Author Topic: A Na'vi Poem for a Hindu Avatar  (Read 1074 times)

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Offline Alyara Arati

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A Na'vi Poem for a Hindu Avatar
« on: January 15, 2011, 12:03:44 am »
Firstly, I'd like to thank Tìvaum'ia for the inspiration to try this, and Tirea Aean, 'Eylan Ayfalulukanä, and Sireayä mokri for getting me started off on the right foot (meaning that the first line, at least, is all right).
Secondly, I hope that this is not such a total grammatical nightmare (since the rest is all due to my own efforts) as to obscure the meaning of what I worked hard to create.  Any thoughts and corrections are, of course, welcome.


'almiänga oe nemfa ronsem oeyä
tirea oeyä lolu kakrel sì nawnekx
ngenga zama'eiusre
ngenga sre zama'eiu

oe lolu spe'etu teya tìvawm oeyä
tì'awpol oeyä yalmìm oeti tìkeftxor
ngenga zama'eiu vaykrr
ngenga vaykrr zama'eiu

ulte moleiyìn nefä key oeyä ne sawä sanhì
sì txe'lan oeyä ne tampayä tìmawey atxakx
ulte nì'i'a srung soleiyi oeru run fpom
sì tìtstunwi a nawma kameyuyä aean


Alyara Arati
« Last Edit: January 15, 2011, 12:11:17 am by Alyara Arati »
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Ataeghane

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Re: A Na'vi Poem for a Hindu Avatar
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2011, 06:15:09 pm »
First line: isn't better? nemfa indicates movement, right?

Second line: you can't use <awn> words with lu, they must be used only atributivelly.

Third line: you can't use sre with verbs.

Fifth line: teya ta tìvawm oeyä

Sixth: tì'awpol oeyä yalmìm oeti tìkeftxosìn - if I'm not wrong, yìm goes with sìn.

Ninth: ulte moleiyìn nefä keyit oeyä ne tawä sanhì - I don't think we should put nefä and ne tawä sanhì at the same time

Tenth: sì txe'lanit oeyä ne tampayä tìmawey atxukx

Eleventh: ulte nì'i'a srung soleiyi oeru ha rolun fpomit

Twelth: sì tìtstunwit nawma kameyuyä aean

Oer wivìntxu ngal oey keyeyt krr a tse'a sat. Frakrr.

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: A Na'vi Poem for a Hindu Avatar
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2011, 05:20:13 pm »
‘almiänga oe nemfa ronsem oeyä
tirea oeyä näpolekx tìkakrelmì
ngenga zama’eiu srehrr
ngenga srehrr zama’eiu

oe lolu spe’etu teya ta tìvawm oeyä
tì’awpol oeyä yalmìm oeti tìkeftxosìn
ngenga zama’eiu vaykrr
ngenga vaykrr zama’eiu

ulte moleiyìn keyit oeyä ne tawä sanhì
sì txe’lanit oeyä ne tampayä tìmawey atxukx
ulte nì’i’a srung soleiyi oeru ha rolun fpomit
sì tìtstunwit nawma kameyuyä aean


Is this any better?  I tried to get it right without losing the tone, & I don't exactly understand all the corrections (yìm goes with sìn?), but I knew I was way off in many places, so...
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

 

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