Author Topic: Pamrel ta Toliman  (Read 11090 times)

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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #20 on: June 26, 2015, 03:12:00 pm »
Txantsan, ma Toliman!
Good job, but some improvements are still possible:
Quote
Tawä taronyu tìran few txonä taw
Ka means across in sense of cover something thoroughly. It doesn't work here. Few means across as aim opposite side of something - and as taronyu goes from one side of sky to another, it fits.
Quote
Oel tse'a Taronyuä pìwopxtsyìpit
Narlora pìwopxtsyìpit atanä
... as stated by Tìtstewan
I'd add patientive suffix also in second line, as it looks like continuation of previous line. And in the third line probably too for the same reason.
Quote
Oel tse'a 'ewana tanhìt a lu txanatan
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #21 on: June 26, 2015, 03:28:14 pm »
Irayo ma Blue Elf :)
Fortunately these are "only small mistakes" which is possible easily correct:

Taronyu tawä
(Ta Toliman)

Tawä taronyu tìran few txonä taw
Kinäa tanhì a lu txanatan
Krrka ayton atxawew
Io hertxayo a lu hoet

Tsawla snatanhì a lu narlor
Hu ingyenga'a yeyfya pxeya tanhìyä
Kxamlä sä'o fte sanhìt tsive'a
Oel tse'a kosmana kifkeyt sanhìyä

Oel tse'a Taronyuä pìwopxtsyìpit
Narlora pìwopxtsyìpit atanä
Ingyenga'a tseng a lu kosman
Tsenga 'ongokx mipa sanhì

Eana tanhì ta taronyuä kinam
Oel tse'a 'ewana tanhìt a lu txanatan
Tuna tanhì ta taronyuä 'etnaw
Oel tse'a kxawm li keruseya tanhìt

Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2015, 05:51:23 pm »
"Background version" of my last poem:


Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2015, 06:24:04 pm »
Väri gud
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #24 on: July 22, 2015, 12:31:36 pm »
So this is my next poem. I was inspired to write this poem during my yesterday astro-observation. Poem is about one amazing star cluster (exactly two clusters) - Double Cluster in Perseus constellation (this, if you don't know: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Cluster). Many words in this poems come to my mind directly during observing of this star cluster through telescope.  :)  Poem is named as Mesnatanhì = "Two star clusters" = Double Cluster.


Mesnatanhìtsyìp
Ta Toliman

Mì tonä taw a lu vawm
Oel tse'a pìwopxtsyìpit aingyenga'
hilvan tawä a lu kosman

Kxamlä sä'o fte sanhìt tsive'a
Oel tse'a sanhìyä mesna'ot akosman
Pxaya tanhìt a lu txanatan
Sì 'a'awa tanhìt a lu nìingyenga' tun

Narlora snatanhì a lu txanatan
Mì pawpa sponoä sanhìyä a lu ayoeyä
Narlora snatanhì a lu alìm

English translation:


« Last Edit: July 22, 2015, 01:02:24 pm by Toliman »

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2015, 12:54:19 pm »
Your poem is very nice. :D

« Last Edit: July 22, 2015, 01:02:47 pm by Vawmataw »
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #26 on: July 22, 2015, 01:05:24 pm »
*corrected*

Irayo  :) and thank for corrections  :)

I wrote this poem today during current very hot weather.  ;D

Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2015, 01:46:47 pm »
traditional background version of my last poem:


Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #28 on: July 24, 2015, 02:03:46 pm »
Mesnatanhìtsyìp
Ta Toliman

Mì tonä taw a lu vawm
Oel tse'a pìwopxtsyìpit aingyenga'
hilvan tawä a lu kosman

Kxamlä sä'o fte sanhìt tsive'a
Oel tse'a sanhìyä mesna'ot akosman
Pxaya tanhìt a lu txanatan
Sì 'a'awa tanhìt a lu nìingyenga' tun

Narlora snatanhì a lu txanatan
Mì pawpa sponoä sanhìyä a lu ayoeyä
Narlora snatanhì a lu alìm

Txantsan, ma Toliman. New oe piveng 'awa säplltxevit nì'aw:
nìingyenga' is very probably not correct, based on these examples: ninan (not * nìinan), ningyen (not *nìingyen). Same vowels contract into single vowel, and apparently i and ì are similar enough.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #29 on: July 24, 2015, 02:09:35 pm »
Txantsan, ma Toliman. New oe piveng 'awa säplltxevit nì'aw:
nìingyenga' is very probably not correct, based on these examples: ninan (not * nìinan), ningyen (not *nìingyen). Same vowels contract into single vowel, and apparently i and ì are similar enough.
Irayo ma Blue Elf  :)
So ningyenga' = mysteriously is probbably correct?

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2015, 02:13:50 pm »
Txantsan, ma Toliman. New oe piveng 'awa säplltxevit nì'aw:
nìingyenga' is very probably not correct, based on these examples: ninan (not * nìinan), ningyen (not *nìingyen). Same vowels contract into single vowel, and apparently i and ì are similar enough.
Irayo ma Blue Elf  :)
So ningyenga' = mysteriously is probbably correct?
In theory it should be :), but in practice seems it is not necesary - as we already have ningyen = mysteriously, in a puzzling fashion :)
Normaly, adverbs are created by nì- + adjective, but ningyen seems to be exception (nì- + noun).
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #31 on: July 24, 2015, 02:21:55 pm »
Txantsan, ma Toliman. New oe piveng 'awa säplltxevit nì'aw:
nìingyenga' is very probably not correct, based on these examples: ninan (not * nìinan), ningyen (not *nìingyen). Same vowels contract into single vowel, and apparently i and ì are similar enough.
Irayo ma Blue Elf  :)
So ningyenga' = mysteriously is probbably correct?
In theory it should be :), but in practice seems it is not necesary - as we already have ningyen = mysteriously, in a puzzling fashion :)
Normaly, adverbs are created by nì- + adjective, but ningyen seems to be exception (nì- + noun).


Irayo  :)  So I will use rather ningyenga' ...(it sounds better for me)

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #32 on: July 24, 2015, 02:24:19 pm »
If a syllable is stressed, usually the ì of nì- will drop, otherwise, the ì remains. So, as the stress in ingyenga' is on ing, the ì of - will drop. :)
(Yeah, I know that linked topic refers to ì + e but why it should not be also for ì?)

----

Txantsana way, ma Toliman! :D
« Last Edit: July 24, 2015, 02:27:38 pm by Tìtstewan »

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Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #33 on: July 28, 2015, 06:10:20 am »
Kxawm, nga tsun pamrel sivi teri pìwopxtsyìp yayoä, kefyak? :)

Here is that poem about Eagle Nebula. To your wish  :)

Pìwopxtsyìp yayoä
(Ta Toliman)

Pìwopxtsyìpä yayo a lu hì'i
Tswayon ka kilvan tawä
Lok txanatana pìwopx sanhìyä
Äo ikran tawä a lu tsawl

Ingyenga'a pìwopxtsyìp
Pxaw narlora snatanhìtsyìp
Ingyenga'a tseng a lu kosman
Tsenga 'ongokx sanhì a lu mip

Krrka ayton a lu sang
Kxamlä sä'o fte sanhìt tsive'a
Oel tse'a fi'u kifkeyt aingyenga'
Lìm a kosmana tseng

Translation
« Last Edit: July 28, 2015, 11:03:16 am by Toliman »

Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #34 on: July 28, 2015, 09:19:56 am »

Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #35 on: August 06, 2015, 11:26:53 am »
This poem is about one wonderful summer constelation - Cygnus constellation. This constellation remind me flying toruk, so poem is called Tsawla toruk tawä (Great celestial toruk).

Tsawla toruk tawä
(Ta Toliman)

Tengkrr tsawke kllkä nìk'ong
Tsrere'i ngima ayuk atxkxemì kaymä
Krra trr 'i'u ulte txon za'u nìk'ong
Tsawla toruk tawä srer mì taw txonä

Toruk tawä tswayon ka kilvan tawä
Io tìfnunga'a atxkxe txonä
Snatanì a lu kosman sì narlor
hilvan tawä a lu txanatan

Oel tse'a kosmana sanhìyä ayfìwopxit
Sì ingyenga’a vawma ayfìwopxtsyìpit
Txanatana torukä pìwopx sanhìyä
Tsrere'i meypa ayukit atxkxemì txonä

Oel tse'a narlora kifkeyt sanhìyä
Sì ingyenga’a kifkeyt ayfìwopxtsyìpä
Tsenga ’ongokx sanhì a lu mip
Sì tsenga terkup sanhì a lu spuwin

Kosmana mesanhì kxetsero torukä
Sä'o fte sanhìt tsive'a kxamlä
Oel tse'a tsawla tanhìt hu hì'ia tanhì
Oel tse'a tuna tanhìt hu eana tanhì

Sressr'ong nìk'ong za'u ulte 'i'u txon
Sanhì torukä tìng tseng eo atan tsawkeyä
Txanatana torukä re'omì tanhì 'ì'awn syen
Släkop pol snaytx tìwemit sneyä



I am not sure with some expression, so there is translation (for sure) and all correction are welcome.




Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #36 on: August 06, 2015, 11:57:34 am »
Txantsan ma 'eylan. :D

I want to make another poem soon following the model shown in wm.annis' document. I'm seeking an idea. Maybe astronomy? ;)

« Last Edit: August 06, 2015, 12:13:06 pm by Vawmataw »
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #37 on: August 06, 2015, 12:26:07 pm »
Irayo ma Vawmataw  :)
I still make stupid mistakes or somethink forget. Yes, I know how to use the cases, but I forget them ...  irayo for your correction  :)
* Toliman tail slaps himself for his stupid mistakes

And also I want try make poem following the model shown in wm.annis' document, because it is very interesting idea.

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #38 on: August 06, 2015, 12:27:23 pm »
I still make stupid mistakes or somethink forget. Yes, I know how to use the cases, but I forget them ...  irayo for your correction  :)
* Toliman tail slaps himself for his stupid mistakes
* Vawmataw takes Toliman's tail before he tailslaps himself.

The mistakes are not stupid. They are normal if we want to progress.
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Offline Toliman

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Re: Pamrel ta Toliman
« Reply #39 on: August 06, 2015, 12:31:59 pm »
I still make stupid mistakes or somethink forget. Yes, I know how to use the cases, but I forget them ...  irayo for your correction  :)
* Toliman tail slaps himself for his stupid mistakes
* Vawmataw takes Toliman's tail before he tailslaps himself.
;D ;D ;D

Irayo ma 'eylan  :)

 

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