Author Topic: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)  (Read 1419 times)

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Offline Plumps

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Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« on: March 10, 2015, 03:37:56 pm »
Yesterday on the Team Speak Server we had a wonderful talk about “The Hanging Tree” (Jennifer Lawrence’s version, Peter Hollens’s version) from The Hunger Games Mockingjay Pt 1

I published my attempt for a translation on my blog last night but wanted to provide it here as well. Ha, ayngaru fì’u

ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)?
txepìva sì kxener, fko mi tsun tsive’a
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)?
tsenga sute zolawng, aymokri mi mì ya
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za’u nga tseng akerusey (fuke)?
tsenga ngaru poleng san tul fte emrivey
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)?
oehu wivìntxu tsìlpeyä aungiat
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
fwa ultxa si ro nawnekxa kelutral?

ftxey za’u nga ne loma kelutral?


Tìng Mikyun

Don’t know when I will be able to give sining it a try… From my feeble attempts it should be singable.

I didn’t go for a literal translation but rather reimagined it for a Na’vi context under the assumption that after such a devestating experience like the destruction of Hometree that it would enter the cultural memory via songs, poems etc. So, maybe Kelutralway fits it better :P

I know there is another version of “The Hanging Tree” out there :D Would be great to see it here on the forums as well. As far as I know it’s the first time that two translations of the same source have been attempted independently from each other :)
« Last Edit: March 13, 2015, 05:55:01 pm by Plumps »

Offline Vawmataw

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2015, 04:22:06 pm »
Nice one!
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Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2015, 04:29:57 pm »
Txantsan! :D
I have seen some versions of that song also some versions in Na'vi. It is really interesting what one have to modify to make it singable.
It should be singable. *look at Talis* :P

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2015, 06:09:24 pm »
I saw another interpretation of the song in Na'vi that went something like this:

Are you, are you
coming to the tree
They strung up a man
They say who murdered three.
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight.
In the hanging tree.
Srake, srake
Nga za'u ne utral
A tsaftu kolur tutan
A pxefoti tspamang
Hem ahiyìk lolen
Ke slivu hiyìk nìtxan
Zun oeng ultxa sivi
Mì kamtxon ro utral.
yes-no yes-no
you come to tree
which that-from hung a man
who them-3 killed
actions strange have-happened
not would-become strange much
if we(I+you) would-meet
in midnight at tree

I can't remember the rest. I like this song :D

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Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2015, 06:10:32 pm »
This one?:

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu kolur tutan,
A pxefot tspolang,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu syolaw tutan,
Ma yawntu hifwo nga,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Poltxe san tul sìk ngar,
Fte oeng kxuke tafral,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Yem telemit pewnpxaw,
Kur oerofa,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.


EDIT: ^This I got from Ney in FB.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2015, 06:14:34 pm by Tìtstewan »

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Offline Tirea Aean

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2015, 12:23:25 am »
This one?:

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu kolur tutan,
A pxefot tspolang,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu syolaw tutan,
Ma yawntu hifwo nga,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Poltxe san tul sìk ngar,
Fte oeng kxuke tafral,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Yem telemit pewnpxaw,
Kur oerofa,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.


EDIT: ^This I got from Ney in FB.

Ah yes, that is exactly the one. Neytiri came up with it.

It would be cool to hear a recording of any of these versions :D

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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 09:17:23 am »
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Plumps

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2015, 09:34:58 am »
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it’s one syllable too long :P The other is that za’u can work without ne when the place follows the verb … agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2015, 10:26:01 am »
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it’s one syllable too long :P The other is that za’u can work without ne when the place follows the verb … agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)

No problem - I expected such answer and it is fine :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2015, 09:22:27 pm »
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za’u nga skawna’a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it’s one syllable too long :P The other is that za’u can work without ne when the place follows the verb … agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)


"singability" is the hardest part of translating songs, outside vocabulary limitations. I like what you've done here. and the Kelutral instead of utral was a cool choice.

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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2015, 03:10:16 pm »
So I've given my ears to this song and I must say it's great (never seen nor read Hunger games). Hard to say which version is better, Jennifer's is better if you want to test singability (I can't catch tempo in some parts, but with training I believe it is not impossible (for me it is, I'm afraid)). Neytiri's version seems to be easier to sing.
I like Na'vi text of both version, Neytiri's one is more literal, Plumps's one is more artistic/reinterpretation. You both deserve applause :)

"singability" is the hardest part of translating songs, outside vocabulary limitations. I like what you've done here. and the Kelutral instead of utral was a cool choice.
I know well what are speaking about. I'm trying to keep my song translations singable, but it is difficult. One must choose song carefully  :D
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2015, 05:58:51 pm »
Irayo nìtxan ma tsmukan.

 :-[  :-X Nìn kolan yune fya’ot a oe nui :P
Audio added in the first post, on SoundCloud or on the blog.

Offline Tìtstewan

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2015, 06:08:25 pm »
TXANTSAN!! :D :D
+1!

---
Edit should I embed that audio in your first post ma Plumps? Like:

Edit2 Mehhh another SMF fail...another forum bug detected...
« Last Edit: March 13, 2015, 06:27:18 pm by Tìtstewan »

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2015, 03:00:58 pm »
Irayo nìtxan ma tsmukan.

 :-[  :-X Nìn kolan yune fya’ot a oe nui :P
Audio added in the first post, on SoundCloud or on the blog.

Kea sänui - lu säflä!
It fits into melody quite well, except second line in first strophe which is too long and you must be quick. But you did it - congratulation!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #14 on: March 15, 2015, 05:55:38 pm »
Kea sänui - lu säflä!
It fits into melody quite well, except second line in first strophe which is too long and you must be quick. But you did it - congratulation!

:-[ Irayo nìtxan nang.
I know, I know, darn for ash and smoke being long words in Na’vi ;D
But even so, even the English version is ‘rushed’ at points, for my taste. It makes for a good balance ;D :P

Offline eejmensenikbenhet

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #15 on: March 15, 2015, 07:12:49 pm »
 :o Seysonìltsan ma Plumps!
Oer sunu nìtxan mokril ngeyä a fì'ut oel li almomum, slä fìtìrol wou!
Kxawm ayoeng tsun ngivop sreyt rolyuhu nì'ul (na Piter Holìnsì)?
« Last Edit: March 15, 2015, 07:15:59 pm by eejmensenikbenhet »

Offline Plumps

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Re: Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)
« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2015, 07:50:07 pm »
:o Seysonìltsan ma Plumps!
Oer sunu nìtxan mokril ngeyä a fì'ut oel li almomum, slä fìtìrol wou!
Kxawm ayoeng tsun ngivop sreyt rolyuhu nì'ul (na Piter Holìnsì)?

:o Oeru txoa livu, ma eejmensenikbenhet,
ke tsole’änga oel ngeyä ’upxaret aham. Ngaytxoa.

Ke pxan, ma tsmuk.  :-[
Tstunwia aylì’uri ngeyä irayo nìtxan.  :)

Hmmm, that’s an interesting idea. I don’t have the editorial skills to compile something like that but I’m all for it. If people want to join in the chorus ;) by all means, do so, record the track and let me/us know here :D

 

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