Oeyä munea puk nìNa'vi

[Stranger Come Knocking]

Some of you may remember from waaay back in the day when I wrote san Oeyä 'awvea puk nìNa'vi sìk.  Well, here comes the sequel san Tsamsiyuä Tìrey sìk.  It is hosted by Amhul's brother, Kamun, and gives a tiny look at the life of a warrior.  It is shorter than the first book but has slightly more advanced grammar (trying to build it up over the course of 3/4 books).  However, I would appreciate some proofreading to avoid confusion and misleading information.

As before, translations are on the second-to-last page.

function openFile() {
if (library == open ) {
redirect("http://strangerreads.ucoz.com/");
}
elseif (library == closed) {
alert("Would you like to download the file, srak?");
}
else {
alert("An error has occurred.  Try again later.  Kthxbai.");
}
}

[Tirea Aean]

so this is your muvea BOOK?? how could you have time, vocab etc to write a whole book? O.o thats epic *downloads pdf* Im tryin to start a na'vel on my pìlok.

Ill check over this. irayo for posting. do you frequent the /pamrel-ninavi-niaw board?

[Stranger Come Knocking]

so this is your muvea BOOK?? how could you have time, vocab etc to write a whole book? O.o thats epic *downloads pdf* Im tryin to start a na'vel on my pìlok.

Ill check over this. irayo for posting. do you frequent the /pamrel-ninavi-niaw board?

Heh.  "Book" as in "little collection of thrown-together pages with a little bit of writing and big pictures on each one that wouldn't amount to more than two paragraphs of linear writing."

Na'vel. That's great.

And I don't go to the pamrel-ninavi-niaw board.  I'm not quite that advanced.  I'm barely intermediate. I've only just committed the fì- prefix to memory (i.e. I don't need to flip back and forth in the dictionary in a panic).

[Tirea Aean]

ohhh! nice

i just glanced through and i really like this. I see what you did there. and great illustrations from DA

NAH bro you dont have to be a "pro" to hang out and post literature type stuff to that board. Anyone who writes na'vi stories, poetry, etc we want moar posts there! 

if i look through and catch somethin ill let you know

[Stranger Come Knocking]

NAH bro you dont have to be a "pro" to hang out and post literature type stuff to that board. Anyone who writes na'vi stories, poetry, etc we want moar posts there! 

Love, I don't actually know more than half a dozen words; the Dictionary is my bestest best friend.  And as far as fwo, anything harder than san Nounìl subjectit verb sìk with maybe some adjectives, adverbs thrown in, and I would x.x I would not be much for conversation. (Topical?  HA!  I say.  HA!)

if i look through and catch somethin ill let you know

I should hope so.

[Tirea Aean]

HRH

Surely with short time I'll seeya posting there (or in /ninavi-niaw)


Ngal oeti zerok srak?

oel olo'it zong ta aykutu sì ayhetuwong.

[Ngaru ke lu tìkin a|Nga ke zene] txopu sivi.

--> ayoe lu samsiyu atxur ulte ((ayoe)) zene livu seykxel

Ayoe tìyeverkup fte zivong olo'it

--> ((tsat)) fkol ke ngolop fa rìn Kelutralä

oe lu fyeyna a krr oel tskoti oeyä ngayop fa rìn Keputralä

...ulte sa'u tsun tspivang aykututi maw swawtsyìp a'aw nì'aw.

...tswayon fa ayikran.

... fu tsamsiyuhu

...ulte po lu [oeyä|oeru]

...ulte fo tul nìwin na hufwe

...tsun tivoltem ayswizawit [ftu??|ta??] pa'liyä txal

--> Oe tsun mivakto ulte nerume fte tivem

--> ...ayoeyä kelku alu Kelutral.

--> Ayoel alu samsiyu Kelutralit za((s))yong vay kxitx

--> Oe sìlpey tsnì tsaw lilvu 'o'

--> ... oel ke fp(([ol|am))ìl futa nga lu mal

so among those, one occuring theme was trying to use po as it. there is no third person inanimate pronoun. besides tsa'u(aka tsaw) or fì'u. po is the genderless animate third person. its the thing we wish we had in english to get around the awkwardness of "s/he" or "he/she" or  using "they" as a singular...

any questions about any of the blue?

[Kamean]

I love your book!

+1

[Stranger Come Knocking]

HRH

Surely with short time I'll seeya posting there (or in /ninavi-niaw)

Hehehe, don't hold your breath.

so among those, one occuring theme was trying to use po as it. there is no third person inanimate pronoun. besides tsa'u(aka tsaw) or fì'u. po is the genderless animate third person. its the thing we wish we had in english to get around the awkwardness of "s/he" or "he/she" or  using "they" as a singular...

So then what should I use (as a rule of thumb for future reference)?

My AP Lit teacher lectured us on agreeing "someone" with "s/he" and not "they" as the way the AP testers will see it, but she concluded with, "It's the dumbest thing.  Why don't we have something to get around that, just some universal linking pronoun to get the job done?"

any questions about any of the blue?

Page numbers would be helpful, but I suppose it's short enough that I can manage.  *provocation to get you to edit* <-- *shameless*

[Stranger Come Knocking]

Fixed for the corrections/suggestions.  Re-uploaded.  Re-check?

[Blue Elf]

Wou, good book! I think beginners appreciate it, how I needed something like this in my beginning! (I remember your first book). As for correction, TA was faster (wiya!), but i put here also my correction, maybe it will be helpfull too (ask if you don't understand something):

page 3
san...sìk is for direct speech only. I'd use:
Ngal oeti ziverok ta puk alu Oeyä 'awvea puk nìNa'vi.

Ngal oeti zerok, srak? (yes/no question require srak(e))

page 4
Oel olo'it zong ta (ay)kutu sì (ay)hetuwong. (you can't use case ending with adposition. Also don't forget lenition k->h)

Nga ke kin txopu si. -> Nga ke zene txopu sivi.

Ayoe alu samsiyu lu txur ulte ayoe zene livu seykxel. (zene is modal verb and requires subjunctive in the controlled verb. Alu separating "we" and "wariors" is IMO needed, never seen it as you used it)

Ayoe tìyeverkup fpi olo'.
or
Ayoe tìyeverkup tengkrr zong olo'it.
But IMO best is
Ayoe lu alaksi fte tiverkup fpi olo'.

page 5
fkol ke ngolop tsat a ta rìn Kelutralä. (It wasn't made from wood of home tree, lit. one didn't create it from wood of home tree)

Krr a oe lu teya tsamsiyu, oel tskoti oeyä ngayop ta rìn Kelutralä.
"teya" is used in sense of being full of something, so I'd use:
Krr a oe lu fyeyna tsamsiyu, oel tskoti oeyä ngayop a ta rìn Kelutralä.

Ayswizaw lu txumnga' ulte tsaw tsun tspang (ay)kututi mì swawtsyìp a'aw nìaw. ("po" is used for persons, in modal construction subject remains in nominative case)

page 6
Fìioang lu rima ikran. (Hmm, it isn't yellow, but "tuna" (mostly) )

Saronyu sì samsiyu tswayon fa ayikran.

Ikran tswayayon nì'aw 'awa taronyuhu fu samsiyuhu.
as it is general statement, future can be removed. Also to create exact meaning you used in translation, I'd write:
Ikran tswayon hu le'awa taronyu fu samsiyu mì sìrey sneyä.
Not sure about "hu" (it means that person flies next to ikran as an accompaniment) but neither "fa" fits well here (sounds like ikran flies on the person). Someone better maybe help us.

...ulte po lu pum oeyä! (typo)

page 7
Fìioang lu pa'li ulte fo lu win na hufwe. (missing "lu")

Sìltsana tsamsiyu tsun tivem fa tsko swizaw ftu pa'liyä txal. ("tsun" is modal, so next verb needs <iv>, also missing adposition)

Oe tsun mivakto ulte nerume tìtusemit. (again modal + <iv>, to connect sentences use "ulte"). lit: I can ride and learning shooting (created using tì + <us>)
But your translation is different:
I can ride but cannot shoot. -> Oe tsun mivakto, slä ke tsun tivem.
or
Oe tsun mivakto, slä tìtusemìri oe wätx. (lit: I can ride, but as for shooting I'm bad)
or
Oe tsun mivakto, slä oel wätx tìtusemit.

page 8
when you need to say that something is somewhere, use "tok":

ayoeyä kelkul alu Kelutral tok Fìtsenget. (our home is here (occupies this place))

Ayoel alu samsiyu Kelutralit zayong vay kxitx. (my misunderstanding here - TA was correct)

page 9
Ulte fì'u lu trr mì sìrey tsamsiyuä. (day = trr, mì+ causes lenition)

Oe sìlpey tsnì tsaw lilvu 'o'. (typo, "po" is for persons)

Krr a oel ngati ultxarun mì fuk alu Oeyä 'awvea puk nìNa'vi, oel ke fpolìl futa nga lu mal.

Edit: Some mistakes corrected

[Stranger Come Knocking]

So confusing! >< I remember this from the last time.  Differing opinions and correcting what has already been corrected.

Reminder: This is for beginner's, so I want it to be grammatically correct, but as simple as possible.

[Blue Elf]

Well, more opinions - more confusions I don't think my version is difficult to understand, I'm trying to use simple ways of expressing (try to read something from Prrton, I have always hard time to understand him )

[Stranger Come Knocking]

Well, more opinions - more confusions

No kidding. ><

I don't think my version is difficult to understand, I'm trying to use simple ways of expressing (try to read something from Prrton, I have always hard time to understand him )

The explanations are easy to understand, but just looking at the sentences once corrected is like @.@

[Blue Elf]

I don't think my version is difficult to understand, I'm trying to use simple ways of expressing (try to read something from Prrton, I have always hard time to understand him )

The explanations are easy to understand, but just looking at the sentences once corrected is like @.@

Read once more and made some corrections (nobody is perfect ), also I misunderstand one of sentences, so my first version was incorrect. Reverted to TA's version.
A for differences - often you have more ways how to say something. You can choose then...

[Stranger Come Knocking]

I don't think my version is difficult to understand, I'm trying to use simple ways of expressing (try to read something from Prrton, I have always hard time to understand him )

The explanations are easy to understand, but just looking at the sentences once corrected is like @.@

Read once more and made some corrections (nobody is perfect ), also I misunderstand one of sentences, so my first version was incorrect. Reverted to TA's version.
A for differences - often you have more ways how to say something. You can choose then...

I re-uploaded it.  How about, instead of editing your post again, start a new one?  So neither of us gets confused. 

[Tirea Aean]

Reading both second and first books now.

[Blue Elf]

I've read corrected version, here are my comments:
page 4
Ngaru ke lu tìkin a txopu sivi.

page 6
Fìioang lu tuna ikran. ("rim" is yellow!)

page 7
Sìltsana tsamsiyu tsun tivoltem ayswizawit ftu pa'liyä txal.
I'd vote for "ftu", it expresses movement (arrows move from pa'li to enemy), while "ta" is about origin (sounds to me you shoot arrows made from pa'li...).

page 8
Fìtsenget tok ayoeyä kelkul alu Kelutral.
Ayoel alu samsiyu Kelutralit zasyong vay kxitx. (no case suffix after adposition)

page 9
Ulte fì'u lu trr mì sìrey tsamsiyuä. (day = trr, mì+ causes lenition)
Krr a oel ngati ultxarun mì fuk alu Oeyä 'awvea puk nìNa'vi, oel ke fpolìl futa nga lu mal.

[Stranger Come Knocking]

Fìioang lu tuna ikran. ("rim" is yellow!)

I have a tuna ikran! I think we found our first Pandoran sea creature to be featured in Avatar 2.  Tuna ikran...

Sìltsana tsamsiyu tsun tivoltem ayswizawit ftu pa'liyä txal.
I'd vote for "ftu", it expresses movement (arrows move from pa'li to enemy), while "ta" is about origin (sounds to me you shoot arrows made from pa'li...).

Yum yum.

Anyway, fixed again.

[Stranger Come Knocking]

I don't want to come across as threatening in this when I say that if no further corrections are made, I will post it.  I need some sort of confirmation, and the lack of correction is almost equal to that.

if (corrections == confirmed) {
alert("HEY EVERYONE!  COME CHECK OUT THIS NEW BEGINNER'S BOOK!");
}
elseif (corrections != confirmed) {
document.post.write("Hello?  Hola?  Bonjour?  Aiya?  Kaltxì?  Help, please?  What else do I need to do?");
}
else {
alert("HEY EVERYONE!  COME CHECK OUT THIS NEW BEGINNER'S BOOK!");
}

^ my inner nerd

[Blue Elf]

Downloading current version........ Ok
opening data file...... Ok
Performing grammar analysis...10 %...20% 30%....40%
Page 4: warning: wrong word order
Ngaru ke lu a tìkin a txopu sivi.
error: attributive -a- missing (hmm, previous version was correct, i think)
Ayoe lu samsiyu atxur ulte ayoe zene livu seykxel.
50%....60%
page 6: proposal:
Fko syaw oeyä ikranur Tawsyal ulte po lu oeyäru! (not wrong, but genitive sounds somewhat better)
70%
page 7: warning: number mismatch
Fìioang lu pa'li ulte fo tul nìwin na hufwe. (singular on one side, while plural on the other side. Use Fì- + po or fay- + fo)
80%....90%....100%
Analysis done, mistakes found
Sending info to the author.
Exit code: 0

(Sorry for this type of output, I couldn't resist )