Author Topic: Few txampay ìlä aysanhì (poem partly inspired by old Polynesian poetry)  (Read 709 times)

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Offline Toliman

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Kaltxì ma frapo

This is my next try about poem nìNa'vi. I made new thread because it is quite different.
I was inspired by several old polynesian poems and songs which celebrate their wonderful ability of non-instrumental sea navigation (mainly observe and following of stars, Sun, Moon, also tracking of weather, ocean streams, fish, birds ... )
Theme for this poem was inspired by one song which describe return of Hawaiian voyagers to home from their long voyage to New Zealand.


Few txampay ìlä aysanhì

Kìyevame ma Atxkxe pìwopxä a lu ngim sì teyr
Txon za'u ulte ayoengä tìsop a lu txana krr sngä'i
Ayoeyä meuran sngä'i ngäzika tìsop ka txampay alehrrap
Ne tsenge tsenga Olo' sanhìyä aean nrr txonä tawmì

Ayoeyä meuran sop nì'awtu äo vawma taw
Äo txonä taw hu pxeya sanhì a lu txanatan sì narlor
Fìsanhìl wintxu salewfyati ne ayoeyä kelku
Sanhìt mì tonä taw nong ko!

Txasoma tsawkel tok nìkxayl mì taw
Hufwel spule ayoeyä meuranit nìtut kelku ne
Kosmana tswusayona aypayoang spä ftu pay
Ulte ayyayo tswayon nìlenomum pkxaw ayoe

Tanhì alu Eyktan ta ayatxkxe tsawkeyä
Sì Nusrra Tanhì nrr nìtxanatan mì saw txonä
Atanä Sanhì sì Sanhì Aymokriyä nìk'ong fäkä
Sanhìt Aymokriyä nong ko!

Hufwe tìran nìwin ulte taw lu luke sanhì sì hu fiwopx
Slä ayoeyä fya'ofnewyul eyk meuranit nìam'ake ne kelku
Yrrap atxantur zama'u wä ayoeyä meuran
Slä ayoeyä tìsop a lu txana krr nìzawnong salew

Tanhì alu Eyktan ta ayatxkxe tsawkeyä
Sì Nusrra Tanhì 'ip nìk'ong mì Tsawkeyä atan atxantur
Tanhì Syayviyä a lu rim sroler li mì vawma taw txonä
Fìtanhì arim nong ko!

Ayoeyä meuran sop mìkam pxeya aysponotsyìp
Few txampay hu pxeya falulukan txampayä
Hufwel spule ayoeyä meuranit nìtut ne kelku
Meuranil rikx ka txampay pxel tswusayona yayo

Kerusikxa Tanhì sroler li mì vawma taw txonä
Sanhì Atanä li kllkä ne txampay nìk'ong
Atxkxel alu ayoeyä kelku sngä'i livok li nì'i'a
Kerusikxa Tanhìt nong ko!

Pxaya vospxì a lamu txana krr li 'oli'a
Ayoeyä tìsop a lu ngim 'i'a nìk'ong
Ayoe tätxaw ne kelku ne ayoeyä aysoaia
Fì'u teya si ayoeyä te'lanur nìtxan

Kerusikxa Tanhì nrr mì vawma taw txonä
Rima Syayviyä Tanhì nrr io re'o fya'ofnewyuyä
Mipa spono srer äo tsenge Kerusikxa Tanhìyä
Txon 'i'a ulte aywengä tìsop hasey si nì'i'a

Kaltxì ma Atxkxe a lu nusokx ta txep
Kaltxì nìmun ma ayoeyä kelku



English Translation


Explanations

Meuran = in this case not "two ships", but "double ship" -  traditional polynesian double-canoe (as catamarans)
Fya'ofnewyu = navigator (fya'o+fnew+yu)
Palulukan Tompayä = "Palulukan of the sea" = shark

Nusrra Tanhì = Glowing star = Sirius star (translation of hawaiian name for this star)
Tanhì alu Eyktan ta ayatxkxe tsawkeyä = Star of leader of sunny lands = Canopus star (translation of hawaiian name for this star)
Rima Tanhì Syayviyä = Yellow star of happy = Arcturus star (translation of hawaiian name for this star)
Kerusikxa Tanhì = Non-moving star = Polaris, North Star (translation of hawaiian name for this star)

Olo' sanhìyä aean = Clan of blue stars = Pleiades star cluster
Sanhì Atanä = Stars of the Light = stars of Southern Cross constellation (free translation of hawaiian name for this group of star)
Sanhì Aymokriyä = Stars of the Voice = stars of Corvus constellation (free translation of hawaiian name for this group of star)

Atxkxe pìwopxä a lu teyr sì ngim = Land of long white cloud = New Zealand (translation of Maori name for New Zealand: Aotearoa)
Atxkxe a lu nusokx ta txep = land originated from the fire = Hawaii islands (are volcanic islands)



All corrections and ideas are welcome
« Last Edit: June 12, 2016, 06:52:47 pm by Toliman »

Offline Plumps

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Nì’awve ma Toliman, fìway lu lor nìtxan! Solunu oer nìtxan nang.

Lu oer hola säplltxevi nì’aw ;)


Few txampay ìlä aysanhì

Kìyevame ma Atxkxe pìwopxä a lu ngim sì teyr
Txon za'u ulte ayoengeyä/awngeyä tìsop a lu txana krr sngä'i
Ayoeyä meuranìl (in the sense of your double boats this could be munsnauran) sngeykä'i ngäzika tìsopit ka txampay alehrrap
Ne tsenge tsenga Olo' sanhìyä aean nrr txonä tawmì

Ayoeyä meuran sop nì'awtu äo vawma taw
Äo txonä taw hu pxaya tanhì a lu txanatan sì narlor
Faysanhìl wìntxu salewfyati ne ayoeyä kelku
Sanhìt (a) mì tonä taw nong ko!

Txasoma tsawkel tok nìkxayl tawti
Hufwel spule ayoeyä meuranit nìtut kelku[]ne
Kosmana tswusayona ayfayoang spä ftu pay
Ulte ayyayo tswayon nìlenomum pkxaw ayoe

Tanhì alu Eyktan ta ayatxkxe tsawkeyä
Sì Nusrra Tanhì nrr nìtxanatan mì saw txonä
Atanä Sanhì sì Sanhì Aymokriyä nìk'ong fäkä
Sanhìt Aymokriyä nong ko!

Hufwe tìran nìwin ulte taw lu luke sanhì sì hu fiwopx
Slä ayoeyä fya'ofnewyul (you mean fwew, right? *fnew doesn’t exist (yet) :P) eyk meuranit nìam'ake ne kelku
Yrrap atxantur zama'u wä ayoeyä meuran
Slä ayoeyä tìsop a lu txana krr nìzawnong salew

Tanhì alu Eyktan ta ayatxkxe tsawkeyä
Sì Nusrra Tanhì 'ìp nìk'ong mì Tsawkeyä atan atxantur
Tanhì Syayviyä a lu rim sroler li mì vawma taw txonä
Fìtanhì arim nong ko!

Ayoeyä meuran sop mìkam pxaya aysponotsyìp
Few txampay (a) hu pxaya palulukan txampayä
Hufwel spule ayoeyä meuranit nìtut ne kelku
Meuranil rikx ka txampay pxel tswusayona yayo

Kerusikxa Tanhì sroler li mì vawma taw txonä
Sanhì Atanä li kllkä ne txampay nìk'ong
Atxkxel alu ayoeyä kelku sngä'i livok li nì'i'a
Kerusikxa Tanhìt nong ko!

Pxaya vospxì a lamu txana krr li 'oli'a
Ayoeyä tìsop a lu ngim 'i'a nìk'ong
Ayoe tätxaw ne kelku ne ayoeyä aysoaia
Fì'u teya si ayoeyä te'lanur nìtxan

Kerusikxa Tanhì nrr mì vawma taw txonä
Rima Syayviyä Tanhì nrr io re'o fya'ofwewyuyä
Mipa spono srer äo tsenge Kerusikxa Tanhìyä
Txon 'i'a ulte ayoengeyä tìsop hasey si nì'i'a

Kaltxì ma Atxkxe a lu nusokx ta txep – That is not possible in Na’vi: ‹us› and ‹awn› can only be used attributively, i.e. with an attached a, as you did above. From the meaning you give “originated from the fire” that sounds like a case for atxkxe a nolokx ta txep to me ;)
Kaltxì nìmun ma ayoeyä kelku

Txo ngar lu sìpawm, peng oer nìyey :)

Offline Toliman

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Irayo ma Plumps  :)

Thanks for your corrections and comments

Munsnauran - thanks, exactly this I need (on word munsna I totally forgot ... )
Fnew x Fwew - yes, I mean fwew
Atxkxe a nolokx ta txep - good solution of this translation, thanks

Other things was mostly my stupid mystakes  :-[  (and typing errors, I wrote it in deep night  ;D )

Corrected version:

« Last Edit: June 12, 2016, 12:15:00 pm by Toliman »

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Txantsana tìkangkem, ma Toliman! Lora way nìtxan! :D

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Quote
Munsnauran - thanks, exactly this I need (on word munsna I totally forgot ... )

Munsna- translates to a pair of something, like a pair of shoes or something. I'd see munsnauran and think of a pair of boats, like a fleet squad of two ships instead of a single ship that is like a 2-in-1. Hmm.. ??? :-\

Quote
Atxkxe a nolokx ta txep - good solution of this translation, thanks

Don't we have a word for island, spono? Maybe the longer workaround was needed for syllable count?

Either way, beautiful work! :D I like it

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Offline Toliman

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Quote
Munsnauran - thanks, exactly this I need (on word munsna I totally forgot ... )

Munsna- translates to a pair of something, like a pair of shoes or something. I'd see munsnauran and think of a pair of boats, like a fleet squad of two ships instead of a single ship that is like a 2-in-1. Hmm.. ??? :-\

It's also true. Finding of good expresion for this was quite difficult. In first time I used simply uran ("boat"), but I wanted use any expresion for this quite special polynesian ships.


Quote
Munsnauran - thanks, exactly this I need (on word munsna I totally forgot ... )

Don't we have a word for island, spono? Maybe the longer workaround was needed for syllable count?

Yeah, I considered both this words (Land x Island) and I lastly used variant with land.

Offline Toliman

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Re: Few txampay ìlä aysanhì (poem partly inspired by old Polynesian poetry)
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2016, 04:14:36 pm »
Here is my next attempt on this theme ...


Fyaofwewyuyä unil

Tengkrr nga hahaw, oel mayunge ngati
Ngal tsaye'a lesyuratana ayrikxpayti
Txopu rä'ä si!

Ngal stayawm fizayuyä aymokriti
Fula tsame'a suteyä aysyayti
Suteyä aysyayti ro ngima sìsop few txampay
Fula nong aysmìm ayoeyä pizayu

Tsenge tsenga sute tsaywayon pxel ayayo ka taw
Ulte fayoang nayrr pxel sanhì mì txonä taw
Tsenge tsenga ngal stayawm aymokriti fizayuyä
Sìltsana tsenge nìhawng fte tsa'u livu tìngay

Tsenge fula ayfya'ofwewyul fwew nìtut
Tsenge a lu kelku ayunilä feyä
Nì'aw ro ayunil feyä


Tìralpeng:

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Few txampay ìlä aysanhì (poem partly inspired by old Polynesian poetry)
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2016, 05:44:09 pm »
Honestly it's well done. The figures of speech give a great image of your message. :D
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Few txampay ìlä aysanhì (poem partly inspired by old Polynesian poetry)
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2016, 05:59:20 pm »
Irayo ma Vawmataw  :)

And thank for corrections (lenition - I still forget ... )

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Few txampay ìlä aysanhì (poem partly inspired by old Polynesian poetry)
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2016, 06:08:54 pm »
You should reread the lenition meme. lol
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