Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi

Started by Blue Elf, August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Alyara Arati

QuoteText is quite difficult, but mostly understandable, good!

Too difficult to understand well?  I guess I could rewrite it, but I'm not sure what I would do differently...
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on January 21, 2013, 04:22:29 PM
QuoteText is quite difficult, but mostly understandable, good!

Too difficult to understand well?  I guess I could rewrite it, but I'm not sure what I would do differently...
I used wrong words. English original is not easy to translate into Na'vi (although you probably translated Na'vi original into English :)), Na'vi text is not hard to understand.
There is no need to change anything
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Well, finally I have more time to look at the new part. Here are some comments.

QuoteSan seysonìltsan a plltxe sìk
Why not simply: san (nga) poltxe nìltsan sìk ? I don't think "a" works here.

QuoteNivew ngal futa oe ngaru tätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak
What about: Srake nivew ngal futa oe srung sivi ngar fte tivätxaw ne tìtxula (snomo?) ayuniltìranyuä ?

QuoteUlte krra lu nga fìtsawlhì', ...
To me this doesn't seem to be correct even in English (I would say: If you are of this size.... although it probably is not correct too)
When you are so big, I still can... -> Nga lu tsawl nìtxan a krr, mi oe tsun...

QuoteNgian mawkrr Norman kllkolä, oe poru poleng san oel tswarma' futa pawm ngaru futa ftxey lu ayngaru swoka tute fìtseng fuke.
IMHO futa is needed here.
QuoteSan lu ayoeru tutan alu Father Paul Pierrepont
you mean pastor, isn't it?

Quotepo pivlltxe nì'ul teri poe krra lolu alaksi.
Shouldn't be layu used instead of lolu? (Well, here are some rules in English how time should be used in conditional sentences, but in Na'vi, we do not have exact guidelines yet)
QuoteNormanìl fyolep tsyokxit

QuotePole'un oel futa kxawm kolin oel 'uot fte nivume
Quote.. a am'aluke livu ep'ang nìhawng fte oel tsat ivinan

QuoteTsalsungay, furia run 'ut a pol almomum ulte 'ut a po 'en salmi ayoengeyä ayna'rìngteri, nolewomum oel ?
It has nothing common with cooking ;D
QuoteFì'u, tsakrr, livu tìkan oeyä: 'ivul oe su'oti lì'fyayä le'Ìnglìsì txantxewvay tengkrr haya vospxì a'a'aw
'ul is intransitive, so what about:
Fì'u, tsakrr, livu tìkan oeyä: (t)su'o lì'fyayä le'Ìnglìsì 'ul txantxewvay mì haya vospxì a'a'aw

Quoteslä set oe sngivä'i fa pamrel aftue (afyin ?) nì'ul fte tslivam
AFAIK: ftue = without problems
fyin = not complex

Quotesìlpoley oe tsnì *ayyumanur* lolu fuk fte tivìng oeru a livu ngäzìk nìtam nìno, ngian nìtam nì'aw
I would remove blue part, it gives no sense to me.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

#83
Quote from: Blue Elf on February 19, 2013, 02:25:18 PM
Well, finally I have more time to look at the new part. Here are some comments.  No rush.  Thank you so much for your suggestions! :D  I will need to think about one or two, but the others I've fixed.  And as always, you're excellent at catching my typos; I think maybe there were fewer this time. ;D

QuoteNivew ngal futa oe ngaru tätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak
What about: Srake nivew ngal futa oe srung sivi ngar fte tivätxaw ne tìtxula (snomo?) ayuniltìranyuä ?  Not sure if I want to use your idea or completely rewrite that, but you have a point.


Quotepo pivlltxe nì'ul teri poe krra lolu alaksi.
Shouldn't be layu used instead of lolu? (Well, here are some rules in English how time should be used in conditional sentences, but in Na'vi, we do not have exact guidelines yet)  Hmm, I'm not sure either, obviously.


Quoteslä set oe sngivä'i fa pamrel aftue (afyin ?) nì'ul fte tslivam
AFAIK: ftue = without problems  I meant "easy to understand without problems," but I see how you could view it the other way.
fyin = not complex

Aha, this had been in the back of my mind, but now I've found the source:

Quote from: Na'viteriFor example, tätxaw is the intransitive verb 'return,' as in "I'll return at 3:00." For the transitive sense of 'return,' as "Please return the book you borrowed," you need to add the causative infix <eyk>: teykätxaw 'cause to return'—that is, return in the transitive sense!
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on February 19, 2013, 05:47:19 PM
Aha, this had been in the back of my mind, but now I've found the source:

Quote from: Na'viteriFor example, tätxaw is the intransitive verb 'return,' as in "I'll return at 3:00." For the transitive sense of 'return,' as "Please return the book you borrowed," you need to add the causative infix <eyk>: teykätxaw 'cause to return'—that is, return in the transitive sense!
Well, I was thinking about <eyk> too, but my first though was that it shifts meaning:
Rutxe ngal pukit teykätxaw -> Please make (someone) to return the book. But now seems that more correct translation looks like: Please cause/make the book to return.
So our sentence would really be:

Nivew ngal futa oel ngat teykätxaw ne tìtxula ayuniltìranyuä srak?
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

A long time we had to wait until new part :) Here's my notes:
Quotesute a mìfa mo tìuseykxä
typo - base word is eyk, not *eykx
QuoteTìkan oeyä ke lolu lewan
*lewan is not official; also my first idea was it should be letwan. IMHO it is safer to reword this part, like:
Oel ke wolan oeyä tìkanit...
QuoteLolu oeru rìn letam fte txivula ...
IMO adverb fits here (nìtam), not adjective. Or:
Lu oer letama hìmtxan(?) rìnä fte...
QuoteAyuniltìranyu sì *yumanä* pongu a za'u ye'krr li palmähem
I'd translate this like: Avatars and group of people who come early have already arrived.
If you really intend "arriving", <arm> would work here. Blue part is somehow confusing, is intended meaning "group which usually come early" or something like this? I would use something like "Avatars and first group of people...", but maybe I do not understand well.
QuoteSan stop ral lu fì'u: ftang!
Lì'uri alu ftang ral lu stop (based on example: Lì'uru alu X ral lu 'upe? -> What does X mean?)
QuoteTìftang si frakem fìswawtsyìp ulte rä'ä rikx vaykrr a oel ayngaru peng fayluta tam, kxuke lu tìfkeytok.
Tìftang si frakemur mì swawtsyìp ulte rä'ä rikx vaykrr oel ayngaru peng fayluta frawzo.
QuoteTxo mevenu nìwotx tivok yamì, nìlun, zene nga kllpivä
QuoteNgian, txo venu le'aw tivok io kllte, yem fì'ut tsengmì a talmok.
Or: Ngian, txo venu le'aw tivok io kllte, yem fì'ut ne'ìm.
QuoteAynga fìkem sasyi nemrey sìk
<asy> IMO is not good here. It expresses intention of speaker, so Liri'el make them all to do it this way. It is not probable..
QuoteOel tolung krrit fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam aynumeyul oeyä
Allow sounds strange here, what about tìng?
Oel tolìng krrit fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam aynumeyul oeyä
(Oel tolìng krrit aynumeyur oeyä fte fìsäplltxet nìngay tslivam)

Well, it's too late here now, I'll give you more comment tomorrow or more probably on Friday.
I'm happy I could read some longer Na'vi text again. Thanks!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Thanks for reading! :D  I fixed most of the errors, but left "sasyi" because I did mean to imply "I am determined that you will do this (or I will kick your butts!)" ;D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on August 21, 2013, 05:28:29 PM
Thanks for reading! :D 
Nìprrte'!
QuoteI fixed most of the errors, but left "sasyi" because I did mean to imply "I am determined that you will do this (or I will kick your butts!)" ;D
Well, in this case is usage of <asy> perfectly correct.

So, what about next text:
QuoteLu ral fì'u: pey, alu ftang set, tsurokx, ulte tìfyawìntxuri pey.
Fìlì'uru lu ral alu ..... This is maybe a little better. Also maybe we can (??) use sänume on place of tìfyawìntxu. Not completely sure, but IMHO it could be possible.
QuoteAyoengal fìsänumviti lasyeyn vaykrr tsun aynga 'iveyng luke säfpìl.
I would replace säfpìl by tìfpusìl or by ...luke fwa fpìl.
Quoteoeri mokri zene ayngaru livu mal
another version: aynga zene spivaw oeyä mokrit
Quotefu uvan si uvanur letokx, fu tskxekeng si fya'oru a zup
.. fu uvan letokx si, fu... (based on example: wina uvan si - play a fast game)
QuoteKemo a sunu ngaru a ngati reykikx sìk.
Ketsrana kem si a ...
I would probably put subclauses starting with "a" from opposite side of "ketsrana kem", although here are examples where such subclauses are positioned the same way as you used (plumps would be able to name them :), I just know they exist)
also - reykikx seems to be 'ärìp  ;D
QuoteNgian säplltxe a eltur tìtxen soli frato zola'u ta metxìk
Quotefte tskxekeng sivi nga vay trray sìk
Here I would think about lisre, but vay seems good choice too.

As always - good job!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Well, I nearly overlooked new part. So, here are comments:
QuoteTsafyamì soloalew txampxì trrä apxeyve a krrta takrra oe zola'u ne Helzì Keytx.  Tìhawlìri oeyä fte 'ivul inantswot, oel polawm wutsomì kxamtrrä.  Franumeyul oeyä spolaw futa fì'u livu säfpìl atxantsan.  Ngian lolam fwa 'a'awa pukit nì'aw fkol ta 'Rrta zamolunge a ke nga' ayfì'u mìfa eltul lefngap a lolu hì'i to tsyokx oeyä.  Ulte keng nìnän pumìl ha' sngä'iyur.  Ayfuk a ta spuwina numtseng Kìreysìyä lolu fyin nìhawng oefpi set, hufwa mi solunu ayrel, ulte txantslusam latsu kem alu tsulfä sivi nìmun.
Be more careful of verb transitivity :)
QuoteSan nìteng zene nga tskxekeng sivi pamrelur, taluna mefì'u täpare fìtsap? fìtxan sìk
QuoteZayene ayoeng rivun ngafpi yot a tsamì tsun nga pamrel sivi nìmun sì nìmun, slä kop a ke kayin Alisyal fte kivar ayevengit mì mipa 'awm sìk.
QuoteTsatì'eyng lolu ftue fìtxan, ulte keng 'oleyng sìngäzìkit a Normanìl ke poleng aylì'ufa
Quote... ayhunìl samsiyuä ngalmop ayropxit a tsakxamlä tsivun fko tsive'a atanit kxamlä tsarìnmì.
QuoteKawtu ke nolew zeykiverok evengit a 'emralmey tìzusup Kelutralä a teri kea tìfkeytok krra Na'vit tspolang Sawtutel
This part is quite problematic, I can't understand English version (why "of" is used? maybe "and" fits?). Also, "emrey" is intransitive, so it can't be used as you did. Some rewording is necessary...
Quote"Also," poltxe Normanìl a leykolatem txelet
Plltxe can be used transitively, but usage with san...sìk is intransitive
Quotesan oe ätxäle soli tsnì Sempul Pierponte ultxa si hu nga fìtsenge maw wutso fìtxon
ultxa is not verb, but noun
QuoteOe ke tsun tivok tsatsengit ngahu taweyka Luk, Maksìm, sì oe zene pivlltxe (pivängkxo?) hu Tsyeyk sì Neytiri tsakrr.
QuoteAm'aluke oeru sivunu fwa hultxa si hu fìvewngyu sireayä, ulte  lam oeru fwa fìkxaym ke 'ayìn oe
"Kaym" should be moved as I did; your version translates as:
This evening appears to me that I won't be busy
but correct version is:
Appears to me that this evening I won't be busy. That is different :)

Well, this time you prepared big test for me, I hope I passed ;D
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Tìtstewan

Quote from: Blue Elf on September 20, 2013, 04:55:41 PM
Quotesan oe ätxäle soli tsnì Sempul Pierponte ultxa si hu nga fìtsenge maw wutso fìtxon
ultxa is not verb, but noun
...and there is missing <iv> -> ultxa sivi (verb after tsnì) I think... :)

-| Na'vi Vocab + Audio | Na'viteri as one HTML file | FAQ | Useful Links for Beginners |-
-| Kem si fu kem rä'ä si, ke lu tìfmi. |-

Alyara Arati

#92
Yes, I need to be more careful of verb transitivity. :(  And don't worry, it would appear that I did all of the failing. :'(

Edit: added 3 sentences.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on September 20, 2013, 07:14:17 PM
Yes, I need to be more careful of verb transitivity. :(  And don't worry, it would appear that I did all of the failing. :'(
Meh, you never read my drafts. When I look at them after a few days, I always wondering how I could make so many mistakes.
Quote
Edit: added 3 (completely correct) sentences.
:)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)