Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi

Started by Blue Elf, August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM

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Blue Elf

The last par was a quite difficult to read (really, I must do something with my vocabulary ....), although there was no serious mistake. I'd probably reorder words in some sentences to improve readability.

Some corrections/proposals:
Quotemìkam snepa sangek rìnä a ayyumanìl txalmäftxu, fa aysä'o kezemplltxe
Quoteulte tsnì fì'uru lilvu vä'a fahew atxantur
Not sure if we can stack adjectives like "fahew atxantur sì avä'" - in this case we use "lu": fahew a lu txantur sì vä'
Quotepo noläk netrìp fratsimta.
For me, "fratsim" sounds better to "sim nìwotx" (which confuses me with sim = be near. Well, lenition often leads to hell :D )
QuoteSan aylaru lìyu nrra txan talun pa'li mol'an faysärawn txopuluke sìk
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Those are really excellent suggestions, thank you! :)  And don't worry about your vocabulary; I had to use the dictionary somewhat to write it, because I knew that there were words for what I wanted to say (*cough* more or less), but I couldn't always remember them. ;)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

I just now noticed the new part, great.

Quote*ayyumanìl* leykolatem syuraoti
latem itself is just intransitive
Quote*yuman* a'a'aw 'olìn fwafa kem a(lu?) nìn ayrelit sì ayrenut
fwa is used on place of subject with intransitive verb, but here subject already exist (yuman). So "fa kem" looks correctly (not sure if "a" is enough on place of "alu").
QuoteWhat things?
Payhem? if you really intend plural :)

Seems you get better nì'ul'ul :)

Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

I read new part during pauses in my office and really it was txantsan! It was great to see how you deal with technical terms and missing words.
Of course as always I have some notes a proposals ;D (not saying about typos, these are spice on the dinner ;D)

QuoteSan new oel futa nga ultxa si frapohu tenga krr
QuoteUlte pol vll tìtxulati a ta rìn.
Quotewhile Luke and Norm show you the transfer and healing places.
tengkrr Lukìl sì Normanìl wìntxu ngaru mesengit a fkol sar fte ?käpivanom? ulte zeykivo
I can't see how kanom is related to "transfer", my first idea was to use srìn. But final solution I found is:
tengkrr Lukìl sì Normanìl wìntxu ngaru mesengit a fkol sar fte tirea suteyä fpxiväkìm ayuniltìranyut ulte zeykivo
Quotefahew lolu vä'
QuoteNgian faykxemyo solim fìtxan ulte lolam fkoru fwa fìfahew asyä'ä lolam a ngam si
Quotefa aysä'o azasrawnìn a ta ayzeykoyu *ayyumanä* sì fayu amawnunge a ta Tawsìp
Quotetsun ayoe tìkangkem sivi fa ayrenu ahì'i nìtxan a sleyku tokxoti fko nìpxi sì nìzey
Quoteulte tsun ayoe tspivang ayswirätsyìpit aketsuktse'a a oeyk sleyku aysäspxinit... fa ayyuryu avä' kip ayfya'o alahe sìk
oeyk is noun, not verb. So I propose to use sleyku
QuoteSan ngian srekrr pxoeng hum, sweylu txo ngal tsive'a tsengit a ronsem fpxäkìm ne uniltìrantokx sìk
the same problem with kanom
QuoteFayrel leren nìngay nuä fìkxemyo tup tsengomì alìm nìtengfya tsayrenu sì tsayrel arusikx a oel tsole'a ye'krr nì'ul, kefyak? sìk
QuoteSan *yuman* klltxay *teypllmì* a lu tsaru lew, ulte tsakrr fì'u rikx nemfa... ìì... 'u pxel renga slär a mìn.
QuoteFaysä'o apxa srung si fwa furia ronsemìl lonu tokxit lesngä'i ulte tok uniltìrantokxit, keng txo uniltìrantokx ke sivim sìk.
Quoteuniltìranyut a fpxoläkìm ne kelkutsyìpit
fpxäkìm is vin
QuoteFì'u lolu holpxay nì'ul to numeyu amevomun a srefoley oe
Maybe better: Fì'u lolu holpxay atxan to numeyu amevomun a srefoley oe
Quotesìn rìnä kllpa kelkuä
sìn lerìna kllpa kelkuä / sìn kelkuä kllpa a ta rìn
I'm not sure if genitive bears intended meaning

Your work is just amazing; I'm always surprised for what language of Na'vi can be used...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

#24
I have no idea why I used kanom instead of srìn...  I got one word stuck in my head and confused myself for some reason... ??? :o ???

I changed faykemyu to faykemyo instead of faykxemyo because the plural prefix causes lenition, yes?

Also, I'm pretty sure that I learned ayfì'u as the plural instead of fayu from Kemaweyan back when I was new.

EDIT: and as always, thank you so much for your interest, creativity, and kindness! :D :-* :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

#25
Quote from: Alyara Arati on September 04, 2012, 03:37:59 PM
I changed faykemyu to faykemyo instead of faykxemyo because the plural prefix causes lenition, yes?
Of course you are right. I don't like lenition at all >:(
Quote
Also, I'm pretty sure that I learned ayfì'u as the plural instead of fayu from Kemaweyan back when I was new.
Seems you are right, I even found note about this in our Czech dictionary now, but does it mean that fayu is wrong? Have you any source for this? I found more usages, but no rule...
Quote
EDIT: and as always, thank you so much for your interest, creativity, and kindness! :D :-* :D
I thank you for keeping this place living :)

EDIT: here's the rule: http://forum.learnnavi.org/language-updates/declension-of-nouns-ending-in-diphthongs-fi-and-tsa/
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Wow, thanks for finding that, ma tsmukan!  I'm no good at finding rules that I try to look up, usually. :-X
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

mipa hapxì, txantsan!

as always, some changes and proposal:
QuoteNormanìl sì lapol alu 'aw fu mune yolem tsyokxit yamì
I'd prefer
Normanìl sì 'awa fu munea lapol yolem tsyokxit yamì
or
Normanìl sì 'awa fu munea tutel alahe yolem tsyokxit yamì
Your usage of number doesn't appear correct to me.
QuoteFìalo ayuniltìranyu nìwotx sì txin *yumanä* 'oleyng nìtengfya
txin is adjective "main, primary". What you wanted to use is txampxì, "majority"
QuoteNìmun pxaya keyrelìl wolìntxu tìtslamit
typos...
Quotelì'fyati le'Ìnglìsì
your popular :)
QuoteNgian stum kawtul a kip *ayyuman* ke olomum kea lì'fyavit leNa'vi ki hola lì'u aftue nì'aw, ulte furia natsew fol futa kar foru oel, nolewomum oel nìtxan.
QuoteSan nam'ake frapo nivew smivon nga foru nìltsan nì'ul, ma Liri'el sìk
San nam'ake frapol nivew futa smon nga foru nìltsan nì'ul, ma Liri'el sìk
QuoteKrra... krra ikran tìsraw si, krro krro po slayu lekye'ung fa tìsraw ulte nayew po 'ivaku peyä maktoyut nì'aw.
Ikran can't hurt - but can feel pain.
From Naviteri: Oeri skxir a mì syokx tìsraw sengi. (Wound hurts, not the person which was wounded)
Krra... krra ikranìl 'efu tìsrawit, krro krro po slayu lekye'ung.
QuotePxiset tok oel fìtsengit talun sa'u a kolar oeru Kìreysìl, ulte kop sa'u a tsun oe kivar ayngaru sìk.
IMHO one can learn actions rather than things (Na'vi are very specific often), so I propose to change sa'u to hem

But still good job, you are great writer :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Blue Elf on September 08, 2012, 04:04:45 PM
mipa hapxì, txantsan!

as always, some changes and proposal:
QuoteNormanìl sì lapol alu 'aw fu mune yolem tsyokxit yamì
I'd prefer
Normanìl sì 'awa fu munea lapol yolem tsyokxit yamì
or
Normanìl sì 'awa fu munea tutel alahe yolem tsyokxit yamì
Your usage of number doesn't appear correct to me.  Yes, that sentence made me nervous as well...
QuoteFìalo ayuniltìranyu nìwotx sì txin *yumanä* 'oleyng nìtengfya
txin is adjective "main, primary". What you wanted to use is txampxì, "majority" Of course!  Oops!
QuoteNìmun pxaya keyrelìl wolìntxu tìtslamit
typos...
Quotelì'fyati le'Ìnglìsì
your popular :)  If I didn't mess that up at least once, I'd be afraid that you wouldn't know that I was the writer.
QuoteNgian stum kawtul a kip *ayyuman* ke olomum kea lì'fyavit leNa'vi ki hola lì'u aftue nì'aw, ulte furia natsew fol futa kar foru oel, nolewomum oel nìtxan.
QuoteSan nam'ake frapo nivew smivon nga foru nìltsan nì'ul, ma Liri'el sìk
San nam'ake frapol nivew futa smon nga foru nìltsan nì'ul, ma Liri'el sìk
QuoteKrra... krra ikran tìsraw si, krro krro po slayu lekye'ung fa tìsraw ulte nayew po 'ivaku peyä maktoyut nì'aw.
Ikran can't hurt - but can feel pain.
From Naviteri: Oeri skxir a mì syokx tìsraw sengi. (Wound hurts, not the person which was wounded)  Thanks!  I did not know that rule.
Krra... krra ikranìl 'efu tìsrawit, krro krro po slayu lekye'ung.
QuotePxiset tok oel fìtsengit talun sa'u a kolar oeru Kìreysìl, ulte kop sa'u a tsun oe kivar ayngaru sìk.
This I did on purpose for parallelism; she learns mostly information from Grace, but will teach mostly actions to the avatars.  Instead of using two different specific words, I used one more general one.
IMHO one can learn actions rather than things (Na'vi are very specific often), so I propose to change sa'u to hem

But still good job, you are great writer :)  Again, thank you so much!  You are my best (and only vocal) fan and I value your opinion.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on September 08, 2012, 05:04:06 PM
Again, thank you so much!  You are my best (and only vocal) fan and I value your opinion.
Delighted and hovering in the sky ;D And you are my favorite writer (and the only... as no more writers live here)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Mipa kintrr, mipa hapxì :)
Quotesan nivew oe mivok futa ayoengal txula mipa numtsengit a fpi Na'vi a'ewan.
San tsivun nga sivar Kìreysìä 'awmit atsuk'ärìp a mì ayram makrr ayoengal zeyko fì'ut fteke ya hivifwo sìk
If phrase with adposition modifies noun, "a" is used (what TA says about this). Good explanation.
QuoteSan tstunwi livu fwa kar foru aysänumet fte kivanfpìl tup fwa fpìl tsamteri pxìm fìtxan sìk
Typo...
Quote
fì'uri oel payawm Tsyeykur
Not sure if agentive is needed. Object is not here, but can be unwritten...
Quote
That is why I did not say, 'I wish to go now.'
Furia(tafral?) ke poltxe oe san rangal oe tsnì kivä set sìk
QuotePayey oe vaykrr a ngal fpìl futa oe lu alaksi, ma Liri'el sìk.
No need for "a" (vaykrr is not noun)
Quotefa wotx fu fa fnelo leno nì'aw
I don't like fa here somehow, what about ka?
Quote...ftxey slu leNa'vi nìwotx
I think that "become Na'vi" is verb + noun, not adjective
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Blue Elf on September 12, 2012, 12:47:18 PM
Mipa kintrr, mipa hapxì :)
Quotesan nivew oe mivok futa ayoengal txula mipa numtsengit a fpi Na'vi a'ewan.
San tsivun nga sivar Kìreysìä 'awmit atsuk'ärìp a mì ayram makrr ayoengal zeyko fì'ut fteke ya hivifwo sìk
If phrase with adposition modifies noun, "a" is used (what TA says about this). Good explanation.
Thanks, I've always been a little shaky on that subject. :-[
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on September 12, 2012, 08:48:42 PM
Quote from: Blue Elf on September 12, 2012, 12:47:18 PM
Mipa kintrr, mipa hapxì :)
Quotesan nivew oe mivok futa ayoengal txula mipa numtsengit a fpi Na'vi a'ewan.
San tsivun nga sivar Kìreysìä 'awmit atsuk'ärìp a mì ayram makrr ayoengal zeyko fì'ut fteke ya hivifwo sìk
If phrase with adposition modifies noun, "a" is used (what TA says about this). Good explanation.
Thanks, I've always been a little shaky on that subject. :-[
Me too - that's why this explanation sunu oeru :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Tirea Aean

#33
Quote from: Blue Elf on September 12, 2012, 12:47:18 PM
Mipa kintrr, mipa hapxì :)
Quotesan nivew oe mivok futa ayoengal txula mipa numtsengit a fpi Na'vi a'ewan.
San tsivun nga sivar Kìreysìä 'awmit atsuk'ärìp a mì ayram makrr ayoengal zeyko fì'ut fteke ya hivifwo sìk
If phrase with adposition modifies noun, "a" is used (what TA says about this). Good explanation.

Actually, imo, it can be argued both ways in this case for that first one.

Of course it makes sense as you put it:

"...we build a new {school which is for the benefit of the young Na'vi}"

It also makes sense to say it's modifying the verb(therefore don't use a):

"We {build for the benefit of the young Na'vi} a new school"

Edit: not 100% sure about the above but i know what you say is definitely right according to what I said in that thread.

Blue Elf

New part, great!
What I found to be corrected:
QuoteAysrungsiyuri alu mevotsìnga *lìnketek* sì *metxìk* akinä fwa txampì feyä sìlpoley tsnì fo slivu Omatikaya, ulte li fo fpivìl teri aysäsulìn fu su'o a lilvu lesar olo'ur, oeruti wolou
Wou is vin, and using <eyk> IMHO do not create desired meaning (X cause Y to be amazing ?)
Quotesan tare fì'ul ayrenutsyìpit a txäpeykula tokx, a tsat lolawk oel ye'krr nì'ul.
Stacking two attributive subclauses on one side of the noun is not allowed. Also not sure about blue part. It is subclause connected to ayrenutsyìpit and tokx is object

This is related to small patterns which build the body / from which body builds itself...

But I have no idea what happens to vtr, if both <äp><eyk> are used. My versions:
tare fì'ul ayrenutsyìpit a txula tokxit,...
tare fì'ul ayrenutsyìpit a tsata txäpula tokx,...

QuoteLu ep'ang sì ngäzìk, ulte fìkem krrnayekx nulkrr to kem a fko sivi 'Rrtamì, slä spaw oel futa set lu ayoeru aysä'o lewotx a ayoel kin fte sngivä'i fmivi fìtìkangkemit sìk.
Actions take time, not things :) And fmi is transitive.

Looking forward to next part, things are more and more interesting....
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Thank you so much for the help and encouragement! :D :-* :D
I sort of forgot about not being able to stack dependent clauses.  :-X :-[ :-X
However, I think I'm going to try to keep the <äp><eyk> because it fascinates me. :P ::) :P
So, of course, I must rewrite the sentence, but I was never entirely happy with that one anyway. :-\ :o :-\
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Oh, another part so quickly! Great!
And some thoughts:

QuoteI, however, felt... strange...about the idea of creating empty, soulless, living creatures
Ngian oe 'olefu... hiyìk... teri säfpìl alu fwa ngop meka ayswirä arusey a ke lolu for ayvitra.
Ngian oe 'olefu... nìhek... teri säfpìl alu fkol ngop meka ayswiräti arusey a ke lu for kea vitra.
Fwa look not correct there (ngop is transitive..), fkol seems more correct. At the end of sentence double negative is needed, plural probably is not necessary, IMHO both plural and singular is ok...
Or... maybe:
Ngian oe 'olefu... nìhek... teri fwa/säfpìl a fkol ngop ...
This appears the best to me now.

QuoteSan fìkemìri Tsyeykìl omum tsat srak? sìk
IMHO tsat shouldn't be omitted (at least for me it is confusing a little)

QuoteSan srane, hufwa pol ke tslam tìftiati kifkeyä nìwotx sìk
This sounds, that he do not understand anything at all. I'd use
San srane, hufwa pol tslam tìftiati kifkeyä ke nìwotx sìk - he understands something, but not all. I hope this is possible in Na'vi..

Quoteslä toktor a'ewan a poltxe nìsyen lolu poru tìkan aketeng.
slä 'ewana toktorur a poltxe nìsyen lolu tìkan aketeng.
Again - stacking more adjectives/adjective subclauses from one side is not good. And poru is not necessary - simply move dative as showed.

QuoteSan pxìm lu säspxin apxay a maw tsam.
IMHO a should be here. Maw tsam works as adverb(?), I think (when? after the war)

Quote...txo fìkem livu tsuktung.
...txo fìkem tsunslivu. (..if that is possible). Just proposal.

QuoteSan fu vaykrr oel suteti srätx fa oeyä tìnomum a txewluke sìk.
Correct, but my first idea how to rewrite it was:
San fu vaykrr oel suteti srätx fa oeyä tìnomum aketxewnga'. Just proposal, not sure if negative adjectives can be created this way

Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Ulte mipa hapxì sngä'i :)

Some minor mistakes I found:
Quoteaysäomumìri a stolawm 'awa munsnamikyunìl, ye'rìn wivo pumit fratuteyä a peyä eltur tìtxen soli
QuoteAyuniltìranyu zola'u ulte kolä...
Quote'Olefu keftxo teri tsaw, kezemplltxe, ngian mi nolewomum fo kop
I think "kop" is not needed - it doesn't appear even in English original.
QuoteSan polpxay zìsìtä nga larmu taronyu?
San polpxaya zìsìt nga larmu taronyu? (See http://naviteri.org/2010/09/getting-to-know-you-part-2/)
QuoteLì'fyari leNa'vi, tsun oe kivar ayngaru hola tìrolit afyin a 'atsul ayngeyä plltxetswot sì tslamtswot, txo ayngal nivew fìsänumet sìk.
QuoteHemìl a lolam oeru letrrtrr kìte'e sivi foru pxel kenong
"Kenong" is a verb ;)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Nìfrakrr, irayo seiyi ngaru nìtxan nang, ma oeyä 'eylan!!! :D :-* :D

Ulte spaw oel futa tìkxey sami oe nìnän fìalo, ha tewti!!! :) ;D :)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on September 24, 2012, 07:25:40 AM
Nìfrakrr, irayo seiyi ngaru nìtxan nang, ma oeyä 'eylan!!! :D :-* :D

Ulte spaw oel futa tìkxey sami oe nìnän fìalo, ha tewti!!! :) ;D :)
Srane, tskxekengìl ngop tsulfäti :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)