My Heart Will Go On - Titanic

Started by Toliman, December 07, 2016, 03:54:24 PM

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Toliman

Fratxon oeyä ayunilmì
Oel tse'a ngati, oel 'efu ngati
Tsafya oe omum tsnì nga kivä nìtut

Few ngip a lu txan
ulte a tok mìkam moe
nga zene wivìntxu fwa pum kä frakrr

Asin, alìm, fratseng a nga tok
Oe spaw fwa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Nìmun nga piak sivi rawng
ulte ngal tok oeyä txe'lanmì
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr

Tìyawnìl 'ampi moeti 'awlo nì'aw
ulte tsa'u lu fpi sìrey a'änsyem
ulte pumìl kawkrr ke txìng moeti 

Tìyawn lolu krra nga lolu oeyä yawntu
mì eyawra krr
Krrka oeyä tìrey moe kayä frakrr

Asin, alìm, fratseng a nga tok
Oe spaw fwa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Nìmun nga piak sivi rawng
ulte ngal tok oeyä txe'lanmì
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr

Ngal tok fìtsenge, fra'uri oe txopu ke si
ulte oe omum futa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Tsafya moe 'ayì'awn frakrr
Ngal tok oeyä txe'lanro nìzawnong
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr


Lyrics:

Toliman

#1
I discussed this my translation with Vawmataw on Discord and I corrected few mistakes which he found and I used few his ideas:


Fratxon oeyä ayunilmì
Oel tse'a ngati, oel 'efu ngati
Tsafya oe omum tsnì nga kivä nìtut

Few ngip a lu txan
sì mìkam moe
nga zene wivìntxu fwa pum kä frakrr

Asim, alìm, ketsrana tseng a ngal tok
Oe spaw futa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Nìmun nga piak sivi rawng
ulte ngal tok oeyä txe'lanti
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr

Tìyawnìl 'ampi moeti 'awlo nì'aw
ulte tsa'u lu fpi sìrey a'änsyem
ulte pumìl kawkrr ke txìng moeti 

Tìyawm lamu krra lu nga yawne oeru
mì eyawra krr
Krrka oeyä tìrey moe kayä frakrr

Asim, alìm, ketsrana tseng a ngal tok
Oe spaw futa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Nìmun nga piak sivi rawngur
ulte ngal tok oeyä txe'lanti
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr

Ngal tok fìtsengeti, fra'uri oe txopu ke si
ulte oe omum futa oeyä txe'lan rayey nìtut
Tsafya moe 'ayì'awn frakrr
Ngal tok oeyä txe'lanit nìzawnong
ulte oeyä txe'lan rayey frakrr

Vawmataw

QuoteNgal tok fìtsenget, fra'uri oe txopu ke si
...
Ngal tok oeyä txe'lanit nìzawnong
Oh, I think for the first one I made a nistake.
For the second one and for the same reasons as mentioned in the discussion, it needs to be the direct object marker.

Also, asin should be asim.
Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Toliman

Quote from: Vawmataw on December 07, 2016, 09:07:15 PM
QuoteNgal tok fìtsenget, fra'uri oe txopu ke si
...
Ngal tok oeyä txe'lanit nìzawnong
Oh, I think for the first one I made a nistake.
For the second one and for the same reasons as mentioned in the discussion, it needs to be the direct object marker.

Also, asin should be asim.

Oops .... why I didn't notice it yet? Corrected.
Thanks for corrections and your ideas  :)

Blue Elf

Well, again not bad. But there's something to write better. I'm referring to second version, which seems to be more correct:

Tsafya oe omum tsnì nga kivä nìtut
Tsnì can be used only with several verbs: ätxäle si, sìlpey and rangal. So correct should be Tsafya oel omum futa nga k(er)ä nìtut (I don't see why to use <iv> here)

Few ngip a lu txan
IMO "few ngip a lu apxa" is more correct

nga zene wivìntxu fwa pum kä frakrr
Fwa is not correct, wìntxu is vtr, so futa must be used. Also is not clear, to which word refers pum. IMHO: "nga zene wivìntxu futa nga kä frakrr"
But more exact is nga za'u fte wivìntxu futa nga kä frakrr

Oel spaw futa ....

Nìmun nga piak sayi rawngur
Surprisingly, this line is used twice - first without dative, which is needed here, second time correctly with dative  :o  And <ay> is better than <iv> - it's not command, but future.

Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Toliman

Mistakes fixed (in second version, here:
). Thanks :)

Quote from: Blue Elf on December 25, 2016, 04:56:38 PM
Few ngip a lu txan
IMO "few ngip a lu apxa" is more correct
Hmm ... I considered both words and txan seemed me as better  ???

Quote from: Blue Elf on December 25, 2016, 04:56:38 PM
IMHO: "nga zene wivìntxu futa nga kä frakrr"
But more exact is nga za'u fte wivìntxu futa nga kä frakrr
Good idea, thanks