IKRANA TSWAYONYU

Started by Ateyo Te Syaksyuk, January 09, 2012, 02:29:25 PM

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Ateyo Te Syaksyuk

Irayo, Tirea Aean, oeyä karyu fpì srung :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IKRANÄ TSWAYONYU
Oe mìn nìtxa' ftär
Oe mìn nìtxa' skien
Titswusayonìri moe lu 'aw
Oeyä ikran sì oe
Txur, seykxel
'Efu hufwet
A oeri mesyalit spule
Nefä, nefä
Kxamlä taw aean
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IKRAN FLYER
I turn very hard left
I turrn very hard right
We are one in flight
My ikran and I
Very strong   
I feel the wind
Carrying my wings
Upwards Upwards
Through the  blue skies



Blue Elf

that's really good! +1
Just two notes:
- if you really to say "blue skies", use plural: (ay)saw aean
- not sure if we can use nìtxa' is sense you used it, but in poetry some rule breaks are allowed

Nice work!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Ateyo Te Syaksyuk

Irayo Ma Blue Elf!
I missed the pluralization of skies.
Irayo, good catch!
As for nìtxa, I think I decided to keep it as a rule break simply for the flow.
Eventually, I will devise a song/performance piece.
But first I must memorize it!

Kamean

Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Alyara Arati

This is so good! :D  Thanks both to you and Tirea Aean. :-*
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Tirea Aean

#5
Kaltxì ma Ateyo! :D I'm glad you posted this!

QuoteIrayo, Tirea Aean, oeyä karyu fpì srung

Srungìri irayo ma Tirea Aean alu oeyä karyu :)

: Nìprrte' ma oeyä numeyu. :D

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 09, 2012, 02:45:26 PM
that's really good! +1
Just two notes:
- if you really to say "blue skies", use plural: (ay)saw aean
- not sure if we can use nìtxa' is sense you used it, but in poetry some rule breaks are allowed

Nice work!

Well, i didnt correct skies into plural because i dont think it makes a lot of sense to have more than one sky(this doesnt even make sense to me in English actually, but it is still said?) and i didnt think it was significant.

i had the same thought about nìtxa' but it is at least understandable asd can imo suffice until a more fitting word comes along.


Puvomun

Very nice poem, yes. Well done. :)

Krr a lì'fya lam sraw, may' frivìp utralit.

Ngopyu ayvurä.