Author Topic: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"  (Read 1205 times)

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Offline Rain

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Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« on: March 26, 2010, 11:27:49 am »
Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Howartx Oe omum poanyä txe'lan. Li'upe poan poleng oe sretrr lu oeru tsa mì oeyä txe'lan. Oe lu meyp ftu tseram si. Ayoeyä ayolo'tsampongu lu tspolang, Nari Si lu kerusey, Ta Hul Hul Tsute lu kerusey. Ayftawnemkrr aytute lu niwotx kerusey. Li'upe lu ewana aytute pesu pe'un srane fu kehe. Poan pesu ololo' sìn eywana aytute lu kerusey. Fko lu kesom, ulte ke lu ayoeru nihawnu; hì'i ayevengti lu kererusey. Oeyä ayNa'vi pxeyfo, tolu neto ne ayna'ring, ulte ke ayoengur nihawnu; ke'u yivom. Kawtu omerum tsengpe ayfo lu - kxawm kererusey. Oe new krr nivari si fpi oeyä ayeveng, ulte tse'a holpxaype oe tsun run. Kxawm oe layu run ayfo kip kerusey. Stawm oe, oeyä ayolo'ektanti! Oe tsawl slu meyp; oeyä txe'lan lu spxin ulte kenitram. Ftu tsengpe tsawke set kllkxerem, oe layu wem keni'ul niwotxkrr.


Now, I ask that anyone who sees a problem with my translation PLEASE tell me! I am aware that my syntax does not match "kosher" Na'vi sentence-wording. But, I will take ANY and ALL comments, suggestions and criticism.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we shall all have to live in them."
-Spock, "This Side of Paradise"

"The greatest danger about Pandora is that you may come to love it too much." ~Grace Augustine

Offline NeotrekkerZ

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2010, 08:13:55 pm »
Oel omum poanä txe'lanit.

Li'upe poan poleng oe sretrr lu oeru tsa mì oeyä txe'lan.
What he told me before, I have it in my heart.
I would probably use the topical with words here:  Aylì'uri poanìl poltxe oeru lu fo oeru mì oeyä txe'lan. (As for the words he spoke (to) me, I have them in my heart.)

Have to go eat some dinner, will check out the rest later.  Excellent effort!
Rìk oe lu hufwemì, nìn fya’ot a oe tswayon!

Offline NeotrekkerZ

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2010, 11:08:10 pm »
ok, a few more things...

It is the young men who say yes or no.
Might want to consider a san...sìk clause here:  Ewana sute plltxe san srane fu kehe.  (no sìk when the quote finishes the actual sentence)

Poan pesu ololo' sìn eywana aytute lu kerusey.

He who led on the young men is dead.
Pesu here is the question word who, you want who as an adverb which is just aPoan a eyk ewana sute lu kerusey.  (He who leads the young men is dead.)

It is cold
You don't use lu here.  You say in Na'vi it feels coldTsa 'efu kesom.  (Fko is for a generic third person; an inanimate thing (it) is tsa)

ulte ke lu ayoengur nihawnu; ke'ut(i) yivom
ayoeng means you are with them,  It sounds as though you're not, so I would use foru (ìand they have no blankets...)
need the accusative on ke'u as it's the direct object.

No one knows where they are
Again, tsengpe is the question form:  Kawtu omum tsenget/tsengit a fo tok. (No-one knows the place that they are (at).)

I want to have time to look for my children
fpi doesn't quite work here as it means more for the benefit of.  You want fte instead:
Oe new krrit fte fwivew oeyä ayevengit.  (I need time in order/so that (I) look for my children.)

and see how many of them I can find

This happens a lot in English.  Whereas you can omit the "that" in the translation, you can't in Na'vi:
ulte tse'a feyä hìmtxanit a oe tsun rivun.  (and see the amount of them [that] I can find.)
The verb following a modal must take the iv infix (rivun).

shall find = rasyun
don't forget the endings in this clause also

I'd throw in the vocative ma before "my chiefs"

For sick and sad use , not ulte as you are joining two things, not two phrases.

From where the sun...:  tseng a again.  (from the place that the sun...)

I really picked this thing apart, as it is a good exercise that all beginners should see (and to help you of course ;)).  The improvisations you use to get around words we don't have are really good, and you had some rather difficult sentences grammatically to tackle, so again kudos.


Rìk oe lu hufwemì, nìn fya’ot a oe tswayon!

Offline Kä'eng

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2010, 11:56:51 pm »
Here's a few more things that I think need correcting...

Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Howartx Oel omum poanä txe'lanit. Aylì'uri a poanìl poltxe oeru lu fo oeru mì oeyä txe'lan. Oe lu meyp ftu tseram seri. Ayoeyä ayolo'tsampongut lu tspolang, Nari Si lu kerusey, Ta Hul Hul Tsute lu kerusey. Ayftawnemkrr aysute lu nìwotx kerusey. Li'upe lu Ewana sute plltxe san srane fu kehe. Poan a eyk ewana sute lu kerusey. Tsa 'efu kesom, ulte ke lu ayoengur nìhawnu; hì'ia ayevengti lu kererusey tererkup. Oeyä ayNa'vi sute pxeyfo, tolul neto ne ayna'rìng, ulte ke lu foru nìhawnu; ke'ut(i) yivom. Kawtu ke omum tsenget/tsengit a fol tok - kxawm kererusey tererkup. Oel new krrit fte fwivew oeyä ayevengit, ulte tse'a feyä hìmtxanit a oe tsun rivun. Kxawm oe rasyun ayfo kip kerusey. Stawm oet, ma oeyä ayolo'eyktanti! Oe tsawl slu meyp; oeyä txe'lan lu spxin sì kenitram. Ftu tseng a tsawke set kllkxerem, oe layu wasyem kenì'ul nìwotxkrr.
Ma evi, ke'u ke lu prrte' to fwa sim tuteot ayawne.
Slä txo tuteo fmi 'ivampi ngat ro seng, fu nìfya'o, a 'eykefu ngati vä', tsakem ke lu sìltsan.
Tsaw lu ngeyä tokx! Kawtu ke tsun nìmuiä 'ivampi ngat txo ngal ke new tsakemit.
Ha kempe si nga? Nì'awve, nga plltxe san kehe. Tsakrr, ngal tsatsengti hum!

Offline NeotrekkerZ

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2010, 01:24:31 am »
I think you're mistaken about speak.  The sentence is A spoke words to B.  Words is the direct object even though it's topical, hence speak is being used transitively.
If it were "I speak to you about it" I would agree with you:  Oe plltxe ngaru tsateri.

We have no confirmation as to whether plltxe is strictly transitive or intransitive (to my knowledge).  In English, speak is ambitransitive.
Rìk oe lu hufwemì, nìn fya’ot a oe tswayon!

Offline Rain

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2010, 08:40:43 pm »
YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!! At the risk of sounding cheesy, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
No, really, I TREMENDOUSLY appreciate all this feedback and I will immediately rectify all the mistakes in my WORD document.

Irayo, Irayo, Irayo, a thousand times more Irayo. Everything you guys do just helps me that much more.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we shall all have to live in them."
-Spock, "This Side of Paradise"

"The greatest danger about Pandora is that you may come to love it too much." ~Grace Augustine

Offline NeotrekkerZ

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2010, 09:15:37 pm »
You are most welcome, please post the revision when you've made it.  It's a nice little story to have.
Rìk oe lu hufwemì, nìn fya’ot a oe tswayon!

Offline Rain

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2010, 09:42:59 pm »
REVISION #1

Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Howartx Oel omum poanä txe'lanit. Aylì'uri a poan poltxe oeru lu fo oeru mì oeyä txe'lan. Oe lu meyp ftu tsam seri. Ayoeyä ayolo'tsampongut tspolang, Nari Si lu kerusey, Ta Hul Hul Tsute lu kerusey. Ayftawnemkrr aysute lu niwotx kerusey. Ewana sute plltxe san srane fu kehe. Poan a eyk ewana sute lu kerusey. Tsa 'efu kesom, ulte ke lu ayoengur nihawnu; hì'ia ayevengti lu tererkup. Oeyä sute pxeyfo, tolul neto ne ayna'rìng, ulte ke ayoengur nìhawnu; ke’uti yivom. Kawtu ke omum tsenget/tsengit a fol tok - kxawm tererkup. Oel new krrit fte fwivew oeyä ayevengit, ulte tse'a feyä hìmtxanit a oe tsun rivun. Kxawm oe rayun ayfo kip kerusey. Stawm oet, ma oeyä ayolo'eyktanti! Oe slu meyp; oeyä txe'lan lu spxin sì kenitram. Ftu tseng a tsawke set kllkxerem, oe wasyem kenì'ul nìwotxkrr.

Irayo nìwotx for the help.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we shall all have to live in them."
-Spock, "This Side of Paradise"

"The greatest danger about Pandora is that you may come to love it too much." ~Grace Augustine

Offline NeotrekkerZ

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2010, 10:21:57 pm »
A few final notes:

For the first sentence what you’re actually saying is Tell (to) Gen. Howard “something” with the something being “I know his heart.”  So you need Gen. Howard in the dative and a futa:

Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Hawartxìr futa oel omum poanä txe'lanit

I adjusted the Na’vi spelling of Howard (to Hawartxì) to follow phonology rules (rtx can’t end a syllable), but change/keep it how you like.

Don’t forget the glottal stop on Ewana (‘Ewana).

We now have cold (wew), so you don’t have to use kesom anymore.

Don’t need -ti on ayeveng, or the lu following it.
Rìk oe lu hufwemì, nìn fya’ot a oe tswayon!

Offline Rain

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2010, 07:50:33 am »
REVISION #2

Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Howartxìr futa Oel omum poanä txe'lanit. Aylì'uri a poan poltxe oeru lu fo oeru mì oeyä txe'lan. Oe lu meyp ftu tsam seri. Ayoeyä ayolo'tsampongut tspolang, Nari Si lu kerusey, Ta Hul Hul Tsute lu kerusey. Ayftawnemkrr aysute lu niwotx kerusey. ‘Ewana sute plltxe san srane fu kehe. Poan a eyk ewana sute lu kerusey. Tsa 'efu wew, ulte ke lu ayoengur nihawnu; hì'ia ayeveng tererkup. Oeyä sute pxeyfo, tolul neto ne ayna'rìng, ulte ke ayoengur nìhawnu; ke’uti yivom. Kawtu ke omum tsenget/tsengit a fol tok - kxawm tererkup. Oel new krrit fte fwivew oeyä ayevengit, ulte tse'a feyä hìmtxanit a oe tsun rivun. Kxawm oe rayun ayfo kip kerusey. Stawm oet, ma oeyä ayolo'eyktanti! Oe slu meyp; oeyä txe'lan lu spxin sì kenitram. Ftu tseng a tsawke set kllkxerem, oe wasyem kenì'ul nìwotxkrr.


Irayo na Neotrekkerz fpi niwotx poanä srungti!!!
Further help/corrections welcome.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we shall all have to live in them."
-Spock, "This Side of Paradise"

"The greatest danger about Pandora is that you may come to love it too much." ~Grace Augustine

Offline 'eylan na'viyä

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2010, 07:04:43 pm »
Irayo, nìtxan prrte' oeru lu fìvur

Kop tsari oeru aysäfpìl lelatem a nìsìlpey srung sivi ngaru

REVISION #2

Peng Olo'tsamsiyu Howartxìr futa Oel omum poanä txe'lanit. Aylì'uri a poan poltxe oeru lu fo oeru mì oeyä txe'lan. Oe lu meyp ftu tsam seri. Ayoeyä ayolo'tsampongut tspolang, Nari Si lu kerusey, Ta Hul Hul Tsute lu kerusey. Ayftawnemkrr aysute lu niwotx kerusey. ‘Ewana sute plltxe san srane fu kehe. Poan a eyk ->'ewana sute lu kerusey. Tsa 'efu wew, ulte ke lu ayoengur nihawnu; hì'ia ayeveng tererkup. Oeyä sute pxeyfo, tolul neto ne ayna'rìng, ulte ke ayoengur nìhawnu; ke’uti yivom. Kawtu ke omum tsenget/tsengit a fol tok - kxawm tererkup. Oel new krrit fte fwivew oeyä ayevengit, ulte tse'a feyä hìmtxanit a oe tsun rivun. Kxawm oe rayun ayfo kip kerusey. Stawm oet, ma oeyä ayolo'eyktanti! Oe slu meyp; oeyä txe'lan lu spxin sì kenitram. Ftu tseng a tsawke set kllkxerem, oe wasyem kenì'ul nìwotxkrr.


Irayo na Neotrekkerz fpi niwotx poanä srungti!!!
Further help/corrections welcome.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2010, 07:08:25 pm by 'eylan na'viyä »

Offline Rain

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Re: Cheif Joseph "I will fight no more forever"
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2010, 11:46:06 am »
Irayo x10
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we shall all have to live in them."
-Spock, "This Side of Paradise"

"The greatest danger about Pandora is that you may come to love it too much." ~Grace Augustine

 

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