Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi

Started by Blue Elf, August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM

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Alyara Arati

Thanks :D.  Fixed. ;D  I hope that's the biggest mistake in my new section, but somehow I doubt it! :P
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 18, 2012, 01:51:06 AM
Thanks :D.  Fixed. ;D  I hope that's the biggest mistake in my new section, but somehow I doubt it! :P
Leave hat on head :) you are very good. I have some comments, but I didn't have enough time to read carefully, I put them together probably tomorrow.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

So, here are a few comments for the new part:
QuoteNìngay Alisya oeru rolo'a.
Quoteye'rìn tolok pol tsenget a eo Norman sì oe
I'm not sure if "tok" without specifying place gives sense. (tok = "be at <space needed>", but also "occupy a space", what fits. Houston, we have a problem  :P)
QuoteAlisya ngola' loranit atxan ulte tsyolìl nìltsan
What about:
Alisya rolikx nìfya'o a loran nìtxan ulte tsyolìl nìltsan => Alisya moved gracefully/ in elegant way and climbed well ? Adverb works here well.
Quote... ulte fya'ori a sar tsat ke lolu poru kea säfpìl po
Without "poru" it looks somehow incomplete to me...
Quoteke 'olefu oel yewlati
ke lolu oeru kea yewla. See Naviteri, what Paul says about "yewla" usage
QuoteNormanìri nìtsuktslam mi po fparmìl teri peyä mevenu aketeng nìmip, tengkrr oel poti nolìn nìyol
Interesting usage of nì-, but correct AFAIK. "his newly different feet" sounds to me a little strange, will try to think about it more. I'd probably prefer just adjective (new different feet).
Quotefayekxanìl rolawn nì'aw na'rìngit angay.
This usage is probably correct, but according Naviteri syntax is "(oel) rawn x-ti fa Y" (I replace X by Y). However here "X replaces Y" and Paul didn't provide such example, AFAIK
Quotesnumìna
QuoteAlisya sngolä'i 'uor a pxel tìsrusew tsamsiyuä.
sngä'i in intransitive, so object must be in dative, but even this seems not very correct. Some rephrasing would be better?
Quote... nivew oe futa menga oeru srung sivi fte iveyk
with new, next verb always takes subjunctive (not only in modal usage, mentioned somewhere in Canon)

Most of comments are proposal rather than mistake catches, so nga tsun 'ivefu ye ;)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Section is fixed and rephrased. 8)  I wasn't sure about what you meant when you said an adverb would work well here (isn't loran a noun?), but you were completely right about yewla; that was just sloppy memory on my part, and being too sure and too lazy to look it up. :-[
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on December 19, 2012, 12:48:41 PM
Section is fixed and rephrased. 8)  I wasn't sure about what you meant when you said an adverb would work well here (isn't loran a noun?)
It is - but what I was trying to say is
Alicia was extremely graceful and climbed well - well is adverb, so it is not bad idea to use adverb also in first part of sentence. *Leloran would solve the problem, but we do not have it...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

well, new part arrived, but I got enough time to read it carefully just today. Christmas aren't so quiet days as expected :)

Quote
Hapxìtsyìp apxeyve...
typo
QuoteNorman ke lolu alaksi nìno ke li...
Nìwotx seems better to me here (Norman wasn't completely ready yet ...)
Quote...stum zoplo lolam Normanur sì oeru
This does not appear as correct: "...almost insult appeared to me and Norman". As some constructions use lu+ dative (lu oeru yewla = I'm disappointed, Lu oeru sngum a... = I'm afraid that... etc.), I'd expect it here too:
...stum lolu oeru sì Normanur zoplo. (... Norman and I were almost insulted) Not approved, but IMHO could be.
QuoteKxetse peyä räpolikx ne'im nìyey fte zivong pot ulte volar rivikx nì'it ne skien sì ne ftär tengkrr po tolul
Rikx is intransitive, so using <äp> is discutable, I'd remove it (AFAIK it can be put just into intransitive si-verbs). What is difference between Po rikx and po räpikx?
skien and ftär are adjectives, so using adposition with them is not good. My advice:
1/ rikx ftu 'awa pa'o ne pa'o amuve
2/ rikx nìftär sì nìskien (this is my favorite, I like it :))
QuoteFuria livu yayayr poru ulte ftivang po, lolu oeru sngum, ki tup po holangham ulte tolul nìwin nì'ul
Ki is used with negation in first sentence, otherwise we use just tup
QuoteLolu Alisya tute a tìftang säpoli fte rivun pe'u lolu 'ipu
Here <äp> gives good sense. Run is transitive, so patientive would be used. But because it is not real question, I'd trim pe-
... fte rivun 'ut a lolu 'ipu.
Quote"Hell yeah!" zolawng txampxì numeyu a pxel ngam.
"pxel ngam" is not connected to "numeyu", but to the verb (works like adverb), so "a" is not needed
QuoteKrra pxoe 'awstengyäpolem hu aylapo nìmun
IMHO 'awstengyem can't be used on its own without subject - it gives no meaning.
Oel 'awstengyem mevulit -> I bind two branches together
Oe 'awstengyäpem ngahu -> I bind myself with you (tsaheylu? ;D)
Oe 'awstengyem -> which things?
Quotefayluta pey ayzìsìto livu ngäzìk, heyrelìl *ayyumanä* poltxe luke aylì'u
this should be ok, but it look strange - literally "human faces said without words those words: ..."
Better is move blue part at the end with sa/sìk (and remove agentive)
QuoteMa Alisya, rutxe nga tsivun zivup nìkxuke srak? sìk.
Without tsun it is not question
QuoteLolam pxel tokx peyä tsìk slolu txäremluke tengkrr tuté täpungzup ne zeswa
Lolam fkoru fwa tokx peyä....
I'm in doubts with tungzup, IMHO it has meaning like "throw away". Zup would be enough. My attempt:
Lolam fkoru fwa tokxit peyä tsìk täremìl (or snatxäremìl) txìng ulte poe zolup (or kllkolä? kllpolä?) ne zeswa
QuoteFuria tuteru a'a'aw lolu ayam'a, lolam ngian
Again - lam fwa.... Or:
Tutel a'a'aw nìn tsat hu ayam'a
QuoteTafral tsakem soli ayuniltìrayu tsarewon
typo
Quoteoel kolar mawlur alahe aylì'ut sì aylì'fyavit afyin a fol sivar pxìm

A lot of comments today - good training for me :) and of course good reading
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Sometimes I know I'm experimenting with how much I can say and still be gramatical, like with räpolikx, I wanted to really emphasize that his tail was moving on its own with no interference from his brain.  Therefore I am not surprised when a few of them, or more, are not successful.  I had several left-things-out typos this time, too.  But nìskien sì nìftär is briliant. :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Mipa hapxì a nga' wayit - txantsan! Ha, plltxe teri pamrel:

Quotesì tslenga tskxe tseng a uvan soli fo päsketpolur
what means two nouns together? Wouldn't it be tslenga tseng letskxe a uvan soli päsketpolur or just remove tseng? IIRC in movie they played basketball on the sand surface, but this word is not in our dictionary.... Can we try yo a fkan fkoru na hì'ia tskxetsyìp?
QuoteAyuniltìranyul narmume nìwin, ha sìlpoley oe tsnì kawtul ke tivel tìsrawit afe' to skxirtsyìp krra oel tivul tivung futa fo zup ftu ayfäpa ayekxanä atìm sì keng kxawm pupm akxayl
What is interesting question: how to use "more than" in this case. We can compare some property using adjective:
Oe lu koak to nga
However here:
QuoteKawtul ke tivel tìsrawit afe' to skxirtsyìp
adjective is connected to tìsraw only..... (using -a-). I haven't seen different example (using different verb than lu), so...... good idea to ask more experienced.
QuoteNolew oe kivanfpìl fìkemur sì nìtengfya *ayyumanur* a kivar oel
Although direct object is in different clause, subject still needs agentive case.
QuoteTsolunslu talun nì'aw mawl *ayyumanä* a tolok fìtsenget fìrewonmì tivätxaw, ulte mawl alahe livu mip
IMHO tok without specifying place gives no sense....
QuoteTaluna 'awvea trr tskxekengä lolu fìtrr, tolung oel futa eana ayu ahewne 'ì'awn ro hllpa ayekxanä atsawl frato.
many typos ;)
Quoteulte sleykivu eyawr keyeyit fu ayngäzìkit lì'upamä.
both objects would use the same number
QuoteKop, taluna zolerok oel pänuti oeyä foru oel kolar tìrolit afyin fte tivìng nì'eng hu feyä alertu
it's unclear where is foru connected to, I prefer move it behind "kolar"
lertu is noun
Wouldn't tìng nì'eng be za'u nì'eng? I haven't seen tìng nì'eng used anywhere....
Quotetengkrr zekwä tolok meseyrika oeyä
again tok without specifying place. My attempt:
...tengkrr yem zekwät meseyrika oeyä
Quote'Awvea alo rolol oe nìNa'vi nìwotx
nìNa'vi nì'aw ?
Quotevaykrr fo tsolun rivol tsat oehu, nìltsan nìkesran, nìNa'vi.
QuoteNa'rìngìl nìwotx omum (tsat)
Quoteshe hunts
I would expect palulukan to be male, but correctly in English "it" would be used (I think). Ignore this line, it is female cat :)

and what does mean 1 sì 2 marks in the song? It is rhythm marking?
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Srane!  Many typos. All through this section.  I always think that I'll catch them, but... :-[

I thought they were playing basketball on concrete.  A ball wouldn't bounce very well on sand, would it? ???

Yes, 1 sì 2 is a rhythm marking.  A special (confusing) addition for my Na'vi reader(s). ;)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Vawmataw

Try to check mistakes after you have posted your text.  ;)
Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on January 04, 2013, 02:47:52 PM
Srane!  Many typos. All through this section.  I always think that I'll catch them, but... :-[

I thought they were playing basketball on concrete.  A ball wouldn't bounce very well on sand, would it? ???
Yeah, I just checked in the video, and it is concrete or maybe asphalt. Maybe we can say tskxe angawnop - created/artificial rock
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 04, 2013, 03:00:01 PM
Try to check mistakes after you have posted your text.  ;)

I do.  And I caught maybe 6 or 7.  I am not usually a horrible typist, but this story seems to bring out the worst in my fingers. :-X
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Vawmataw

Quote from: Alyara Arati on January 04, 2013, 03:18:48 PM
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 04, 2013, 03:00:01 PM
Try to check mistakes after you have posted your text.  ;)

I do.  And I caught maybe 6 or 7.  I am not usually a horrible typist, but this story seems to bring out the worst in my fingers. :-X
It's good.
Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Alyara Arati

Thanks! :D  This most recent section was proofread by my cat, who got into my lap as I was typing, so I expect it to have only about twice my normal number of typos. :P

(Typing around a cat is challenging.) ;)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

How clever cat! ;D My mother's tomcat is not trying to study nor write anything.....
Okay, I'll look at new part, but not sure whether today.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

So.... where your cat made mistakes:  ;D ;D
QuoteSlä 'en seykoli oel ayuniltìranyuru aylì'uot...
QuoteSan palulukanìl tspang fraioangit sì frapot, ulte eveng ayoeyä zene ivomum txoput sì leioaeti tirearu fìswiräyä
To me such usage doesn't appear  to be correct, "omum" does not take indirect object (<eyk> causes such usage). I'd solve the problem by adposition (but expression of "for" is difficult in Na'vi):
... zene ivomum txoput sì leioaeti fpi sirea fìswiräyä
QuoteNgian, taronyu frakrr fmi rivikx fa tìfnu a pxel ukä mevenu
my proposals:
Ngian, taronyu frakrr fmi rivikx nìfnu pxel ukä mevenu -> However hunter tries to move quietly as foots of shadow.
Ngian, taronyu frakrr fmi rivikx nìfnu hìmtxewvay, pxel ukä mevenu -> However hunter tries to move as quietly as possible, as foots of shadow.
QuoteFìkemit nayume ayngal nìtengfya krra lu aynga alaksi sìk
This says: You'll learn this action same way as when you are ready.
But English version says (as I understand it): You'll learn this action too, at the time when you are ready (<aly> infix). So we should use:
Krra aynga layu alaksi, nalyume fìkemit nìteng.
QuoteTrray aynga tsivun yivemstokx ayhawnvenit nìmun...
Tomorrow you may wear your shoes again...
QuoteTsatxon pay a zarmup som nìngay lolu, ulte mo a yur lolu teya fa yapay.  San oìss sìk poltxe oe taweyk furia fìpayìl oeti 'ivem, oe 'olefu am'ake swawo.
That night the water that fell was truly hot, and the room was full of mist.  "Oìss," I said because for a moment I was sure that I would be cooked.
Here I couldn't understand what is spoken about :). "pay a zolup" appeared to me as rain, but later I found you mean bathroom 8)
I'd prefer "pay a zarmup" -> water which was falling in the past. It shows some activity which was in progress for some time, what cleaning for sure was. (and too much <ol>s is a little boring...)
Quotetxampxì suteyä zalmup nìku'up nìhawng tìmsìn(?) sneyä
QuoteSlä pole'un oel futa (oel) wivìntxu vefyat fa mevenu Normanä natkenong pxel tìkenong
why subjunctive?
QuoteSan ke hìmtxan nìhawng, kefyak?
Not too much, right?
We need adverb(?): ke nìtxan nìhawng

tsun tivam, palulukan ngeyä fkan oeru kanu  ;D
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Nìfrakrr, oe (sì palukantsyìp alu Paikea) irayo seiyi ngaru, ma Blue Elf. :D

Nolew oe sivar pamit alu Ayìss taluna Liri'el ke sti, nì'aw poru ke sunu... halfway between 'ä' and "ouch".  Lu ngaru sìmok srak?

Kop, subjunctive taluna nolew oe pivlltxe san I would show... sìk.  Ke lu eyawr srak?
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on January 11, 2013, 05:16:36 PM
Nìfrakrr, oe (sì palukantsyìp alu Paikea) irayo seiyi ngaru, ma Blue Elf. :D

Nolew oe sivar pamit alu Ayìss taluna Liri'el ke sti, nì'aw poru ke sunu... halfway between 'ä' and "ouch".  Lu ngaru sìmok srak?
"wiya" is probably too strong too, but "ayìss" is too similar to "oìsss". I'm afraid there is no good solution now, some new interjection for this purpose would be good...

Quote
Kop, subjunctive taluna nolew oe pivlltxe san I would show... sìk.  Ke lu eyawr srak?
Tam tsakrr.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

I think that this might work.  I'll redo my sentence to reflect the change. :)
Quoteau [a.ˈu] intj. Exclamation of consternation
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Wou, mipa hapxì zola'u! I noticed just now....
QuoteSan ma Norman, furia kxawm pängkxo oehu sreton'ong nìwotx krrnekx nìhawn, vìmìngkap oeti ulte katsin ngal fìkrr fte tìkangkem sivi eyktansko.  Fì'u tsranten, nìteng, slä Eywa maweypey sìk
According Naviteri, we use "fula ...... vingkap oeti" -> It occured to me that .....:
San ma Norman, fula kxawm pängkxo oehu sreton'ong nìwotx krrnekx nìhawn, vìmingkap oeti ulte katsin ngal fìkrrit fte tìkangkem sivi eyktansko.  Fì'u tsranten, nìteng, slä Eywa maweypey sìk
Quoteulte pxiset frakem salew nìltsan nìtam, ha ke 'ìn oe sìk.
QuoteSan new oe fivrrfen Vartänit srekrra tsawke kllkä.  Ngari tam srak? sìk
srekrr is adverb, srekrra is connector (surprisingly, it is not in dictionary. Must ask Tanri how it was included in Cz dictionary. Maybe "sre fwa" can be better until I find it out?)
QuotePol 'olärìp re'oti sneyä nefä sì nekll. Tsakem lolu fya'o *leyuman* fte pivlltxe san srane sìk, a smarmon oeru nì'ul'ul.
Just proposal; full sentence seems too complex to translate it directly. Maybe simpler version can be better?
Fìfya *ayyuman plltxe san srane/mllte sìk....
QuoteOlomum oel futa Normanur lolu sngum a latsopx oe nìmun, slä lu tìketeng a mìkam fwa tok mìfati a pxel mo a yäpur, ulte fwa tok säsyepit.
QuoteTxankrro, Sawtute zama'u nì'awve a krr, fìsäomum lalmängu tsim
Txankrr already means "for a long time", no need for -o. And I'd add comma to make sure that txankrr is not part of subclause. As for blue infix - IMO can be omitted as here is context which gives us timeline.
Quotefì'u ke lu fmetok
QuoteSan srane.  Ke tsarmun oe 'ivefu tìyawnit a fya'ofa a narmew oe, nìsteng fwa na ngaru lu yawne Nawma Sa'nok ayngeyä sìk
QuoteSan ha... sìk oe win soli poru nì'it sì nìtstunwi.
What you wrote is... "So...." I made him fast a little and kindly. ??? I'd try:
... oe hasey solu aylì'ur peyä -> I finished his words (or... I put him words into mouth ??). Or am I missing something?
QuoteTirea lu teng, ulte ayoengal 'efu sìketengit taluna ayoengal nìwotx nìn fa nari aketeng
keteng is adjective...

Text is quite difficult, but mostly understandable, good! I just use less infixes (= do not repeat them, if time context is established once, there's no need to use the same infix again). IMO best is to use as less infixes as possible.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)