Author Topic: WAY TXON'ONG  (Read 1074 times)

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Offline Ateyo Te Syaksyuk

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WAY TXON'ONG
« on: June 12, 2012, 07:48:59 pm »
 Our Great Mother ~ Ayoengä  Nawma Sa'nok
You have given us a good day and a safe day ~ Ngati ayoel nìltsana trr ulte zonga trr  
We thank you for the sun ~ Ayoelru ngati irayo si Tsawke  
As it returns to your heart ~ Tätxaw ngeyä txe'lan
Knowing you will return the sun once again ~ Oaymum fwa Tsawke tätxaw nìmummmm

Everyone remained humming that last M letting it roll and play, like ocean swells, high voices sparkled delicately over the refrain, deeper voices sang of the ocean's depths. Frapo terìng lawr. Everyone singing wordlessly.People lingered to watch the beauty. Couples slipped their arms and their kxetses around each other,as the night unfolded, txon'ong, and the syuratan, the bioluminesce of the sea sparkled with a bright blue glow on the shoreline.

Except from oeyä vur
http://forum.learnnavi.org/fiction-fanfiction/ateyo-tesyaksyuk-tsulfatu/msg544974/#lastPost
« Last Edit: June 12, 2012, 07:53:30 pm by Ateyo Te Syaksyuk »

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: WAY TXON'ONG
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2012, 03:15:47 am »
Another good piece ma Ateyo - applause :) But "again" translates as nìmun, so you need to do some changes in your story.

Some corrections:
Way txon'ongä (Song of sunset)
--------------
Ayoengeyä Nawma Sa'nok
Ngal tolìng ayoeru nìltsana trrit ulte kxukea trrit (zong is verb!)
Ayoe ngaru irayo si Tsawkeri
A tätxaw ne ngeyä txe'lan
Eromum futa Tsawke tätxaw nìmunnnnn

To make second like shorter, you can use also Ngal tolìng ayoeru nìltsana trrit akxuke.
Third and fourth line could be swapped and reordered to put topical to the beginning of sentence, but it is not necessary as this is poem.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Kamean

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Re: WAY TXON'ONG
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2012, 01:29:27 pm »
Congrats :)
Tse'a ngal ke'ut a krr fra'uti kame.


Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: WAY TXON'ONG
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2012, 05:46:07 pm »
Sorry for the late response.  I like this, especially the idea of the humming at the end.  If you want to end on an "m" to better do that, you can reorder the last line to say:

Futa Tsawke tätxaw nìmun, eromummmmmm

 :D :) :D
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

 

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