'Itetsyìp payä / Little nereid (sea fairy)

[Blue Elf]

Last week I was on concert of Aneta Langerova. Normally she performs with small group of musicians, but this time together with all these the symphonic orchestra was present! Really great performance! And of course my favorite song was played too, so it gave me impulse for trying a translation. I tried it already before some time, but didn't succeeded. Now I did, so here's the result.

Spoiler: First, original song

Aneta Langerova - Mala morska vila

Spoiler: Rough translation into English (more or less singable, I hope)

Little nereid (sea fairy)

1/ I keep my own - my little soul
hidden in deep under - white level of sea
I run about wawes - I may breathe in now
when my fate fills up - into ice flowers

I will change completely
I will change completely

Forgiving you again, I'm touch of sea-grass
Forgiving you again, I'm touch of sea-grass
which protects you from storm
I quietly singing into dreams how often sleeping alone
You don't hear my wish

2/ One squeezes me inside - speechless, alone
I'm little nereid - with lost soul
so near of your embrace - my quiet curse
when my fate fills up - into ice flowers

I will change completely
I will change completely

Forgiving you again, I'm touch of sea-grass
Forgiving you again, I'm touch of sea-grass
which protects you from storm
I quietly singing into dreams how often sleeping alone

Forgiving you again
Forgiving you again
You don't hear my wish....

And the main part - Na'vi text.
Very first version you can find here. After some iterations with BIG help of Alyara Arati (she carefully tested various word orders - even by singing) I ended up with this version (also, song title was changed from Hì'ia 'eve txampayä to 'Itetsyìp payä)

'Itetsyìp payä

1/ Lu oeru oeyä - hì'ia vitra
a wäpan nìtxukx äo - teyra yo txampayä
mì ora slele oe - set syeha *silvi tsun
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.
ke stawm oet arusangal

2/ Mìfa fkol snew oet - pivlltxe ke tsun
Oe lu 'itetsyìp payä – a tatep oey vitrat
a lok ngeyä sämyam - fnu a fekem oey
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.

oel tìng ngaru txoat
ke stawm oet arusangal

I hope you enjoy this little work.
For comparison, here's final version created by Alyara Arati (just a little different, but both texts are perfectly singable).

Spoiler: Text by Alyara Arati

Lu oeru oeyä - tirea ahì'i
a wäpan nìtxukx äo - txampayä yo ateyr   (here you must start earlier than Aneta!)
faymì slerele oe - set syeha silvi tsun
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.
ke stawm oet arusangal

Mìfa fì'ul snew oet - pivlltxe ke tsun
Oe lu 'itetsyìp payä – a tatep oey vitrat
a fìtxan lok sämyam ngey - fnu a fekem oey
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.

oel tìng ngar txoat
oel tìng ngar txoat
ke stawm oet arusangal

here's my attempt https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2OxWabomQpuZHBZT2xIdVZnYUU using some of working version. Not perfect, but best of three recordings. I'll try to make record with final text.

[Tìtstewan]

Wow, great!

But:
oey -> oeyä? or I misunderstanding what?

[Blue Elf]

Wow, great!

But:
oey -> oeyä? or I misunderstanding what?

sran, you are correct. What Horen leNa'vi say:
3.2.2.6. In informal and clipped military speech the final ä may drop from the genitive of pronouns, ngey 'upxaret.

[Alyara Arati]

I haven't yet done a syllable count, (because I don't know the original Czech), so I don't know if it would throw you off: pay'eve could work for nereid possibly

I love this song, but I don't think I have the nerve to try to sing it in Na'vi or in English!  Her voice is so beautiful an ethereal; perfect for this.

Also, would nì'ango not work and therefore you used nìfnu rol ngaru...?  But mostly I want to say thanks for doing this so well.  Seysonìltsan!

[Tìtstewan]

Wow, great!

But:
oey -> oeyä? or I misunderstanding what?

sran, you are correct. What Horen leNa'vi say:
3.2.2.6. In informal and clipped military speech the final ä may drop from the genitive of pronouns, ngey 'upxaret.

Thank you very much for this info!. I forgot this completely.

[Blue Elf]

Thank you, ma Alyara. I do not bother with counting syllables - I just try to sing the text and if I feel it could fit, I say it is singable (even with small problems). If you are interested in Czech text, here it is. I don't think it is hard to sing it, I'll probably will try to make recording, if there's no problem with text.

IMHO nì'ango does not fit, at least because of length; but also because of meaning. In original is used "quietly", not "softly", so nìfnu appears to me as better. But if you can improve the text, you are welcome.

[Alyara Arati]

This is really too long, so it require some rearranging if you like it enough to use, but I just thought of 'ite payä for nereid.

[Blue Elf]

Ok, I'll  consider it - it's nice expression. Will play with song this night.

[Blue Elf]

Tse... not as easy as I thought. I identified some places where singing is problematic. Version 2 is here with some changes - added syllables, removed unapproved words and fixed grammar errors.

Lu oeru oeyä - hì'ia vitra
a wäpan nìtxukx äo - teyra yo txampayä    (note - here you must start to sing earlier than Aneta!)
mì fay oe slele - set syeha silvi tsun
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si wä yrrap
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.
ke stawm 'ut a rangal oe  ....problematic part, needs rewriting, but how?

Mìfa fkol snew oeti - ke tsun pivlltxe
Oe lu 'ite payä - hu vitra atawnatep    ...needs to delete one syllable here
a lok ngeyä sämyam - fnu a fekem oey
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si wä yrrap
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.

oel tìng ngaru txoat
ke stawm 'ut a rangal oe...

Except of the mentioned two problems it looks fine and well singable.

[Alyara Arati]

Oe lu 'ite payä - hu vitra atawnatep    ...needs to delete one syllable here

Maybe hu loma tirea or loma tireahu?  It does shift the meaning a little to "missed/missing spirit" instead of "lost soul"; I don't know if that is acceptable...

ke stawm 'ut a rangal oe  ....problematic part, needs rewriting, but how?

I'm still thinking on this one.  Thanks for the Czech text; it helps!

Edit: maybe ke stawm oet arusangal

[Blue Elf]

Thanks for proposals, Alyara! I'll will try them on next round this weekend.

ke stawm oet arusangal

Very interesting usage, "(you) don't hear me wishing". I quite like it.

[Blue Elf]

Oe lu 'ite payä - hu vitra atawnatep    ...needs to delete one syllable here

Maybe hu loma tirea or loma tireahu?  It does shift the meaning a little to "missed/missing spirit" instead of "lost soul"; I don't know if that is acceptable...

ke stawm 'ut a rangal oe  ....problematic part, needs rewriting, but how?

I'm still thinking on this one.  Thanks for the Czech text; it helps!

Edit: maybe ke stawm oet arusangal

Another changes, just in problematic parts:

Oe lu 'ite payä - hu vitra atawnatep    ...needs to delete one syllable here

Solution here is simple - delete hu. One syllable is out and meaning is still correct. But maybe this is even better:
Oe lu 'ite payä - a tatep vitrati

ke stawm 'ut a rangal oe  ....problematic part, needs rewriting, but how?

new idea:
ke stawm peut oel n(iv)ew
(you) don't hear what I('d) want. Pe-words are allowed outside questions, so it would be acceptable.
But better ideas are still welcome.

[Alyara Arati]

This song is st<ei>uck in my head now.   I may even try to sing it, but we'll wait on the results to see if I post that or not.

[Blue Elf]

This song is st<ei>uck in my head now.   I may even try to sing it, but we'll wait on the results to see if I post that or not.

I knew you'll like it And it would really great to hear it nìNa'vi (even if I would do it myself ). But first text must be perfect.

[Alyara Arati]

Right now I'm trying to master singing it in English.  This helps me to get used to the rhythm of the words for hopefully singing it nìNa'vi.  Here are the lyrics I'm using:

I keep my own - my little soul
hidden deep beneath - the white foam of the sea
I run about the waves - I may breathe in now
when my fate has filled me up - into blooms of ice

I will completely change
I will completely change

Forgiving again, I'm the sea-grass touch
Forgiving again, I'm the sea-grass touch
which protects you from the storm
I softly sing into dreams how often I sleep so lonely
You do not hear me wishing

I'm squeezed inside myself - speechless, alone
just a little nereid - with a soul that's lost
so near to your embrace - my quiet torment
when my fate has filled me up - into blooms of ice

I will completely change
I will completely change

Forgiving again, I'm the sea-grass touch
Forgiving again, I'm the sea-grass touch
which protects you from the storm
I softly sing into dreams how often I sleep so lonely

Forgiving again
Forgiving again
You do not hear me wishing...

Little Nereid (Sea Sprite)

[Blue Elf]

Tírusol ngeyä txantsan lu nì'aw! Fìkemìri seiyi ngaru irayo atxan!
Very nice, IMHO fully comparable to original song. And picture fits perfectly. Thanks again!

[Alyara Arati]

I know that you're busy, but I've been playing around with word order to try to make the emphasis fit the melody better.  If you get a chance, let me know what you think.
All the "oe"s are still "we"s, and I've used a little poetic licence with the grammar.  But there is a logical starting place for the second line before Aneta starts to sing, so that's not a problem.



Lu oeru oeyä - vitra ahì'i
a wäpan nìtxukx äo - txampayä yo ateyr   (here you must start earlier than Aneta!)
mì fay slele oe - set syeha silvi tsun
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.
ke stawm oet arusangal

Mìfa fkol snew oeti - pivlltxe ke tsun
Oe lu 'ite payä – a tatep vitrati
a fìtxan lok sämyam ngey - fnu a fekem oey
krra syayvi teya si - ne syulang letskxepay

layatem oe nìwotx
layatem oe nìwotx

oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
oel tìng ngar txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
nìfnu rol ngaru futa pxìm nì'awtu hahaw nì'aw.

oel tìng ngar txoat
oel tìng ngar txoat
ke stawm oet arusangal

[Blue Elf]

So, finally I have time to respond. I was thinking about the song during my walks to and from office. I don't see anything I could disagree with, grammar is ok (how great is that in songs and poetry we can break rules somewhat ) Many changes are just in word order, but some of these IMO makes song harder to sing - at least for me. So I'd like to hear you to sing your version, I'm very curious if it is possible. Will you try?
Where I see the difficult places (note - I don't care about stress):

a wäpan nìtxukx äo -  tey.ra yo txam.pa.yä (mine)
v hloubce ukrytou –   pod bí.lou   hla.di.nou (original)
a wäpan nìtxukx äo - txam.pa.yä yo a.teyr  (yours)
IMO my version fits better, as 3-syllable word is on the same place as in original. Also, ending sounds are similar, what creates something like rhyme, but your version destroys it....

oel tìng ngaru txoat, 'ampi zeswat lepay
Here you removed one syllable, so you need to balance it by singing. Syllable count fits with original in your version, but I can't sing it this way.

a tìhawnu si yrrapwä
y after si is not easy! it works

ke stawm oet arusangal - best of all what I tried, approved for final version

a fìtxan lok sämyam ngey - fnu a fekem oey
Too long! Really you can sing it all?

Other changes creates no problem, so it is just question of preference. So probably is time to sing and compare results

[Blue Elf]

So, today I tried to do some recordings (working version of text - not first one, not final one), here's the best I created: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2OxWabomQpuZHBZT2xIdVZnYUU
Not perfect, I have problem to find correct starting point for "ke stawm oet arusangal" line, I'm always too slow. Some ejectives aren't fully correct (dry lips makes px hard to pronounce, did you noticed?) And my voice is hmmm, not trained to sing. However this song is so great, that it was worth to try it
When I have more time, I'll try to do it better

[Blue Elf]

Updated OP. Final text version created, also added version by Alyara Arati, which helped me a lot (thank you again!). Maybe she add here also the complete song with her beautiful voice. I'll try to record my version too later.