Loma Kelutral (The Hanging Tree)

Started by Plumps, March 10, 2015, 03:37:56 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Plumps

Yesterday on the Team Speak Server we had a wonderful talk about "The Hanging Tree" (Jennifer Lawrence's version, Peter Hollens's version) from The Hunger Games Mockingjay Pt 1

I published my attempt for a translation on my blog last night but wanted to provide it here as well. Ha, ayngaru fì'u ...

ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)?
txepìva sì kxener, fko mi tsun tsive'a
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)?
tsenga sute zolawng, aymokri mi mì ya
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za'u nga tseng akerusey (fuke)?
tsenga ngaru poleng san tul fte emrivey
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
txo mì ton ultxa sivi ro helutral?

ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)?
oehu wivìntxu tsìlpeyä aungiat
hem astxong lolen fìtseng, pefya stxong lu ngian
fwa ultxa si ro nawnekxa kelutral?

ftxey za'u nga ne loma kelutral?


Tìng Mikyun

Don't know when I will be able to give sining it a try... From my feeble attempts it should be singable.

I didn't go for a literal translation but rather reimagined it for a Na'vi context under the assumption that after such a devestating experience like the destruction of Hometree that it would enter the cultural memory via songs, poems etc. So, maybe Kelutralway fits it better :P

I know there is another version of "The Hanging Tree" out there :D Would be great to see it here on the forums as well. As far as I know it's the first time that two translations of the same source have been attempted independently from each other :)

Vawmataw

Fmawn Ta 'Rrta - News IN NA'VI ONLY (Discord)
Traducteur francophone de Kelutral.org, dict-navi et Reykunyu

Tìtstewan

Txantsan! :D
I have seen some versions of that song also some versions in Na'vi. It is really interesting what one have to modify to make it singable.
It should be singable. *look at Talis* :P

-| Na'vi Vocab + Audio | Na'viteri as one HTML file | FAQ | Useful Links for Beginners |-
-| Kem si fu kem rä'ä si, ke lu tìfmi. |-

Tirea Aean

I saw another interpretation of the song in Na'vi that went something like this:








Are you, are you
coming to the tree
They strung up a man
They say who murdered three.
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight.
In the hanging tree.
Srake, srake
Nga za'u ne utral
A tsaftu kolur tutan
A pxefoti tspamang
Hem ahiyìk lolen
Ke slivu hiyìk nìtxan
Zun oeng ultxa sivi
Mì kamtxon ro utral.
yes-no yes-no
you come to tree
which that-from hung a man
who them-3 killed
actions strange have-happened
not would-become strange much
if we(I+you) would-meet
in midnight at tree

I can't remember the rest. I like this song :D

Tìtstewan

#4
This one?:

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu kolur tutan,
A pxefot tspolang,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu syolaw tutan,
Ma yawntu hifwo nga,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Poltxe san tul sìk ngar,
Fte oeng kxuke tafral,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Yem telemit pewnpxaw,
Kur oerofa,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.


EDIT: ^This I got from Ney in FB.

-| Na'vi Vocab + Audio | Na'viteri as one HTML file | FAQ | Useful Links for Beginners |-
-| Kem si fu kem rä'ä si, ke lu tìfmi. |-

Tirea Aean

Quote from: Tìtstewan on March 10, 2015, 06:10:32 PM
This one?:

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu kolur tutan,
A pxefot tspolang,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
A tsaftu syolaw tutan,
Ma yawntu hifwo nga,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Poltxe san tul sìk ngar,
Fte oeng kxuke tafral,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.

Srake, srake, nga za'u ne utral,
Yem telemit pewnpxaw,
Kur oerofa,
Hem ahiyìk lolen,
Ke slu hiyìk nìtxan,
Txo oeng ultxa sivi,
Kxamtxon, ne utral.


EDIT: ^This I got from Ney in FB.

Ah yes, that is exactly the one. Neytiri came up with it.

It would be cool to hear a recording of any of these versions :D

Blue Elf

Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Plumps

Quote from: Blue Elf on March 12, 2015, 09:17:23 AM
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it's one syllable too long :P The other is that za'u can work without ne when the place follows the verb ... agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)

Blue Elf

Quote from: Plumps on March 12, 2015, 09:34:58 AM
Quote from: Blue Elf on March 12, 2015, 09:17:23 AM
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it's one syllable too long :P The other is that za'u can work without ne when the place follows the verb ... agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)

No problem - I expected such answer and it is fine :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Tirea Aean

Quote from: Plumps on March 12, 2015, 09:34:58 AM
Quote from: Blue Elf on March 12, 2015, 09:17:23 AM
Nice job, Plumps! I will dig in deeper during weekend but I'm sure you did well.
Just what I can see at first glance - why in first lines of the strophe (ftxey za'u nga skawna'a utral (fuke)) is missing ne? I think it should be there.
Thank you :)

Right you are. One reason is singability, with ne it's one syllable too long :P The other is that za'u can work without ne when the place follows the verb ... agreed this is poetic licence on my part since nga is in the way ;) (again for reasons of singability and stress pattern)


"singability" is the hardest part of translating songs, outside vocabulary limitations. I like what you've done here. and the Kelutral instead of utral was a cool choice.

Blue Elf

So I've given my ears to this song and I must say it's great (never seen nor read Hunger games). Hard to say which version is better, Jennifer's is better if you want to test singability (I can't catch tempo in some parts, but with training I believe it is not impossible (for me it is, I'm afraid)). Neytiri's version seems to be easier to sing.
I like Na'vi text of both version, Neytiri's one is more literal, Plumps's one is more artistic/reinterpretation. You both deserve applause :)

Quote from: Tirea Aean on March 12, 2015, 09:22:27 PM
"singability" is the hardest part of translating songs, outside vocabulary limitations. I like what you've done here. and the Kelutral instead of utral was a cool choice.
I know well what are speaking about. I'm trying to keep my song translations singable, but it is difficult. One must choose song carefully  :D
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Plumps

Irayo nìtxan ma tsmukan.

:-[  :-X Nìn kolan yune fya'ot a oe nui :P
Audio added in the first post, on SoundCloud or on the blog.

Tìtstewan

#12
TXANTSAN!! :D :D
+1!

---
Edit should I embed that audio in your first post ma Plumps? Like:

Edit2 Mehhh another SMF fail...another forum bug detected...

-| Na'vi Vocab + Audio | Na'viteri as one HTML file | FAQ | Useful Links for Beginners |-
-| Kem si fu kem rä'ä si, ke lu tìfmi. |-

Blue Elf

Quote from: Plumps on March 13, 2015, 05:58:51 PM
Irayo nìtxan ma tsmukan.

:-[  :-X Nìn kolan yune fya'ot a oe nui :P
Audio added in the first post, on SoundCloud or on the blog.

Kea sänui - lu säflä!
It fits into melody quite well, except second line in first strophe which is too long and you must be quick. But you did it - congratulation!
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Plumps

Quote from: Blue Elf on March 14, 2015, 03:00:58 PM
Kea sänui - lu säflä!
It fits into melody quite well, except second line in first strophe which is too long and you must be quick. But you did it - congratulation!

:-[ Irayo nìtxan nang.
I know, I know, darn for ash and smoke being long words in Na'vi ;D
But even so, even the English version is 'rushed' at points, for my taste. It makes for a good balance ;D :P

eejmensenikbenhet

#15
 :o Seysonìltsan ma Plumps!
Oer sunu nìtxan mokril ngeyä a fì'ut oel li almomum, slä fìtìrol wou!
Kxawm ayoeng tsun ngivop sreyt rolyuhu nì'ul (na Piter Holìnsì)?

Plumps

Quote from: eejmensenikbenhet on March 15, 2015, 07:12:49 PM
:o Seysonìltsan ma Plumps!
Oer sunu nìtxan mokril ngeyä a fì'ut oel li almomum, slä fìtìrol wou!
Kxawm ayoeng tsun ngivop sreyt rolyuhu nì'ul (na Piter Holìnsì)?

:o Oeru txoa livu, ma eejmensenikbenhet,
ke tsole'änga oel ngeyä 'upxaret aham. Ngaytxoa.

Ke pxan, ma tsmuk.  :-[
Tstunwia aylì'uri ngeyä irayo nìtxan.  :)

Hmmm, that's an interesting idea. I don't have the editorial skills to compile something like that but I'm all for it. If people want to join in the chorus ;) by all means, do so, record the track and let me/us know here :D