Author Topic: Current Emotions?  (Read 12066 times)

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Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #20 on: April 18, 2012, 12:49:33 am »
Im so tired of fighting this fight, looking ahead and seeing no end in sight.  Break these chains, keep the faith my day... Will come...     I will be the happiest when i EAS.  20160822.
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Offline Niri Te

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2012, 12:54:57 am »
Yeah,  i dont feel like living anymore. 

 Ma oeyä tsmukan tsamsiyu,
If you were to leave this planet before I had the distinct pleasure to shake your hand, and sit down over a Steak dinner with you, I would count it as my great loss.
I would love to take you up in a 72 year old, perfectly maintained antique aircraft, and show you what my area of the Country looks like to the Eagle, to saddle a pair of horses, and just go ride for a day, not seeing another human.
I truly hope to be able to meet you someday, to spend some time with a warrior from a different generation. Neither one of us would need to say a word of our different battles, we could just enjoy the luxury of being two former warriors, spending a few hours together.
Brie
Tokx alu tawtute, Tirea Le Na'vi

Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2012, 07:46:19 pm »
Yeah,  i dont feel like living anymore. 

Not going to try to relate, just agree.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Na'vin Nos'feratxu

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2012, 07:51:57 pm »
That makes 3 of us.

But.. my ego wont let me do anything about it. Strange...

    
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Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #24 on: April 18, 2012, 08:21:44 pm »
I've done what people could not do in a lifetime, i have 3years, 4months, and 18days left in the Marine Corps. Just have to push for the last 3, ive done 8 years after my eas, and i've had enough. Hrh.  Im surrounded by ayskxwang trying to tell me how too do MY job.  I've seen a lot of s*** Marine get good one's killed... I cant seem to calm down anymore.  Everything is either a threat, or an enemy.  Sorry for the rant, but i've got two more deployment to get through.  Had one of my boots try and kill himself on monday night. When he gets out of the ER.  I will talk to him, because i know i can relate.  Im not an a****** Cpl like some are...  I remember when i was a boot...   Oh the hazing was henious... Im going to f*** anyone up for hazing him, if anyone did that is...  The Marine Corps is filled with animals, and when tou got one going apeshit, well just try to stay away. NOBODY messes with my boots! (Boots; Fresh Marines out of SOI).  I feel enraged right now, and my brain housing group is ticking.  >:(
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Offline Na'vin Nos'feratxu

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2012, 08:35:32 pm »
Strange is it may sound, I wish I were there with ya.
For the sake of Sparing with you... I love to hear, see and smell bottled up frustration in natural born fighters like yourself.

It brings out a side of you that not many people see, maybe not even you yourself have ever seen.
You can feel the anger/pain/energy in the center of your chest. You want to let it out, but you simply cannot.
Only a few times have I been able to help someone with the very same problem.

Everyone needs to let out their anger driven power. But to me it's different.
I grew up fighting involuntarily, regardless, it happened. Day in day out one after the other.

My advice to you, because you are around a fight, day in day out, don't hold it in. But don't get yourself in trouble.
Animals is what we are, to our roots. I love to fight especially those who love it as well, but for you, I wish I could sate your frustration.

Find a phone book, or something similar, lay it flat on the ground, kneel over it and punch it until it either blows apart, or you are finished.
Give it all you got, white knuckle punch it until it or you start to bleed.
it helps, trust me.

    
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Offline Niri Te

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #26 on: April 18, 2012, 08:45:54 pm »
I go to a Dojo and get with some of my fellow Karateka and spar against multiple assailants for about an hour. After that, we all just kick back and relax with some iced Green Tea. It works wonders, AND keeps me at the top of my game.
Brie
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Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #27 on: April 19, 2012, 03:26:10 pm »
Yesterday, I felt worse than usual. So, I went outside, breathed in deeply, and and started walking. My feet hurt, but I kept walking. The aimless distance flew by. I came across a building, so I stopped, turned around, and walked back. I was almost there. I stopped and burst into tears. I cried because I remembered where I went, how I got there. I didn't go home. I stayed where I was, lamenting for the notion that I walked until I needed to go. Walked until my feet hurt and kept walking. I knew that I needed to, for some reason. I stayed there, where I was, crying for about 2 hours.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't find a steady stream of happiness. I want to go, but I need to stay. I don't want to stay here, but there are other things that I need to end, first.

Well, that's about it.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #28 on: April 19, 2012, 09:10:08 pm »
Pain is the only thong that lets me know I'm still alive.      Yeah,  my body is here, and my. Mind is still in Afghanistan.      I cannot convey how much i think about it,  my mind is on replay, and i can't stop it.  I dont know which part of me died, but it did.   I get no joy in the things i used too do. My body feels like a hole, that is living without a soul.
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Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #29 on: April 19, 2012, 10:59:47 pm »
Watch RESTREPO. On Netflix,  its the closest thing i can come to when explaining.  The 82 Airborne did not get it as bad though...   
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Offline Irtaviš Ačankif

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #30 on: April 19, 2012, 11:13:57 pm »
@Takmeyalan

Sometimes it is beneficial to find something that will actually give you happiness. Like learning Na'vi, or programming, or learning math, or doing whatever that is both enjoyable and very productive for you. Oftentimes the reason that people feel like this is because they only truly love to do unproductive things (like watching TV) and eventually it becomes a two way choice between useless and boring.

That's just my two cents though. Remember that I'm just about a year older than you (birthday Dec 15 1997) so don't think I'm some wise sage  ;D
Previously Ithisa Kīranem, Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng.

Name from my Sakaš conlang, from Sakasul Ältäbisäl Acarankïp

"First name" is Ačankif, not Eltabiš! In Na'vi, Atsankip.

Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #31 on: April 20, 2012, 10:19:52 am »
Well, I've never been to Afghanistan, but I know what you're feeling. Generally labelled as having depression, your life becomes completely hollow. You feel helpless, hopeless; bored of life and you don't feel like you need life anymore. You want nothing more but to die or worse, but you're held back... by something. I don't even know. But, what I do know is that if you read my last post is what's been going on almost every day. I could re-post it every morning and, to me, it wouldn't lose value/meaning. I'm sorry that you feel this way. All that I can say is that I am deeply sorry for your pain. I know that is isn't my fault, but I know. I know the feeling of just getting bored of the beaurocracy of the pain.

My deepest regards,

Takmeyalan
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Na'vin Nos'feratxu

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #32 on: April 20, 2012, 10:50:46 am »
Many times I have found myself wondering "What's the point? Why bother."

The truth is, there is no point, no purpose. However we are here anyway for some reason.
Don't give in to the feeling, I know it too.  Wanting to quit and just let it all go, end it and call it a day.
But the thing is, if you did give up, if you did end it. You STILL have no point and no purpose.

Living and waiting provides you with reason. So although you may feel nothing, have nothing, and hate everything... Wait.
Keep waiting because things do happen when you don't expect them to.
Keep going, push on, and show that your not weak in mind or heart.

I learned quickly that taking your own life, is cowardly.  I absolutely HATE cowards, and I refuse to be one.
Putting up with all the B.S. that life has thrown me, has formed me into well learned, level headed man.
My Ego now prevents me from even harboring such thoughts of "ending it."

I still despise most things in life, as I have very few things to counter the bad with the good... But I still keep going because things keep changing.
Things keep getting interesting, new people come in, old people leave. New places, new things to learn...
Rather than waiting for my purpose, I now choose to search for it.
If I die trying, then it will not have been a wasted life.

Never forget, that you are not alone.

    
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Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #33 on: April 21, 2012, 01:31:35 am »
Blind rage anyone?        Ill be good if i can catch some sleep, but idk...  Not doing so good. 
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Offline Alyara Arati

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #34 on: April 21, 2012, 01:54:13 am »
the gap

the road has been long and hard
rough, rocky, and uphill
this is an understatement
as I cling to the cliff wall

from where I stand I can see it
the marble white bridge
that almost spans the chasm
except for the gap

beyond the raging cataract
the path continues on
farther up and farther in
I must take this journey

yet first there lies the chasm
the mist from the waterfall
flying up hundreds of feet
it is best not to look down

and across it all the bridge
its perfect arc gleaming
slickly wet like alabaster
except for the gap

that central jagged hole
which interrupts the span
only a few yards it seems
yet insurmountable

this is the way I must pass
not yet even deafened
or soaked by the spray
still I quiver


it is a scene so lovely
like a painting made of light
forever rainbow coated
especially the gap

there is a myth about the gap
I have heard it even from the wise
that to cross it you must only jump
and have no fear

yet I know it is only a fable
if I believed it I would not have come
because I am terrified
this too is understatement

so how to cross the gap
without faith that you will not fall?
and why have I come?
do I know some secret?

I know nothing of a certainty
it may be that I will fall
but in my heart I believe
that all you have to do is jump

the gap does not care if you fear it
Learn how to see.  Realize that everything connects to everything else.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #35 on: April 21, 2012, 07:55:12 am »
Blind rage anyone?        Ill be good if i can catch some sleep, but idk...  Not doing so good. 

Screaming at people I love?
Punching my wall and breaking my wrist?
Crying till my eyes hurt for "no apparent reason"?
Throwing my lamp out the window?

Yep. I've been and am there.
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Txur Niftxavang

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #36 on: April 22, 2012, 06:18:30 pm »
Im doing ok,  bored...   Barracks life blows...   Im going to the feild next week.   I dont mind it too much,  id rather be in the feild, than the barracks!   
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Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #37 on: April 22, 2012, 09:20:34 pm »
It's good to know that you're at least doing better.

Just keep on doing what you're doing and I'm sure that you'll manage.

Keep it up, ma tsmukan, Txur

Takmeyalan
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Takmeyalan te Tsu'erak 'Ewfwefpìkxap'itan

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #38 on: April 22, 2012, 10:20:21 pm »
Just wrote this.

TORRENT

You call this hell full of
my furthest
acquaintances
This is what you'd call home
this is not
what you think it is

(CHORUS)
I'm climbing out my window
I walk to the edge
You stand there waiting for me
Waiting for me to come back in

3 times I've waited
till midnight
for her to come home
But she didn't get here
till I fell asleep
it's as if she knew

(CHORUS)

You're standing next to me
telling me (Don't do this)
You stand and are screaming
I love you! Don't do this!

(CHORUS X2)

OUTRO

I've come back in
I've come back in (x2)
A few times
I've come back in
I've come back in (x2)
Not this time
Pure white would be disturbing. :)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents.

Offline Irtaviš Ačankif

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Re: Current Emotions?
« Reply #39 on: April 22, 2012, 10:38:43 pm »
Just wrote this.

TORRENT

You call this hell full
of my very furthest
acquaintances all
This is what you'd call
home but it is not
what you think it is

(CHORUS)
I'm climbing out my window
I walk to the looming edge
You stand there waiting for me
for me to come back at last

3 times I have waited till
midnight knocks the door of time
for her to come back to home
But she just did not get here
I finally fell asleep
it was almost as she knew

(CHORUS)

You are standing next to me
telling me to not do this
You stand and scream with loudness
I love you and don't do this!

(CHORUS X2)

OUTRO

I have come back into here
I have come back into here (x2)
A few times in my whole life
I have come back into here
I have come back into here (x2)
Not this time!
Just felt like meterizing this into 7.7.7.7 :)
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 01:38:08 am by Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng »
Previously Ithisa Kīranem, Uniltìrantokx te Skxawng.

Name from my Sakaš conlang, from Sakasul Ältäbisäl Acarankïp

"First name" is Ačankif, not Eltabiš! In Na'vi, Atsankip.

 

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