Toruk Makto

[Syulang]

Krr awayä a'awve
Tsat ayli'u peng vur
Fkew Toruk Makto
Ulte krr akeftxo nìtxan

Po stolarsìm ayolo'ru
Ayfo tsolwayon hu po
Zong Na'vìyä
Nìwotx Na'vìyä omum fi'u vur

Spoiler

well, theres another poem. supposed to be about the first Toruk Makto probably got some things wrong lol, but I'm trying. still using the dictionary for quite a few words. hopefully I got the word for flew right... still pretty new to infixes hrh  Thanks to Tirea and Yawne Zizi'ite for help with some words/ phrases 

[Blue Elf]

Well, nice attempt

corrections:
Krr aywayä a'awve - for plural we use ay-, a- is for adjectives
Faylì'ul peng vurit - for "these" we use fay- prefix, no need for tsa/fì'u alone. Peng is transitive, so agentative+patientive must be used
Fkewa Torukä Makto - fkew is adjective, so -a- affix is needed. To express "of", we use genitive sufix -ä
sì krrä akeftxo nìtxan - ulte connect sentences, but here is needed sì to connects words in the same sentence

Pol stolarsìm ayolo'it - starsìm is transitive, so no dative, but again agentative+patientive is needed
Ayfo tswolayon hu po - incorrect position of suffix, it is connected to vowels (tsw<0><1>ay<2>on)
Fte Zivong Na'viya - I think fte is good here (in order to save Na'vi), then <iv> must be in the next verb. And -ya is needed instead of genitive, as Na'vi is collective noun
Nìwotx Na'vil omum fìvurit - omum is transitive, again agentative+patientive. For "this" fì- prefix is used. Here probably -ya i not necessary, not sure

I hope my corrections are really correct
Oel perey ngeyä vurit ahay nìprrte'

[Sireayä mokri]

Oe mllte hu Blue Elf, ma Syulang, seysonìltsan ulte rä'ä ftang tskxekeng sivi

I got one thing to point out:

Fte Zivong Na'viya - I think fte is good here (in order to save Na'vi), then <iv> must be in the next verb. And -ya is needed instead of genitive, as Na'vi is collective noun

Na'vi is a collective noun, yes, however, -ya is used in addresses, and thus is a variation ma for collective nouns. There's no addressing here, so it should be just fte zivong Na'viti (patientive case marks the direct object of transitive zong).

[Blue Elf]

Tì'oeyktìngìri oe irayo seyi ngaru, ma Sireayä mokri.
-ya suffix was a little confusing for me, now it is clear (I hope  )

[Kamean]

Seysonìltsan ma Syulang!

[Tanri]

Mllte frapohu, ma Syulang, aylì'ut alor ngal ngolop.
Kxeyeyìri nga ke zene txopu sivi, taluna frapo sngerä'i hu keyey apxay. Suteol ngerop keyeyit frakrr, na oe.

HRH, lì'uvi alu "-ya" lamu 'u amip keng Karyu Pawlur, krr a stolawm pol tsapamit nì'awve.

[Syulang]

Mllte frapohu, ma Syulang, aylì'ut alor ngal ngolop.
Kxeyeyìri nga ke zene txopu sivi, taluna frapo sngerä'i hu keyey apxay. Suteol ngerop keyeyit frakrr, na oe.

HRH, lì'uvi alu "-ya" lamu 'u amip keng Karyu Pawlur, krr a stolawm pol tsapamit nì'awve.

I'm sorry, I don't understand a lot of this as I'm not that great at Na'vi yet  thanks for the compliments and corrections guys  I swear the mistake in the first line was a typo 

[Alyara Arati]

Mllte frapohu, ma Syulang, aylì'ut alor ngal ngolop.
I agree with everyone, Syulang, you have created beautiful words.
Kxeyeyìri nga ke zene txopu sivi, taluna frapo sngerä'i hu keyey apxay.
As for the mistakes, you need not be afraid, because everyone begins with many mistakes.
Suteol ngerop keyeyit frakrr, na oe.
People are always making mistakes, like me.

HRH, lì'uvi alu "-ya" lamu 'u amip keng Karyu Pawlur, krr a stolawm pol tsapamit nì'awve.
LOL, regarding the suffix "-ya" it was something new even for Teacher Paul, when he first heard that sound.

I'm sorry, I don't understand a lot of this as I'm not that great at Na'vi yet  thanks for the compliments and corrections guys  I swear the mistake in the first line was a typo 

Don't worry about the typo, or the other mistakes for that matter.  You did very well; nice poem!

[Tirea Aean]

Spoiler: snip

Pol stolarsìm ayolo'it - starsìm is transitive, so no dative, but again agentative+patientive is needed
Ayfo tswolayon hu po - incorrect position of suffix, it is connected to vowels (tsw<0><1>ay<2>on)

Fte Zivong Na'viya - I think fte is good here (in order to save Na'vi), then <iv> must be in the next verb. And -ya is needed instead of genitive, as Na'vi is collective noun
Nìwotx Na'vil omum fìvurit - omum is transitive, again agentative+patientive. For "this" fì- prefix is used. Here probably -ya i not necessary, not sure

I hope my corrections are really correct
Oel perey ngeyä vurit ahay nìprrte'

not -ya, that's a vocative, like another form of ma, but for singular collectives. I would actually use a -t there as the direct object of Z(iv)ong.

yeah, -l and -t with omum, no -ya.

Ngeyä vurìri ahay oe perey. as far as I know, the structure "to be waiting for X" is topical X-ri perey (see masempul.org) and "to be looking forward to X" is topical too. X-ri srefereiey nìprrte' (naviteri.org)

Great work, Syulang! Keep them coming, this is good practice

[Syulang]

Don't worry about the typo, or the other mistakes for that matter.  You did very well; nice poem!

irayo nìtxan frapo I'm still using the dictionary for a lot of words, but I'm trying to learn 

[Tirea Aean]

Don't worry about the typo, or the other mistakes for that matter.  You did very well; nice poem!

irayo nìtxan ma frapo I'm still using the dictionary for a lot of words, but I'm trying to learn 

Nìprrte' You'll find that the more you use these words, the less you have to keep looking them up due to already having to look them up and using them often. You will remember them.

['Oma Tirea]

Fkewa Torukä Makto - fkew is adjective, so -a- affix is needed. To express "of", we use genitive sufix -ä

Why not Toruk Maktoä instead?  Makes more sense.

[Blue Elf]

Fkewa Torukä Makto - fkew is adjective, so -a- affix is needed. To express "of", we use genitive sufix -ä

Why not Toruk Maktoä instead?  Makes more sense.

Yes, this version is probably more correct, although I'm not completely sure.

[Tanri]

[I'm sorry, I don't understand a lot of this as I'm not that great at Na'vi yet 

Skxawng oe lu nìngay. Zeykolo.

[Sireayä mokri]

You'll find that the more you use these words, the less you have to keep looking them up due to already having to look them up and using them often.

My point exactly