Oel Ngati Kameie; lahea 'tìfmi'

Alyara Arati · November 12, 2012, 01:38:51 AM

I'm not sure how much mangling of the song is allowable in order to make it singable nìNa'vi...
Anyway, this is what I came up with; it has both rhyme and the original meter:

Spoiler: actual lyrics

Aylì'u leNa'vi

kame ngat
kame ngat

unilmì tìran, ngat kame
tìreyri syuratan syeha si oer nang
set fa nga rerey; nìteng nga si, nìhona
sìlpey mì te'lan tsnì fìunil ke ftang

kame oet ìlä nga
may' oel tìreyt, tswayon oeng
tìyawn ngey nrr ulte oer fyawìntxu
tafral stxenutìng pumit oey ngar nì'eng
rey fa ngey tìyawn

nga kar oeru fra'uteri a lu lor
ke ronsrelngolop fyolea kifkeyt nang
set täpìng nìrangal ngar nìsìlpeysì
kifkey a oer yawne vivar nìlkeftang

kame oet ìlä nga
may' oel tìreyt, tswayon oeng
tìyawn ngey nrr ulte oer fyawìntxu
ha tìyawnit oey tìng, tìreytsì oey ngar nìteng

tse lolu txe'lan atstu oer
sì tirea asyawnep
fìtxan Eyweveng kosman lu
slä menari lolu kakrel
ke tsivun tsive'a opinit a tsunslu

nìlkeftang
kame oet ìlä nga
kame oet ìlä nga
may' oel tìreyt, tswayon oeng
tswayon oeng

tìyawn ngey nrr ulte oer fyawìntxu
tafral stxenutìng pumit oey ngar nì'eng
rey fa ngey tìyawn
rey fa ngey tìyawn
kame ngat
kame ngat

Spoiler: 'tìralpeng'/translation

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 02:09:04 AM

:O

GOLD!! or even UNOBTANIUM!

I'm just tryin to figure out what's up with karteri. teri as an adp. only attaches/associates with nouns, kar is a vtr.

EDIT: maybe that line could be

kar nga oer fra'uteri a lu lor

Blue Elf · November 12, 2012, 02:27:59 AM

Hell, it's fantastic translation! I'll check at home how it can be sung (not saying I'll try it) but it is kosman nì'aw!
What deserves karma if not this?

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 02:28:44 AM

Quote from: Blue Elf on November 12, 2012, 02:27:59 AM
Hell, it's fantastic translation! I'll check at home how it can be sung (not saying I'll try it) but it is kosman nì'aw!
What deserves karma if not this?

currently working on syllabification. will post when finished.

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 03:13:39 AM

Ok, so here's the syllabification of this song. Now it's easier to know how to sing, if you know the melody and the original lyrics, etc.

Spoiler

I See you
ngat ka - me

I See you
ngat ka - me

Wal - king through a dream, I See you
u - nil - mì tì - ran, ngat ka - me

My light in dark - ness, brea - thing hope of new life
tì - rey ri syu - ra - tan sye - ha si oer nang

Now I love through you and you through me, en - chan - ting
set fa nga re - rey; nì - teng nga si, nì - ho - na

I pray in my heart that this dream ne - ver ends
sìl - pey mì te' - lan tsnì fì - u - nil ke ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Brea - thing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

You teach me how to see all that's beau - ti - ful
nga kar oe - ru fra - 'u - te - ri a lu lor

My sen - ses touch a world I ne - ver pic - tured
ke ron - srel - ngo - lop ki - fkeyt fì - txan fyo - le

Now I give my hope to you, I sur - ren - der
set tä - pìng nì - ra - ngal ngar nì - sìl - pey - sì

I pray in my heart that this world ne - ver ends
vi - var fì - ki - fkey a fì - 'ut vin o - e

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Breath - ing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life, I of - fer my love, for you
ha tì - yaw - nit oey tìng, tì - rey - tsì oey ngar nì - teng

When my heart was ne - ver o - pen
tse lo - lu txe' - lan a - tstu oer

(And my spi - rit ne - ver free)
sì ti - re - a a - syaw - nep

To the world that you have shown me
fì - txan Ey - we - veng ko - sman lu

But my eyes could not en - vis - ion
slä me - na - ri lo - lu kak - rel

All the co - lors of love and of life e - ver - more
ke tsi - vun tsi - ve - 'a o - pi - nit a - tsun - slu

E - ver - more
nìl - ke - ftang

(I See me through your eyes)
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

(Li - ving new life fly - ing high)
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Fly - ing high
tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I See you
ngat ka - me
I See you
ngat ka - me

EDIT: typos.

Plumps · November 12, 2012, 04:42:34 AM

This is in fact the best version I've ever seen!

Seysonìltsan sì yeio' nìngay nìwotx!

The only problem I have while tìng lawr-ing along is the line

tìyawn ngey nrr ulte oer fyawìntxu

The rr always takes two beats where English takes one. But that's managable

Also, a small typo in the line

ke tsivun tsive'a opinit a_tsunslu

tsunslu is the verb, the adjective would be letsunslu ... so you could go either way. Either opinit letsunslu ('possible colours') or opinit a tsunslu ('colours that are possible') without gaining or losing a syllable

lì'fya leNa'vi yawne leiu oer

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 04:53:29 AM

Indeed, I agree that this is the best version to date. Seykxel sì nitram ma Alyara!

Alyara Arati · November 12, 2012, 12:34:04 PM

Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 02:09:04 AM
:O

GOLD!! or even UNOBTANIUM!

I'm just tryin to figure out what's up with karteri. teri as an adp. only attaches/associates with nouns, kar is a vtr.

EDIT: maybe that line could be

kar nga oer fra'uteri a lu lor

Good catch! Thanks!

To fit the stress, I think I prefer the tiny change to:

ngal kar oeru fra'uteri a lu lor.

Also irayo ma frapo!

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 02:32:32 PM

Quote from: Alyara Arati on November 12, 2012, 12:34:04 PM
Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 02:09:04 AM
:O

GOLD!! or even UNOBTANIUM!

I'm just tryin to figure out what's up with karteri. teri as an adp. only attaches/associates with nouns, kar is a vtr.

EDIT: maybe that line could be

kar nga oer fra'uteri a lu lor

Good catch! Thanks!

To fit the stress, I think I prefer the tiny change to:

ngal kar oeru fra'uteri a lu lor.

Also irayo ma frapo!

nga wasn't a typo.

need for -l -t cases was destroyed by using adp. teri. if you wanna use l on ngal, put t on fra'u instead of teri. but that would blow up the syllable count. *edits word order in syllabification* I actually was debating putting nga first but it doesn't really matter to me.

Blue Elf · November 12, 2012, 02:54:53 PM

confirming that song is less or more singable. Problem is, that it is difficult to sing in English - those racking and contracting of words is real pain (I remember that when I tried to learn it). It causes the same problems in Na'vi, so I always loose myself near to end of song. Meh, I'm not a singer, still enjoying great text. If someone is able to record it, I learn the song from this recording. I like it.

Edit: I would prefer change "ngat kame" to "kame ngat". Although it do not cause any change, to me appear to be better singable. Also:
nga kar oeru fra'uteri a ~~lu lor~~ lor lu seems to be better for pronunciation. Just my ideas.

Edit 2: vivar fìkifkey a fì'ut vin oel

Alyara Arati · November 12, 2012, 04:19:25 PM

Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 02:32:32 PM
nga wasn't a typo. need for -l -t cases was destroyed by using adp. teri. if you wanna use l on ngal, put t on fra'u instead of teri. but that would blow up the syllable count. *edits word order in syllabification* I actually was debating putting nga first but it doesn't really matter to me.

I don't know what I was thinking... Clearly my brain is mush.

Quote from: Blue Elf on November 12, 2012, 02:54:53 PM
confirming that song is less or more singable. Problem is, that it is difficult to sing in English - those racking and contracting of words is real pain (I remember that when I tried to learn it). It causes the same problems in Na'vi, so I always loose myself near to end of song. Meh, I'm not a singer, still enjoying great text. If someone is able to record it, I learn the song from this recording. I like it.

Edit: I would prefer change "ngat kame" to "kame ngat". Although it do not cause any change, to me appear to be better singable. Also:
nga kar oeru fra'uteri a ~~lu lor~~ lor lu seems to be better for pronunciation. Just my ideas.

Edit 2: vivar fìkifkey a fì'ut vin oel

Also, I will make those changes... and work on the line vivar fìkifkey a fì'ut vin oel...

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 04:34:03 PM

TMO, lu lor is easier... r->l is diffcult.

Alyara Arati · November 12, 2012, 10:08:09 PM

Okay guys, how about this?

nga kar oeru fra'uteri a lu lor
ke ronsrelngolop fyolea kifkeyt nang
set täpìng nìrangal ngar nìsìlpeysì
kifkey a oer yawne vivar nìlkeftang

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 10:12:53 PM

I think it sounds quite very nice!

it even has a sort of ABCB rhyme

Niri Te · November 12, 2012, 10:47:21 PM

I ran through it a few moments ago when I first saw it, and it is really easy to get the phrasing the same as in the English version. Assuming that the Veterans Administration doesn't manage to kill one or both of us off tonight due to CO or CO2 poisoning, Ateyo and I will start to work it up tomorrow. It REALLY looks good. The Skxawng with a voice will see what she can do with your lyrics in the next several days. Eywa Ngahu, oeya tsmuke, ulte irayo Tirea, Blue Elf, si Plumps.
ta Niri Tawa

Ateyo Te Syaksyuk · November 12, 2012, 11:10:26 PM

Ma Alyara! This is FANTASTIC!
I only hope our voices can do this beautiful song justice.
ta ATEYO

Tirea Aean · November 12, 2012, 11:16:07 PM

Updated Syllabification:

Spoiler

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

Wal - king through a dream, I See you
u - nil - mì tì - ran, ngat ka - me

My light in dark - ness, brea - thing hope of new life
tì - rey - ri syu - ra - tan sye - ha si oer nang

Now I love through you and you through me, en - chan - ting
set fa nga re - rey; nì - teng nga si, nì - ho - na

I pray in my heart that this dream ne - ver ends
sìl - pey mì te' - lan tsnì fì - u - nil ke ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Brea - thing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

You teach me how to see all that's beau - ti - ful
nga kar oe - ru fra - 'u - te - ri a lu lor

My sen - ses touch a world I ne - ver pic - tured
ke ron - srel - ngo - lop fyo - le - a kif - keyt nang

Now I give my hope to you, I sur - ren - der
set tä - pìng nì - ra - ngal ngar nì - sìl - pey - sì

I pray in my heart that this world ne - ver ends
kif - key a oer yaw - ne vi - var nìl - ke - ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Breath - ing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life, I of - fer my love, for you
ha tì - yaw - nit oey tìng, tì - rey - tsì oey ngar nì - teng

When my heart was ne - ver o - pen
tse lo - lu txe' - lan a - tstu oer

(And my spi - rit ne - ver free)
sì ti - re - a a - syaw - nep

To the world that you have shown me
fì - txan Ey - we - veng ko - sman lu

But my eyes could not en - vis - ion
slä me - na - ri lo - lu kak - rel

All the co - lors of love and of life e - ver - more
ke tsi - vun tsi - ve - 'a o - pi - nit a - tsun - slu

E - ver - more
nìl - ke - ftang

(I See me through your eyes)
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

(Li - ving new life fly - ing high)
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Fly - ing high
tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

By the way, does anyone else besides me find it useful?

EDIT: fixed.

Alyara Arati · November 12, 2012, 11:53:54 PM

Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 11:16:07 PM
Updated Syllabification:

Spoiler

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

Wal - king through a dream, I See you
u - nil - mì tì - ran, ngat ka - me

My light in dark - ness, brea - thing hope of new life
tì - rey - ri syu - ra - tan sye - ha si oer nang

Now I love through you and you through me, en - chan - ting
set fa nga re - rey; nì - teng nga si, nì - ho - na

I pray in my heart that this dream ne - ver ends
sìl - pey mì te' - lan tsnì fì - u - nil ke ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Brea - thing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

You teach me how to see all that's beau - ti - ful
nga kar oe - ru fra - 'u - te - ri a lu lor

My sen - ses touch a world I ne - ver pic - tured
ke ron - srel - ngo - lop fyo - le - a kif - keyt nang

Now I give my hope to you, I sur - ren - der
set tä - pìng nì - ra - ngal ngar nì - sìl - pey - sì

I pray in my heart that this world ne - ver ends
kif - key a oer yaw - ne vi - var nìl - ke - ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Breath - ing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life, I of - fer my love, for you
ha tì - yaw - nit oey tìng, tì - rey - tsì oey ngar nì - teng

When my heart was ne - ver o - pen
tse lo - lu txe' - lan a - tstu oer

(And my spi - rit ne - ver free)
sì ti - re - a a - syaw - nep

To the world that you have shown me
fì - txan Ey - we - veng ko - sman lu

But my eyes could not en - vis - ion
slä me - na - ri lo - lu kak - rel

All the co - lors of love and of life e - ver - more
ke tsi - vun tsi - ve - 'a o - pi - nit a tsun - slu

E - ver - more
nìl - ke - ftang

(I See me through your eyes)
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

(Li - ving new life fly - ing high)
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Fly - ing high
tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

By the way, does anyone else besides me find it useful?

And yes, this is useful. Partly because of this I discovered that I had the stress wrong several times in the stanza I rewrote in purple. Also, thanks again for the rhyme dictionary!

Tirea Aean · November 13, 2012, 12:29:23 AM

Quote from: Alyara Arati on November 12, 2012, 11:53:54 PM
Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 11:16:07 PM
Updated Syllabification:

Spoiler

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

Wal - king through a dream, I See you
u - nil - mì tì - ran, ngat ka - me

My light in dark - ness, brea - thing hope of new life
tì - rey - ri syu - ra - tan sye - ha si oer nang

Now I love through you and you through me, en - chan - ting
set fa nga re - rey; nì - teng nga si, nì - ho - na

I pray in my heart that this dream ne - ver ends
sìl - pey mì te' - lan tsnì fì - u - nil ke ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Brea - thing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

You teach me how to see all that's beau - ti - ful
nga kar oe - ru fra - 'u - te - ri a lu lor

My sen - ses touch a world I ne - ver pic - tured
ke ron - srel - ngo - lop fyo - le - a kif - keyt nang

Now I give my hope to you, I sur - ren - der
set tä - pìng nì - ra - ngal ngar nì - sìl - pey - sì

I pray in my heart that this world ne - ver ends
kif - key a oer yaw - ne vi - var nìl - ke - ftang

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

Breath - ing new life, fly - ing high
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life, I of - fer my love, for you
ha tì - yaw - nit oey tìng, tì - rey - tsì oey ngar nì - teng

When my heart was ne - ver o - pen
tse lo - lu txe' - lan a - tstu oer

(And my spi - rit ne - ver free)
sì ti - re - a a - syaw - nep

To the world that you have shown me
fì - txan Ey - we - veng ko - sman lu

But my eyes could not en - vis - ion
slä me - na - ri lo - lu kak - rel

All the co - lors of love and of life e - ver - more
ke tsi - vun tsi - ve - 'a o - pi - nit a tsun - slu

E - ver - more
nìl - ke - ftang

(I See me through your eyes)
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

I See me through your eyes
ka - me oet ì - lä nga

(Li - ving new life fly - ing high)
may' oel tì - reyt, tsway - on oeng

Fly - ing high
tsway - on oeng

Your love shines the way in - to pa - ra - dise
tì - yawn ngey nrr ul - te oer fya - wìn - txu

So I of - fer my life as a sa - cri - fice
ta - fral stxe - nu - tìng pu - mit oey ngar nì - 'eng

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I live through your love
rey fa ngey tì - yawn

I See you
ka - me ngat

I See you
ka - me ngat

By the way, does anyone else besides me find it useful?

And yes, this is useful. Partly because of this I discovered that I had the stress wrong several times in the stanza I rewrote in purple. Also, thanks again for the rhyme dictionary!

Rhyme dictionary!

Yeah, I'm still shaky on the line that has syuratan in it. When I recorded Txon for Paul's blog, He told me that it's syu-RA-tan, not SYU-ra-tan and I had to re-record.

EDIT: I see what you did there. fixed.

Blue Elf · November 13, 2012, 01:50:15 AM

Quote from: Tirea Aean on November 12, 2012, 11:16:07 PM
By the way, does anyone else besides me find it useful?

Sure! How can you doubt?

Idea:
To me appears, that on this line one more syllable would simplify singing:
Wal - king through a dream, I See you
u - nil - mì oe tìran, ngat ka - me