Yesterday (from Beatles)

Started by Toliman, December 09, 2016, 10:03:02 PM

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Toliman

Trram, fko lamam fwa oeyä aysngum lu alìm
Set fko lam fwa tsa'u lu fìtsenge nìtut
Oel spaw trramit

Tsìk, oe ke lu tutan pxel pum lamu srekrr
Fìtsengeti tok torìl a oeio kur
Trram zola'u tsìk

Pelun poe zamene kivä?
Oe ke omum, poe sweylu txo ke pivlltxe
Oe plltxe 'uori nìfe'
Set oel 'anla trramit

Trram, tìyawn lamu pxel ftuea uvan
Set oel kin snomoti
Oel spaw trramit

Pelun poe zamene kivä?
Oe ke omum, poe sweylu txo ke pivlltxe
Oe plltxe 'uori nìfe'
Set oel 'anla trramit

Trram, tìyawn lamu pxel ftuea uvan
Set oel kin snomoti
Oel spaw trramit


Lyrics:

Blue Elf

Nice attempt :) :D
But some lines should be fixed:

First two lines use two subjects:
Trram, fko lamam fwa oeyä aysngum lu alìm
Set fko lam fwa tsa'u lu fìtsenge nìtut

Lam is intransitive and is used like: "lam oer fwa...". Also "lu alìm" sounds like 1:1 translation, So I'd try
Trram, lamam oer fwa oey(ä) aysngum lìm
Set (oer) lam fwa tsal tok fìtsengit nìtut / nìmun


"Oel spaw trramit" is probably ok, although it look strange to me. Personally I'd prefer Trramìri oe spaw, but ok.

"Tsìk, oe ke lu tutan pxel pum a lamu (oe) srekrr" - Suddenly I'm not man like one which (I) was before. Oe/I probably shouldn't be omitted, as it make harder to understand well the correct meaning.

"Fìtsengeti tok torìl a oeio kur" - tor is adjective and it has different meaning than you intend. Try uk   ;D

Oe plltxe 'uori nìfe' - topical in the middle can be acceptable in poetry, but better could be Oel plltxe aylì'ut atsleng. You translation is 1:1, what is not good every time. And remember, that Na'vi are often very specific, so they don't speak things, but words (see Naviteri, Reported speech paragraph)

Set oel kin snomoti (fte wäpivan) - just to keep meaning.

Well, translating into Na'vi is always challenge, and poetry/songs especially.
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


Toliman

#2
Quote from: Blue Elf on December 17, 2016, 02:58:49 PM
Nice attempt :) :D
Irayo  :)

Quote from: Blue Elf on December 17, 2016, 02:58:49 PM
"Fìtsengeti tok torìl a oeio kur" - tor is adjective and it has different meaning than you intend. Try uk   ;D
:-X omg ... such mistake ...  ;D

Other mistakes fixed now  :)
Corrected and modified version:

Quote from: Blue Elf on December 17, 2016, 02:58:49 PM
Well, translating into Na'vi is always challenge, and poetry/songs especially.
Nìngay, oe omum.