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Translation commission?

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To´ji:
Kaltxì ma tsmukan, ma tsmukae,

Boy, I really hope this is the correct section… (if not could some mod please move this to the according section? Irayo :))

As you might see, I have not been active in a loooong time! I more or less stopped trying to learn na'vi years ago as I could (and can) not find the time, to get behind it properly. But, to not disregard this wonderful project and this massively interesting language completely, I picked na'vi as the native tongue of the inhabitants of a fantasy island that we LARP on.
Okay that was said in the most complicated way ever… let's try again: I am a Larper in Germany and we, more or less regularly, participate in Cons on a tropical fantasy Island that belongs to a Pirate-style fantasy setting. As I am one of the people responsible for the world-building on said Island, I created native inhabitants for this Island, so that the players have someone to interact with on those Cons. As my love for Na'vi as a language never really stopped, I made it the main language of this tribes, as their respective background is based on similar assets as the Na'vi we know from the movie (there is a huge tree where they are born, the have a sort of collective mind to which they return when they sleep… its a wierd mixture of Na'vi and the Tree-people from Guild Wars 2).

So far all NPCs only use phrases and words that I remembered from way-back-when but to really give the background of this tribes some flesh, I wanted to create some folklore for them and as their world is strongly connected to a bigger LARP-Event in Germany, a lot of what those tribes (I call them "Friblu") believe in is connected to this event.

To tl;dr this looong story: As I am by far not fluent enough in na'vi to translate texts into it, I was hoping that some of you would be willing to help me translating a few sentences, so that my Friblu can have a few poems or songs to enrich their background.

So, would anyone be interested in helping me out? (and I know how bad it looks that I have not been here in years and as soon as I return immediately have a reguest :( )

The lines that I would need to be translated are:

wind, wind wind,
on the wuthering deep of the sea,
dances a child, a daughter of the wideness
of storm and the tides,
a creature as beautiful as the snow.


Irayo

To'ji

archaic:
Wind is hufwe.

Wllìm:
My first attempt :)

I dropped/changed a lot of words to avoid words that Na'vi doesn't have ("tide", "wideness", ...) :( Perhaps others can keep closer to the original.

hufwe, hufwe, hufwe,
txampaymì atxukx
srew 'eveng alu 'ite
yrrapä payäsì,
lor lu fìswirä herwìna

wind, wind, wind,
in the deep sea
dances a child that is the daughter
of storm and water,
this creature is beautiful like snow

I tried to keep the poetical feeling a bit. However I don't know if I understood the poem correctly (especially the first line, does that have a special meaning?)

Edit: poe -> swirä

To´ji:

--- Quote from: Wllìm on October 16, 2014, 11:54:30 am ---My first attempt :)

I dropped/changed a lot of words to avoid words that Na'vi doesn't have ("tide", "wideness", ...) :( Perhaps others can keep closer to the original.

hufwe, hufwe, hufwe,
txampaymì atxukx
srew 'eveng alu 'ite
yrrapä payäsì,
lor lu fìswirä herwìna

wind, wind, wind,
in the deep sea
dances a child that is the daughter
of storm and water,
this creature is beautiful like snow

I tried to keep the poetical feeling a bit. However I don't know if I understood the poem correctly (especially the first line, does that have a special meaning?)

Edit: poe -> swirä

--- End quote ---

wow that is fantastic!! Irayo!!
The "Wind wind wind" part is repeated throughout the poem, this is only one verse of it :)

Blue Elf:
Another version:

hufwe, hufwe, hufwe,
mì tukxa txampay aketìfnunga'
srew 'evenge alu 'ite
yrrapä sì payä ahoet,
swirä alor pxel herwì

Wind, wind, wind,
in deep and unquiet ocean
dances girl, which is daughter
of the broad storm and water,
creature beautiful as snow

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