Author Topic: "Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation  (Read 261 times)

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Offline Toliman

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"Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation
« on: January 01, 2016, 07:35:53 am »
Kifkey fkan fwa ke lu teng
Hufwa oel omum futa fra'u lu teng
Fra'u lu mì oeyä ronsem
Oel ke tsun txìng fì'ut
Oe zene livu nì'ul seykxel

Oe zene fivmi
Tìhifwo ta ...
Ta aysäfpil a tok ronsemmì
Sar krrit a lu oeru
Oel ke tsun pivlltxe lì'ut alu kìyevame
Oe zene  vezeykivo fra'ut
Oe zene wivem
Taluna oel omum futa fì'u tsranten
Tìsraw a oel 'efu 'ìp nìk'ong
Fì'u layu sìlstan

Oel omum futa ...
Sweylu txo oe omivum
Krr lu txanwawe
Fì'u ley nìtxan
Hufwa pxel oel 'efu mì txe'lan
Oe zene spivaw fwa fra'u layu sìltsan
Oe zene livu seykxel nì'ul

Oe zene fivmi
Tìhifwo ta ...
Ta aysäfpil a tok ronsemmì
Sar krrit a lu oeru
Oel ke tsun pivlltxe lì'ut alu kìyevame
Oe zene  vezeykivo fra'ut
Oe zene wivem
Taluna oel omum futa fì'u tsranten
Tìsraw a oel 'efu 'ìp nìk'ong
Fì'u layu sìlstan

Fìtxon lu txankrr nìngay
Oe ke lu tìseykxel fpi fya'o nìhay
Kea tìsraw hay, oe tìng tseng

Oel tse'a keyt yapay kxamlä
Eywa a peng tstxoti oeyä
Oel zerok, nga lu lun fwa oe zene 'ì'ivawn

Oe zene fivmi
Tìhifwo ta ...
Ta aysäfpil a tok ronsemmì
Sar krrit a lu oeru
Oel ke tsun pivlltxe lì'ut alu kìyevame
Oe zene  vezeykivo fra'ut
Oe zene wivem
Taluna oel omum futa fì'u tsranten
Tìsraw a oel 'efu 'ìp nìk'ong
Fì'u layu sìlstan


Song:

English lyrics:
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 08:01:27 am by Kamailehope / Toliman »

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: "Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2016, 02:34:46 pm »
Good song and not bad translation attempt, but some corrections are really necessary.
You should refresh your knowledge of infix location as you put then often to bad place; <iv> goes to first infix position, and infix position is in front of Vowel in syllable:
*fivmi -> fmivi (fm<0><1><2>i), *omivum -> ivomum (<0><1>om<2>um), *'ì'ivawn -> 'ivì'awn ('<0><1>ì'<2>awn)

some parts are translated in great way, in some we have better words to use, so my version would be like this:

Kifkey lam(fkan) oeru keteng,
hufwa omum futa ke'u ke latem
Fra'ul tok oeyä ronsemit nì'aw,
ke tsun txivìng tsat.
Oe zene livu txur nì'ul

R:
Oe zene fmivi hivifwo
ftu aysäfpìl a mì ronsem oeyä,
sivar krrit a lu oeru.  (<iv> used because IMO it is connected to fmi (must try to X and Y))
Ke tsun pivlltxe san kìyevame,
oe zene tsakem sivi nìyawr.
Zene wivem
Taluna oel omum futa fì'u ley
Tìsraw a 'efu oel 'erìp nìk'ong
Fra'u zayo

Omum (futa) sweylu txo tslivam
(futa) krr lu tsyeym, tsaw ley
nìwä sì'efu a mì txe'lan  (here we missing despite, nìwä is just poor replacement)
zene spivaw futa fra'u zayo
Oe zene livu txur nì'ul

R:

Oh, fìtxon lu txan nìhawng
ke lu oeru tìtxur fte vivar
Kea tìsraw ahay, oe lìng neto.
Kxamlä yapay tse'a keyt
Eywayä a syaw tstxo oeyä
Oe zerok, nga lu lun a pelun zene 'ivì'awn  (you are reason which is why (I) must stay)

R:

You tried and it's worth, don't be sad because of mistakes. You'll become better with next attempts. Good luck! :)
And some different versions of the song:

Hmm, I can't hear big difference between soprano and tenor

(small bells)
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 02:44:51 pm by Blue Elf »
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: "Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2016, 03:09:32 pm »
Irayo for all corrections ma Blue Elf  :)

I made here many horrible mistakes ...  :-[
Your version looks nice  :)

You tried and it's worth, don't be sad because of mistakes. You'll become better with next attempts. Good luck! :)
:)

Hmm, I can't hear big difference between soprano and tenor
I too can't ...  :-\
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 03:26:24 pm by Toliman »

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: "Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2016, 12:00:45 pm »
I made here many horrible mistakes ...  :-[
Your version looks nice  :)
Kehe ma 'eylan - only mistakes are those with infixes. Other people can come with other translations and one can't say one is correct and others are bad. Their quality depends firstly on author's creativity, as language allows various constructions, and secondly on interpretation. And songs and poems can be understood by different ways according personal preferences, so basically every translation is good  :)
However it is good idea to carefully choose song to translate and take into account limits of the language, available vocabulary and syllable structure (if you want make it singable). All these factors also affect result - sad to say, usually in bad way :-X
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: "Neyn" (Pale) ta Within Temptation
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2016, 12:39:27 pm »
Other people can come with other translations and one can't say one is correct and others are bad. Their quality depends firstly on author's creativity, as language allows various constructions, and secondly on interpretation. And songs and poems can be understood by different ways according personal preferences, so basically every translation is good  :)
However it is good idea to carefully choose song to translate and take into account limits of the language, available vocabulary and syllable structure (if you want make it singable). All these factors also affect result - sad to say, usually in bad way

Yes, it's true ...

Limits of available vocabulary are sometimes quite problem  :(

 

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