requesting feedback on some not-so-simple sentences.

[’eylan ’angtsìkä]

Would appreciate feedback on the text below.  I give the Na'vi and English, followed by a phrase-by-phrase analysis.

I could (should?) have posted this in the Bible Project, but not much is happening there; and I didn't want only Bible-philes to review the grammar.  Srungìri oe irayo seiyi ngaru.


1  tsakrrri mì saysrr armeyk ayolo'eyktan
ulte len tìohakx apxa mì atxkxe aswok
tafral tutan ta Peytlehem alu mì Iehuta kalmä 
fte  kelku  sirvi  txayomì  Mo'avä
pori sì muntxateri poanä sì meitanìri poanä

2 tutanur syaw fko 'Elimelek.  muntxateru poanä syaw fko Na'omi. 
meitanur poanä syaw fko Mahlon sì Kilyon. 
ayfo lu le'Efrat ta Peytlehem alu Iehutamì. 
za'almu ayfo txayone Mo'avä ulte tarmok tsatseng-it.

3 talmerkup 'Elimelek muntxatan Na'omiyä
ulte tutéri atxawnìng poe lu meitanhu poeyä.

4 muntxa soli mefo aysutéru aleMo'av. 
'awporu syaw fko 'Orpa utle muveru syaw fko Rut. 
ayfo kelku seri tsatseng kxawm vol zìsìt.

5 mawkrr tolerkup mefo Mahlon s Kilyon,
ulte tutéri atxawnìng lu luke meveng s muntxatan

6 poeri tìsyätxaw poe s memuntxate meitanä ftu txayo Mo'avä
taluna stolawm txayo-ì Mo'avä
futa kolame Atonayl olo'it peyä ulte teswotolìng futa ayfol y‹ivom.

7 holum poel tsengit a poel tolok tsatsengit,
ulte memuntxate meitanä lu poehu,
ulte sngolä'i pxefo sivop lä fya'o fte tivätxaw atxkxene aleIehuda.


1 It was in the days when the "Judges" judged, that there was a famine in the land, so a man from Bethlehem of Judea went to reside in the Moab Plain – he, his wife, and both his sons. 
2 The man's name was Elimelekh, and his wife's name was Naomi, and his two sons were named Mahlon and Kilyon, Efratites, from Bethlehem of Judea.  They came to the Moab Plain, and stayed there. 
3 Naomi's husband Elimelekh died, and she was left with her two sons.
4 They married Moabite women, one named Orpa and the other named Ruth, and dwelled there about ten years. 
5 Then both Mahlon and Kilyon died too, so the woman was left without her children and her husband. 
6 She and her daughters-in-law decided  to return from the Moab Plain, because she had heard in the Moab Plain that Ad_nai had taken note of the people  and given them food.  7 She left the place where she had been, together with her two daughters-in-law, and set out on the road to return to the land of Judea.


1 It was in the days when the "Judges" judged,
וַיְהִ֗י בִּיְמֵי֙ שְׁפֹ֣ט הַשֹּׁפְטִ֔ים
Heb:  (and)-it-was in-days-of judging-of the-judges,
tsakrr-ri mì say+srr ‹arm›eyk ayolo'eyktan
that-time.TOP  ADP("in")  those(tsa+ay)-day  lead.PAST.IMPF  PL.clanleader.SUB
The setting is the Israelite tribal confederacy before Saul became the first king of a united monarchy.  "Judges" is a misnomer.  They were tribal chieftains that achieved through popular acclaim a position of leadership in national security. 
In the Hebrew gloss, "and" is often in parentheses because the Hebrew morpheme (it's not an independent word) can be used for morphological and syntactic purposes that have nothing to do with conjunction.  Sometimes it should not be translated into English at all, and sometimes should be translated as other conjunctions, such as "therefore", "but", "and so", "which is", etc.
Thanks to omängum fra'uti for editing suggestions on this and the next line, especially using Topical for time.  Thanks to Lance R. Casey for clarifying *mì tsa+ay+trr -> *mì tsay+trr ->*mì tsay+srr -> *mì say+srr -> mì saysrr.

that there was a famine in the land,
וַיְהִ֥י רָעָ֖ב בָּאָ֑רֶץ
Heb:  (and)-it-was hunger in-the-land,
ulte len tìohakx [a-]apxa mì atxkxe a-swok
conj(ulte)  happen  hunger  ATTR.large  ADP("in")  land  ATTR.sacred.
I have added aswok sacred, not because "the land" in Hebrew does often refer specifically to the holy land, but because it is important for narrative purposes that the reader understand there are theological implications to leaving for Moab.

so a man from Bethlehem of Judea went
וַיֵּ֨לֶךְ אִ֜ישׁ מִבֵּ֧ית לֶ֣חֶם יְהוּדָ֗ה
Heb:  (and)-went man from-Bethlehem [of] Judea
tafral tutan ta Peytlehem alu mì Iehuta k‹alm›ä 
therefore  man.SUB  ADP("from")  Bethlehem  which-is  ADP("in")  Judea  go.PAST.PERF 
I have used underlining to indicate the accent on proper names the first time they appear.
Thanks to Hawnuyu atxen for editing suggestions.

to reside in the Moab Plain –
לָגוּר֙ בִּשְׂדֵ֣י מוֹאָ֔ב
Heb:  to reside in-plain-of Moab –
fte kelku s‹irv›i txayo-mì Mo'av-ä
purpose dwell{lit. 'make house'}.SBJV.IMPF  plain.ADP("in") Moab.GEN

he, his wife, and both his-sons. 
ה֥וּא וְאִשְׁתּ֖וֹ וּשְׁנֵ֥י בָנָֽיו:
Heb:  he, (and)-his wife, and two his-sons. 
po-ri sì muntxate-ri poan-ä sì me+itan-ìri poan-ä
3.TOP conj  wife.TOP  3-MALE.POSS  conj DU.son.TOP  3-MALE.POSS.
I realize it is unusual to (a) include more than one noun marked for Topic in a sentence, and (b) to place such a noun at the end of the sentence.  Nonetheless, the Hebrew clearly means to do just that.  This introductory sentence sets the stage for the opening of the narrative, specifying time, place, and actors.  "he, his wife, and both his sons" are, as it were, topics for what follows.


The man's name was Elimelekh, and his wife's name was Naomi,
וְשֵׁ֣ם הָאִ֣ישׁ אֱֽלִימֶ֡לֶךְ וְשֵׁם֩ אִשְׁתּ֨וֹ נָעֳמִ֜י
Heb:  (and)-name-of the-man 'Elimelekh, and-name-of his-woman Naomi,
tutan-ru syaw fko 'Elimelek.  muntxate-ru poan-ä syaw fko Na'omi. 
man.DAT  call  one(indef)  Elimelekh.  wife.DAT  3-MALE.POSS  call  one(indef)  Naomi. 

and his two sons were named Mahlon and Kilyon,
וְשֵׁ֥ם שְׁנֵֽי־בָנָ֣יו ׀ מַחְל֤וֹן וְכִלְיוֹן֙
Heb:  and-name-of two his-sons Mahlon and-Kilyon,
me+itan-ur poan-ä syaw fko Mahlon sì Kilyon. 
son.DU.DAT  3-MALE.POSS  call  one(indef)  Mahlon  conj  Kilyon. 

Efratites, from Bethlehem of Judea. 
אֶפְרָתִ֔ים מִבֵּ֥ית לֶ֖חֶם יְהוּדָ֑ה
Heb:  Efratites, from-Bethlehem [of] Judea. 
ayfo lu le-'Efrat ta Peytlehem alu Iehuta-mì. 
PL-3.SUB  be  ADJ.Efrat  ADP("from")  Bethlehem  which-is  Judea-ADP("in"). 

They came to the Moab Plain, and stayed there. 
וַיָּבֹ֥אוּ שְׂדֵי־מוֹאָ֖ב וַיִּֽהְיוּ־שָֽׁם:
Heb:  and-they-came plain-of Moab, and-they-were there. 
za'‹alm›u ayfo txayo-ne Mo'av-ä ulte t‹arm›ok tsatseng-it
come.PAST.PERF  PL.3.SUB  plain-ADP("to")  Moab.GEN  and  be-at.IMPF  that-place.PAT.
I used tok to reflect the Hebrew literally, but the implication is a little stronger, that they stayed there.  There's an implicit criticism that they didn't just stay there for a bit, but stayed there in the sense of settling down.


Naomi's husband Elimelekh died
וַיָּ֥מָת אֱלִימֶ֖לֶךְ אִ֣ישׁ נָעֳמִ֑י
Heb:  and-died Elimelekh man-of Naomi,
t‹alm›erkup 'Elimelek muntxatan Na'omi-yä 
die.PAST.PERF. Elimelekh.SUB  husband SUB Naomi.GEN 

and she was left with her two sons.
וַתִּשָּׁאֵ֥ר הִ֖יא וּשְׁנֵ֥י בָנֶֽיהָ:
Heb:  and-she-was-left she and-two her-sons.
ulte tuté-ri a-tx‹awn›ìng poe lu me+itan-hu poe-yä.
conj(ulte)  woman.TOP  ATTR.leave.PASSPART  3-FEM.SUB  be  son.DU-ABD("with")  3-FEM.POSS.
[/color]

They married Moabite women,
וַיִּשְׂא֣וּ לָהֶ֗ם נָשִׁים֙ מֹֽאֲבִיּ֔וֹת
Heb:  (and)-they-raised to-them women Moabite,
muntxa soli mefo ay+suté-ru a-le-Mo'av. 
marry{lit. 'married make'}.PERF  3.DU.SUB  woman.DU.DAT  ATTR.ADJ.Moabite. 
At this point, the context of the story is clear, so I do not think it necessary to continue specifying the tense as "Past", but still useful to specify the aspect.

one named Orpa and the other named Ruth,
שֵׁ֤ם הָֽאַחַת֙ עָרְפָּ֔ה וְשֵׁ֥ם הַשֵּׁנִ֖ית ר֑וּת
Heb:  name-of the-one Orpa and-name-of the-second Ruth,
'awpo-ru syaw fko 'Orpa utle muve-ru syaw fko Rut. 
one.DAT  call  one(indef)  Orpa  conj(ulte)  second.DAT  call  one(indef)  Rut. 

and dwelled there about ten years.
וַיֵּ֥שְׁבוּ שָׁ֖ם כְּעֶ֥שֶׂר שָׁנִֽים:
Heb:  and-they-dwelled there about-ten years.
ayfo kelku s‹er›i tsatseng kxawm vol zìsìt 
3.PL.SUB  dwell{lit. 'house make'}.IMPF  that-place  maybe  ten  years.
I could not find a word for about, approximately, and so used kxawm maybe.
"Ten" in the Hebrew "about ten years" is meant to be a round number, so I have translated vol, rather than volmun, which would mean ten literally.  However, we do not know how long a Na'vi year lasts, and so when that knowledge is available, we will be better able to indicate an appropriate time span.


Then both Mahlon and Kilyon died too,
וַיָּמ֥וּתוּ גַם־שְׁנֵיהֶ֖ם מַחְל֣וֹן וְכִלְי֑וֹן
Heb:  (and)-died also two-of-them Mahlon and Kilyon,
mawkrr t‹ol›erkup me+fo Mahlon s Kilyon,
afterwards.SUB.SUB.SUB, 

so the woman was left without her children and her husband. 
וַתִּשָּׁאֵר֙ הָֽאִשָּׁ֔ה מִשְּׁנֵ֥י יְלָדֶ֖יהָ וּמֵאִישָֽׁהּ:
Heb:  and-she-was-left the-woman from-two her-children and-from-her-man. 
ulte tuté-ri a-tx‹awn›ìng lu luke me+eveng s muntxatan
conj(ulte) woman.TOP  ATTR.leave.PASS.PART  be  ADP("without")  child.DU  conj  husband.
Is the lu necessary before luke?


She and her daughters-in-law decided to return from the Moab Plain,
וַתָּ֤קָם הִיא֙ וְכַלֹּתֶ֔יהָ וַתָּ֖שָׁב מִשְּׂדֵ֣י מוֹאָ֑ב
Heb:  (and)-she-rose she and-her-daughters-in-law and-she-returned from-plain-of Moab,
poe-ri t‹ìsy›ätxaw poe s me+muntxate me+itan-ä ftu txayo Mo'av-ä
3.FEM.TOP  return-IMMFUT-INTENT  3.FEM.SUB  conj  wife.DU.SUB  son.DU.GEN  from  plain  Moab.GEN 
The Hebrew translated as "decided to return" is literally "arose and returned" in the perfective.  Since they only leave in the next verse, this verse clearly refers to intent.  In Hebrew grammar this is called the "perfective of resolve".
For daughter-in-law, I have used "wife son.GEN".  For the two daughters-in-law, I have used the dual for both nouns, assuming it is clear from context that each son had a single wife.


because she had heard in the Moab Plain
כִּ֤י שָֽׁמְעָה֙ בִּשְׂדֵ֣ה מוֹאָ֔ב
Heb:  for she-had-heard in-plain-of Moab
taluna st‹ol›awm txayo-mì Mo'avä 
because  heard.PERF  PLAIN.ADP("IN")  Moab.GEN 

that Ad_nai had taken note of the people and given them food.
כִּֽי־פָקַ֤ד ה' אֶת־עַמּ֔וֹ לָתֵ֥ת לָהֶ֖ם לָֽחֶם:
Heb:  that he-had-taken-note Adonai [direct object particle] his-people to-give to-them food.
futa k‹ol›ame Atonay-ìl olo'-it peyä ulte teswot‹ol›ìng futa ayfo-l y‹iv›om.
this-that  See.PERF  Adonai.AGN  people{Lit. "clan"}.PAT  3.POSS  conj(ulte)  grant.PERF  this-that  people.PL.AGN  eat.SBJV.
The English translation went out of its way to avoid gendered references to God.  Fortunately, Na'vi has a non-gendered pronoun.
Taronyu ("Dictionary") notes teswotìng is a compound word, and so I have placed the infix in tìng.
The Hebrew word translated "had taken note" is used in a variety of ways that are not easy to translate into English.  One scholarly study suggested that it's underlying meaning is "determine the destiny of".
The Hebrew translated "Adonai" is the Tetragrammaton (Y-H-W-H), the "ineffable" four-letter name of God.  The actual pronunciation is unknown, and among Jews is commonly pronounced "Adonai" "my Lord".  The Septuagint follows this usage with κυριος "Lord", and the King James Version uses "LORD" in small caps to distinguish it from the common word "lord".  Gender sensitive translations avoid "Lord".
The Hebrew word leḥem translated "food" is literally "bread", but it is likely that Biblical Hebrew sometimes uses the word more generally, like its Arabic cognate لحم laḥm "food".


She left the place where she had been,
וַתֵּצֵ֗א מִן־הַמָּקוֹם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר הָיְתָה־שָׁ֔מָּה
Heb:  (and)-she-went-out from the-place which she-had-been there,
h‹ol›um poe-l tseng-it a poe-l t‹ol›ok tsatseng-it,
leave.PERF  3.AGN  place.PAT  that  3.FEM.AGN  be-at.PERF  that-place.PAT, 

together with her two daughters-in-law,
וּשְׁתֵּ֥י כַלֹּתֶ֖יהָ עִמָּ֑הּ
Heb:  and-two her-daughters-in-law with-her,
ulte me+muntxate  me+itan-ä lu poe-hu,
conj(ulte)  wife.DU.SUB  son.Du.GEN  be  3.FEM.ADP("with"), 

and set out on the road to return to the land of Judea.
וַתֵּלַ֣כְנָה בַדֶּ֔רֶךְ לָשׁ֖וּב אֶל־אֶ֥רֶץ יְהוּדָֽה:
Heb:  and-they(fem)-went on-the-road to-return to land-of Judea.
ulte sng‹ol›ä'i pxefo s‹iv›op lä fya'o fte t‹iv›ätxaw atxkxe-ne a-le-Iehuda.
conj(ulte)  begin.PERF  3.TRI.SUB  travel.SBJV  via  way  so-that  return.SBJV  land.ADP("to") ATTR. ADJ.Judah.

[`Eylan Ayfalulukanä]

Technical question here. Some of the Hebrew displays OK, some of it doesn't. Firefox browser under Fedora 13 Linux. What do I need to get the Hebrew to display properly?

Good work `Eylan `Angtsìkä! Unfortunately, I am not yet good enough to make meaningful comments on translations this complex. So, I am going to sit back and learn. I hope within the next 6-8 months to begin to do credible Bible translation myself.

[Muzer]

I assume some form of font.

[’eylan ’angtsìkä]

Technical question here. Some of the Hebrew displays OK, some of it doesn't. Firefox browser under Fedora 13 Linux. What do I need to get the Hebrew to display properly?

I'm not sure, but I think it's the forum software that sets the font, so I wouldn't know what to do about that. 

But you can read the original here:  http://www.mechon-mamre.org/c/ct/c2901.htm. 

For Bible, one of the best Hebrew fonts is Ezra SIL: http://scripts.sil.org/cms/scripts/page.php?site_id=nrsi&id=EzraSIL_Home.

Good luck!
Etrìpa syayvi ngaru!