Author Topic: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi  (Read 5562 times)

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Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #80 on: January 21, 2013, 04:22:29 pm »
Quote
Text is quite difficult, but mostly understandable, good!

Too difficult to understand well?  I guess I could rewrite it, but I'm not sure what I would do differently...
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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #81 on: January 22, 2013, 01:22:58 am »
Quote
Text is quite difficult, but mostly understandable, good!

Too difficult to understand well?  I guess I could rewrite it, but I'm not sure what I would do differently...
I used wrong words. English original is not easy to translate into Na'vi (although you probably translated Na'vi original into English :)), Na'vi text is not hard to understand.
There is no need to change anything
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #82 on: February 19, 2013, 02:25:18 pm »
Well, finally I have more time to look at the new part. Here are some comments.

Quote
San seysonìltsan a plltxe sìk
Why not simply: san (nga) poltxe nìltsan sìk ? I don't think "a" works here.

Quote
Nivew ngal futa oe ngaru tätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak
What about: Srake nivew ngal futa oe srung sivi ngar fte tivätxaw ne tìtxula (snomo?) ayuniltìranyuä ?

Quote
Ulte krra lu nga fìtsawlhì', ...
To me this doesn't seem to be correct even in English (I would say: If you are of this size.... although it probably is not correct too)
When you are so big, I still can... -> Nga lu tsawl nìtxan a krr, mi oe tsun...

Quote
Ngian mawkrr Norman kllkolä, oe poru poleng san oel tswarma' futa pawm ngaru futa ftxey lu ayngaru swoka tute fìtseng fuke.
IMHO futa is needed here.
Quote
San lu ayoeru tutan alu Father Paul Pierrepont
you mean pastor, isn't it?

Quote
po pivlltxe nì'ul teri poe krra lolu alaksi.
Shouldn't be layu used instead of lolu? (Well, here are some rules in English how time should be used in conditional sentences, but in Na'vi, we do not have exact guidelines yet)
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Normanìl fyolep tsyokxit

Quote
Pole'un oel futa kxawm kolin oel 'uot fte nivume
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.. a am'aluke livu ep'ang nìhawng fte oel tsat ivinan

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Tsalsungay, furia run 'ut a pol almomum ulte 'ut a po 'en salmi ayoengeyä ayna'rìngteri, nolewomum oel ?
It has nothing common with cooking ;D
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Fì'u, tsakrr, livu tìkan oeyä: 'ivul oe su'oti lì'fyayä le'Ìnglìsì txantxewvay tengkrr haya vospxì a'a'aw
'ul is intransitive, so what about:
Fì'u, tsakrr, livu tìkan oeyä: (t)su'o lì'fyayä le'Ìnglìsì 'ul txantxewvay mì haya vospxì a'a'aw

Quote
slä set oe sngivä'i fa pamrel aftue (afyin ?) nì'ul fte tslivam
AFAIK: ftue = without problems
fyin = not complex

Quote
sìlpoley oe tsnì *ayyumanur* lolu fuk fte tivìng oeru a livu ngäzìk nìtam nìno, ngian nìtam nì'aw
I would remove blue part, it gives no sense to me.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #83 on: February 19, 2013, 05:47:19 pm »
Well, finally I have more time to look at the new part. Here are some comments.  No rush.  Thank you so much for your suggestions! :D  I will need to think about one or two, but the others I've fixed.  And as always, you're excellent at catching my typos; I think maybe there were fewer this time. ;D

Quote
Nivew ngal futa oe ngaru tätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak
What about: Srake nivew ngal futa oe srung sivi ngar fte tivätxaw ne tìtxula (snomo?) ayuniltìranyuä ?  Not sure if I want to use your idea or completely rewrite that, but you have a point.


Quote
po pivlltxe nì'ul teri poe krra lolu alaksi.
Shouldn't be layu used instead of lolu? (Well, here are some rules in English how time should be used in conditional sentences, but in Na'vi, we do not have exact guidelines yet)  Hmm, I'm not sure either, obviously.


Quote
slä set oe sngivä'i fa pamrel aftue (afyin ?) nì'ul fte tslivam
AFAIK: ftue = without problems  I meant "easy to understand without problems," but I see how you could view it the other way.
fyin = not complex

Aha, this had been in the back of my mind, but now I've found the source:

Quote from: Na'viteri
For example, tätxaw is the intransitive verb ‘return,’ as in “I’ll return at 3:00.” For the transitive sense of ‘return,’ as “Please return the book you borrowed,” you need to add the causative infix <eyk>: teykätxaw ‘cause to return’—that is, return in the transitive sense!
« Last Edit: February 19, 2013, 06:03:27 pm by Alyara Arati »
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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #84 on: February 20, 2013, 01:08:49 am »
Aha, this had been in the back of my mind, but now I've found the source:

Quote from: Na'viteri
For example, tätxaw is the intransitive verb ‘return,’ as in “I’ll return at 3:00.” For the transitive sense of ‘return,’ as “Please return the book you borrowed,” you need to add the causative infix <eyk>: teykätxaw ‘cause to return’—that is, return in the transitive sense!
Well, I was thinking about <eyk> too, but my first though was that it shifts meaning:
Rutxe ngal pukit teykätxaw -> Please make (someone) to return the book. But now seems that more correct translation looks like: Please cause/make the book to return.
So our sentence would really be:

Nivew ngal futa oel ngat teykätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak?
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #85 on: February 20, 2013, 01:45:08 am »
Mllte.  Done. :)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #86 on: August 21, 2013, 04:09:16 pm »
A long time we had to wait until new part :) Here's my notes:
Quote
sute a mìfa mo tìuseykxä
typo - base word is eyk, not *eykx
Quote
Tìkan oeyä ke lolu lewan
*lewan is not official; also my first idea was it should be letwan. IMHO it is safer to reword this part, like:
Oel ke wolan oeyä tìkanit...
Quote
Lolu oeru rìn letam fte txivula ...
IMO adverb fits here (nìtam), not adjective. Or:
Lu oer letama hìmtxan(?) rìnä fte...
Quote
Ayuniltìranyu sì *yumanä* pongu a za'u ye'krr li palmähem
I'd translate this like: Avatars and group of people who come early have already arrived.
If you really intend "arriving", <arm> would work here. Blue part is somehow confusing, is intended meaning "group which usually come early" or something like this? I would use something like "Avatars and first group of people...", but maybe I do not understand well.
Quote
San stop ral lu fì'u: ftang!
Lì'uri alu ftang ral lu stop (based on example: Lì'uru alu X ral lu 'upe? -> What does X mean?)
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Tìftang si frakem fìswawtsyìp ulte rä'ä rikx vaykrr a oel ayngaru peng fayluta tam, kxuke lu tìfkeytok.
Tìftang si frakemur mì swawtsyìp ulte rä'ä rikx vaykrr oel ayngaru peng fayluta frawzo.
Quote
Txo mevenu nìwotx tivok yamì, nìlun, zene nga kllpivä
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Ngian, txo venu le'aw tivok io kllte, yem fì'ut tsengmì a talmok.
Or: Ngian, txo venu le'aw tivok io kllte, yem fì'ut ne'ìm.
Quote
Aynga fìkem sasyi nemrey sìk
<asy> IMO is not good here. It expresses intention of speaker, so Liri'el make them all to do it this way. It is not probable..
Quote
Oel tolung krrit fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam aynumeyul oeyä
Allow sounds strange here, what about tìng?
Oel tolìng krrit fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam aynumeyul oeyä
(Oel tolìng krrit aynumeyur oeyä fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam)

Well, it's too late here now, I'll give you more comment tomorrow or more probably on Friday.
I'm happy I could read some longer Na'vi text again. Thanks!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #87 on: August 21, 2013, 05:28:29 pm »
Thanks for reading! :D  I fixed most of the errors, but left "sasyi" because I did mean to imply "I am determined that you will do this (or I will kick your butts!)" ;D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #88 on: August 23, 2013, 02:45:26 pm »
Thanks for reading! :D 
Nìprrte'!
Quote
I fixed most of the errors, but left "sasyi" because I did mean to imply "I am determined that you will do this (or I will kick your butts!)" ;D
Well, in this case is usage of <asy> perfectly correct.

So, what about next text:
Quote
Lu ral fì'u: pey, alu ftang set, tsurokx, ulte tìfyawìntxuri pey.
Fìlì'uru lu ral alu ..... This is maybe a little better. Also maybe we can (??) use sänume on place of tìfyawìntxu. Not completely sure, but IMHO it could be possible.
Quote
Ayoengal fìsänumviti lasyeyn vaykrr tsun aynga 'iveyng luke säfpìl.
I would replace säfpìl by tìfpusìl or by ...luke fwa fpìl.
Quote
oeri mokri zene ayngaru livu mal
another version: aynga zene spivaw oeyä mokrit
Quote
fu uvan si uvanur letokx, fu tskxekeng si fya'oru a zup
.. fu uvan letokx si, fu... (based on example: wina uvan si - play a fast game)
Quote
Kemo a sunu ngaru a ngati reykikx sìk.
Ketsrana kem si a ...
I would probably put subclauses starting with "a" from opposite side of "ketsrana kem", although here are examples where such subclauses are positioned the same way as you used (plumps would be able to name them :), I just know they exist)
also - reykikx seems to be 'ärìp  ;D
Quote
Ngian säplltxe a eltur tìtxen soli frato zola'u ta metxìk
Quote
fte tskxekeng sivi nga vay trray sìk
Here I would think about lisre, but vay seems good choice too.

As always - good job!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #89 on: September 18, 2013, 03:49:36 am »
Hasey soli oe hapxì ahay. :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #90 on: September 20, 2013, 04:55:41 pm »
Well, I nearly overlooked new part. So, here are comments:
Quote
Tsafyamì soloalew txampxì trrä apxeyve a krrta takrra oe zola'u ne Helzì Keytx.  Tìhawlìri oeyä fte 'ivul inantswot, oel polawm wutsomì kxamtrrä.  Franumeyul oeyä spolaw futa fì'u livu säfpìl atxantsan.  Ngian lolam fwa 'a'awa pukit nì'aw fkol ta 'Rrta zamolunge a ke nga' ayfì'u mìfa eltul lefngap a lolu hì'i to tsyokx oeyä.  Ulte keng nìnän pumìl ha' sngä'iyur.  Ayfuk a ta spuwina numtseng Kìreysìyä lolu fyin nìhawng oefpi set, hufwa mi solunu ayrel, ulte txantslusam latsu kem alu tsulfä sivi nìmun.
Be more careful of verb transitivity :)
Quote
San nìteng zene nga tskxekeng sivi pamrelur, taluna mefì'u täpare fìtsap? fìtxan sìk
Quote
Zayene ayoeng rivun ngafpi yot a tsamì tsun nga pamrel sivi nìmun sì nìmun, slä kop a ke kayin Alisyal fte kivar ayevengit mì mipa 'awm sìk.
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Tsatì'eyng lolu ftue fìtxan, ulte keng 'oleyng sìngäzìkit a Normanìl ke poleng aylì'ufa
Quote
... ayhunìl samsiyuä ngalmop ayropxit a tsakxamlä tsivun fko tsive'a atanit kxamlä tsarìnmì.
Quote
Kawtu ke nolew zeykiverok evengit a 'emralmey tìzusup Kelutralä a teri kea tìfkeytok krra Na'vit tspolang Sawtutel
This part is quite problematic, I can't understand English version (why "of" is used? maybe "and" fits?). Also, "emrey" is intransitive, so it can't be used as you did. Some rewording is necessary...
Quote
“Also,” poltxe Normanìl a leykolatem txelet
Plltxe can be used transitively, but usage with san...sìk is intransitive
Quote
san oe ätxäle soli tsnì Sempul Pierponte ultxa si hu nga fìtsenge maw wutso fìtxon
ultxa is not verb, but noun
Quote
Oe ke tsun tivok tsatsengit ngahu taweyka Luk, Maksìm, sì oe zene pivlltxe (pivängkxo?) hu Tsyeyk sì Neytiri tsakrr.
Quote
Am'aluke oeru sivunu fwa hultxa si hu fìvewngyu sireayä, ulte  lam oeru fwa fìkxaym ke 'ayìn oe
"Kaym" should be moved as I did; your version translates as:
This evening appears to me that I won't be busy
but correct version is:
Appears to me that this evening I won't be busy. That is different :)

Well, this time you prepared big test for me, I hope I passed ;D
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #91 on: September 20, 2013, 05:47:23 pm »
Quote
san oe ätxäle soli tsnì Sempul Pierponte ultxa si hu nga fìtsenge maw wutso fìtxon
ultxa is not verb, but noun
...and there is missing <iv> -> ultxa sivi (verb after tsnì) I think... :)

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Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #92 on: September 20, 2013, 07:14:17 pm »
Yes, I need to be more careful of verb transitivity. :(  And don't worry, it would appear that I did all of the failing. :'(

Edit: added 3 sentences.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2013, 01:50:26 am by Alyara Arati »
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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi
« Reply #93 on: September 21, 2013, 03:49:59 pm »
Yes, I need to be more careful of verb transitivity. :(  And don't worry, it would appear that I did all of the failing. :'(
Meh, you never read my drafts. When I look at them after a few days, I always wondering how I could make so many mistakes.
Quote
Edit: added 3 (completely correct) sentences.
:)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


 

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