Author Topic: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora  (Read 1276 times)

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Offline Eana Ketuwong

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Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« on: June 02, 2011, 08:19:39 pm »
I am pretty confident in this one, and I wrote it while I was with my friend. He makes me happy, and I felt this was appropriate for the moment. It is about the connectedness of Pandora. Please tell me if there are grammar errors or spelling mistakes. Below it is a roughly translated version, in which I wrote first then I put it into Na'vi.

Irayo,
Eana Ketuwong

Ayoengyä kifkey lu 'awpo
Ayoeng lu ke ke'aw
Ayoeng plltxe, ulte ayoeng way si
Niwotx tsun stawm
Ayoengìl srew poeyä txonmì
(Ulte) Niwotx rikx hu ayoengit

Our world is one.
We are not divided
We speak and we sing
All can hear
We dance in her night
(And) all move with us
We are one
Ayoeng lu 'awpo.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2013, 09:03:00 pm by Eana Ketuwong »
Tumbling hard until 3 AM on a Wednesday night

Offline 'Itan Atxur

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2011, 11:40:41 pm »
That's beautiful. I'm no grammar Nazi so I can't help you much there :). Love the poem though!

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Offline Puvomun

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2011, 11:48:03 pm »
"Poem" alor!

Ayoengyä kifkey lu 'awpo
Ayoeng lu ke ke'aw
Ayoeng plltxe, ulte ayoeng way si
Niwotx tsun stivawnm
Ayoengìl srew poeyät txonit
(Ulte) Niwotxìl 'ärìp hu ayoengit

I found a few small thingies, perhaps there are more but I say: well done!
« Last Edit: June 02, 2011, 11:51:53 pm by Puvomun »
Krr a lì'fya lam sraw, may' frivìp utralit.

Ngopyu ayvurä.

Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2011, 11:50:59 pm »
I am pretty confident in this one, and I wrot it while I was with my boy that's a friend(: He makes me happy, and I felt this was appropriate for the moment. It is about the connectedness of Pandora. Please tell me if there are grammar errors or spelling mistakes. Below it is a roughly translated version, in which I wrote first then I put it into Na'vi.

Irayo,
Eana Ketuwong

Ayoengyä kifkey lu 'awpo
Ayoeng lu ke ke'aw
Ayoeng plltxe, ulte ayoeng way si
Niwotx tsun stawm
Ayoengìl srew poeyät txon
(Ulte) Niwotxìl 'ärìp rikx hu ayoengit

Our world is one.
We are not divided
We speak and we sing
All can hear
We dance in her night
(And) all move with us
We are one
Ayoeng lu 'awpo.


It is truly lovelySeysonìltsan!  Just a couple of things: srew is intransitive, so you don't use cases with it, but for "in" you want .  Also 'arìp is "to move something", where rikx is "to move as in change position", and it, too is intransitive.  Aside from one typo, the rest looks great to me! :D :D :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2011, 01:19:05 am »
Txantsan! Very nice! Welcome in club of Na'vi writers ;D (bad joke, I can't count myself among these)

Some corrections (as Puvomun found, just some explanation):
in 2nd line I'd write: Ayoeng ke lu ke'aw (ke must be before verb. Not sure about ke'aw, but can not find better word - nì'awtu doesn't fit best here)
in 4th line: Nìwotx tsun stivawm (tsun is modal verb and controlledverb takes subjunctive)
Other mistakes were found by Alyara Arati.

Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Tanri

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2011, 07:02:55 am »
Fì*poem* lu txantsan nìngay, ma Eana Ketuwong.
Tsulfä ke lu mì hìmtxan aylì’uä, tup mì ral. Nìlaw ngal omum futa ralpeng säfpìlit ngeyä sìltsan. :)

Lu oeru ’awa säplltxevi nì’aw:
Lì’uri alu "nìwotx", oel fpìl futa awnga ke tsun sivar tsat na tstxolì’u, taluna tsaw lu *adverb* nì’aw.
Sweylu txo ngal sivung lì’ut alu "frapo", natkenong "Frapo nìwotx tsun stivawm".

Tìvawmìri txopu rä’ä si. Nrr!

Offline Sireayä mokri

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2011, 09:26:58 am »
Frapohu a li pamrel soli, oe mllte; lu txantsan :)   
When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.

Offline Eana Ketuwong

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2011, 01:10:37 pm »
Thank you all...
And yes, I've heard it said that we are not all perfect at Na'vi; thank you for editing the errors. All is appreciated, and the only times I can actually write is when I'm with my boyfriend <3
Again, thank you! I'm still learning, and I'll get better with time.  :)
Tumbling hard until 3 AM on a Wednesday night

Offline Puvomun

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2011, 02:01:37 pm »
Again, thank you! I'm still learning, and I'll get better with time.  :)

Most of us are :)
Krr a lì'fya lam sraw, may' frivìp utralit.

Ngopyu ayvurä.

Offline Eana Ketuwong

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Re: Our World is One - A short poem about Pandora
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2011, 11:25:28 pm »
Again, thank you! I'm still learning, and I'll get better with time.  :)

Most of us are :)
That I think we can all agree with. :)
Tumbling hard until 3 AM on a Wednesday night

 

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