Mission Statement (Final? Draft)

[Esmond]

Well we won't lie that it does require loads of effort and dedication but maybe we could say that the outcome is more than worth the effort?

['Itan Atxur]

Absoultely.

['Itan Atxur]

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Our goal is to show the world through our actions that while a sustainable way of living requires more effort and dedication, the end result is completely worth it; and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

Nice, that sounds great!
the end result is completely worth it;
I'm not sure about the completely, it breaks up the sentence.

[Esmond]

End result doesn't sound appropriate. The word end is bugging me.

Our goal is to show the world through our actions that while a sustainable way of living requires more effort and dedication, it is more rewarding.

Something like that?

[Predict]

I like the sound of that. You could always just cut the word end. "..., the result is worth it."

[Esmond]

Results make it sound like a one time deal. Like we do something and the result is something. But the thing is the effort is constant and the rewards will also be constant so maybe we might wanna rephrase that a little.

[Predict]

How about, "Through our actions we hope to show the world the rewards of truly sustainable living."
I have added truly to emphasize that this is wholly sustainable. Not sustainable in the way that a gas power station is more "sustainable" than coal.

This does neglect the negative but the mission statement is trying to sell the idea in a way, make people think yeah, I want to do that. If someone's considering doing this we want them to be able to work out the trade offs on their own. Plus it can be elaborated on later, in the rules and what to expect areas. 

[Esmond]

That sounds a lot better actually. =D

We're not denying the fact that is going to be difficult but we'll show you how rewarding it is, nice.

['Itan Atxur]

I like it. I'll add it in ASAP. Should we change anything else??

[Key'ìl Nekxetse]

No ideas come to my mind at the moment. Brilliant!

['Itan Atxur]

Beautiful!! Looks like I just need to change a few words and it's set!

[Predict]

Agreed, it's looking good.

['Itan Atxur]

Final(?) Draft:

The Real Life Tribe is a group of people looking to get back in touch with nature by giving up destructive modern technologies. We are a people that believe in the value of living off the land and particularly in tight knit community. Through our actions we aspire to show the world the rewards of truly sustainable living and that all living things deserve a degree of respect.




-'Itan Atxur

[Predict]

Great!

My only criticism is that "all living things deserve a degree of respect." is implied by "...get back in touch with nature." Shorter is better, keeps it open for additions. Okay, and I'm not sure about "a people" someone mentioned this before, what did we decide? I'd have thought, "We believe..." was good.

Sorry, load of criticism.

[Tsyal Maktoyu]

Great!

My only criticism is that "all living things deserve a degree of respect." is implied by "...get back in touch with nature." Shorter is better, keeps it open for additions.

How about something like "...and that the natural world is still a vital element of human life."

Not necessarily shorter, but a bit more eloquent, maybe drawing people a bit more?

Okay, and I'm not sure about "a people" someone mentioned this before, what did we decide? I'd have thought, "We believe..." was good.

"...a group that believes...?"

[Letxuma Swizaw]

All i have to say about people thinking it's too long is: look at project anononia's statement. It's three or four paragraphs long and it really drives the point home effectively. that is all.

[Predict]

That is just another way of doing it. We're aiming for short, snappy, and memorable. It may be advantageous to supplement this with another longer explanation after but this is designed to be the first thing seen, to draw people in. There's a lot more room for misunderstanding in 4 paragraphs.

['Itan Atxur]

Sorry I haven't updated this. I've been very busy today and may nit have time




-'Itan Atxur

[Esmond]

Yeah, I believe Mission Statement has to just clearly and concisely project the correct message and that's all.

We could have another thread to elaborate more on that separately but for Mission Statement only I think this is about the right length.