Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi

Started by Blue Elf, August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Blue Elf

Tse, ayoe zolene pivey, slä nì'i'a lahea hapxì zola'u :)

Some suggestions and correction:
QuoteFìfneltìpängkxo volar tengkrr ayoe yolom
or: Fìfnel tìpängkxoä ...

QuoteKe lolu fì'ur pam asteng a pxel tstxo txampxì Omatikayaä sìk.

QuotePizayul oeyä 'amì'awn fìtsengit mawkrr hama Toruk Maktol 'awstengyamem ayolo'it krrmì peyä sìk.
Ham is previous, what can be interpereted as "last", but syen would be better, I think

QuoteSan kawkrr ke pìmmeng oel ngaru txelet a zola'u ne Eywa'eveng fte nivume
San kawkrr ke pameng oel ngaru txelet a oe zola'u ne Eywa'eveng fte nivume.
Without green oe meaning is a little different: I never said you about matter which came to Pandora to study :) And I changed <ìm> to <am> - it fits better with kawkrr

QuoteSan ke omum oel futa txo oe tsivun srung sivi ngaru a pxel nga sìlpey tsnì tsivun oe... sìk
San ke omum oel futa ftxey oe tsivun srung sivi ngaru nìfya'o a nga sìlpey tsnì tsivun oe... sìk

QuoteSan oel omum futa sì'efu oeyä ke tsun nivän ngeyä lomit, slä 'olefu oe keftxo nìtxan Kelutralteri sìk.
lom is adjective...


Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Tewti!  Mostly just typos, letters inserted by mistake or omitted! ;D  Although I had hoped that my idea for using lom was a good one...  I'll have to think about how to fix that. :-\
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Tse, lahea hapxì a nga hasey soli. Seykxel sì nitram :)

Sìkxeyo a oe tsun tsive'a:
QuoteSan tslam oel futa uniltìrantokx ngeyä stum tamerkup sìk.
San trafral txo zivene nga tivung futa po tsurokx, pìyeyse oe vaykrr tsun nga tivätxaw pxel *yuman*.
QuoteSan nìlun. Oe ultxa sìyi ngahuy fìtseng mawkrr oe hum ftu fìtokx. Aylapo kìyä fmìfa ulte sräpìyìn ye'rìn tnìteng.
Mìftxele sìk po volar nì'ango nìNa'vi, san ngal ftxoley li tsengit a new nga hivahaw srak? sìk
QuoteLolu tseng a tslenga sokx lefngap kllkxoalmem
QuoteSan fmayi oe hivahaw tsengmì a ayngal txìng ayuniltìrantokxit ayngeyä sìk.
Ngian furia mipa aynumeyul aoeyä nolew futa oeru sunu fo ulte futa oel tslam ayfya'oti sneyä keng ke tsolun oe mivll'an sat
I'd move "keng" forward - in front of or after "oel" for easier understanding. Also I'm in doubts if "sneyä" is here correct. It is reflexive pronoun of 3rd person, but sentence starts with 1st person. IMHO peyä would be correct.
QuoteTolok aytsimìl payä tìtxulati sì tsengit a lok ylltxep, ulte ayuniltìranyul yolur sneyä aysä'oti fte 'ivem sivi sì yivom.
Ke lolu oeru eveng, slä set lolu oeru soaia fte kivar.
QuoteSutan nìwotx holum, kolä nemfa tìtxula tseng a tìsrusìn lolen, ulte zola'u wrrpa nìmun ...
QuoteSan rutxe 'awsiteng ayoehu slu nga, ma Liri'el sìk
But what she should became? "Please you became ..??.. together with us". Something is missing.
To get meaning of "join", we can try tare or maybe 'awstengyem, or add something to slu:
Rutxe, ngal tare ayoeti (connect to us)
rutxe, nga slu a'aw a ayoekip (become one of us)
QuoteHa oel nolong Lu'izati, Alisyati, sì lapoti amrrve ne mo aftär pumä ayzeykoyuä
"mrrve" is fifth (ordinal) what doesn't fit here
The blue text I understand as "left room of the room of healers" what is... hìyik. But to be honest, I can't find better words :(
QuoteFol zeykolup payit asang ftu seng akxayl a kxemyomì a'aw, ulte fo kllkxolem äo tsaw
Quotetaweyka mi fngolo' fì'ul payit nì'ul fte slivu laro nìwotx.
Spolaw oel futa fol fpolìl futa hem oeyä lolu to fwa fum ngfeyä lolam oeru, lolu stxong nì'eng.
QuoteNìlun, volar oeru livu fahew a oepxel nìno, mungwrrnì'aw txantur nìnän
Of course, I continued to have smell like me, only less strong.
Not sure about nìno, maybe I'd use:
...volar oeru livu fahew a lu oeru frakrr

There was many typos (I wondered how difficult is to read text with them) - seems your keyboard often does not follow your ideas :)
However I enjoyed reading, one must keep oneself in condition :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

:-[ :-X :-[ Thank you for helping me despite the hardship!  Next time just message me that the text is unreadable and I'll retype it. :-[ :-X :-[

I knew I should never have tried to type after taking my flu medication, but it would appear that I don't listen to myself well.  Also, I shall try to avoid doing this again.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on October 19, 2012, 06:51:41 PM
:-[ :-X :-[ Thank you for helping me despite the hardship!  Next time just message me that the text is unreadable and I'll retype it. :-[ :-X :-[

I knew I should never have tried to type after taking my flu medication, but it would appear that I don't listen to myself well.  Also, I shall try to avoid doing this again.
Not a problem as you provided English translation :) It is very useful.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

ha, mipa hapxìt fkol lolonu, mipa aysäplltxevi a ta oe:
QuoteMawkrr ayuniltìranyu, a mì feyä laroa pen ahewne, karmä ne *hängrr* a fol leykalmatem fte kìte'e sivi sìkinur feyä, lolu oe nì'awtu krro
Quote...fte ftivang fpivìl, ftrivang rivikx, ulte nì'aw livu mì meoauniaea
QuoteTsawke zolup nemfa uk na'rìngä ulte atan slolu meyp sì ean, pxel fya'o a lolam ayu a äo pay.
QuoteHoleyn oe sìn zeswa, ha po nìtengfya kem soli
I'd try: .... ha po kem ateng soli
QuoteSan set krra ke tok kawtul <-> fìtsengit a tslam nì'Ìnglìsì nì'aw sìk Norman solung, san ftue sì prrte' nì'ul lìyu fwa pängkxo 'fya ngeyä, kefyak? sìk.
Word order is not good - subclause is connected to kawtul, not fìtsengit:
San set krra ke tok fìtsengit kawtul a tslam nì'Ìnglìsì nì'aw...
QuoteSan ulte San'nokìri Wotxä kxawm ke latsu oe karyu apxan
Quotehufwa ke lu oeru kea am'a fwa nga livu sìltsana karyu apxan
QuoteSan tse, kxawm krra ngal tok fìtsengit li, tsivun nga piveng oeru teri Nawma Sa'nok 'Rrtayä ulte fya'o a mefo lu keteng sìk

Very nice work :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Nice that show story goes on!
Aysäfpìl oeyä:
QuoteKe tsun ayoe 'awstengyivem aysäfpìlit ayoeyä Eywahu fu hu lahea sute fìtsap
After hu some noun is needed; fìtsap is adverb
QuoteLolam fwa ke 'olefu po keftxo ki ngeyn alunta
Alunta is conjunction but here is nothing to connect. Probably ta fìlun would work, or use topical:
Lolam fwa fìlunìri ke 'olefu po keftxo ki ngeyn
Quote... slä kop tsun fko tsive'a sì 'ivefu Peyä tìfkeytokit. Tsun fko kivulat tìpuslltxet a mìkam ayngrr ayutralä, ulte tafral tsun fko tslivam tsasätaret azey
transitive verbs...
QuoteNorman fpolìl teri fya'o a leykam tìftiat kifkeyä Sawtuteyä fyin nìtam...
QuoteUlte nìsteng oe 'en sivi fwa skxakep Eywa tsivun fpive' upxaret ìlä pay nìtengfya
Two subjects in sentence. Topical is good here:
Ulte furia skxakep Eywa tsivun fpive' upxaret ìlä pay nìtengfya 'en sivi oe nìsteng.

Furia nga var pamrel sivi oe seiyi irayo, ma Alyara!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Blue Elf on November 23, 2012, 04:09:59 PM
Nice that show story goes on!
Aysäfpìl oeyä:
QuoteKe tsun ayoe 'awstengyivem aysäfpìlit ayoeyä Eywahu fu hu lahea sute fìtsap
After hu some noun is needed; fìtsap is adverb - I wasn't sure how to phrase that; thanks!
QuoteLolam fwa ke 'olefu po keftxo ki ngeyn alunta
- I was trying to see if I could use alunta as "due to" the way that you now can with talun, but...
Alunta is conjunction but here is nothing to connect. Probably ta fìlun would work, or use topical:
Lolam fwa fìlunìri ke 'olefu po keftxo ki ngeyn
Quote... slä kop tsun fko tsive'a sì 'ivefu Peyä tìfkeytokit. Tsun fko kivulat tìpuslltxet a mìkam ayngrr ayutralä, ulte tafral tsun fko tslivam tsasätaret azey
transitive verbs... - oops, just oops on that one, although the next one I left off because of a typo
QuoteNorman fpolìl teri fya'o a leykam tìftiat kifkeyä Sawtuteyä fyin nìtam...
QuoteUlte nìsteng oe 'en sivi fwa skxakep Eywa tsivun fpive' upxaret ìlä pay nìtengfya
Two subjects in sentence. Topical is good here:
Ulte furia skxakep Eywa tsivun fpive' upxaret ìlä pay nìtengfya 'en sivi oe nìsteng. - nicely done!

Furia nga var pamrel sivi oe seiyi irayo, ma Alyara!
Nìfrakrr, oe irayo seiyi ngaru! :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

#48
Tse, nì'i'a lu oeru krr letam fte tivìng nari :)
QuoteApxa mehapxì kxemyoä rolikx neto snoftu fte tsivun fpxiväkìm sute sì hunsìp; pam lolu wok nìtxan, slä fì'u ke tsrolanten taluna ke tsolun tìtxen sivi ayuniltìranyu.
QuoteOeru lolu yayayr nìnän, ulte hufwa mi lolu ngäzìk oeru fwa kanfpìl keymì a sroler eo oe, tslolam oel keyrelit sngumä
This construction looks not good for me, it looks too English, but can't find better solution (not sure if dative helps here)
QuoteSan 'ìyefu nga kesran srak? sìk polawm Norman.  San tìyam nga txo oel hivum ngaftu txìng ngat srak? sìk.
Kesran is not about being ok, but about feeling not good and not bad at the same time. What about frawzo?
QuoteWura hufwetsyìp rolikx mo apxa a set lolu wawnìntxu nìwotx fa pxaya atanvi atxanatan.
<awn> changes verb into adjective, which can be used only as attribute of the noun; can't be used with lu/slu.
Wura hufwetsyìp rolikx ka mo apxa a set fko wìntxu nìwotx fa pxaya atanvi atxanatan.
Also I think you use <ol> too often, IMHO many occurrences can be omitted. Your story is very thrilling, and I'm curious how it will continue. Even if new parts come slowly, I await them with pleasure. :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

QuoteOeru lolu yayayr nìnän, ulte hufwa mi lolu ngäzìk oeru fwa kanfpìl, tslolam oel keyrelit sngumä krra sroler key a eo oe.
Any better?  Less Englishy? :-\

Wow, I had such big problems with the "kesran" sentence.  I didn't want to say "frawzo?" because "fra'u" clearly "ke zo", but I have an idea about how to redo it. ;)
Quotefrawzo srak?  Kehe, nìlun fra'u ke zo, ngian ngari 'it zìyo srak?

And yes, I know I use <ol> ALL the time, which is repetitive to the point of being obnoxious, but I'm never sure where I could leave it out... ???

I'm thrilled by your praise!  I was afraid that too little action was going on and too much character development.  But I just love dialogue so much! :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 07, 2012, 08:07:07 PM
QuoteOeru lolu yayayr nìnän, ulte hufwa mi lolu ngäzìk oeru fwa kanfpìl, tslolam oel keyrelit sngumä krra sroler key a eo oe.
Any better?  Less Englishy? :-\
This looks ok.
Quote
Wow, I had such big problems with the "kesran" sentence.  I didn't want to say "frawzo?" because "fra'u" clearly "ke zo", but I have an idea about how to redo it. ;)
Quotefrawzo srak?  Kehe, nìlun fra'u ke zo, ngian ngari 'it zìyo srak?
Tsun tivam :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Tse, tìng nari mipa hapxìru ko!

QuoteAyuniltìranyu wotx sì wum mefan *yumanä* stäpolarsìm trr'ongmaw; 'en soli oe fwa txampxì aylapoä 'olìn fa txintìn.
QuoteSan fte sngivä'i fìtrr, oel kin tuteot pxel tìkenong sìk.
Kenong is a verb
QuoteAlisya a solo'ha furia wìntxu hemit a tsivun sivi, tolìran ne tseng eo pongu.
So'ha is vtr.
QuoteSan ke alìm nìtxan, ulte ke win kaw'it, slä srane, soktor oeru peng san tskxekeng sìltsan lu fpi ngeyä tokx set sìk.
QuoteOeng ftìyang txo oeng sngivä'i tìsraw sivi sìk
Proposal: Oeng ftìyang txo oeng sngivä'i 'ivefu sraw sìk.
Quote'Olefu oe nitram taluna ke fmoli po leykivam oeti a pxel meypa eyktan, slä kop oeti srolätx tsal nì'it
QuoteFì'ul heykolangham *sekxit*
HRH, really, here I had to see translation to discover what is spoken about :)
QuoteSan spaw oel aylì'ut ayzeykoyuä ayngeyä: nì'awve (ngal) kxut rä'ä sleyku (leyken?, ngop?) sìk.
QuoteYe'rìn pxevomuna venu alu lukpen sì ean sroler
What about: Ye'rìn pxevomuna eana venu alukpen sroler ?
QuoteKe lolu hì'ia venzek amrrve mì mevenu, ulte ayhapxì a 'oli'a lahea pum a'a'aw lolu 'om.
I'd prefer one of these:
Ke lolu hì'ia venzek amrrve mevenur, ulte ayhapxì a 'oli'a lahea pum a'a'aw lolu 'om.
Ke tok hì'ia venzekìl amrrve mevenut, ulte ayhapxì a 'oli'a lahea pum a'a'aw lolu 'om.

Quotemawkrr tolel oel ayskxir afe' fìtxan, oeyä txe'lan ftolang fpive' reypayit nìtam ne ayzekwä sì ayvenzek
mawkrr fko oeru skxir si nìfe' (nìhawng ?) fìtxan, ....

QuoteMevenzek tolerkup, hufwa soktor tsolun zivong ayzekwät oeyä ulte nivän kxuti mevenuä oeyä
QuoteSan skxakep nìltsan nìsteng a tsolun oe a mehawnven a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi, tì'efumì oeyä sìk
Hmm, I'd try it different way. What about (correctness not guaranteed):
skxakep nìltsan nìftxan na nìfya'o asteng a tsafa tsolun oe tsakem sivi fa mehawnven a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi, tì'efumì oeyä
Quotetsakrr pìyey ulte pìyähem nìyey tsatsengftu

Well, some sentences are quite complex, so it is harder to translate them. But it is challenge!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Every time I'm unsure about something, you focus in on it immediately and show me the right way.  As always, thank you!

QuoteKenong is a verb
I know this, and messed up anyway.

QuoteProposal: Oeng ftìyang txo oeng sngivä'i 'ivefu sraw sìk.
Ohhh, because "you" don't hurt, "your knee" hurts, but not your whole self (hopefully.)

QuoteHRH, really, here I had to see translation to discover what is spoken about
This should now be fixed.  I changed it to link techs and medics.

Quotemawkrr fko oeru skxir si nìfe' (nìhawng ?) fìtxan, ....
Here, I really wanted to stress that he was shot multiple times.

QuoteHmm, I'd try it different way. What about (correctness not guaranteed):
skxakep nìltsan nìftxan na nìfya'o asteng a tsafa tsolun oe tsakem sivi fa mehawnven a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi, tì'efumì oeyä
Hmm, I will also give it some (more) thought...
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Alyara Arati

How's this?
San skxakep kea hawnven livu sìltsan to pum a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi.  Ke tsivunslu fe' nì'ul nìtxan, tì'efumì oeyä; fìmunsna lu um nìhawng sìk.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 14, 2012, 06:18:51 PM
How's this?
San skxakep kea hawnven livu sìltsan to pum a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi.  Ke tsivunslu fe' nì'ul nìtxan, tì'efumì oeyä; fìmunsna lu um nìhawng sìk.
Just small changes:
San skxakep kea mehawnven livu sìltsan to pum a ke ha' oeyä tìkinur nìpxi.  Ke tsivun livu fe' nì'ul nìtxan, tì'efumì oeyä; fìmunsna lu um nìhawng sìk.

tsunslu + adjective gives no meaning to me:
Tsakem tsunslu -> That is possible
Tsakem tsunslu fe' -> That is possible bad ???
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Does kea mehawnven sound strange to you.  Maybe kea munsna... ?

And yes, I was going for an unspoken "fì'u" before tsunslu, but maybe I need to be more specific.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 15, 2012, 03:01:03 PM
Does kea mehawnven sound strange to you.  Maybe kea munsna... ?
Well, it seems really better
Quote
And yes, I was going for an unspoken "fì'u" before tsunslu, but maybe I need to be more specific.
Unspoken subject is not a problem, what is strange for me is tsunslu + adjective (even in English)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Alyara Arati

QuoteFì'ul wolìntxu oeru fya'ot a Sawtute tskxekeng salmi fte livok ulte emziva'u frafnelit ekxanä.  Nìtengfya, krra po hasey soli hapxì a'awve tìtusulä peyä, tsolun oe ivinan ta peyä keyrel futa Alisyal oeti ftolia.

New question: should this be ta or fa?
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

QuoteNìtengfya, krra po hasey soli hapxìru a'awve tìtusulä peyä, tsolun oe ivinan ta peyä keyrel futa Alisyal oeti ftolia.
"Hasey si" is intransitive, so dative is missing. Regarding adpositions, I vote for "ta" - it is locative from, so you read from some place. "Fa" sounds like "... I could read with help of their facial expressions", what is strange.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)