Author Topic: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me  (Read 1382 times)

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Offline Blue Elf

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Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« on: April 23, 2011, 04:02:15 pm »
Kaltxì, ma eylan sìrolä.
I'd like to contribute something to this place and as I'm no poet nor composer, I've selected one of well-known songs by Czech  band "Olympic" and translate it into Na'vi. It is quite simple song, so I hope my Na'vi knowledge is enough for my intention.

Original song:

For those who can understand Czech - original text, for those who don't (most of you, I'm afraid :)) my English translation in spoiler (should be possible to sing it)

And Na'vi version (I did my best to keep result singable too, so I hope I didn't bend lì'fya leNa'vi too much):


New version, better singable with better grammar:

1: Nga 'efu keftxo
Pesu new nivìn tsat?
Nga ke tsun yivom ke'ut
Ngar lu hì'ang mì re'o

R: 'Efu nitram, tsa'u ke pxan
lìyatem maw hìkrr
leykatsen tsa'ut oel

2: Fmi tswiva' fra'ut
a lu vawma tìvawm
awawneyn nì'aw
fa keftxoa äie

R: 'Efu nitram, tsa'u ke pxan
lìyatem maw hìkrr
leykatsen tsa'ut oel

2: Fmi ....

R: 'Efu ...

Oel - oel -oel ...

And now - song itself, "sung" by me (I'd wouldn't call it this way but....). Not perfect, it is recorded using original song, but I wasn't able to completely remove original singing, you stil can hear it, although very silent (if you know how to improve it, send me a PM)
[smg id=4290 type=av]

Well, that's all - corrections and improvements are welcome, and if someone is able to sing this song, let he/she do and share it here.

Edit: finalized, all imperfections removed (but left striked out for reference)
Edit 2: improved text, audio added
« Last Edit: July 27, 2012, 03:39:28 pm by Blue Elf »
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Tswusayona Tsamsiyu

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2011, 08:50:08 am »
great song. no serious kxeyey.
a little strange is nìvawm. what is "darkly"?
also if it is an adverb it can't be described with an adjective (wawneyn).
also there's the line fa keftxoa äieyä. what is the vision's (äie) possesion?

Quote
lolatsu kxeyey oeyä
just my idea. you don't have to change it. leykatsen tsa'ut oel (I maybe made this happen).
Nivume Na'vit, fpivìl nìNa'vi, kivame na Na'vi.....
oer fko syaw tswusayona tsamsiyu

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2011, 04:49:03 pm »
Quote
great song. no serious kxeyey.
Oh, really? Nice to hear that :)
Quote
a little strange is nìvawm. what is "darkly"?
also if it is an adverb it can't be described with an adjective (wawneyn).
intended meaning of this line is "painted to dark/darkly". I spend a lot of time thinking about this, but didn't find anything better. I rely on fact that linguists aren't so strict with songwriters as they care first of all about word lengths :)
Quote
also there's the line fa keftxoa äieyä. what is the vision's (äie) possesion?
-yä here doesn't mean possesion, but genitive, like in: aylì’ufa awngeyä ’eylanä - by words of our friend. I hope it is correct.
Quote
Quote
lolatsu kxeyey oeyä
just my idea. you don't have to change it. leykatsen tsa'ut oel (I maybe made this happen).
Well, syllable count matches, it is usable, maybe easier to sing. Good idea.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Tswusayona Tsamsiyu

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2011, 03:21:02 am »
Quote
Quote
also there's the line fa keftxoa äieyä. what is the vision's (äie) possesion?
-yä here doesn't mean possesion, but genitive, like in: aylì’ufa awngeyä ’eylanä - by words of our friend. I hope it is correct.
I didn't ask what was äie possessed to, but what is the äie's possession. It is genitive but I don't see where is the thing it possesses, that belongs to it.

Quote
Quote
a little strange is nìvawm. what is "darkly"?
also if it is an adverb it can't be described with an adjective (wawneyn).
intended meaning of this line is "painted to dark/darkly". I spend a lot of time thinking about this, but didn't find anything better. I rely on fact that linguists aren't so strict with songwriters as they care first of all about word lengths
 
well whether nìvawm is true or not, an adverb can't be described with an adjective. perhaps wawneyna tìvawm.
Nivume Na'vit, fpivìl nìNa'vi, kivame na Na'vi.....
oer fko syaw tswusayona tsamsiyu

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2011, 06:15:55 am »
Quote
I didn't ask what was äie possessed to, but what is the äie's possession. It is genitive but I don't see where is the thing it possesses, that belongs to it.
When thinking more about this, I expect it as error and genitive should be simply removed as case is already introduced by preposition.
Quote
well whether nìvawm is true or not, an adverb can't be described with an adjective. perhaps wawneyna tìvawm.
Originally I meant to use this phrase, but tìvawn is already used in previous line. I'll think about this more
« Last Edit: April 27, 2011, 04:16:24 pm by Blue Elf »
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2011, 04:28:32 pm »
The best I devised is
...
a lu vawma tìvawm
awawneyn nì'aw

...
Should be correct, fits into melody, doesn't sound too strange, hmm...
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline `Eylan Ayfalulukanä

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2011, 08:48:26 pm »
The best I devised is
...
a lu vawma tìvawm
awawneyn nì'aw

...
Should be correct, fits into melody, doesn't sound too strange, hmm...

The English translation has 'dark, painted to black' here. Since neyn means 'light shade', I think you realy want layon 'black' here. (Don't know if this fits in the melody.) Also, I wondering if you mean 'cold' here, which is wew Thus, you end up with:

a lu vawma tìvawm
awewlayon nì'aw

Yawey ngahu!
pamrel si ro eylan.falulukana@gmail.com

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2011, 01:28:33 am »
Ma 'Eylan, you didn't understand it correctly  :)
wawneyn = w<awn>eyn - drawn (illustrated)

So correct meaning is like this:
.. which is dark(ly) painted darkness only ...

I was thinking about using layon too, but it is too long
« Last Edit: April 29, 2011, 11:12:52 am by Blue Elf »
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2011, 06:43:19 am »
good enough for me.
Nivume Na'vit, fpivìl nìNa'vi, kivame na Na'vi.....
oer fko syaw tswusayona tsamsiyu

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2011, 11:21:12 am »
Ok, updated in first post. Now singer is needed  :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Talis

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2011, 03:22:12 am »
Txo oeru livu krr, tsakrr oe tserun rivol tsat ;)

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2011, 03:58:58 am »
Oeru meuia, kem si tsaw :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline hemmond

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2011, 04:52:53 pm »
You need singer? :) I might be able to sing it... But I'll need some edits of that lyrics... There are passages, which are too short...
old gallery link?id=1849[/img]
old gallery link?id=1890[/img]

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Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2011, 05:22:02 pm »
Well, second part may be harder to sing, although I did my best. First part should be ok, try it.
Have you any proposal for changes in the second part?
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline hemmond

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2011, 04:27:47 pm »
Quote
Lu nitram, tsa'u ke pxan
lìyatem maw hìkrr
leykatsen tsa'ut oel lolatsu kxeyey oeyä
First and third line of the refrain needs one more syllable each. :)
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old gallery link?id=1890[/img]

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Offline Tirea Aean

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2011, 08:17:43 pm »
aw come on. Matching syllables 100% 1:1 is insanely difficult while making the song have meaning and some degree of grammatical correctness. However I think it is possible with much work... (similar issue with the Nothing Else Matters translation)

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2011, 01:12:38 am »
Quote
Lu nitram, tsa'u ke pxan
lìyatem maw hìkrr
leykatsen tsa'ut oel lolatsu kxeyey oeyä
First and third line of the refrain needs one more syllable each. :)
Agree with TA. IMHO one syllable can be solved by stretching some syllables during singing - hear some Talis' songs
Also notice that "lolatsu kxeyey oeyä" was deleted - but it is one syllable longer, so if it fits better for singing, we can change it back.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2011, 03:25:35 am »
Okay, I tried and it can be done. But the second part is very hard... Even with syllables "longering" or stretching... It's very hard...
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old gallery link?id=1890[/img]

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Re: Song translation - Maybe it was caused by me
« Reply #18 on: July 27, 2012, 03:40:35 pm »
Original post updated: improved text, audio sung by me added
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


 

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