Aysäplltxevi (Re:) FänFìk nìNa'vi

Started by Blue Elf, August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM

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Blue Elf

Txantsan, ma Alyara! Nìngay fìtsengel akerusey kolin tìkangkemvit amip (tse, zene oe hasey si lahea hapxìru vurä Raluä)

Aysäfpìlo:
1/ ..rewonmì mawkrra Jake Sulil alu... or ..rewonmì mawkrra Jakel Suli alu.. ? As Na'vi has no surnames, this problem is unclear :-\ Also Tsyeyk is usualy used for Jake
2/ ...ke lolu po tuté a polängkxo luke säfpìl.
What about: ...ke lolu po tuté a pängkxo luke tìkan.  ? IMHO in this line is too many <ol> (it applies to another lines too). Once time context is established, no need to repeat infix.
3/ Moel lolok ayVitrayä Ramunongit, tseng a mi lolawk...
Without comma one can't understand well :)
Mo'at ftäpang ulte nolìn oeti pol nìno.
4/ Oeri tsahìkur lolu lahea säfpìlo oefpi.
IMHO topical here is better.
5/ San kop ngaru lu zeykotswo a'a'aw, slä frapo a mi kin srungit, kin ayzeykoyut a lu tskxekeng lewotx sìk.
6/ Nìk'ong tolìran moe...

Pamrel asìltsan - hapxìri alahe sreferei oe nìprrte'!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Blue Elf on August 14, 2012, 10:09:25 AM
Txantsan, ma Alyara! Nìngay fìtsengel akerusey kolin tìkangkemvit amip (tse, zene oe hasey si lahea hapxìru vurä Raluä)

Aysäfpìlo:
1/ ..rewonmì mawkrra Jake Sulil alu... or ..rewonmì mawkrra Jakel Suli alu.. ? As Na'vi has no surnames, this problem is unclear :-\ Also Tsyeyk is usualy used for Jake
...snip...
Pamrel asìltsan - hapxìri alahe sreferei oe nìprrte'!

Irayo nìtxan ma 'eylan!  Regarding the use of Jake or Tsyeyk, I changed my mind repeatedly.  I was going to have him called Tsyeyk by the Na'vi and Jake by the humans (we'll get there in the story later), but then I thought about how everyone but Neytiri calls him Zheyksuli, as though it's one word... so I was undecided again... clearly this needs further thought. :-\
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Alyara Arati

Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Ke munea hapxì nì'aw slä nga lonu hapxì apxeyve kop! Ngal ngop vurit nìwin  to fwa oe tsun ivinan tsat ;D

Rolun oel keyeyot (ayzekwäya nìpxi):
....oe poru sì Tsyseykur

San peyfya salew ngeyä plltxetswo 'Ìnglìsì? sìk

Fìkemìl za'olärìp skxirit azoslusu...

ke tslam fìpamrelit... srake tsun ralpiveng?
QuoteSan oeri rolo'a fya'ol asìltsan a tsolun nga fyawivìntxu 'awpot pxesoktorä *leyuman* krra pxefo zola'u.  ke lolu ftue fwa ralpeng ulte 'oeyktìng Na'viru ayfya'ot a tsivun po srung sivi sìk solung Neytiri.  Furia nolew oeru pxeyktanìl, set sngolä'i oe 'en sivi, hufwa mi ke lolu oeru kea säfpìl teri tìkangkemvi nìpxi.

Ke tslam nìmun...
Quotefìteyngal

Hapxìtsyìp apxeyve:

San kemìl a pxoel vin ngaru set, ma tsmuke, tare tsat nì'it

QuoteTìngäzìk lu fwa ke tok samsiyu *leyuman* nìtam fte...
what about:
Tìngäzìk lu fwa fìtsenget ke tok holpxayìl letam samsiyuä *leyuman*  fte... ?

San ulte Eywal tayel faysmukanit smuketsì amip srak?

San nìtengfya lahea ayhapxìl olo'ä vayewng evengit a sa'sem peyä lu kerusey.
---
Tse, nga sìltsana kem soli...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

QuoteSan oeri rolo'a fya'o asìltsan a tsolun nga fyawivìntxu 'awpot pxesoktorä *leyuman* krra pxefo zola'u.  Ke lolu ftue fwa ralpeng ulte 'oeyktìng Na'viru ayfya'ot a tsivun po srung sivi sìk solung Neytiri.  Furia nolew oeru pxeyktanìl, set sngolä'i oe 'en sivi, hufwa mi ke lolu oeru kea säfpìl teri tìkangkemvi nìpxi.

"I was impressed by how well you were able to guide one of the human doctors when they came.  It was not easy to translate and explain to the people how he could help," Neytiri added.  I began to guess what the three leaders wanted from me now, although I still had no idea about the specific task.

Probably I should have used fnel to say "what type of thing"...
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Oh well, I was confused a little by agentive on "fya'o", when "ro'a" is intransitive. I would add some words into this paragraph to understand better (not saying your version is not correct... just harder to understand):

San oeri rolo'a fya'o asìltsan a tsafa tsolun nga fyawivìntxu 'awpot a kip pxesoktor *leyuman* krra pxefo zola'u.  Ke lolu ftue fwa ralpeng ulte 'oeyktìng Na'viru ayfya'ot a tsivun po srung sivi sìk solung Neytiri. Kemìri a nolew oeru pxeyktanìl, set sngolä'i oe 'en sivi, hufwa mi ke lolu oeru kea säfpìl teri tìkangkemvi nìpxi.

Quotefìteyngal
Oe lu skxawng - using Naviteri I discovered what it means (yeah, my vocabulary is becoming poor.... pak :o)
teynga = "tì'eyng a", so it can be used as subject of intransitive verb to which is connected atributive subclause (like fwa)
Teynga poltxe ngal ke sunu oeru -> Answer you said is not pleasing to me
Adding agentive case is not correct, as final -a is connection to subclause. Correct version:

Kop zamolunge sa'nokur fpomit fìtì'eyngìl: ke'uri tsolun zivong...
-or-
Kop zamolunge sa'nokur fpomit fìteyngla kekem tsolun zivong...

Uffff, too many rules to know....
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Yeah, some of the mistakes I caught after I wrote it, and some... obviously not. :-X
But thank you so much!  Your help is really vital to me. :D :-* :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Nìprrte' ma Alyara! Trying to find mistakes which others made is also kind of learning :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

If I make this as long as I hope to, I'll probably need to split the topic, but for now:
I posted another hapxìtsyìp! :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Nga lu pamrelsiyu awin nìtxan :)
Quoteoe holawl fte hivum olo'ta oeyä
to avoid adposition, why to not use txìng?
Quoteke lolu kea säkanom mungwrr tskxo swizaw oeyä sì pxenit ioitsì a yolemstokx oel
Quoteolomum oel futa sivop ne ayram ye'rìn oe
QuoteSan sweylu txo frapo a lu foru tswin ivomum teri tsuksar sìk.
San slä ke lu tìkin a nume fol fya'ot a makto sìk oe poltxe, san ki fwa fol may' tsaheylut nì'aw sìk.
San nìngay.  Kop kinamìri ngeyä pol sleykìyu ftue nì'ul tìsopit ne *yumanä*...ìì...tsray, txo tsivun fkol syivaw tsaruw fìfya sìk.
Quotesa'nok oesì sìlpey tsnì ayuniltìranyul käpivar fya'ot a kame
<äp> changes vtr into vin, so agentive and patientive shouldn't be used. IMHO "kar" should be replaced by "nume" without reflexive. I'd prefer <ìyev> (and <ol> would be good to add, but we do not have such infix :D)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

#10
Wow, I was fast but VERY sloppy! :-[  It was written when I was awake, but by the time I typed it in, I was getting sleepy and careless. :-X  My apologies and, as always, my thanks. :D

Txìng works for me; I just didn't think of it.  As far as "käpar", I was thinking of "no one can teach you to think" from the movie.  So I think I'll keep it, just fix it so that it's correct.
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

#11
No need to apologize :) If I do some work by night, I often get very interesting (read: strange and not fully correct) results too ;D

as for käpar - as it is vin, subject would be in dative....I'll try to think more about this
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

The site is back up, the site is back up!  Yay!  But I only added one of the ayhapxìtsyìp that I have translated and ready, because I already feel like I'm using you thanklessly, ma Blue Elf. :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Well. I started it to read yesterday, but as it was near the midnight, I was too tired to think clearly. Even today it was not easy to read (English version would be useful in some parts....)

Some corrections:
part 2.1
QuoteHa tsatrr oe holawl fte txivìng olo'it ...
Txìng is transitive

Quotenga kìte'e sayi sko sìkenong atxantsan

part 2.2
QuoteNgian oe ke nolew srivew ...
QuoteNolìn oel fìtutét atxantslusam ...
QuoteKop hapxìo tsakrrä poru lolu säspxin somwewä nìteng sìk
space missing?
QuoteSan ma Tsahìk, tutanìri a slolu txen, oe sti fìtxan taweyk pol sleykolu txumnga'a okit oeyä...
Quoteke tsolun oe ftivang tsngivawvìk
Quote... kuma set oeru läpu am'a
Interesting usage, how to translate?  "... as a result I have doubts yourself"? or "in yourself"?
QuoteSan oeru lolu sngum fwa aylì'ul peyä molun'i...
See Naviteri
QuoteSa'nokìri aNawm awngeyä lu oe am'ake fwa peyä aysäfpìl lolu keyey akeyawr sìk.
It doesn't look correct; "am'ake" is used with "'efu" according to Naviteri:
Furia Nawma Sa'nokä awngeyä aysäfpìl lolu keyey akeyawr, oe 'efu am'ake
QuotePol molunge tstalit rìnä ftu nikre peyä ...
Wondering what tstal is it - IMHO you mean what Mo'at wear on necklase under chin
QuoteNoleyrr oe
You mean "Noleiyrr oe" ?
QuoteSan tireapivängkxo fìtseng vaykrr nga 'efu alaksi fte fpxiväkìm kifkeyit nìmun
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

I debated for a long time what to call that thorn skewer thing Mo'at wears in the Y where her braids join, necklace-like.  I came up with "knife of wood"... :-\

Yes, I'll start posting the English versions for you before I type in the Na'vi; that would be very helpful, I know, and no problem for me to do, I just didn't think of it immediately. :-X

And as always, thanks so much! :D  I keep thinking I'll have fewer mistakes than the last time, but my fingers are not as smart as my brain, which I seem to use only occasionally. :-[
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on August 26, 2012, 02:51:52 PM
I debated for a long time what to call that thorn skewer thing Mo'at wears in the Y where her braids join, necklace-like.  I came up with "knife of wood"... :-\
It was understandable perfectly - I was just confused that she took it from "nikre"...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

To read English version was very useful, it helped me to understand better. What I noticed:

2.1
QuoteHa'ngirmì Neytiril oene neykolong pa'lit lefpom amawey
You used "calm direhorse", so IMHO it is better to replace lepfom with mawey

2.3
QuoteSan Norìm sì Makìs sì toktorur a syaw fkol poru Luk Hawkìng lu pxeyktan tsatseng, ulte ngari sreyfìyey srefìyevey pxefo.
QuoteSpaw oel futa hapxì lunä a po ke tolätxaw ne fì'awm ...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

Wou, mipa hapxìt fkol lolonu !

Aysäplltxevi oeyä:
QuoteTompa zolup txampì krrä...
QuoteTafral krra moel lolok tsengit a Kelutralìl talmok, ke zolene oeru livu sngum a syeha satsi moe tepìvaru
To express worry, we use "lu + dative + sngum a ..." (lit. I have worry that...)
Quote.. a Na'vi syolaw fì'ur san tseng a kìte'e si vrrtep atxanew.
Construction is "X syaw Yru Z (alu ....)", but Z is missing, so "san" is probably good solution
Quote.. oeyä tstxo askepek lu Mäksìm
Quote..lolu tìkin a yän flawmit oeyä fa lahea kìng pxel tìkenong kemä a po kolan sivi
"natkenong" is conjunction, but I think adposition is needed here
Quote.. fte ultxa sivi hu lahea ayhapxì soaiä nìyll ayuniltìranyuä nìwotx
Quote'Ìnglìsì
You forgot glottal stop maybe in all occurrences of this word :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Always, always, thank you, thank you. :D
It would appear that I have a mental block about the glottal stop in nì'Ìnglìsì. :P
I hope that you are enjoying the story as you proof-read. :-*
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Sure. If there's a problem, I check English version :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)