Some random "poetry"

Started by Blue Elf, October 14, 2011, 02:55:10 PM

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Blue Elf

*Poem a'awve
--------------
Tìran mì hifkey
ultxarolun ngati
ke new vivar nì'awtu

Nga sunu oeru
pom oeti
tayìng txe'lanit oey ngaru

Nga lu sevin
tìpusomit tìng oeru
tayìng tìyawnit ngaru

Tìng tsyokxit oeru
pumit oey tayìng ngaru
tayìran 'awsiteng
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

I really like these! :D :D :D

I think the second line of the second one is a little short though, relative to the others.  You might want to consider something like:
Quote from: Blue Elf on October 14, 2011, 02:55:10 PM
Nga sunu oeru
pom oeti ta txe'lan
tayìng pumit oey ngaru
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Kamean

Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Sireayä mokri

When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.

Blue Elf

Pxengeyä säplltxeviri oe irayo seiyi!
I have some ideas in my drawer, so I hope I'll write more :)

QuoteI think the second line of the second one is a little short though, relative to the others.
Yes, I noticed that, but as I'm not real poet, I didn't care about. But your correction is good, if used, poem looks much better
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

Quote from: Blue Elf on October 15, 2011, 02:51:53 PM
Yes, I noticed that, but as I'm not real poet, I didn't care about. But your correction is good, if used, poem looks much better

Don't think that way.  Everyone starts somewhere. :D  I hope you didn't take my comments as negative; I meant that to be constructive criticism only. :)
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on October 15, 2011, 05:00:07 PM
Quote from: Blue Elf on October 15, 2011, 02:51:53 PM
Yes, I noticed that, but as I'm not real poet, I didn't care about. But your correction is good, if used, poem looks much better

Don't think that way.  Everyone starts somewhere. :D  I hope you didn't take my comments as negative; I meant that to be constructive criticism only. :)
Of course not! Your changes are really good and I'm always glad if someone proposes improvements (although if someone finds a mistake, it steyki oeti  ;D)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Puvomun

Quote from: Blue Elf on October 15, 2011, 02:51:53 PM
but as I'm not real poet

Pxo'loks, ma tsmukan! You wrote a wonderful poem, so that makes you a poet. :)
Krr a lì'fya lam sraw, may' frivìp utralit.

Ngopyu ayvurä.

Sireayä mokri

Quote from: Puvomun on October 17, 2011, 04:25:16 AM
Quote from: Blue Elf on October 15, 2011, 02:51:53 PM
but as I'm not real poet

Pxo'loks, ma tsmukan! You wrote a wonderful poem, so that makes you a poet. :)

Mllte, you are a poet as long as you create.
When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.

Blue Elf

Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

#10
*Poem amuve - teri lrrtok

Srake nga 'efu keftxo, ma 'evengetsyìp?
Pelun? Tsawke atan seri,
ayyayo rol ulte tìrey lu lor.

Tuteru akeftxo ke lu tìrey lefpom,
ha lrrtok sivi ulte kifkey lrrtok sayi ngaru,
taluna lrrtokìl zamerunge syayvit.

Lrrtok sivi oeru ulte oe lrrtok sayi ngaru.
Tute a ke lu nì'awtu tsun frakem sivi
ulte kea ekxan ke lu apxa nìhawng.

Krr a nga lrrtok seri
frrnesyul 'erong, ya sleru sang
ulte sanhìl terìng atanit atxan nì'ul
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

 :D :D  Krr a nga lrrtok seri, Eywa 'efu nitram... :D :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Sireayä mokri

Quote from: Blue Elf on October 21, 2011, 05:00:36 PM
taluna lrrtokìl zamerunge syayvit.
...
ulte kea ekxan ke lu tsawl apxa nìhawng.

I'd add etrìp to syayvi, and tsawl is used with living beings.

Tse, seysonìltsan :)
When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.

Kamean

Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Blue Elf

Quote from: Alyara Arati on October 21, 2011, 06:25:07 PM
:D :D  Krr a nga lrrtok seri, Eywa 'efu nitram... :D :D
Tse, oe lrrtok seri pxiset ;D
Säplltxeviri oe irayo seiyi, ma pxeylan
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Blue Elf

#15
*Poem apxeyve
--------------
Lu stum sreton'ong ulte ngal ke tok fìtsenget.
Pesenget ngal tok, ma 'evengetsyìp?
Srake nga kä mì tayo oene?

Lu stum txon, slä oe lu nì'awtu mi.
Pesenget ngal tok, ma yawnetu?
Srake tsawkel nolekx ngati?

Lu stum kxamtxon ulte nga ke zera'u ne kelku.
Tsengpene kä ngeyä smìm?
Tsengpe ngeyä fya'o 'eri'a?

Lu stum rewon amip, slä nga ke lu oehu.
Srake oe ke längu yawne ngaru?
Srake nga kängäteng hu tutan alahe? Peu lolatem?

Lu stum zìsìkrr ayrìkä azusup sì hufweyä ulte nga lìm.
Srake nga tswerayon hu ayyayo ne tseng asang?
Srake hufwel molunge ngati neto? Oe new tsive'a ngati nìmun.

Lu stum zìsìkrr herwìyä, slä nga längu lom oeru nì'ul sì nì'ul.
Srake yal atxawew tspolang ngati? Srake ngeyä tokxìl awew tok tsengot äo hertxayo?
Ke new spivaw futa nga ke rerey.

Lu stum tì'i'a krrä ulte nga ke tolätxängaw....
Srake oe ultxa sayi ngahu mì Eywa? Ke tsun tswiva'...
Nga lu yawne oeru mi.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Alyara Arati

#16
Txantsan sì txantur lu, :) slä keftxo nìtxan, ma 'eylan oeyä. :(  Sìlpey oe tsni fì'u lu poem nì'aw ha ke zene oe tsngivawvìk. :'(
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Kamean

Keftxo nìtxan. :'( :'( :'(

Slä pamrel akosman. :)
Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Blue Elf

Tse, lu aylì'u nì'aw, oeru lu fpom. Ke omum lunit, slä krro krro vingkap oeti aysäfpìlìl akeftxo... Tìreyìl amuiä ke nga' tìprrte't nì'aw.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Sireayä mokri

Keftxo nìngay, mllte.

Quote from: Blue Elf on November 04, 2011, 03:29:06 PM
Srake nga kä mì txayo oene?
...
Lu stum tì'i'a krrä ulte nga ke tolätxängaw....
When the mirror speaks, the reflection lies.