Mission Statement (Final? Draft)

['Itan Atxur]

1st draft

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and in community. Our goal is to send the message of love for mother nature without requiring people join the tribe, but rather to show the world that living a substantial and constructive life is possible while staying in tune to nature.

2nd draft

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world through our actions that a sustainable way of living requires just a bit of effort and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.


3rd Draft

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world through our actions that while a sustainable way of living requires more effort and dedication, the end result is completely worth it; and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.

4th Draft:

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Through our actions we aspire to show the world the rewards of truly sustainable living and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.

What do you all think? Am I on the right track? What should I add/remove?

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

Good, but I think some of it dosn't sound as it should.
[Name here, we might want to use a different one] is a group of people trying to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We believe [we aren't exactly a people, but we want to be like one, so I'll avoid that altogether] in the values [there's more than one benefit] of living in nature [avoid stereotypes] and community. Our goal is to demonstrate [our primary goal is to do it first, then tell more people] respect for nature [don't want to sound too much like hippies] and show others how to lead more sustainable and rewarding lives [didn't sound good, the image of requirement is negative].

['Itan Atxur]

Hmm. Why don't you like "substantial"? I felt like the statement suggested "sustainable" well enough to not add in an extra line but I could be wrong.

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

Bad timing!
I've though about why I don't like it, and how I think it could be better.
I don't think substantial has much to do with sustainability, and I think it might confuse people a bit.

['Itan Atxur]

Fair enough. Before I edit it though I'd like to hear more opinions from others on the entire thing. Also, did I miss anything?

[Tonbogiri]

A good thing used by some organisations seems to be "to raise awareness".

In our case, it could be to raise awareness of:
The difficulties indigenous tribes face today;
Of skills that enable us to survive without total reliance on technology;
That a sustainable way of living requires just a little bit of effort;
That our planet and all its inhabitants deserve a degree of respect.

[Esmond]

Also to raise awareness that living in harmony with Nature is a better way of living life.

I like you 4th point, that our plant and all its inhabitants deserve a degree of respect, and love. =)

[Predict]

Good start. I definitely wouldn't want it any longer.

I'd cut "message of love" and just leave an insert name here box at the start, that's not important yet. I don't think value or values matters too much, different beliefs can acknowledge the same value, for example, 'killing people is bad' is pretty universally acknowledged if not adhered to.

Possibly stress the community bit a bit more, the social structure is an important part of this. That's what separates us from the hippies! so to speak...

['Itan Atxur]

Irayo. I also didn't like "message of love" but couldn't think of anything better at the time. And I agree that keeping it short is a good idea. I wanted to stress community more than I did, but everything I added made it feel to long and messed with the statements "rhythm".

I'll work on the second draft soon but likely not today. I've got tomato canning with the family and that takes all day.

['Itan Atxur]

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world through our actions that a sustainable way of living requires just a bit of effort and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

Nice.
Ideas: 'The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living in balance with nature [still don't like that bit] and particularly in a [not sure] tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world, through our actions, that a sustainable way of living requires just a bit of effort and that all living things deserve a degree [shorter and "a degree" sounds like it might be very little respect, which is not what we mean] respect.'

['Itan Atxur]

I like your first correction far more than what's currently there. I disagree with the second correction but that's mostly a technicality. I think the original way flows better. I also agree with your third correction but nothing hit me at the time of writing.

[Predict]

Getting close I'd say.

Try not to make to too vague though, this needs to be straightforward and clear. Definitely not wordy, if something might be misinterpreted or is hard to understand then it has to be changed.

Maybe define the 'community' better, I have nothing against tribe: it's certainly accurate. Possibly switch to just "We are people who..." 'a people'  does sound a bit like we're already something and the reader is 'outside' it whereas if it is 'we are people' then the reader might consider themselves this type of person already - which is good.

['Itan Atxur]

I like your second point but disagree with the first. I think people will be pushed away by the word "tribe". Fewer outsiders (for lack of a better term) will be put off by "community".

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

Ma 'Itan Atxur, mllte.

['Itan Atxur]

I should be able to get a third draft of this up tomorrow. I know it only takes a few mins but I'm rediculouly tired and want to do this properly.

[Esmond]

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world through our actions that a sustainable way of living requires just a bit of effort and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.

A sustainable way of living requires a quite a bit of effort actually at this age. Maybe you should change that to, a sustainable way of living is not a step backwards.

['Itan Atxur]

What I meant by that statement is that it requires a just a bit MORE effort. I agree that I worded it poorly.

[Esmond]

Its alright tsmukan, its your effort that counts. We'll help you get it right.

['Itan Atxur]

Hrh. Thats why we're doing multiple drafts!!

So what do you think, is "a bit more effort" good enough? Or should it be worded differently?