America: A Horse With No Name - Pa'lì luke tstxo

Started by Tìtstewan, January 25, 2013, 06:23:20 AM

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Tìtstewan

Kaltxì ma tsmuk!
I've tryed to translate America - A Horse With No Name in Na'vi. :)
Please let me know if you find some errors.


Pa'lì luke tstxo

Mì sìsopä hapxì a'awve
Oel narmìn fratìreyit.
Lolu ayewll ayyayosì sì ayskxe ayusì.
Lolu ayskxetsyìp sì ayramtsyìp aysangsì
Oel nì'awve ultxarun hì'angit a ngop pamit,
sì tawit a luke pìwopx.
Fko 'efu som ulte kllte lolu ukxo.
Slä ya lolu teya fa pam.

Oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'Efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
Kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget.

La, la...

Maw mesrr mì letxayoa tsawke,
Oeyä ta'leng slu tun.
Maw pxesrr mì tayo a'o'.
Oel tsole'a kilvanä kllpat,
Ulte vurìl a tsal peng teri kilvan a slele,
'Eykefu oeti keftxo, talun oel fpìl futa lu kerusey

Ngal tse'a futa oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'Efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget

La la...

Maw volawa trr oel lolonu pa'lìti,
Taluna txayo latem ne txampay.
Fìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol, ayskxel sì ayul.
Fìtsenget tok ayskxetsyìpìl, ayramtsyìpìl sì aysangìl.
Txampay lu txayo a lu tsaru tìrey a kllteäo
Ulte lew a yo' nefä.
Srayäo klltxay txe'lan a ta kllte,
Slä sawtute ke terìng tìyawnit.

Ngal tse'a futa oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'Efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget

La la, la...






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Blue Elf

Good idea, Tìtstewan! I think some corrections are needed, I put them directly into text.
(I'm not trying make text singable, it is hard job :))

Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 06:23:20 AM
Pa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))

Mì sìsopä hapxì a'awve
Oel narmìn fratìreyit. (rusey is adjective; I'd prefer distant past as from the text seems to be clear that it happened longer in the past. And 'I was looking' is action in progress, so imperfective infix is good)
Lolu ayewll ayyayosì sì ayskxe ayusì. (not sure if lu would be replaced by tok)
Lolu ayskxetsyìp sì ayramtsyìp aysangsì (we have no word for ring, so...)
Oel 'awve ultxarun hì'angit a ngop pamit,
tawit a luke pìwopx.
Fko 'efu som ulte kllte lolu ukxo. (I prefer not use two words based on the same root)
Slä ya lolu teya fa pam.

Oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget (based on Czech translation I've found)

La, la...

Maw mesrr mì *letxayoa tsawke,
Oeyä ta'leng slu tun.
Maw pxesrr mì tayo a'o'.
Oel tsole'a kilvanä kllpat,
Ulte vurìl a tsal peng teri kilvan a slele, (and story it told about passing river)
'eykefu oeti keftxo, talun oel fpìl futa lu kerusey (caused me sad, because I thought it is dead)

Ngal tse'a futa oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget

La la...

Maw volawa trr oel lolonu pa'lìti,
Taluna txayo latem ne txampay.
Fìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol
, ulte ayskxel sì ayul. (Why ulte? In the same text before you used sì - what is correct)
Fìtsenget tok ayskxetsyìpìl, ayramtsyìpìl sì aysangìl.
Txampay lu txayo a lu tsaru tìrey a kllteäo
Ulte lew a yo' nefä.
Srayäo klltxay txe'lan a ta kllte,
Slä sawtute ke terìng (kea) tìyawnit.


Ngal tse'a futa oel ftolem txayot fa pa'li a luke tstxo,
'efu nitram furia 'ì'awn mìso ta tompa.
Mì tayo nga tsun ziverok ngeyä tstxoti,
kawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget

La la, la...
In general, there's no need to repeat infixes. When context is created, last infix works for following sentences, until you use another one. So for example if you use past infix first, you can omit it in the next text or simply use <ol> to indicate, that action was done.
Don't take my version as the only possible (and correct). It is hard to translate song even when not singable. Infix usage can be nearly always argued, often there is more choices.
You tried - and that is good. ;)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Tìtstewan

Kaltì ma Blue Elf
First a big irayo to you for this correction! +1 :)



Interesting, the first strophe was corrected by Plumps.

QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)

QuoteLolu ayskxetsyìp sì ayramtsyìp aysangsì (we have no word for ring, so...)
I know Na'vi don't have a word for rings, so I used tsang = Piercing.

Quotekawtul a tsun skxir sivi ke tok tsatsenget (based on Czech translation I've found)
I (and Plumps too) interpreated "ain't no one for to give you no pain" as "no action that can give you pain" so I used in this sense kekem.

QuoteFìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol[/color], ulte ayskxel sì ayul. (Why ulte? In the same text before you used sì - what is correct)
That I have to discuse. I use ulte because I understand this text not as enumeration. Plants and Birds are living thing and rocks and thinks are nonliving things.
I understand this like two conceps that are adjuncted.
I have no problem to use , I use ulte just in this contex as an alternative.
However, I have to talk about.



I've translate from the original English text. I don't translated this text in German, because I would prevent translating mistake (English -> German -> Na'vi can cause mistakes).

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Vawmataw

#3
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Nah. It is needed.
Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Tirea Aean

Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:28:01 PM
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Nah. It is needed.

He DID read that. On Na'viteri.

http://naviteri.org/2011/07/attributive-%E2%80%9Ca%E2%80%9D-and-truncated-style/

Vawmataw

#5
Quote from: Tirea Aean on January 25, 2013, 05:34:10 PM
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:28:01 PM
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Nah. It is needed.

He DID read that. On Na'viteri.

http://naviteri.org/2011/07/attributive-%E2%80%9Ca%E2%80%9D-and-truncated-style/
Ah. I respect Karyu Pawl's speeches, but I prefer to use a, like in Pa'li a tstxoluke.

Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuoteFìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol, ayskxel sì ayul. (Why ulte? In the same text before you used sì - what is correct)
That I have to discuse. I use ulte because I understand this text not as enumeration. Plants and Birds are living thing and rocks and thinks are nonliving things.
I understand this like two conceps that are adjuncted.
I have no problem to use , I use ulte just in this contex as an alternative.
However, I have to talk about.
No ulte nor sì. Just a comma.

I don't think it's a great idea to seperate words about not living and living things. If the original author did it, we can translate it. If he/she didn't, it's not necessary to use ''and'' in the middle of an enumeration.
Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Tirea Aean

Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:40:36 PM
Quote from: Tirea Aean on January 25, 2013, 05:34:10 PM
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:28:01 PM
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Nah. It is needed.

He DID read that. On Na'viteri.

http://naviteri.org/2011/07/attributive-%E2%80%9Ca%E2%80%9D-and-truncated-style/
Ah. I respect Karyu Pawl's speeches, but I prefer to use a, like in Pa'li a tstxoluke.

Sure. But the whole point is, it is OK to leave it out if it is a title. It isn't wrong. Obviously it is OK and correct to include the a.

Tìtstewan

#7
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:40:36 PM
No ulte nor sì. Just a comma.

I don't think it's a great idea to seperate words about not living and living things. If the original author did it, we can translate it. If he/she didn't, it's not necessary to use ''and'' in the middle of an enumeration.
Ok, so I will use a comma or .


Quote from: Tirea Aean on January 25, 2013, 05:45:17 PM
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:40:36 PM
Quote from: Tirea Aean on January 25, 2013, 05:34:10 PM
Quote from: Kameyu a Kepekmì on January 25, 2013, 05:28:01 PM
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Nah. It is needed.

He DID read that. On Na'viteri.

http://naviteri.org/2011/07/attributive-%E2%80%9Ca%E2%80%9D-and-truncated-style/
Ah. I respect Karyu Pawl's speeches, but I prefer to use a, like in Pa'li a tstxoluke.

Sure. But the whole point is, it is OK to leave it out if it is a title. It isn't wrong. Obviously it is OK and correct to include the a.
So I let it: Pa'lì luke tstxo :)

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Blue Elf

Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
Kaltì ma Blue Elf
First a big irayo to you for this correction! +1 :)
Nìprrte' :)
Quote
Interesting, the first strophe was corrected by Plumps.
Well, take my version not as correction but more like alternative. It's way I'd use if I do the translation myself. But as I said - more alternatives often exists...
Quote
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Tam, forget about it. Personally I'm not using this exception :)
Quote
QuoteLolu ayskxetsyìp sì ayramtsyìp aysangsì (we have no word for ring, so...)
I know Na'vi don't have a word for rings, so I used tsang = Piercing.
I knew I'm missing something ;D

Quote
QuoteFìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol[/color], ulte ayskxel sì ayul. (Why ulte? In the same text before you used sì - what is correct)
That I have to discuse. I use ulte because I understand this text not as enumeration. Plants and Birds are living thing and rocks and thinks are nonliving things.
I understand this like two conceps that are adjuncted.
I have no problem to use , I use ulte just in this contex as an alternative.
However, I have to talk about.
Ulte connects sentences; sentence contains verb. So if there no verb, I don't see reason to use ulte.... But, of course, in poetry/song texts some irregularities are allowed.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Tìtstewan

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 26, 2013, 10:51:00 AM
Quote from: Tìtstewan on January 25, 2013, 05:26:54 PM
Kaltì ma Blue Elf
First a big irayo to you for this correction! +1 :)
Nìprrte' :)
Kea tìkin :)

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 26, 2013, 10:51:00 AM
QuoteInteresting, the first strophe was corrected by Plumps.
Well, take my version not as correction but more like alternative. It's way I'd use if I do the translation myself. But as I said - more alternatives often exists...
Yes, that I know. ;)

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 26, 2013, 10:51:00 AM
Quote
QuotePa'lì a luke tstxo (a here is needed; you even used it later in the text :))
If you use this as title, I think it be ok without "a". (that I read somewhere)
Tam, forget about it. Personally I'm not using this exception :)
I think: Excepions are there to use it. :D

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 26, 2013, 10:51:00 AM
Quote
QuoteLolu ayskxetsyìp sì ayramtsyìp aysangsì (we have no word for ring, so...)
I know Na'vi don't have a word for rings, so I used tsang = Piercing.
I knew I'm missing something ;D
...desert or sand was missing too. lol
That's cause burning brains. ;D

Quote from: Blue Elf on January 26, 2013, 10:51:00 AM
Quote
QuoteFìtsenget tok ayewllìl, ayyayol[/color], ulte ayskxel sì ayul. (Why ulte? In the same text before you used sì - what is correct)
That I have to discuse. I use ulte because I understand this text not as enumeration. Plants and Birds are living thing and rocks and thinks are nonliving things.
I understand this like two conceps that are adjuncted.
I have no problem to use , I use ulte just in this contex as an alternative.
However, I have to talk about.
Ulte connects sentences; sentence contains verb. So if there no verb, I don't see reason to use ulte.... But, of course, in poetry/song texts some irregularities are allowed.
:)

However, I thank you! :D

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