Pxaya ayfamrel ne Kìreysì...

Irtaviš Ačankif · March 20, 2012, 12:26:59 PM

See my posts below for updates

3734/3/2

tsngerawvängìk oe ngaru set
oeng ke tsun ultxa si fìtsenge
slä oel ngati tsun kivameie
tìkawngur oe peng san "kehe"

oe ngasì 'erefu keftxo
oe new pivlltxe "kivä ko"
nìrangal oeng ke tsive'a fo
oengìl tiveiok kifkeytsyìpo

oel ngati kerame, ma tsmuktu
ke set oe 'efu nì'awtu
oel omum tì'efut ngaru
na omeium kawtul ki kawtu

3734/3/4

Fìtxon na fratxon
pxaya ay'ul tok tsengit
ke tsun hivahaw.

Na fra'ul akawng
oeyä tì'efu ngaru
ke mawey längu.

Oeyä sirea
mì 'a'awa trrkrro
tsaheyl sìsyeiyi.

3734/3/5

kxamtomaw
ke lu law
aysanhìl
'a'a'aw
ke tok taw

fìkrr fko
'eylano
kelkuo
'usefo

keftxo lu
nì'awtu
lerängu

oengìri
tsaheyl si
mevitra
eltu mi

ke "kehe"
pivlltxe
ma tsmuke

oeng ta
fì'Rrta
plltxe "saa!"
kawngä kxa

tì'efu
vivar ko
tsìsye'a
mì krro!

3734/3/12

Nìmun oe ke pamrel seri fa way fpi aylì'u atxan. Ma 'eylan, nìawomum futa oeng ke ultxa sami takrra pxezìsìkrr! Furia oel ke tsivun tsive'a ngati lu kawng nìtxan ulte fìkemur oe 'armefu keftxo ta krr a ngim.

Ngal ke tsun ronselngivop futa oe nivew ngat kivame fayzìsìkrr. Pxaya aywayit oel nolop ngaru, ma Kìreysì, nì'aw fpi ftivang tswiva' ngat. Oel omum futa nga ke tsun pivlltxe nìNa'vi, slä oeyä tì'efur nìNa'vi nì'aw oe tsun pamrel sivi. Oeyä ayeylan perlltxe san "tswiveia' operu set" sìk slä oel omum futa nga lamu, leru, ulte frakrr lìsyu oeyä sweya 'eylan.

Yaweyìl oengeyä tì'efur aungiati ngivop fìkrr - po omum nìlaw oengeyä mete'lanit.

3734/3/15

Nì'ia
peng fa way
eltuta
ftang set vay

kxamtxomaw za'u tawne
aylì'u za'u oengne
tì'efu ayawne
zìsya'u nìmuve

kerä oey unilka
ronselngängop krroa
nga neto ayoe
kamä - sìltsan ke

oel ngati kerame
oeti ngal kìsyame
ke 'ìsyefu keftxo
ultxa sivi krro!

3734/3/20

set oe 'erängefu keftxo
fperìl teri oengeyä krro
ronselngerop futa tì'efu
srake sngä'i mì 'awa trro?

oeyä tirea peng san "srane"
oel ngati trro kìsyame
Yaweyìl ke new kifkeyti luke
oengeyä tsaleioae

nìrangal oeng aungia soli
päpeng oey vur tì'eylan mi
slä oe set tsun kame ngati
ultxa mesirea oengey si!

More will be added as I write more. These are actually late-night scribblings on a notebook with a gel pen, so don't really expect stellar grammar...

Blue Elf · March 21, 2012, 09:04:15 AM

Tìtxula a eltur tìtxen si nìngay. Looks like day-book or journal, isn't it?
I didn't read it all yet (it is a little long), but I propose some corrections (deep night is not good for good grammar - tested on myself

)

Kamean · March 21, 2012, 10:08:05 AM

Kosman!

Alyara Arati · March 21, 2012, 06:34:35 PM

Thank you for posting these. It's great to see so much new poetry nìNa'vi; you've done well at capturing and creating a mood, here.

Spoiler: 3734/3/15

Spoiler: 3734/3/20

Irtaviš Ačankif · April 18, 2012, 11:55:40 AM

Again, quantity over quality...

3734/3/33

Ma Kìreysì, lu sunu oeru fwa oeyä pamreltsyìp teri oengeyä ayupxare lìyu hasey ye'rin. Trrpxeyve oel faylì'uti YawYaw mengaru tìyìng, ulte oel sìlpey futa ngal tsìyun tsive'a fì'upxaret.

Ngafpi oeru lu way nìfrakrr:

tìkusame
a lu oengey
kolä ulte
zìsya'eiu
keftxo lolu
nitram lìsyu
ngati oel
kìsyameie...

3734/3/35

lrrtok sereiyi ngafpi oe
ke tsngawvìk set - ngaru lu upxare
pìyi ngaru oey tìkusame
ulte mefamrel oey amune

oeri txe'lan lìyeiu teya
ke sweylu ronsrelngop unilfa
tì'efu tereiun kifkeyka
aylì'u tswivayon oengta

oe ngafpi pamrel sereiyi
slä ye'rin ngaru tìplltxe si
ke lìyu aysute akawng mi
oel ngati kìsyame frakrr

3734/3/37

kxamtxomaw kamä
fpeiyìl oe ngateri
tsngawvìk set ngafpi

tsìyun pivängxo oeng
pehrr tse'a ngat oel
kawtul tsun piveng

set sirea lu
keftxo nìtxan fe' nìteng
ke kame nì'ul

slä oel omum
futa nga oesì mi
tsìyun ultxa si?

3734/4/2

Ne oeyä 'eylan Kìreysì:

Nga ke tsun ronsrelngivop teri fwa oe fpìl ngateri fìtxan. Sweylu oe ngaru tolìng a'awa aungia oeyä tì'efuä mì krr a oeng lalmu ke'aw. Slä oe set tsun fpeiyìl nì'aw, ke tsun oe pivängkxo ngahu fìkrr...lu keftxo nìtxan nang! Oe ngeyä tsmukanhu alu Txanyel pìyängkxo teri "enciphered"a ayupxare ngafpi; tsakrr oeng tsivun pivlltxe ke hu aysute tsere'a.

Oeng ke längu mehapxìtu Na'viyä; oe ngahu ke tsun tsaheyl sivi eo Eywa. Slä oel omum futa --------------- ngìsyop tìkusame oengeyä na oengeyä --------------. Oe sìlpey tsatrrit a -------- tsìyun käpame nimun!

Yawì ngahu frakrr,
Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng

3734/4/3

pelun oehu ke tsun nga leiu nìprrte'
ke tsun ultxa seiyi set - frapo peng san kehe
txura txe'lan ke tspamang ayfoyä ayvrrtep
ngari oe ke 'armefängu nitram vay set

ayupxare oengeyä tsìyun tswivayon
sute a fpìl tìkawng oeng tìyevareion
nìrangal oe ngahu liveiu tsaheyl si
slä lu txana tìkawng sì kawnga tìkangkem mi

oe tsun ngati kivameie ayunilka
mesirea oengeyä tsereie'a
oeyä tì'efu na lahea kifkeyta
kawtul omum futa pelun lu 'eylan oey nga

3734/4/8

(big mess of FamrelaWin, including some metered poetry - I write fast but read slow!)
[...finally in Latin script]
Ma Kìreysì, oel ngati kameie nìngay! Fayupxare lu oeyä tìkangkem akrrta pxaya srr. Nìtxan oe new ultxa siveiyi ngahu, menari menari menarisre, slä lu pxaya aysute a ke omängum oengeyä tì'eylan...

3734/4/10

Ma Kìreysì fìtrr mì zìsìt atan lu "Easter" a lu lenitram nì'ul nìtxan to fìzìsìkrrä fìtrr. Ayeylanìl oeyä ke omum fì'ut, slä ngati oel kerame ne krrä tì'iavay. Tse.. upxaret oel ngaru tìmìng, ulte oel omum futa oe ngahu ultxa siveiyi ye'rin. Fìkrr oel fpìl fì'ut teri aungia a tìng uparet atan: oengeyä tì'eylan ke lìsyu tiverkup!

3734/4/11

(huge mess of Latin-script cursive (as messy as signatures) that fills a few pages; no time to decode)

3734/4/17

ke omum futa pehrr tsun tsive'a ngati
ke omum futa pelun lu tìyawn oeri
ulte ke tsun ronsrelngiveiop set ngateri
oel kin futa lu tìkusame tì'efu mi

set kawtu tìng mikyun krr a ngaru plltxeie
frapo fpìl san "poanìl poeti ke kame"
slä oer nga frakrr lìsyeiu 'eylan aswey
oe eo kawnga sute plltxe san kehe

oel ngati kìsyame ne krrä tì'i'a
ngati tsaye'a tengkrr oe tul kifkeyka
tsatrr oe kayereiä nìwin kelkuta
ne oengeyä nitrama 'awvea ultxa

tons of prose following...and I'll need too much --------- to cover secrets, so...
Hayalovay!

Blue Elf · April 18, 2012, 03:35:57 PM

Quote from: Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng on April 18, 2012, 11:55:40 AM
Again, quantity over quality...

Nìngay, nga lu pamrelsiyu afkew

Some notes:
Trrpxeyve oel faylì'uti YawYawur sì mengaru tìyìng, ulte oel sìlpey ~~futa~~tsnì ngal tsìyun tsive'a fì'upxaret.

Ngari~~fpi~~ oeru lu way nìfrakrr: (carefully with fpi - it is not exactly "for")

tìkusame
sì tìyawne ??

tì'efu tereiuln ?? kifkeyka

slä ye'rin ngaru tìplltxe si ??

Nga ke tsun ronsrelngivop ~~teri fwa~~futa oe fpìl ngateri fìtxan. Sweylu fwa oel ngaru tolìng a'awa aungiati oeyä tì'efuä mì khrr a oeng lalmu ke'aw.

Very interest work, but tooooooo long to read

Alyara Arati · April 18, 2012, 05:07:18 PM

QuoteMa Kìreysì, lu sunu oeru fwa oeyä pamreltsyìp teri oengeyä ayupxare lìyu hasey ye'rin. Trrpxeyve oel faylì'uti YawYaw mengaru tìyìng, ulte oel sìlpey futa ngal tsìyun tsive'a fì'upxaret.

I'll come back and make some suggestions about the poems themselves later...

Irtaviš Ačankif · April 18, 2012, 07:35:19 PM

MOE your interpretation is a bit off

I meant "YawYawfa". Must have forgotten it while transcribing to computer.

Alyara Arati · April 18, 2012, 08:51:56 PM

Fwa inan sì tslam oel faywayit lolu oeru ngäzìk nì'it. Hemlì'uvit nìhawng solar ngal, tì'efumì oeya, hufwa tslam oel futa pxaya alo kolin ngal sa'ut fpi kato.

Sunu oeru hato ngeyä sì ngampam nìteng, slä fpìl oel futa kxawm nga fmeri ngampam sivi nìhawng. Nìlam ngari txe'lan teya lu; tivung futa nga tsun livu ftxavang nì'ul pxel pamreltu.

Irtaviš Ačankif · April 18, 2012, 10:09:05 PM

Quote from: Alyara Arati on April 18, 2012, 08:51:56 PM
Fwa inan sì tslam oel faywayit lolu oeru ngäzìk nì'it. Hemlì'uvit nìhawng solar ngal, tì'efumì oeya, hufwa tslam oel futa pxaya alo kolin ngal sa'ut fpi kato.

Sunu oeru hato ngeyä sì ngampam nìteng, slä fpìl oel futa kxawm nga fmeri ngampam sivi nìhawng. Nìlam ngari txe'lan teya lu; tivung futa nga tsun livu ftxavang nì'ul pxel pamreltu.

Tse...nì'Ìnglìsì?

Alyara Arati · April 18, 2012, 11:47:26 PM

Quote from: Alyara Arati on April 18, 2012, 08:51:56 PM
Fwa inan sì tslam oel faywayit lolu oeru ngäzìk nì'it. Hemlì'uvit nìhawng solar ngal, tì'efumì oeya, hufwa tslam oel futa pxaya alo kolin ngal sa'ut fpi kato.
These poems were a little hard for me to read and understand. In my opinion, you used too many infixes, although I understand that many times you needed those for the sake of the rhythm.

Sunu oeru hato ngeyä sì ngampam nìteng, slä fpìl oel futa kxawm nga fmeri ngampam sivi nìhawng. Nìlam ngari txe'lan teya lu; tivung futa nga tsun livu ftxavang nì'ul pxel pamreltu.
I like your rhythms and rhyme, too, but I think maybe you are trying too hard to rhyme. Clearly your heart is full; let yourself be more passionate as a writer.

Irtaviš Ačankif · April 19, 2012, 02:55:57 AM

Well, I'm not a big fan of unmetered poems. In my opinion, they are just prose, and prose is usually boring

In addition, I'm influenced by Chinese poetry (which BTW is what most people learn over here) which more often than not follows the following set of rules:

1. All lines are equally long in syllables (X.X.X.X)
2. X is an odd number (5.5.5.5 is common, but 6.6.6.6 very uncommon)
3. Each line terminates a clause, or at least some self-contained idea. ("I am a person / who cannot do a thing" is correct, but "I am he who does / not do a thing now" is completely messed up) Therefore, pause as if there is a period after every line.
4. Stress is /A.a.A.a.A.a.A/ regardless of the true stress of the words (Chinese stress is for emphasis and not for meaning anyway)

So, the correct way to read one of my poems would be:

KE oMUM fuTA peHRR tsun TSIve'A ngaTI (pause)
KE oMUM fuTA peLUN lu TÌyawn OeRI (pause)
...

I know it's not good Na'vi stress, but outside of tute/tuté, incorrectly stressed stuff can be perfectly understood.

Alyara Arati · April 19, 2012, 03:24:13 AM

My goodness, I was not trying to insult your cultural heritage! I just found this set of poems to be harder to read than the last, and when I looked at what was different, it seemed to me that this time you used a lot more infixes. I believe that you have great potential. If you find that you write best in this style, then by all means embrace it! I only wanted to encourage you not to limit yourself according to anyone else's ideas of what a poem should be.

Irtaviš Ačankif · April 19, 2012, 03:38:08 AM

No, I did not take it as an insult

It's just that I like poems written this way, and also because I'm actually in the process of translating NiaN into Chinese (that progress indicator in my sig needs an update quick!) I read about infixes all day long and then I try to use as much of them as possible

Infixes are cool!

Irtaviš Ačankif · May 04, 2012, 10:10:40 AM

I've composed a song based on my last poem.

http://forum.learnnavi.org/pamtseo-ninavi-niaw/song-with-original-music-ke-omum/

Irtaviš Ačankif · June 11, 2012, 09:04:10 PM

Removed all references to tìyawn and cleaned up some of the meter. Pelun oe fìkem si? Nì'awve, oe poesì nìhawng ewan lu (oeru lu volpuvea zìsìt, poeru lu volmrrvea zìsìt), tìyawnit 'ivefu ke tsun. Tslenga aylì'ut, nì'aw wayfpi, oe ke new pivlltxe. Nìmuve, krra oeyä lahea ayeylanìl fì'ut Google, oeteri fo hivanghang.

Irtaviš Ačankif · June 19, 2012, 11:24:19 AM

http://forum.learnnavi.org/learnnavi-community-support-board/what-to-do-with-this/
Please read that thread in order to understand the gradual shift of mood in these set of poems.

3734/4/30

Aylì'ul vurit teri oengeyä tìkeftxo ke tsun piveng...

tengkrr tompa kivä tawneto
tengkrr syulang 'ong eo tawo
tengkrr oeng ke'aw lerängu
'olìp nìwin pxezìsìkrro

pelun ke ngop aungiati
pelun lerängu tìkeftxo mi
pelun ke tsun ultxa siveiyi
pelun ke lu nitram eylanki

3734/4/32

tsngeykalmusawvängìk
läpeykarmängu
pelun tsngalmawvìk
set eromängum

parmlltxänge san
"keftxo lu nìtxan"
tsere'eia
tseng a ke keran

oe lereiu
ke set nì'awtu
leykìsyeiu
tsakrr oey tsmuktu

3734/5/1

nì'awtu leru slä kivame tsun ngati
aywayit tsun pamrel fpi nga nì'aw seiyi
tì'efumì oeyä nga lu oey 'eylan mi
eromum fwa kawtu omeium oeki

3734/5/3

set oeri
txe'lan teya leru
aysì'efu
a txantsan kosman mi

aysyulangìl
hufwemì zera'u
oe fperìl
pehrr nga ziva'u

'Rrtat ke tok
tì'eylanìl oengey
slä oel tsun
ngati kivameie

krra oeng
'awsiteng ultxa si
kawtul piveng
ke tsun tse'a ngati

3734/5/7

mì srr a oeng tse'a ator
oel tok tsengit nìtxan alor
tsawkel tarmìng awa atanvit
slä ke lameiu tìfmuseiyi

3734/5/12

Ma Txanyel,

Fìtrr oe oeyä sa'nokhu pìmängkxo, ulte poel oeru pameng san oe ngahu tsun ultxa sivi! Tewti! Furia kame tsun ngati oeru lamu pxaya tìfpusìl sì ton tìnitramluke.

Ngeyä tsmukeri alu Kìreysì, lu oeyä 'eylan poe kop; omum oel futa lahea aysute plltxe, slä poe ke nìngay lu yawnetu oeru (mi). Zusawkrrtengkrr? Ke omum oe! Pxaya aywayit oel ngolop poefpi (ngafpi kop).

ta Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng

3734/5/27

Ma Kìreysì,

Ngati oel kameie! Oeyä sa'nok futa 'upxare oeyä mengaru lu, ulte oe 'erefu nitram nìtxan! Ngaru pxaya wayit tìmìng oe, ulte aylì'ut Txanyelfpi oel pamrel sìmi nìteng.

Fìkrr oeyä txe'lan ke fterang: upxaret ngata oel tsìsye'a. Nì'ul, oeyä lahea ayeylan oehu ngahu ultxa sayi mì muvea trr mì puvea vospxì. Oeyä tì'eylan rìyevey!

ta Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng

Note: The 2012/6/2 meeting never transpired as promised.

3734/5/30

Ma tsmuke, fìtrr oe aminan fìpuk alu Gödel, Escher, Bach, an Eternal Golden Braid. Lamu pamtseo alu Crab Canon fìpukmì; na tsapamtseo oe fìwayit ngìmop.

oel ngati kameie
fì'ul oeti takuk ke
slä oe pereieng set
"kivä oene set: nìtxan
lu 'eylan oey nga frakrr"
txe'lan oeri lereiu
nitram nìtxan 'erefu

krro ne krro

'erefu nìtxan nitram
lereiu oeri txe'lan
"frakrr nga oey 'eylan lu
nìtxan: set oene kivä"
set pereieng oe slä
ke takuk oeti fì'ul
kameie ngati oel.

Thanks God Na'vi has free word order!

3734/5/31

tsatrr a oeng tsìyun ultxa siveiyi
ye'rìn zìya'u slä nì'aw fmerängi
nerew oe kivame ngati
nerew aungia si
slä set ke tsun mi
atanvit
tse'a
oel

3734/5/32

apxa tìngäzìk kolä
tìtor tìkawngä
ki upxaret ke tse'a
nìfrakrr kame

3734/5/34

Ma Kìreysì,

Fìtrr oe ngeyä sa'nokur "e-mail"it tolìng. Nì'ia ngima leke'aw ye'rìn tìmerkup. Furia pivängkxo ngahu ke tsun oe, oe ke 'almefu nitram, slä ftang set fì'u! Slä tsun oeng nìlaw, tìftusang nì'aw ke sìltsan lu. Rutxe, ma tsmuke, sa'nokur ngeyä faylì'u tivìng: tìngayìl nìfrakrr lätxayn tìtsleng!

Trrkivetengkrr lu 'awa krr a oe ngahu pivängkxo mì...nìngay?!...pxezìsìkrr pxaya kintrrsì! Ngeyä mokri oeru lu mip; lu law nì'ul slä mawey ke lu. Aungia asìltsan tsa'u lu? Ke omängum oe. Omum frapol futa oeng set ke lu oeng tsakrr! Fratìtsunslumì, nìtxan nitram lamu krra ngeyä mokriru nì'ia mikyun tìng!

ta Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng

3734/6/1

zìsìkrr asom
zola'u
oe 'erefu
nì'awtu
slä set oe mi
nitram lu

3734/6/10

Pehrr fayfamrel ftang sayi? Tì'efmì oeyä, fìpuktsyìpit oel hìsyawnu frakrr. Slä oel omum futa frapamrel oeyä nì'ia talmerkup. Tse...fìpuk ke lìyu, kefyak? Fratì'eful oeyä ngafpi fìtsengit tok; tsatrr a fìpuk terkup, tsatrr oengeyä tirea terkup!

Faysrrmì lu sute a new ivomum futa ftxey nga lu yawne oeru fuke. Kehe! Oeng meveng aewan nì'aw lu. Ulte oe sivar fìlì'u alu "'eylan" ki "yawnetu", nga omum. Nì'aw lamu fìtxana krr! Sunu oeru fwa pamrel sivi oeyä tìfpusìl tì'efusì...

Oeyä pamrel frakrr rìyeveiu!

ta ngeyä 'eylan, Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng