My First Na'vi Book :3

Started by Stranger Come Knocking, March 16, 2011, 03:36:46 PM

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Blue Elf

Wow! This book is exactly something I've searched for! Many thanks!
I read it very quickly, but I think there are still some mistakes (I hope experient people correct me if my corrections are wrong :)):
page 9 - you are using fítsenge instead of fìtsenge (this kind of typo is very common, so I think most people can't see them...)
Why tok is used here: Olo'ìl nìwotx kelku si tok mì Helutral (and in next sentence too)? Two verbs together is too much :) kelku si mean to live, what is enough here. Tok (to occupy) is used in sentences like Oe tok fìtsenge.
Pages 10-14: Fì'u is used for non-living things like stones, trees etc. For living species fìpo should be used, I think.
Page 10: Ayikran lu kop tsun tswivayon. Too many verbs again.
Fko poanur syaw Tstunwi. Ikran is not a man :) -> Fko poru syaw Tstunwi
Page 11: Ayfalulukan lu ayioang alu txur sì lesti. I think you should use "a lu" instead if "alu".
Page 14: Toruk nawm frato ikran lu. I'm not sure if it is fully correct, I would write: Toruk nawm frato lu or Toruk nawm to fraikran lu

Anyway, good job, I'm looking forward for another books :)
Oe lu skxawng skxakep. Slä oe nerume mi.
"Oe tasyätxaw ulte koren za'u oehu" (Limonádový Joe)


`Eylan Ayfalulukanä

#41
Quote from: Tanhì Mì Ton on March 19, 2011, 03:40:07 PM
Quote from: `Eylan Ayfalulukanä on March 19, 2011, 03:26:14 PM
On page 9 (and in the index), you are using the plural of Kelutral, namely Helutral. The text indicates that you want the singular here in every case, so they should all be Kelutral. Or, am I missing something?
causes lenit, doesn't it? *checks* k -> h

Darnit, I missed that  :'(  I guess I got so caught up in reading the story I failed to note lenition.

Yawey ngahu!
pamrel si ro [email protected]

Stranger Come Knocking

Quote from: Blue Elf on March 19, 2011, 07:16:38 PM
Why tok is used here: Olo'ìl nìwotx kelku si tok mì Helutral (and in next sentence too)? Two verbs together is too much :) kelku si mean to live, what is enough here. Tok (to occupy) is used in sentences like Oe tok fìtsenge.
Page 10: Ayikran lu kop tsun tswivayon. Too many verbs again.
:D Irayo for correcting my redundancies.

Quote from: `Eylan Ayfalulukanä
Darnit, I missed that :'( I guess I got so caught up in reading the story I failed to note lenition.
*gives cookie* :D S'all right.  No one is expecting you to be perfect. :3
I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

These are my books.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery historical fiction.

`Eylan Ayfalulukanä

Quote from: Tanhì Mì Ton on March 20, 2011, 11:38:52 AM
Quote from: `Eylan Ayfalulukanä
Darnit, I missed that :'( I guess I got so caught up in reading the story I failed to note lenition.
*gives cookie* :D S'all right.  No one is expecting you to be perfect. :3

I just guess I like being perfect....but I am not  :P

On your latest posting, the text on a number of pages appears to be cut off halfway through the first line. The page titles and the text in the conversation balloons seems to be OK. I see this is two different PDF readers.

Yawey ngahu!
pamrel si ro [email protected]

Stranger Come Knocking

Quote from: `Eylan Ayfalulukanä on March 20, 2011, 11:20:24 PM
On your latest posting, the text on a number of pages appears to be cut off halfway through the first line. The page titles and the text in the conversation balloons seems to be OK. I see this is two different PDF readers.
>_> I noticed this too in PDF Complete.  I don't know why.  It saves fine initially.  I don't know why it wouldn't show up. ??? Maybe it's tired of being saved and resaved. ;D Yeah, Imma work on that.
I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

These are my books.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery historical fiction.

Stranger Come Knocking

Attention all MFNB editors and so forth, this topic is now being locked.  Thank you so very much for your editing assistance; if you discover any further errors or if something mischievous happens, PM me.

That is all.
I will not die for less
I dug my grave in this
Will I go before I fall
Or live to slight the odds?

These are my books.  You should check it out.  Speculative sci-fi murder mystery historical fiction.