Author Topic: Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)  (Read 665 times)

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Offline Neyn'ite Te Tsahìk Txeptsyìp'ite

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Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« on: October 21, 2011, 07:36:01 am »
(this is most likely without a doubt in my mind to have many errors in Na'vi, but if you tell me, PM it so I can fix it and seem to know Na'vi better than I do HRH ;))
-- with help from Blue Elf, I believe most mistakes have been corrected. but if not, PM me of course :]

aysaw lu ngul slä aysa'u lu lor nìtxan poeru.
fwela ayutral na aytepìva zerup pxel herwì
nìkeftxo, feyä aynarit tse'a feyä kelkuti mì aytep
krr a 'evenge a'ewan tsole'a Nawma Sa'nokit, poltxe Eywa san fra'u layu tam sìk
slä tolatep lrrtokit 'evengeyä...
tsakrr poel olomum futa peyä lrrtok tul neto.
peseng tul ne aytepìva peyä soaiä a lu lom poeru,
ulte poel omum futa te'lan soaiä fnu set...


hope you enjoyed. apologies for the mistakes I know are in there, haha. I didn't even use a translator for this so some words could be wrong, not just grammar or sentence structure. remember, PM me the corrected mistakes instead of posting them here, rutxe, ma oeyä aysmukan sì aysmuke.

I have drawn a character, also, for this poem- the little girl, now grown up. I plan to write a short story about her and post up my drawing once we get the scanner working.

« Last Edit: October 23, 2011, 12:36:36 pm by Neyn'ite Te Tsahìk Txeptsyìp'ite »
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oel ayngati kameie, ma aysmukan sì aysmuke, Eywa ayngahu.
oeyä tsmukan, ma Nick, oeru ngaytxoa livu. nìmwey tsurokx. nga yawne lu oer.

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Ayoeng Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2011, 04:21:34 pm »
Well, I've sent PM with corrections to you. What I forgot is title - it should be Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel.
As we are in music section - does it exist music for this or is it just text?
If it is not intended for singing, maybe Pamrel nìNa'vi nì'aw section is better place. Just though - you can ask mod to move it, if you can.
Text is not bad, I think, although seems to be sad enough...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Kamean

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Re: Ayoeng Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2011, 04:35:30 pm »
Pamrel asìltsan. :)
Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Offline Neyn'ite Te Tsahìk Txeptsyìp'ite

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Re: Ayoeng Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2011, 12:31:31 pm »
irayo; if a mod can move it, please do :]

and I am updating corrections now ^^
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oel ayngati kameie, ma aysmukan sì aysmuke, Eywa ayngahu.
oeyä tsmukan, ma Nick, oeru ngaytxoa livu. nìmwey tsurokx. nga yawne lu oer.

Offline hemmond

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Re: Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2011, 06:27:18 pm »
Okay... Seemed to be a poem, so moved to more suitable section. :)
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Offline Sireayä mokri

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Re: Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2011, 10:04:22 am »
I've found couple of minor mistakes, so I'll post them here:

feyä aynaritl tse'a feyä kelkuti a mì aytep
krr a 'evengel a'ewan tsole'a Nawma Sa'nokit, poltxe Eywa san fra'u layu tam zayo sìk

Seysonìltsan :)
When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Ayoengeyä Kelku Afwel. (Our Broken Home)
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2011, 05:26:17 pm »
fwela ayutral na aytepìva zerup pxel herwì

Did you mean to say "broken trees as ashes fall like snow" ?

Or "broken trees as ashes fall like snow"?

It's sad, but it's strong, especially since this is an early effort for you!  I've seen your Na'vi girl and await the story. :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

 

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