My first short story in Na'vi

Started by Fortuna, December 21, 2009, 07:53:55 PM

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Skxawng

I hate to keep harping on this point, but in this forum its real important to correctly notate suffixes, prefixes, and infixes using the hyphens for suffixes and prefixes, and <> symbols for infixes

This helps everyone translate it for themselves faster, and the more knowledgeable correct easier, thanks!


"prrkxentrrkrr is a skill best saved for only the most cunning linguist"

Nume fpi sänume

Tirealì'u, Uniltìranyu, Oel irayo me-tsmukan. Nga ay-äie pxan na'vi.

Spirit Word, Dreamwalker, I thank you brothers. you(r) vision is worthy of the people.

I found them both fun to read, and try to translate as much as i could before i looked at the translations. While im slow reading them out loud, i find that reading pieces like this help me pronounce things much better. I think i correctly also hyphened the prefixes i used, if not just smack me around Z.

Tirealì'u

Quote from: Z on December 22, 2009, 10:37:44 PM
I hate to keep harping on this point, but in this forum its real important to correctly notate suffixes, prefixes, and infixes using the hyphens for suffixes and prefixes, and <> symbols for infixes

This helps everyone translate it for themselves faster, and the more knowledgeable correct easier, thanks!

I went ahead and added this in.

omängum fra'uti

Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 22, 2009, 09:57:44 PM
My turn. I spent like a day or so on it.

Oeri ne zìma'u Na'vi ftu aytawtute. "Oe tsengpe lu?" sìman Oe. Sìmlu txon; Oe ke-tsteu lolu.  
Tìmran mì na'rìng Oe. Oe ne zìma'u awnantang. Oe ke-tsteu lolu.  
'Awpo ta na'rìng zìma'u. Ayfo tsolpang nantang. "keketsteu lu. Na'vi tina'vi hawnu zene." Sìman ayfo.

Translation (words in [] brackets denotes words not in original due to lack of Articles, words in () denotes commentary):

I came to [the] Na'vi from [the] Skypeople. "Where am I?" I said. [It] became night, I was not-brave (afraid?)
I walked in [the] forest. I came to [a] Viperwolf. I was afraid. A person came from [the] forest. They killed [the] Viperwolf
"Be not not-brave (<-Again afraid?). Na'vi must protect Na'vi." they said.

Constructive criticism is requested.

You would probably come across as a foreigner newly speaking a language if you read that out loud to a Na'vi.  On a general note, <ìm> is immediate past, which given this story spans sunset probably isn't exactly what you wanted.  The bad news is, I don't know what the infix would be for generically in the past, so I won't make any further comment on that; you were working with what you have.

oe-ri ne z<ìm>a'u Na'vi ftu ay-tawtute
I had to read that a few times before I realized how it made sense.  Finally I read it as (About me) to Na'vi from sky-people came.  However I'm not sure that is correct.  I think in in reality it would be more like (About me) to Na'vi-from-sky-people came.  Come in this sense is being used as an intransitive verb, so the only un-modified noun (Na'vi) are the ones who are coming.  From sky-people is just describing the Na'vi.  Then somehow that whole sentence relates to the narrator, perhaps the Na'vi were coming to or with them.

"Oe tsengpe lu?" s<ìm>an Oe.
san is actually a noun.  It is "Saying" as in a proverb or quote, for example.  I'd imagine there's nothing wrong with sìmi san-ti oe-l there (I make saying).

S<ìm>lu txon;
I had to toss this one around in my head.  Literally, night became.  But I could easily see that as a Na'vi colloquialism for night fall, reading "became" instead as "came into being" then night came into being just sounds like a poetic way to say it became night.  I might have to keep that in mind as a way to describe it in the future. :)

Oe ne z<ìm>a'u awnantang.
That form feels a little clumsy to me.  I'm not sure ne should even be there, it almost seems like it's just a literal translation.  Perhaps Oe z<ìm>a'<äng>u fpi nantang (I to a viperwolf came-negative-inflection).

'Awpo ta na'rìng zìma'u. Ayfo tsolpang nantang.
Besides a similar comment to the above on the use of ta vs. ftu, you have one person coming, then multiple people killing the viperwolf.  Just simply po instead of ayfo would have sufficed.  For tspang, I'm not 100% sure on this, but I believe influx would go one letter later, tsp<ol>ang, or even take it a step further and show how happy the protagonist is at it, tsp<ol><ei>ang.

ke-ke-tsteu
There is a word for fear, avoids the double-negative.  txopu fear, so nga ke-txopu-hu lu (You not-with-fear be).

Na'vi tina'vi
I think the ti you used there is the case suffix -ti, and that should be Na'vi-l Na'vi-ti.
Ftxey lu nga tokx ftxey lu nga tirea? Lu oe tìkeftxo.
Listen to my Na'vi Lessons podcast!

Uniltìranyu

#24
Quote from: umängam fra'uti on December 22, 2009, 11:29:18 PM
Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 22, 2009, 09:57:44 PM
My turn. I spent like a day or so on it.

Oe-ri ne z<ìm>a'u Na'vi ftu ay-tawtute. "Oe tsengpe lu?" s<ìm>an Oe. S<ìm>lu txon; Oe ke-tsteu lo-lu.  
T<ìm>ran mì na'rìng Oe. Oe ne z<ìm>a'u aw-nantang. Oe ke-tsteu lo-lu.  
'Awpo ta na'rìng z<ìm>a'u. Ayfo ts-ol-pang nantang. "ke-ke-tsteu lu. Na'vi tina'vi hawnu zene." S<ìm>an ayfo.

Translation (words in [] brackets denotes words not in original due to lack of Articles, words in () denotes commentary):

I came to [the] Na'vi from [the] Skypeople. "Where am I?" I said. [It] became night, I was not-brave (afraid?)
I walked in [the] forest. I came to [a] Viperwolf. I was afraid. A person came from [the] forest. They killed [the] Viperwolf
"Be not not-brave (<-Again afraid?). Na'vi must protect Na'vi." they said.

Constructive criticism is requested.

You would probably come across as a foreigner newly speaking a language if you read that out loud to a Na'vi.  On a general note, <ìm> is immediate past, which given this story spans sunset probably isn't exactly what you wanted.  The bad news is, I don't know what the infix would be for generically in the past, so I won't make any further comment on that; you were working with what you have.

1) oe-ri ne z<ìm>a'u Na'vi ftu ay-tawtute
I had to read that a few times before I realized how it made sense.  Finally I read it as (About me) to Na'vi from sky-people came.  However I'm not sure that is correct.  I think in in reality it would be more like (About me) to Na'vi-from-sky-people came.  Come in this sense is being used as an intransitive verb, so the only un-modified noun (Na'vi) are the ones who are coming.  From sky-people is just describing the Na'vi.  Then somehow that whole sentence relates to the narrator, perhaps the Na'vi were coming to or with them.

2) "Oe tsengpe lu?" s<ìm>an Oe.
san is actually a noun.  It is "Saying" as in a proverb or quote, for example.  I'd imagine there's nothing wrong with sìmi san-ti oe-l there (I make saying).

3) S<ìm>lu txon;
I had to toss this one around in my head.  Literally, night became.  But I could easily see that as a Na'vi colloquialism for night fall, reading "became" instead as "came into being" then night came into being just sounds like a poetic way to say it became night.  I might have to keep that in mind as a way to describe it in the future. :)

4) Oe ne z<ìm>a'u awnantang.
That form feels a little clumsy to me.  I'm not sure ne should even be there, it almost seems like it's just a literal translation.  Perhaps Oe z<ìm>a'<äng>u fpi nantang (I to a viperwolf came-negative-inflection).

5) 'Awpo ta na'rìng zìma'u. Ayfo tsolpang nantang.
Besides a similar comment to the above on the use of ta vs. ftu, you have one person coming, then multiple people killing the viperwolf.  Just simply po instead of ayfo would have sufficed.  For tspang, I'm not 100% sure on this, but I believe influx would go one letter later, tsp<ol>ang, or even take it a step further and show how happy the protagonist is at it, tsp<ol><ei>ang.

6) ke-ke-tsteu
There is a word for fear, avoids the double-negative.  txopu fear, so nga ke-txopu-hu lu (You not-with-fear be).

7) Na'vi tina'vi
I think the ti you used there is the case suffix -ti, and that should be Na'vi-l Na'vi-ti.

I guess I should have had more commentary on this... but:
1)I meant as "from Skypeople (Humans) I came to Na'vi", and the modification of tawtute, at least to me, was to make it from Sky-person to Sky-people.
2)I took that word to be the verb "say" not the noun "saying"
3)I meant it literally when I wrote "[it] became night" as in "I walked until it [day] became night and then still walked"; I think the appropriate phrase would be "trr txon S<ìm>lu" ("Day became night")
4)That would have been a good idea, but I didn't know how exactly to do it when I wrote it, and thought that the negative inflection would be there in social/cultural understanding...
5)I meant "they" in the gender neutral second person Pronoun.
6)That word wasn't in my lexicon... hmm... [looks it up]dang. Found it. "Fear" vs "afraid" grrr... so I added it le-txopu (afraid) [adjective form of fear]
7) Okay, you got me there. That is a bit harder phrase than I'll admit I was ready for.
Eywa ayngahu, frapo nìNa'vi paylltxeie...
May Eywa be with you, all Na'vi speakers.

omängum fra'uti

Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 23, 2009, 01:34:55 AM
I guess I should have had more commentary on this... but:
1)I meant as "from Skypeople (Humans) I came to Na'vi", and the modification of tawtute, at least to me, was to make it from Sky-person to Sky-people.
2)I took that word to be the verb "say" not the noun "saying"
3)I meant it literally when I wrote "[it] became night" as in "I walked until it [day] became night and then still walked"; I think the appropriate phrase would be "trr txon S<ìm>lu" ("Day became night")
4)That would have been a good idea, but I didn't know how exactly to do it when I wrote it, and thought that the negative inflection would be there in social/cultural understanding...
5)I meant "they" in the gender neutral second person Pronoun.
6)That word wasn't in my lexicon... hmm... [looks it up]dang. Found it. "Fear" vs "afraid" grrr...
7) Okay, you got me there. That is a bit harder phrase than I'll admit I was ready for.
1. I know what you meant there, but language is about conveying meaning, and I'm trying to help you do that.  I have no problems with ay-tawtute, I'm just pointing out the syntax in that sentence, the Na'vi are the one who za'u is applying to, they are the ones coming, and from sky people is describing the Na'vi.  The narrator of the story is just somehow the topic of the sentence but not directly part of the coming.  If you want I can give a few suggestions how you could re-word that sentence so it conveys more of what you intended.
2. I cat green.  I took cat to be a verb rather than a noun. But, cat isn't a verb so I can't really do that.  Hence leave san alone as a noun, but describe making a quote instead with the verb si.
3. I like it the way you did it.  But for the alternate you're giving, you're missing noun suffixes.  trr-l txon-ti S<ìm>lu - Na'vi doesn't rely on noun position to confer which is doing what, you have to say it.

5. Yes, in english "they" is the third person singular gender neutral pronoun, but it is also (and primarily) the third person plural pronoun.  So when you were thinking "they" as in "he or she", you looked it up in the vocabulary and it told you they was "ayfo" - because it was giving the meaning of ayfo as the third person plural pronoun.  What you want is po.  In fact, ayfo is actually just ay+ (Plural prefix) + po (Third person pronoun) after lentition.
Ftxey lu nga tokx ftxey lu nga tirea? Lu oe tìkeftxo.
Listen to my Na'vi Lessons podcast!

Uniltìranyu

Quote from: umängam fra'uti on December 23, 2009, 02:28:45 AM
Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 23, 2009, 01:34:55 AM
I guess I should have had more commentary on this... but:
1)I meant as "from Skypeople (Humans) I came to Na'vi", and the modification of tawtute, at least to me, was to make it from Sky-person to Sky-people.
2)I took that word to be the verb "say" not the noun "saying"
3)I meant it literally when I wrote "[it] became night" as in "I walked until it [day] became night and then still walked"; I think the appropriate phrase would be "trr txon S<ìm>lu" ("Day became night")
4)That would have been a good idea, but I didn't know how exactly to do it when I wrote it, and thought that the negative inflection would be there in social/cultural understanding...
5)I meant "they" in the gender neutral second person Pronoun.
6)That word wasn't in my lexicon... hmm... [looks it up] dang. Found it. "Fear" vs "afraid" grrr...
7) Okay, you got me there. That is a bit harder phrase than I'll admit I was ready for.
1. I know what you meant there, but language is about conveying meaning, and I'm trying to help you do that.  I have no problems with ay-tawtute, I'm just pointing out the syntax in that sentence, the Na'vi are the one who za'u is applying to, they are the ones coming, and from sky people is describing the Na'vi.  The narrator of the story is just somehow the topic of the sentence but not directly part of the coming.  If you want I can give a few suggestions how you could re-word that sentence so it conveys more of what you intended.
2. I cat green.  I took cat to be a verb rather than a noun. But, cat isn't a verb so I can't really do that.  Hence leave san alone as a noun, but describe making a quote instead with the verb si.
3. I like it the way you did it.  But for the alternate you're giving, you're missing noun suffixes.  trr-l txon-ti S<ìm>lu - Na'vi doesn't rely on noun position to confer which is doing what, you have to say it.

5. Yes, in english "they" is the third person singular gender neutral pronoun, but it is also (and primarily) the third person plural pronoun.  So when you were thinking "they" as in "he or she", you looked it up in the vocabulary and it told you they was "ayfo" - because it was giving the meaning of ayfo as the third person plural pronoun.  What you want is po.  In fact, ayfo is actually just ay+ (Plural prefix) + po (Third person pronoun) after lentition.

I would like to see a couple of examples of how my first sentence would look so it's more clear... (this is why we're here - to puzzle out by common consensus the Na'vi language)
Eywa ayngahu, frapo nìNa'vi paylltxeie...
May Eywa be with you, all Na'vi speakers.

Txur’Itan

Quote from: Fortuna on December 21, 2009, 08:37:18 PM
Irayo ma Tiger!

I figured, this was my chance to be the first person to write a story in Na'vi. Better do it before someone else does >.>

You're probably right, I'll certainly look into it.  Thanks so much for the critique!

I wrote a short story on Monday.  Not all in Na'vi, but it uses many na'vi sentences from a child's perspective.  All assumptive structures.  It will probably be a while before anything canonically sound can ever be written.

Very noble effort, I am impressed.
私は太った男だ。


omängum fra'uti

Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 23, 2009, 10:06:34 AM
I would like to see a couple of examples of how my first sentence would look so it's more clear... (this is why we're here - to puzzle out by common consensus the Na'vi language)

I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct either, but...

Oe ay-tawtute-ta Na'vi-fpi z<ol>a'u.
I sky-people-from Na'vi-to come

I'm still a little uncomfortable with that one as well though, because I'm making assumptions on grammar rules that we just don't know.  I have a feeling that closer to correct would be..

Na'vi-fpi-ri oe ay-tawtute-ta-ru z<ol>a'u.

To Na'vi; I come from sky-people

You could also probably switch -ru and -ri and get a similar meaning..

From sky-people; I come to Na'vi

The reason I think that one is more correct, is in the first, when spoken it would be ambiguous which noun the adposition is tied to.  As I thought about it, I realized that if all the nouns still had to have roles, it would eliminate the ambiguity if the case came after the adposition.  But again, at the moment I could be completely wrong as well, since we don't have all the grammar rules.
Ftxey lu nga tokx ftxey lu nga tirea? Lu oe tìkeftxo.
Listen to my Na'vi Lessons podcast!

Uniltìranyu

Quote from: umängam fra'uti on December 23, 2009, 08:04:52 PM
Quote from: Uniltìranyu on December 23, 2009, 10:06:34 AM
I would like to see a couple of examples of how my first sentence would look so it's more clear... (this is why we're here - to puzzle out by common consensus the Na'vi language)

I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct either, but...

Oe ay-tawtute-ta Na'vi-fpi z<ol>a'u.
I sky-people-from Na'vi-to come

I'm still a little uncomfortable with that one as well though, because I'm making assumptions on grammar rules that we just don't know.  I have a feeling that closer to correct would be..

Na'vi-fpi-ri oe ay-tawtute-ta-ru z<ol>a'u.

To Na'vi; I come from sky-people

You could also probably switch -ru and -ri and get a similar meaning..

From sky-people; I come to Na'vi

The reason I think that one is more correct, is in the first, when spoken it would be ambiguous which noun the adposition is tied to.  As I thought about it, I realized that if all the nouns still had to have roles, it would eliminate the ambiguity if the case came after the adposition.  But again, at the moment I could be completely wrong as well, since we don't have all the grammar rules.

Thanks for that.
Eywa ayngahu, frapo nìNa'vi paylltxeie...
May Eywa be with you, all Na'vi speakers.

omängum fra'uti

Well don't take it as gospel, I'm still pretty sure it's wrong.
Ftxey lu nga tokx ftxey lu nga tirea? Lu oe tìkeftxo.
Listen to my Na'vi Lessons podcast!

Uniltìranyu

Quote from: umängam fra'uti on December 24, 2009, 07:35:49 PM
Well don't take it as gospel, I'm still pretty sure it's wrong.
It's a start, don't get me wrong, but we just don't have any canonical examples for something like this.
Eywa ayngahu, frapo nìNa'vi paylltxeie...
May Eywa be with you, all Na'vi speakers.

Kaltxì Palulukan!

Yaay! Very nice story! And again, as was said earlier, much boldness at so early an attempt! I will read it carefully and learn from it.
2022 update: Working on the new astrology book. "How to read tarot" books are on Amazon, if you are into that sort of thing.
Okay, so the old podcast is here: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/radioavatar It was goofy fun that ended too soon, but we had creative people. I hope we can get a new gang together (interested? PM me, let's make some magic!)
(Very old, outdated) Na'vi FUN activity book is here: But what are you doing? Let me know! :)

Taronyutsyìp

I am looking forward to/hoping that someone will write something that is a couple of pages in Na'vi... We are really suffering for a lack of printed (or digital rather) works to read.  I feel like it would help if we could get some short stories translated into Na'vi for people to read and help with recognition.  Ask the guy who read Eragon in spanish...  ;). Anyone want to help take this on? 
Skype me at dkamahlofkrosa...  I would love to speak Na'vi with you!

Don't tell me I'm just like an angel;
Don't say I've got heavenly grace.
Don't say that I'm just like an angel:
I can't even compare to one's face.
-- Shonya Bayle, The Balladrix of Tin Street

Alyara Arati

Come here. :D  A lot of the stuff on that board is poetry now, but we have some longer stories, some medium sized stories, and some quite short stories, especially near the beginning.  English translations of at least my works are available upon request.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Tirea Aean

Sorry to disappoint you with the news that we don't have any Na'vi page turners... I cba to write one, but as I have said before and as Alyara says, we have that board where all our community made Na'vi literature goes.

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 28, 2011, 11:55:25 PM
Come here. :D  A lot of the stuff on that board is poetry now, but we have some longer stories, some medium sized stories, and some quite short stories, especially near the beginning.  English translations of at least my works are available upon request.
I can provide with pleasure translations of my works too, on request. Just PM me, if interested
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


TimeisIndustry

I may true shooting a video for this narritive for you. ;D should i take a shot?

Tirea Aean


Kamean

Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.