their lives like, what do they do to "climb Iknimaya" in their own regions, are the coloring universal for all climates?

2: Do the Na'vi have pets?

3: Are "Aliens" and "Avatar" set in the same 'verse?



What else do you do in you free time?
I have learned to enjoy free time and experience the joys of having nothing to do from time to time. I do art and stories, I read, I play computer games, and I love to hike trails near Boise.



Name your top three favorite Earth animals from most favorite to least. Why those? What's the animal you're most terrified of?
#1: the Coyote (obviously!)
#2: Wolves (pound for pound, they are --I think-- the most deadly and efficient predator besides humans).
#3: Killer Whales. Even the dreaded Great White Shark clears out when an Orca pod moves in; so they rule 2/3rds of the Earth by default.


Pirate, ninja, zombie, or robot?
I love pirates, arrrr! Not the silly stuff we see in the Disney flicks (although they're fun) but Pirates have the most freedom (the open seas) they actually ran ships democratically an I dig old powder and flintlock weapons, sailing vessels, and chanteys (also rum). Space pirates are fun, too.


What three items would you take to a desert island and why?
1: A good sturdy laptop with my library of games, movies, etc. Preferably a satellite link up so I could stream more. With that, I have a whole entertainment suite.
2: Some sort of survival weapons collection, with at minimum a bolt-action rifle, a knife and a tomahawk.
3: Zoe Saldana. Do I need to explain why I want Zoe Saldana? No? Good.



If you could travel to anywhere in space and time (including fictional universes), where would you go and why?
I'd go to my own fictional universe, which I have been "building" for most of my life. It is fun and exciting to me, and full of both grandeur and darkness.



If you were granted one single wish what would it be?
For all people here on this Earth to be genuinely concerned for the Environment and work hard to preserve it no matter what else they were doing. They can make all the money they want, even have their stupid wars if that's what they really think they want, but all of them would be devoted to preserving the environment.


What is a question you'd ask yourself? How would you answer it?
Are you the person that your child self could look up to as a good hero or role model? So far, I think so, although there are a few things I'd do differently.  


True or false?
#1: I wrote, drew, copied, published and distributed my own graphic novel series in a small press magazine for 6 years. It was 40 chapters, 440 pages, and ran from 1990 to 1996. It was a "furry" version of my own science-fiction universe.

#2: I was the casting director for a Rocky Horror Picture Show troupe that acted out the RHPS in live-action as the movie played at midnight in theatres around town. It involved drunken fun including cross-dressing by everyone involved and simulated on-stage sex acts to a roaring crowd with squirt guns and throwing food.

#3: A girlfriend of mine wanted to take a "milk bath" so we filled a hot tub with powdered milk and several cartons' worth of soy milk and skinny-dipped in it for kicks. The filters were ruined and expensive to fix, and later she admitted that the notion of a "milk bath" was "not as interesting as she thought it'd be".



What is the funniest, weirdest, or most embarrassing Na'vi or Avatar  related thing that has happened to you?
Two minor embarrassments:
1: When I first found the "Learn Na'vi" site (not the forum) I didn't comprehend the ejectives and was trying to pronounce the "x" as an "x" (ie, "eks"). It probably sounded like I was gargling marbles or something, trying to fit the words around the x's.
2: I recently met Hawnu Uniltxep, and she knows Na'vi well (better than I). Every time she spoke to me in Na'vi, I would instinctively start to answer in Hebrew. I felt like a skxawng.



Quote from: Question #20: Bonus Question: Asked by the previous NotW.
I'ma let you finish!

[El Jacko]

Nicely done, mon capitan. Should've guessed you'd get this next.      Also, True/ish/false

Going to your [extensive] writing experience for a mo: Got any tips for a complete novice?

[kewnya txamew'itan]

True/False/True.

Seeing as you used to live in a furry community the first is plausible, the second, is also plausible but I think is too obvious a cult thing so is probably a distractor, the last just seems like a fun thing to do, with a plausible outcome. 

Edit: also, given your RP experience online three is doubly plausible, who knows the sorts of things you get up to?

[Coyote]

Oh, I forgot to mention an animal that I'm scared of. That would be spiders. I'm convinced that I'm going to get bit by some nasty venomous arachnid that is hiding in a corner, on a ceiling, in a shoe, in a sleeping bag, under a toilet seat (yikes).

Tanhiyarnia is coming up with a Question #20 for me, and as for the true-false ones, it'll be interesting to see what people come up with...

[Ikranä mokri]

Grats man XD!!!!

EDIT im going with the whole true/false/true thing here, its more plausable than my original idea of true/true/true

[`Eylan Ayfalulukanä]

Congratulations!

[Coyote]

Got my Question #20 from Tahiyarina:

Question 20:
Choose one historical person who you wish would have made a different decision.  Now choose another who will debate them in the hope of bringing about that decision.  Who do you choose, what decision do you want changed, and how would the debate go?

Person I want Influenced: Adolf Hitler
Person who can do the Influencing: August Kubizek

Hitler and Kubizek were friends together growing up in Austria in their teens. Both were aspiring artists; both were trying to get accepted to prestigious art academies in Linz, Austria-- Kubizek to be a music conductor, Hitler to become an artist. Kubizek succeeded (partially, in a way, due to Hitler's help) and launched a career in music that he found ultimately satisfying. Hitler, however, had no such luck and was denied admission. They parted ways in 1908, and it wasn't until years later --when Hitler was becoming involved in radical politics in the 1920's-- that Kubizek heard about his old friend in a newspaper. Kubizek didn't contact Hitler until much later, however, when the two resumed their old friendship after 1933.

I would like for August Kubizek to have tried harder to console his friend after learning of the initial dismissal from the art academy. I wish he'd used his influence to convince Hitler to try other art academies elsewhere, or even overseas-- maybe convinced him to go to America to pursue art. Had that not worked, perhaps again in the 1920's, Kubizek could have contacted Hitler and offered him a job in some manner-- anything to get him away from the radical politics of the time; give him a focus that was more rewarding in the art world.

Would World War Two have been avoided? Probably not-- there were too many things in motion throughout society that made World War Two almost inevitable. But Hitler brought policies and dynamics and a good speaking voice and personality (at first) to the Nazi movement. Had anyone else been in charge, someone not as charismatic or as convincing, the NSDAP --perhaps-- would have just been another random political party, small enough to be ignored in the Bundesrat. I think the impacts of World War Two would have been lessened; perhaps it would have been a situation the Allies could have stopped earlier, or the German leadership would have gotten a couple victories in early and then met stiff resistance and sued for peace. Maybe.

I think without Hitler at the helm the German Reich would have been a little less daring, a little less dynamic, and could have been stopped earlier and easier, with less loss of life and with a less use of anti-Semitism as a motivator.

So, August Kubizek, perhaps in a position to be comforting and convincing to his depressed buddy, hopefully could have talked him out of politics and channeled Hitler into less destructive endeavors. It's worth a shot.  

[kewnya txamew'itan]

Good answer.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here about one of your points though. You treat there being "less use of anti-Semitism as a motivator" as a good thing. Granted, racism of any kind is a bad thing and should certainly be stopped, but, it is only because anti-Semitism was used so much by the Nazis that it became associated with all their atrocities and that it, in the long term, has been lessened. I'm not condoning any of Hitler or the Nazi's actions by any means, I'm just saying that, in the long view, they may have done less harm than it at first seems.

On an unrelated note, it annoys me how anti-Semitism is now used solely to refer to a prejudice against Jews instead of a prejudice against all Semitic peoples.

[Coyote]

Yeah, technically "Anti-Semite" means that someone dislikes all Semitic peoples, but it has --through common usage-- come to mean specifically anti-Jewish. I suppose it is possible that racism has become "unfashionable" due to the horrors of WW2, but I'd like it, somehow, if racism became unfashionable due to other reasons that didn't involve so much blood.

Gee, I hope that talk about Hitler isn't a mood-killer. We're here to have fun!

Something else I'm glad to be involved in here: I did a Military Stuff for the Curious here on the board-- originally to help the Role-Play section, but indeed anyone who is curious about military stuff is free to ask me questions. Military stuff or stuff about Israel and Judaism-- I'm always glad to answer questions.

[ShadowMainZERO]

Very cool.

True/False/True

[Coyote]

Going to your [extensive] writing experience for a mo: Got any tips for a complete novice?

What would you like to know? I'd be happy to help out as best I can. Dialogue? Characters? Those are probably my stronger points. Good characters and dialogue can, in my opinion at least, carry a thin plot... whereas an excellent plot with poorly done characters and flat or inarticulate dialogue won't make it.

[ShadowMainZERO]

I, personally, would like to know about characters. Specifically, copying other characters. That is an important ability for fan fic writers and the one thing that I keep worrying about.

Thankfully I won't have that problem for my OS though.

[Coyote]

I, personally, would like to know about characters. Specifically, copying other characters. That is an important ability for fan fic writers and the one thing that I keep worrying about.

Thankfully I won't have that problem for my OS though.

Fanfics are tricky, and I usually avoid them unless I'm writing about an original character interacting with established characters in a franchise. Writing an established character is almost guaranteed to rub someone the wrong way, inviting criticisms of "he wouldn't do/say/act like that!" Generally I write an original character in an established universe, and have them interact with the established stars of the show, but the events focus on the original character I brought in.

The most important thing, I'd say, is to make sure you don't have a character do something really out of character. If someone was wanting to write a fanfic of, say... Harry Potter and Hermione hooking up and having a relationship --an alternate universe where Hermione and Ron didn't get together-- having Harry taking Hermione out for butterbeers at that tavern near Hogwarts would be a likely thing he'd do. Putting Hermione in a pit and telling her "It puts the lotion on it's skin!" is not, however, and the author of such a fanfic isn't being true to Harry Potter, but projecting his or her own notions into the character. In that case I'd recommend that he or she consider writing something else, with different characters, and possibly to seek professional help.

I think that's where most people have a problem with fanfics-- they want to do something with the characters, and they don't stop to think about whether the characters would do what they want them to do.

With obscure characters in a series it is easier, but with those sorta "second-tier" characters it is hard. In Avatar, we know a lot about Jake and Neytiri, but we don't know that much about Parker Selfridge or his motivations. Is he truly an evil guy, or just a "cog in the machine" type who's doing what he's told and not really thinking about what he's doing beyond the immediate effects? In the "Storm Over Pandora" role-play we played him as pretty much just a clueless orders-follower for the RDA before he got killed by the story's antagonist.

Sometimes it is easy to see what a character would or could do-- you watch the show again or read the book again, and see what they do in a similar situation. Then you copy that reaction, just modified for the situation you have written.

Imagine writing a fanfic for the TV series Lost. When confronted by a charging Polar Bear in the 1st season, Sawyer didn't flinch, but raised a gun and fired while everyone else ran screaming. So you can write a confrontation where Sawyer is confronted by another threat-- a bear, some "Other" goons, a wolf... and he'd stand his ground while others ran. Adapt the character to what you know you've seen him do in the past. If you want a confrontation to start, and for everyone to run screaming, don't write Sawyer in the scene or give him a valid reason to run with everyone else. Having him run like a little girl "because that's what the scene calls for" is a mistake. Just remember, however, that everyone runs from the Smoke Monster if they're smart. 

So... I'd say the most important thing is not how to write like, but how to avoid writing the character wrong.

If that makes sense...

[ShadowMainZERO]

It does and the story is about an OC interacting with established characters ( "smart" people might blame me for using an Author Avatar [very similar intro and settings] but I'm not). The thing is, with an exception every here and there my OC is around the ECs near constantly. That and the situations I put them in occasionally has no equivalent similar scene in the source material.

Another fear I have with writing is that all of my characters (especially when I do 1st Person) are all the same. I'm not that great at picking up personality traits and I know my characters perfectly in my subconscious but when I'm asked to describe them (mainly their personality) I know but I don't know. If that makes any sense. No one has said that my characters are similar yet but still...

[El Jacko]

I was gonna go for characters, but Shadow beat me to most of it. I still got a few questions though, concerning character progression. What, if any, is the best way to go about it, in your opinion? I got plans for Sheppard, but no idea how to get there.

[Coyote]

@Shadow: Establishing individual, distinct character voice is hard, because you really have to get in the shoes of someone and see and do things based on their point of view. I have a novel idea that's about halfway written at home, where a wide variety of people from different backgrounds are forced to interact together to help build a society-- there's a devoted Communist, a dyed-in-the-wool American Conservative, a non-practicing Muslim from Saudi Arabia, and more... and they argue, get into fights, etc. When I switch character point of view, I have to become that person, and argue their point of view as if I really wanted to win it.

So when my Communist guy is arguing, I research Communist writings and try to write him like "here's a guy who totally believes all this-- even though he sees the flaws, he rationalises them and in his mind, it all makes sense". Then I charge in and fight from his point of view and use all the best material I can find to back him up.

It goes against the basic rule of writing: "Write what you know". My best writing comes from when I am directly channeling things that I have experienced personally. I can write great military fiction, for example. I can write a child, having been one myself once, but it is harder for me to write women since, obviously, I've never been one of those. Sometimes you can tell when someone is writing a woman from a man's point of view; you basically have a dude with boobs.  It is hard to get into someone else's point of view and try to live it (it can also be somewhat disconcerting at first, trying to identify with someone you find repulsive-- I could write a believeable Nazi or Klansman if I had to, but I wouldn't enjoy it).

Try to imagine a time when you made a decision that later turned out to be mistaken because you didn't know all the information. At the time you made the decision, it seemed like th eright thing to do; only later-- when you learned th erest-- you realized you'd have done things differently (it can be a minor decision, it doesn't have to be catastrophic). Now picture a character making major decisions, convinced he is right, but he doesn't have a piece of information that someone else has-- another point of view.

Remember, from the RDA's point of view, they tried to be great friends and neighbors to the Na'vi, only to be treated with hostility by the ungrateful bastards. Well, to hell with them, we tried, right? No more mister nice guy!

Try to imagine a person without power to change things as they try to protect themselves from something awful. A tough Marine can go out and fight a couple thugs. But how would a bookish, nerdy teenage girl deal with a couple of thugs? Avoiding them? Tricking them? Hiring a Marine to beat them up? She has to do something different, because she doesn't have the option of beating them up.

[Niwantaw]

strangely more or less everything i have written in my fanfic was written while suffering from sleep deprivation and drinking tea...

[ShadowMainZERO]

Hmm. Okay. I avoid the woman part simply because my female OC is a tom boy (unless she and my male OC are alone). As for the "writing what you know" part, that is why every character has I make has one trait that I have. It makes writing them so much easier. Of course, I won't be able to do that in my OS since every character (aside from expys) are going to be original. That's probably why I have barely started on it. Although now that I have a beta reader who is also playing the part of a co author I can finally get on with it.

You know, I probably have so much doubt about my work because of my (more then likely) weird writing style.

Irayo!

ZERO

strangely more or less everything i have written in my fanfic was written while suffering from sleep deprivation and drinking tea...

Almost everything I write comes from me listening to music.

[Coyote]

I was gonna go for characters, but Shadow beat me to most of it. I still got a few questions though, concerning character progression. What, if any, is the best way to go about it, in your opinion? I got plans for Sheppard, but no idea how to get there.

Character progression fits in nicely with what I mentioned to Shadow, above.

Once you've put yourself in another's shoes, and made a character from that character's point of view, you have to take the next step and ask "How is this person going to learn his lessons? How is he going to internalize his experiences?"

A lot of things shape that person's reaction to an experience. One is how he grew up, and what his role models were. Imagine a son whose father is a big, burly tough guy-- former lumberjack, maybe, did a stint in the Army, that sort of thing. But the father is never challenged; people see him and think, "whoah, tough dude, I'm not going to cross him". The son grows up seeing this and --perhaps subconsciously-- learns to bluff but never lears how to back it up. He may grow to be a tough-looking guy, but as soon as someone calls his bluff and punches him, he crumbles into tears and quivering because he doesn't know what to do after that.

Meanwhile, a kid with a wimpy-looking dad who faces all kinds of stress and takes it in stride, absorbs pain and setback but keeps trying and never gives up, even when times are tough... that kid will grow up with a different way of looking at challenges.

An untested character is a blank slate. I didn't know how I'd react to actual war-- and I've trained for it for years, most of my adult life. But I didn't know until I got there. Would I be paralyzed from fear and indecision? Would I go all gung-ho glory and volunteer for endless cycles of fighting? Turns out I'm the guy that keeps his calm, doesn't panic, worries about the guys under his charge and wants to do the job so we can get home (like most folks, apparantly). But I didn't know that until I faced it, and up until that time, it could have gone any way.

In my story about the people that have to work together to build a society-- I have a guy who was a US Army Ranger, all trained up, full of patriotism and pride and all that. But when he finally gets to participate in a real fight, a knock-down/drag-out firefight with blood and death, he does his job well but finds that war is rediculous and wasteful and frightening, and he spends the rest of the story trying to avoid it... not out of cowardice but because he sees how desperately foolish the whole thing is. He's staked so much of his identity as a man on being the stalwart soldier, though, he kinda goes adrift for a bit, not knowing where he really fits in anymore. I wrote that part of the story before I went to Iraq, too.

But people will start in a direction, but then discover/learn/experience/find something or someone, and they'll begin to doubt their course... or become more affirmed to it. A girl who devotes her life to pursuing a dream --become a lawyer, get married-- only to find when she achieves these things, she still feels hollow and empty and unfulfilled. What does she do? The choice she makes next will determine how she grows as a character. She may decide to rebel, through it all to the winds, and do something crazy (join the Peace Corps, run off to Africa, and... then what? Devote her life to saving kids from a local disease? Saving an endangered species from exploitation?). You have to think about what happens to her job, her husband (her student loan bills...).

People faced with stress will think about what they're doing, what is happening to them, but the answers they come up with will be answers made through their points of view and experiences. A boy raised in a rich American family will not come to the same conclusions about a problem that an illiterate Chinese farmer comes to; answers that are stupidly obvious to one of them will be utterly unimagined by the other. Hell, a rich European boy will see things differently from a rich American boy.

The decisions they make will shape their growth, and they have to fail a few things --make the wrong decisions and suffer the consequences-- to really make it a dynamic process.

[Coyote]

strangely more or less everything i have written in my fanfic was written while suffering from sleep deprivation and drinking tea...

Hey, there's a reason why writers have a bit of a reputation for things like alcoholism. Sometimes I'd get stinking drunk on something (typically brandy) to break out of a writer's block doldrum. Hemingway wa sfamous for it, and he wasn't the only one, just the one that I could think of off the top of my head.

But other things help, too. Long, long, loooong walks where I mumble aloud dialogue between two characters.... or drowning myself in music... sometimes I immerse myself in a video game like Civilization-IV to let my subconscious mind work on ideas. Brandy for me now is sort of a desperate last resort type thing since I started trying to live more healthy.