Author Topic: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)  (Read 300 times)

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Offline Toliman

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Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« on: November 22, 2016, 03:10:24 pm »
I tried translate one older and quite famousCzech song from 60's written by Karel Kryl.
Translation was not too easy, all comments are welcome!


Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie

Fya'o lu fwep
sì nìkx
sì srawmu'a kllte
sì ngula ayeyfya
a weyn ne nìkre
Ulte ta sanhìyä ayfya'o
pumru lu nikroi
a tstu säpi tskxeru
ayzllrä tìnewä
ta Pekasìyä mesyal

Fya'o lu sko txewk
Pum lu kawng
pxel tuté txonä
Poeru lu tsyokxmì puktsyìp
sì lefngapa tewng
ulte tìnew nrr ta menari poeyä
krra poel neto tsre'i
susyanga merìkit
aysyulangä a lu tun

Ma eyktanay, neni lu teyr
pxel Taniellä pxun
Nga swaw pivey!
Oeyä menaril nolìn
tsahìkrrit tìtswa'yä
a txanlal nìtxan lu
Ma eyktanay! Fol kameie ayoengti
ulte fko aywengit muwayìntxu
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie

Oe tìran saylahe
tsafya'omì
tsenga tsyal lefpoma yayoyä
rikx mì hlltxe
Neni lìng io klltxe
Ulte way a rol pamtseo soli oeru
kunsìpä pamri
a tìng krrit amawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang

Fya'o lu fwep
sì srawmu'a kllte
Lefngapa zize'
ta nantangä tute
Tsko lefngap -
oeyä tsmuk
sì txanlala fwep
sì teyra ayfìwopx
a lu apxa nìtxan

Ma eyktanay, neni lu teyr
pxel Taniellä pxun
Nga swaw pivey!
Oeyä menaril nolìn
tsahìkrrit tìtswa'yä
a txanlal nìtxan lu
Ma eyktanay! Fol kameie ayoengti
ulte fko aywengit muwayìntxu
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie


Song is here:


Czech lyrics:

English translation:

(for translation I used Czech original version, not English translation)
« Last Edit: November 26, 2016, 07:39:17 am by Toliman »

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2016, 03:46:58 pm »
Not bad! I had idea to translate this song some longer time ago, but lack of good words and laziness prevented me to do so.
IMO here's hard to create good translation as original is highly poetic text with not clear meaning, but ok.
Not trying to fit into melody / meaning /whatever, I have there proposals / questions:

1. Fya'o lu fwep.
sì nìkx
sì srawmu'a kllte
sì ngula ayeyfyat - do you mean ayyeyfya? This is place, where consonant must be doubled
a weyn nemfa nikre (Cesta ...... kreslí šedé šmouhy do vlasů - that's why -t is added - and last sì would change to ulte)
Ulte ta sanhìyä ayfya'o
pumru lu nikroi ioi
a tstu säpi fa tskxeru
sì ayzllrä tìnewä
a ta Pekasìyä mesyal - maybe simple "pa'li" would suffice, or "Pekasä" or "pa'liyä atswusayon" (but too long)

2. Fya'o lu sko txewk - if sko+, then "sko tewk", but I'd use na/pxel
Pum lu kawng - pum is not necessary, and this way fits better to melody
pxel tuté txonä
Poeru lu tsyokxmì puktsyìp
sì lefngapa tewng - great statement!
ulte tìnew nrr ta menari poeyä
krra poel neto tsre'i
susyanga merìkit
aysyulangä a lu tun - can be shortened to "aysyulangä atun", if it helps

R: Ma eyktanay, neni lu teyr - eykyu would fit into melody better
pxel Taniellä pxun - I don't think you want to use ll as pseudovowel, and it even can't be used between two vowels - use either Tanielä or Tanielayä
Nga swawo pivey!
Oeyä menaril nolìn tsole'a - nìn is 'look at', tse'a is what is needed
tsahìkrrit tìtswa'yä
a txanlal nìtxan lu
Ma eyktanay! Fol kameie ayoengati - inclusive pronouns always must get final -a when adding case ending[/color]
ulte fkol ayoengat muwayìntxu ...if I understand well
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie - Sute a tìran fte tiverkup ngaru kaltxì si - original says: Those going to die salute you

I'd would maybe rewrite underlined part as:
Ma eykyu! fo rikx (fa tsyokx)
ulte ayoeng (oeng ?) muntxa säpi (although real meaning is different, depends how you want to understand)

3. Oe tìran saylahe - etc.? how it fits here?
tsafya'omì
tsenga tsyal lefpoma yayoyä
rikx mì hlltxe
Neni lìng io klltxe
Ulte way a rol pamtseo soli oeru - here's something wrong - two verbs
kunsìpä pamri - why topical ?
a tìng krrit amawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang

My attempt:
Tsafay'ofa
oe kolä
tsenga tsyal yayoä (ateyr)
rikx mì hllte
sì (ulte) leykìng nenit
ulte way tìsopä pamtseo soli (and sound of gunship played song of journey/travelling)
pam kunsìpä
a sleyku fkot mawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang

4. Fya'o lu ngul sì fwep
sì srawmu'a kllte
Lefngapa zize' - my first idea was hì'ang, but zize' looks better!
ta nantangä tute - I'd try either "tute lenantang" or "tute alu nantang", some rule breaking is allowed :)
Tsko lefngap -
oeyä tsmuk
sì txanlala fwep
sì teyra ayfìwopx
a lu apxa nìtxan

Hard job when so much words we do not have. But some parts contain big creativity. Nice work, IMO.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2016, 04:20:00 pm »
Not bad! I had idea to translate this song some longer time ago, but lack of good words and laziness prevented me to do so.
IMO here's hard to create good translation as original is highly poetic text with not clear meaning, but ok.
Yeah, it was very hard. I wondered whether try it ever but I finally tried it. Lack of good words here was really big.

In any case, thank you and thanks for your comments  :)



sì ngula ayeyfyat - do you mean ayyeyfya? This is place, where consonant must be doubled
Yeah, I mean ayyeyfya.

a ta Pekasìyä mesyal - maybe simple "pa'li" would suffice, or "Pekasä" or "pa'liyä atswusayon" (but too long)
The best would be "pa'liyä atswusayon" (I wanted expresion that it's winged horse), but it's quite long. So maybe "Pa'li" would be good, if I should use Na'vi word.

Ma eyktanay, neni lu teyr - eykyu would fit into melody better
Really, good idea  :)

pxel Taniellä pxun - I don't think you want to use ll as pseudovowel, and it even can't be used between two vowels - use either Tanielä or Tanielayä
I will use Tanielä, it looks good.

Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie - Sute a tìran fte tiverkup ngaru kaltxì si - original says: Those going to die salute you
Ah, this is true. thanks, I will use it  :)

Oe tìran saylahe - etc.? how it fits here?
tsafya'omì
tsenga tsyal lefpoma yayoyä
rikx mì hlltxe
Neni lìng io klltxe
Ulte way a rol pamtseo soli oeru - here's something wrong - two verbs
kunsìpä pamri - why topical ?
a tìng krrit amawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang

My attempt:
Tsafay'ofa
oe kolä
tsenga tsyal yayoä (ateyr)
rikx mì hllte
sì (ulte) leykìng nenit
ulte way tìsopä pamtseo soli (and sound of gunship played song of journey/travelling)
pam kunsìpä
a sleyku fkot mawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang
I will try modify thinks which you are mentioned.
Your attempt looks good  :) (maybe I will use it)



Hard job when so much words we do not have. But some parts contain big creativity. Nice work, IMO.
Irayo  :)

I will try use your ideas  :) I know that this song is hard to translation, but it's my favourite  :)





Offline Toliman

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Re: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2016, 07:46:00 am »
So i corrected some mistakes and used some Blue Elf's ideas:



Fya'o lu fwep
sì nìkx
sì srawmu'a kllte
sì ngula ayyeyfyati
a weyn nemfa nikre
Ulte ta sanhìyä ayfya'o
pumru lu nikroi
a tstu säpi fa tskxeru
sì ayzllrä tìnewä
ta Pekasä mesyal

Fya'o lu sko tewk
lu kawng
pxel tuté txonä
Poeru lu tsyokxmì puktsyìp
sì lefngapa tewng
ulte tìnew nrr ta menari poeyä
krra poel neto tsre'i 
susyanga merìkit
aysyulangä atun

Ma eykyu, neni lu teyr
pxel Tanielä pxun
Nga swaw pivey!
Oeyä menaril tsole'a
tsahìkrrit tìtswa'yä
a txanlal nìtxan lu
Ma eykyu! Fol kameie ayoengati
ulte fkol ayoengati muwayìntxu
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie

Tsafay'ofa
oe kolä
tsenga tsyal yayoä ateyr
rikx mì hllte
sì nenit leykìng
Ulte way tìsopä pamtseo soli
pam kunsìpä
a sleyku fkot mawey
ulte kxeltek fwepit
a tspayang

Fya'o lu ngul sì fwep
sì srawmu'a kllte
Lefngapa zize'
ta leNantanga tute
Tsko lefngap - 
oeyä tsmuk
sì txanlala fwep
sì teyra ayfìwopx
a lu apxa nìtxan

Ma eykyu, neni lu teyr
pxel Tanielä pxun
Nga swaw pivey!
Oeyä menaril tsole'a
tsahìkrrit tìtswa'yä
a txanlal nìtxan lu
Ma eykyu! Fol kameie ayoengati
ulte fkol ayoeengati muwayìntxu
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie





Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie - Sute a tìran fte tiverkup ngaru kaltxì si - original says: Those going to die salute you
Ah, this is true. thanks, I will use it  :)
Hmm ... I longly wondered about this, but Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie still sounds better for me although your translation is really more close to original.

Offline Blue Elf

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Re: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2016, 02:34:50 pm »
Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie - Sute a tìran fte tiverkup ngaru kaltxì si - original says: Those going to die salute you
Ah, this is true. thanks, I will use it  :)
Hmm ... I longly wondered about this, but Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie still sounds better for me although your translation is really more close to original.
You are author - you are right. Just wondering, whether someone going to die would use <ei>. Well, in some context maybe yes.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Offline Toliman

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Re: Sute a tìran ne tìterkup ngati kameie (Morituri te salutant)
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2016, 12:26:03 am »
Just wondering, whether someone going to die would use <ei>. Well, in some context maybe yes.
Well - it can looks weird, but I think that in original context it's really possible.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2016, 01:08:33 am by Toliman »

 

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